Man Sends Wife Spreadsheet Of All Her Excuses Not To Have Sex

[WackyDan]

IMO, if that means she should not be expected to have sex with him, then he should not have to be faithful to her.

I'm not suggesting that she should give in EVERY time to EVERY demand, but really? Guys are guys. We're wired to enjoy sex. WHat adult does not know this? This expectation that a lot of women seem to have now that the poor hubby will get whatever she doles out and is expected to be happy with that chaps my ass.

We are wired to equate love and appreciation with sexual contact. That is just the way it is and no amount of feminist inspired upbringing is going to change that.

 

[Blackjack200]

No I would say it is an obligation for a woman to have sex with her husband. Just like a husband is obligated not to be having sex with other women.

If you don't want to be obligated to have sex with your husband don't get married.

So she's obligated to have sex with him whenever he wants? Or is it is certain number of times per week?

personally I stop cuddling at bedtime, after a few days the wife begs for some spooning and I let her know how she can get that.....

usually the response is 'omg we haven't had sex since when?"

I cant wait for her to hit her 30's and the kids get older so her drive can ramp back up



also I would so do this, but I would show her IN PERSON not email it to her as shes leaving town, totally sissy move

See, that's passive agressive.

 

[alkemyst]

Is sex every other week THAT infrequent?

I know some married guys that have gone over a year without sex.

That is highly abnormal. The average is less than once a week though.

However; it's really what the people in the relationship need.

 

[Red Storm]

So she's obligated to have sex with him whenever he wants? Or is it is certain number of times per week?

As you said earlier, I think we're getting into semantics here. There is no specific time or frequency where sex is supposed to happen. However, sex is supposed to happen between a husband and wife. It is an expectation.

 

[nehalem256]

So she's obligated to have sex with him whenever he wants? Or is it is certain number of times per week?

With a reasonable degree of regularity.

Just like you are obligated to feed your wife. Doesn't mean you are obligated to feed her caviar and $100 wine. But giving her dog food probably doesn't cut it

 

[RadiclDreamer]

Is sex every other week THAT infrequent?

I know some married guys that have gone over a year without sex.

Uh, yeah it is. It should be at LEAST 2-3 times per week at the absolute minimum for me.

 

[squarecut1]

Lots of married guys do have sex, but with women other than their spouse. Don't expect anyone here to admit to that though

 

[Oldgamer]

This really does point out some things that should be obvious to some here on ATOT:

Marriage is like a tube of toothpaste: You get the best results when you start squeezing at the bottom. (Insert your own marital hanky-panky joke here.) The most successful marriages start with a solid foundation. That foundation is built on many things—mutual interests, shared beliefs, selflessness and, of course, love—but the biggest problem going into many marriages is that those basics are often held back by unrealistic expectations.

All of us know someone for whom marriage didn't work out. We've all heard the statistics. First marriages have a failure rate of more than 40 percent. Second marriages end in divorce 60 percent of the time. This is particularly true of the generation whose parents married (and subsequently divorced) in the 1970s.

We think we know what marriage is because we've seen it on TV. It's Monica and Chandler, all candles and sex and witty banter. It's the end-of-the-day slow dancing of Cliff and Claire Huxtable. It's the tuxedos and pigtailed flower girls and white chiffon spectacle of The Bachelorette on ABC. Then, when everything doesn't turn out exactly as we dreamed, we look for an out, blame it on irreconcilable differences and scrap the covenant.

The differences aren't the problem, though; our irreconcilable expectations are. Let's look, then, at some of those predetermined ideas and dump marriage out of its box. You all can read the rest of this article here: 5 Expectations Marriage doesn't meet

1. It isn't a cure for loneliness.

In a society where we're plugged in 24 hours a day, where "community" is more often used to describe your

Facebook friends than an actual neighborhood, people long to connect intimately with someone.

We see couples everywhere—in restaurants, on TV, on the bus or train or sidewalks on the way to work—and feel like something is missing in our lives if we're alone. As humans, we have an innate need to belong, and we expect a spouse to provide that sense of acceptance and intimacy and comfort. We're Jerry Maguire looking for a soul mate, someone to whom we can say, "You complete me."

Best case scenario, that's what a good marriage will provide. But I know couples in loving relationships who remain lonely. Why? After all, they've found a perfect mate who has taken great strides toward fulfilling their need for intimacy. But that's a heavy load for one person to bear, despite the stories Cameron Crowe tells. Lonely single people become lonely married people. If your goal in marriage is to satisfy your need to belong, your next stop may be heartbreak.

2. It isn't an escape from boredom.

In 1991, U.S. News and World Report reported that half of U.S. workers said the reason they have a job—aside from needing to earn a living—was to keep from being bored. What does this have to do with marriage? Plenty. Some couples get married to shake off boredom. Life becomes dull, and it's easy to convince yourself that a serious relationship will make the day more bearable. It's something else to do, the next step after graduating college and getting a job and exploring the dating scene. When you get married, you expect built-in happiness. Automatic entertainment. Regular conversation. At least you'll have someone to watch TV with.
Unfortunately, this fails to account for the true cause of boredom, which isn't necessarily an external lack of stimulus, but rather an internal one. You're not bored because you've seen every episode of The Real World: New Orleans 30 times. You're bored because you can't come up with something better to do after watching it the first time. It's not my fault you're bored, nor is it MTV's fault. It's yours.

Getting married in order to generate a little excitement in your life is a terrible motivation. Why? Because once the merry-go-round stops—once the novelty wears out—you'll immediately start looking for the next ride.

3. It isn't a rowdy sex romp.

As the old experiment goes, put a penny in a jar for every time you have sex during the first year of marriage. Then, beginning at the start of your second year, take a penny out every time you do the horizontal two-step. Chances are, a couple of years later, you'll still be pulling pennies.

Does the sex stop after 12 months of good lovin'? No. Not by any means. But is every night a page out of the Karma Sutra? Nope. Despite what guys think, your wife won't always want to wear that see-through teddy. Elastic and lace just aren't that comfortable in some places. And ladies? Keeping the romance alive is hard work for us guys. Sometimes we just want to watch SportsCenter.

Still, with communication and sensitivity, sex can (and should) remain a vital part of marriage. It's the ultimate bonding activity for a couple to share. But remember, it's not the only activity. Don't expect marriage to be a 50-year honeymoon of libido and lipstick.

The main point I was making was the Number 3 above

 

[Fritzo]

That is highly abnormal. The average is less than once a week though.

However; it's really what the people in the relationship need.

It's not highly abnormal. Just about everyone I've ever talked to in my office has gone through a spell like that. When the kids are 0-12 or so, there is no good time for sex...you're always interrupted. Going a month or two without any action is very normal.

However, the soap in the shower? Wow. Soap is such a slut

 

[Fritzo]

Lots of married guys do have sex, but with women other than their spouse. Don't expect anyone here to admit to that though

I honestly will say I never have and never will. If you have one pain in the ass, you don't want to get a second one.

I also have loyal Catholic guilt based values ingrained into me.

 

[Oldgamer]

Uh, yeah it is. It should be at LEAST 2-3 times per week at the absolute minimum for me.

Yea we did when we were newly weds, but that was us. Everyone is different though. What may be normal for me and my wife at that time may be different for another couple. You can't say "hey hun, they have sex 5 times a week so we should be too, cause see, thats normal"! That really is unfair. I know as time went by for us, we had kids, work that dwindled down to 1-2 times a week, then as time went by once a week. When she hit menopause good god I was lucky if I got it once a month if at all.

 

[WackyDan]

That's exactly what this was - proof to refute her dismissive claims that she didn't turn him down very often. Now she can't argue with that claim and she's forced to deal with the actual issue. I still think his method of delivery and subsequent cold-turkey cessation of contact wasn't a good idea, but I find zero fault with him for creating documentation. I'm confident this wasn't the first time the issue was raised.

Actually, his refusal to acknowledge her calls, txts, etc is genius. She is now worried about what all this means and needs that contact with him to satisfy her emotional needs. He isn't going to provide what she needs in this scenario. What goes around comes around. A little negative reinforcement won't hurt her.

 

[WackyDan]

Only if you suck at sex.

Remember no one turns down a good time. When someone turns down sex repeatedly it is because it sucks and it is no fun for them.

Someone is doing it wrong.

You couldn't be more wrong. They were together for 3 years before getting married... so why did she marry him?

Women and men... but lets use women here... have libido issues that are driven by many factors, some physical/chemical and other people have various forms of anxiety, etc that make getting in the mood difficult.

 

[alkemyst]

IMHO no one is obligated to do anything. However; if needs or even wants are not met; then no one is obligated to stay in a relationship either.

 

[WackyDan]

Sex entitlement is when you think your entitled to a womans body, that you think because your her boyfriend or husband that somehow you have a right to have sex with her, that her body is somehow yours, and you have a right to it. I for one would never force my partner into having sex with me, nor guilt trip her into it, or make her feel bad for not wanting to have sex with me. If there is a problem we would talk it out. Your significant other is not obligated to have sex with you period. But one thing is for certain I don't feel that I am entitled to my wife's body in anyway... and that folks is what sex entitlement is all about. I see too many on here posting in a very "sex entitlement" covert way, and yea that bothers me.

I wouldn't confuse that as covert. People have a very real expectation that a healthy relationship should include sexual intimacy if both parties are young (say younger than 50) and are physically able to have sex. Nobody disputes that sexual contact may slow down after marriage and with age, but it shouldn't be a contentious part of the relationship and it certainly shouldn't ever get to be the situation linked by the OP. A rational person accepts that there is more compromise to sexual intimacy in marriage, but that same person is rational enough to accept there is some sort of frequency that is predictable - that is better than 11% success rate. Then again, some couples are perfectly happy with infrequent sex.

 

[squarecut1]

Quote:
Originally Posted by squarecut1
Lots of married guys do have sex, but with women other than their spouse. Don't expect anyone here to admit to that though
I honestly will say I never have and never will. If you have one pain in the ass, you don't want to get a second one.

I also have loyal Catholic guilt based values ingrained into me.

Yes, the guilt part is the one that stops some people, though not everyone. We human beings are great at justifying our actions.

 

[slag]

Best fishing buddy I ever married. Does your wife go fishing with you? Mine does. BTW..she once gave me permission to see an escort when she was really sick and she couldn't have sex with me. Does your wife do that for you? My wife is one of a kind. I love her dearly. I got lucky in life I really did.

Hell no, I don't want her going fishing with me. Thats a guy thing my boys and I share. Escort is a non issue as there has never been a need.

 

[djnsmith7]

Yikes, she is full of excuses, but she may have specific reasons for it. She doesn't seem to feel very good about herself. Their outlook doesn't look favorable.

Certainly not a relationship I'd want to be in.

 

[chihlidog]

Funny to see how this thread has played out.

Obviously, I'm firmly in the "men have been feminized" camp.

Again.....faithfulness is expected, and should be, by both parties. Putting a ring on doesnt mean a guy's drive goes away. It's one or the other, and a guy cant just flip a switch. A woman should know that before she gets married. If she DOES know that (and most do), and isnt willing to make effort to make sure he's satisfied in the marriage, it's selfish, cruel and she should expect that he wont be happy, period. All guys are different. Some have more character than others. But the first thing I often wonder when I hear about an acquaintance or friend having been cheated on is "I wonder if they were denied at home?"

 

[Train]

I almost had *some* sympathy for her under the assumption they have lives like me and my wife (mid 30's, multiple kids, busy as all fuck, etc)

But then I caught a mention of this on reddit...

SHE'S FUCKING 26 AND HAS NO KIDS????

Fuck that shit. I'd leave her.

I can't believe how many morons think this situation can be solved by talking. You can't negotiate desire.

 

[Oldgamer]

Funny to see how this thread has played out.

But the first thing I often wonder when I hear about an acquaintance or friend having been cheated on is "I wonder if they were denied at home?"

Or the guy likes certain types of sexual activities that his SO won't do so he gets it elsewhere.

 

[squarecut1]

It is not just about being denied at home. Man by his very nature is polygamous. That is the long and short of it.

 

[chihlidog]

Or the guy likes certain types of sexual activities that his SO won't do so he gets it elsewhere.

I'm a little more sympathetic on this issue. I guess I feel like both should be open to some rather mild positions and activities, and if they arent then they should be expecting theior partner to be unhappy. A wife cant, for example expect her hubby to be remotely happy if he hasnt had a BJ in a month. Or years. Duh. He's going to be unhappy, and why should he be?

Or, to flip that around, a guy who wont take the time to learn what his wife likes, how to get her warmed up, how she best likes to climax. She's gonna be unhappy and the guy is a selfish prick for it.

Beyond that though....both need to compromise and try and be open to stuff. And be accepting if some things just are not really on the menu.

 

[WelshBloke]

This. People like Oldgamer have been blinded by the fucked up new feminism, which isn't about equality but about men begging women to gift us with their graces.

A man can't expect sex, but a woman can expect monogamy, housework, steady employment, child rearing, and everything else a man should be expected to do. Why do women get to have expectations but men don't?

I'm going to take a guess that youre not in a happy, mutually satisfying marriage?

 

[smackababy]

I'm a little more sympathetic on this issue. I guess I feel like both should be open to some rather mild positions and activities, and if they arent then they should be expecting theior partner to be unhappy. A wife cant, for example expect her hubby to be remotely happy if he hasnt had a BJ in a month. Or years. Duh. He's going to be unhappy, and why should he be?

Or, to flip that around, a guy who wont take the time to learn what his wife likes, how to get her warmed up, how she best likes to climax. She's gonna be unhappy and the guy is a selfish prick for it.

Beyond that though....both need to compromise and try and be open to stuff. And be accepting if some things just are not really on the menu.

I think it really depends though. If something like oral sex is very important, then a SO who outright refuses to do it just won't be compatible. There is always going to be some give and take on every issue, but when the disparity is huge, there is going to be some problems in the relationship. This guy obviously wants more sexual activity and thinks his wife isn't even trying. Complaining you are too "gross" for sex, but then sleeping in your own filth is nothing more than an excuse. If she has a genuine problem, that is different.

But, I am of the opinion that withholding sex as punishment is pretty dumb. If a SO tried that with me, I'd respond by withholding all emotional and financial support I might provide, and once she understands the point, I'd break up with her.