I'm a little more sympathetic on this issue. I guess I feel like both should be open to some rather mild positions and activities, and if they arent then they should be expecting theior partner to be unhappy. A wife cant, for example expect her hubby to be remotely happy if he hasnt had a BJ in a month. Or years. Duh. He's going to be unhappy, and why should he be?
Or, to flip that around, a guy who wont take the time to learn what his wife likes, how to get her warmed up, how she best likes to climax. She's gonna be unhappy and the guy is a selfish prick for it.
Beyond that though....both need to compromise and try and be open to stuff. And be accepting if some things just are not really on the menu.
And the reason ladies of the night did this was why? Because, women of that era wouldn't. Should stand as a lesson that there is someone, somewhere, willing to do what you refuse for the reasons of "it's not lady like!".Well I couldn't agree more. Sadly my wife is from a different era. Blow jobs back in her day were taboo and off limits, only ladies of the night did that sort of thing. But I think women should learn how to please a man and men need to learn to please women. It is a give and take. If a guy gets turned off on the thought of going down on a woman then he is indeed being selfish.
I think it really depends though. If something like oral sex is very important, then a SO who outright refuses to do it just won't be compatible. There is always going to be some give and take on every issue, but when the disparity is huge, there is going to be some problems in the relationship. This guy obviously wants more sexual activity and thinks his wife isn't even trying. Complaining you are too "gross" for sex, but then sleeping in your own filth is nothing more than an excuse. If she has a genuine problem, that is different.
But, I am of the opinion that withholding sex as punishment is pretty dumb. If a SO tried that with me, I'd respond by withholding all emotional and financial support I might provide, and once she understands the point, I'd break up with her.
I almost had *some* sympathy for her under the assumption they have lives like me and my wife (mid 30's, multiple kids, busy as all fuck, etc)
But then I caught a mention of this on reddit...
SHE'S FUCKING 26 AND HAS NO KIDS????
Fuck that shit. I'd leave her.
I can't believe how many morons think this situation can be solved by talking. You can't negotiate desire.
3 times in 7 weeks. Finally, a married guy I'm doing better than.
While flaunting it to her was probably not cool, I'm sure he's heard the sob story from her before "we are never intimate".
Yeah, I agree with pretty much your whole post. I think a lotta guys find themselves in a marriage where standards change after a year or 2. Guys (sometimes women) dont often have a way of knowing that's gonna happen. People THINK they're marryong someone compatible, then they take each other for granted and get all selfish. It's a shame.
I think this chick in the OP is a selfish bitch. To be fair, the way the guy handled it was childish, but I fault her more than him.
Well I couldn't agree more. Sadly my wife is from a different era. Blow jobs back in her day were taboo and off limits, only ladies of the night did that sort of thing. But I think women should learn how to please a man and men need to learn to please women. It is a give and take. If a guy gets turned off on the thought of going down on a woman then he is indeed being selfish.
You couldn't be more wrong. They were together for 3 years before getting married... so why did she marry him?
Women and men... but lets use women here... have libido issues that are driven by many factors, some physical/chemical and other people have various forms of anxiety, etc that make getting in the mood difficult.
I was with 26 year olds that didn't even want sex every date and some that would just want to skip the date and get to the sex.
Everyone is different.
That's a slippery slope. Is not wanting Anal selfish? How about sex is different places?
I agree that learning to please each other is important. It sounds like you and your wife have come to an accommodation - no blow jobs. One could argue that it would be selfish of you to try to argue the issue. You should have known what you got into before you were getting married. (One of the reasons I'm very pro-sex before marriage).
That's a slippery slope. Is not wanting Anal selfish? How about sex is different places?
I agree that learning to please each other is important. It sounds like you and your wife have come to an accommodation - no blow jobs. One could argue that it would be selfish of you to try to argue the issue. You should have known what you got into before you were getting married. (One of the reasons I'm very pro-sex before marriage).
A woman's version of intimate is not usually a man's. Most men consider sex intimacy. Women consider 'talking' intimacy. This brings about an impass in a lot of relationships: man works and comes home, cleans up, does stuff around the house, eats with family, talks with wife, then tries to initiate sex. The wife responds with some variation on "We haven't spent enough time together" and the man rolls his eyes, rolls over, and goes to sleep pissed off.
I particularly enjoyed reading the final bit of that article. It's 'sexual entitlement' if you want sex? How about.... NO IT'S NOT. I go to work and expect pay. I hold up my end of relation, being loving and caring, taking care of the family, and I expect some sex as a result. Yes *gasp*, I expect it! Which frankly is no more entitled than the woman expect the man to go for walks with her, have romantic candlelit dinners with her, change the tires and fix the car, or do any one of the myriad of OTHER things that a woman in a married relationship expects from a man (without complaint, I might add).
I'm going to take a guess that youre not in a happy, mutually satisfying marriage?
the initial/original article on Reddit really framed it as if the husband was expecting the wife to have sex with him on-command, whether or not she was actually in the mood (and sometimes, yeah, I'll suck it up to make my partner happy even when I'm not in the mood, but if your husband/wife is rejecting you for a week on end, there's probably something more going on than a low sex drive)
it didn't sound like the husband actually asked the wife why she wasn't interested in having sex beyond her superficial answers or tried to discuss any deeper underlying issues that might be at play.
sometimes my boyfriend just walks over and thwacks me in the arm with his penis. that's never, ever going to lead to sex, especially if I'm busy playing Skyrim.
P.S. I'm betting this spreadsheet was made as a "proof" of an earlier argument that the sex was not happening enough and the wife dismissing it. In which case a spreadsheet like this is actually appropriate solution. If there was a disagreement in subjective perceptions of sex frequency, a spreadsheet like this is the only objective way to settle that argument once and for all.
And it's not always like that. Just because a woman is on her period doesn't mean she's always a runny river of red the entire time.
Arguing for or against blow jobs is not selfish at all. Arguing in trying to make compromises and accommodate your SO, not as in actually fighting. And you can replace blow jobs with literally anything else. Cats? I have a strict 'no cats, ever' policy in my house, but it isn't selfish for my SO to try and sway me otherwise. People seem to think that sexual acts have some kind of high status. Guess what? They don't. If my GF wants us to go on a picnic every Sunday and I am against the idea, we both can present our arguments and make a compromise; a picnic once a month sounds like a good one, right?
the initial/original article on Reddit really framed it as if the husband was expecting the wife to have sex with him on-command, whether or not she was actually in the mood (and sometimes, yeah, I'll suck it up to make my partner happy even when I'm not in the mood, but if your husband/wife is rejecting you for a week on end, there's probably something more going on than a low sex drive)
it didn't sound like the husband actually asked the wife why she wasn't interested in having sex beyond her superficial answers or tried to discuss any deeper underlying issues that might be at play.
No, because I don't believe in fairy tales. Marriages are not about a life of happiness and mutual fulfillment, never have been. That's one of the modern lies about marriage.
Well said. All this feminism business has feminized men. It is sad.This. People like Oldgamer have been blinded by the fucked up new feminism, which isn't about equality but about men begging women to gift us with their graces.
A man can't expect sex, but a woman can expect monogamy, housework, steady employment, child rearing, and everything else a man should be expected to do. Why do women get to have expectations but men don't?
Man has a right to sex from his spouse. She has no business refusing it
A woman's version of intimate is not usually a man's. Most men consider sex intimacy. Women consider 'talking' intimacy. This brings about an impass in a lot of relationships: man works and comes home, cleans up, does stuff around the house, eats with family, talks with wife, then tries to initiate sex. The wife responds with some variation on "We haven't spent enough time together" and the man rolls his eyes, rolls over, and goes to sleep pissed off.
I particularly enjoyed reading the final bit of that article. It's 'sexual entitlement' if you want sex? How about.... NO IT'S NOT. I go to work and expect pay. I hold up my end of relation, being loving and caring, taking care of the family, and I expect some sex as a result. Yes *gasp*, I expect it! Which frankly is no more entitled than the woman expect the man to go for walks with her, have romantic candlelit dinners with her, change the tires and fix the car, or do any one of the myriad of OTHER things that a woman in a married relationship expects from a man (without complaint, I might add).
A woman expects a romantic marriage proposal. A woman expects an engagement and wedding ring paid for by the man. A woman expects all sorts of 'things' from man. It's only the overly-feministic hyper-PC crowd that somehow thinks that expectations in relationships shouldn't go both ways, and the end of that article is an example of exactly that mentality.
Sex is part of sharing in a relationship. If it's being withheld when the man is holding up his side of the relationship, then there's something very wrong, and it isn't the man. That isn't to say that it's reasonable to expect it every day. But 1 time every couple weeks is pretty piss poor on her part unless that's the way their relationship has always been. In which case, shame on him for expecting her to change.
:hmm:
Yes....yes...I like it....THIS IS BRILLIANT!
Now to find a name.
Dr. Dick, Medicine Organ?
Harry and the Balls?
Head of the Class?
Seven In The Hole?
But marriages can lead to a life of happiness and mutual fulfilment.No, because I don't believe in fairy tales. Marriages are not about a life of happiness and mutual fulfillment, never have been. That's one of the modern lies about marriage.
Well said. All this feminism business has feminized men. It is sad.
Man has a right to sex from his spouse. She has no business refusing it, except under extra ordinary circumstances
damn women.
after putting your dinner in the oven and leaving a martini out by the door, she should really just hop up into a sling and wait for you to come home to give her what for.