Man Sends Wife Spreadsheet Of All Her Excuses Not To Have Sex

[K1052]

There is a lot of speculation in here based on very limited information. My only thoughts are that compiling a spreadsheet and emailing it you your SO like this is a pretty chickenshit way to air your problems with the relationship. Then again many couples communicate very badly or not at all for various reasons.

 

[MrDudeMan]

There is a lot of speculation in here based on very limited information. My only thoughts are that compiling a spreadsheet and emailing it you your SO like this is a pretty chickenshit way to air your problems with the relationship. Then again many couples communicate very badly or not at all for various reasons.

I love how you're calling everyone out for speculating while also doing quite a bit of it yourself. What if he tried to communicate many other ways and never got through to her? You have no clue just like the rest of us.

 

[WelshBloke]

And you can get the exact same thing without being married to that person

I never said otherwise.

But I suppose it depends what you define as a marriage. Agreeing to be with each other through thick and thin, and to support and respect each other in the long term is, in reality, just as much (or more) a marriage as one that involves a bit of paper saying its a marriage.

I'd say that that would bring more long term happiness and fulfilment than a shallow short term relationship with no deep mutual feelings.

 

[shortylickens]

damn women.

after putting your dinner in the oven and leaving a martini out by the door, she should really just hop up into a sling and wait for you to come home to give her what for.

Have you ever even been with a woman?

 

[K1052]

What if he tried to communicate many other ways and never got through to her?

More what if's. Regardless of if the husband's complaints are valid...it is a terrible terrible way to enumerate your grievances.

 

[nageov3t]

Have you ever even been with a woman?

I mean, I assume a sling would put her in the correct anatomical position to hang there and wait for her husband to allow her to fulfill her wifely obligations.

 

[squarecut1]

I think you are misunderstanding me. When I say the wife has no business refusing sex to the man, I mean it in the sense that she should be responsible enough to care for his sexual needs. Just like he should be. He should never be refusing it either, except under extra ordinary circumstances. If it were left to when both really "feel" like it, sex would be just about non existent - as is the case often these days.

And I should add that it goes both ways. Men need to be responsible towards womens' needs as well - which in many cases is talking, conversation and all that - something which men in general are not good at.

I have a very old friend, who has been married for a long time. He is a wonderful person. Hard working, caring and loving towards his family, patient, never gets angry and so on. But very quiet. His wife has been asking him for years to talk more. I keep telling him that he needs to work on that, that he needs to try.

But when it comes to sex, it is an innate, biological need and the way society is structured - if you are in a relationship, it is considered very bad to seek it elsewhere. So people need to be very very responsive to their partner's sexual needs. It should never be based on whether I feel like having sex or not

 

[Adrenaline]

I always like to view sex in a marriage as a "responsibility" or "obligation." It's so romantic.

It is the responsibility and obligation of both parties in a marriage to fulfill the other's needs as much as one can. If one is unable to deal with a major part of marriage, then why enter into marriage in the first place?

 

[MongGrel]

Looks like a future divorce in the making to me is the long and short of it.

Maybe the short of it

 

[olds]

And oil fields aren't constantly spewing liquid everywhere. But if you start pumping...

I had a girlfriend that everytime she felt her period coming on would say: "old's, it's time to drill!"

 

[zinfamous]

I love how you're calling everyone out for speculating while also doing quite a bit of it yourself. What if he tried to communicate many other ways and never got through to her? You have no clue just like the rest of us.

I know that only chickenshits resort to that, regardless of what happened before.

A spreadsheet, really? what a soulless dork.

 

[ultimatebob]

I had a hunch that spreadsheet was his lame assed way of saying "Screw you, I'm tired of this shit. Peace out."

But, yeah, if I got shot down for sex by my SO that many times I'd be pissed as well!

 

[zinfamous]

But when it comes to sex, it is an innate, biological need and the way society is structured - if you are in a relationship, it is considered very bad to seek it elsewhere. So people need to be very very responsive to their partner's sexual needs. It should never be based on whether I feel like having sex or not

first part, yes. last part--no.

Men and Women approach sex very differently. For Men, it is generally how we assume that someone loves us. For women, it is generally a decision made after love and being "up to it" at that moment is actually very important. It isn't just an emotional thing--it's biological.

It takes very little to get a dick hard, as I assume you know. For many women, it takes a lot to get that equipment ready, and no matter how hard you try, if the boss isn't ready to start the clock, no amount of physical activity is going to make that happen.

Simply because it works one way from the male perspective, doesn't make it so from the female perspective. Yes, we should be fulfilling each other's needs and we do expect give back in relationships...that's how relationships work.
Accept, though, that your definition of need and fulfilling of such needs is probably not the same as someone of the opposite gender.

The way you explain it, it just sounds like more soulless data points: x(conversation) + y(flowers) + c(dinner)^cost of wine = sex! It's like you feel cheated out of some non-existent natural order when you don't get the same result every single time you plug in the same functions.

 

[master_shake_]

first part, yes. last part--no.

Men and Women approach sex very differently. For Men, it is generally how we assume that someone loves us. For women, it is generally a decision made after love and being "up to it" at that moment is actually very important. It isn't just an emotional thing--it's biological.

It takes very little to get a dick hard, as I assume you know. For many women, it takes a lot to get that equipment ready, and no matter how hard you try, if the boss isn't ready to start the clock, no amount of physical activity is going to make that happen.

Simply because it works one way from the male perspective, doesn't make it so from the female perspective. Yes, we should be fulfilling each other's needs and we do expect give back in relationships...that's how relationships work.
Accept, though, that your definition of need and fulfilling of such needs is probably not the same as someone of the opposite gender.

The way you explain it, it just sounds like more soulless data points: x(conversation) + y(flowers) + c(dinner)^cost of wine = sex! It's like you feel cheated out of some non-existent natural order when you don't get the same result every single time you plug in the same functions.

all of this here, all of this is bull shit plain and simple.

there are 2 kinds of women/girls

ones who like having sex and ones who think of it as a job.

thats it.

ones who like having sex want it as much as guys.

ones who think of it as a job want it when it's something they want or when they want something.

 

[WackyDan]

More what if's. Regardless of if the husband's complaints are valid...it is a terrible terrible way to enumerate your grievances.

It might have been his last attempt to get through to her. Using a spreadsheet may very well be what she understands and the reason he used it - other than to validate his side of an argument.

 

[master_shake_]

It might have been his last attempt to get through to her. Using a spreadsheet may very well be what she understands and the reason he used it - other than to validate his side of an argument.

would have been icing on the cake if he included a powerpoint presentation and a pie chart

 

[MongGrel]

I had a hunch that spreadsheet was his lame assed way of saying "Screw you, I'm tired of this shit. Peace out."

But, yeah, if I got shot down for sex by my SO that many times I'd be pissed as well!

Yep.

would have been icing on the cake if he included a powerpoint presentation and a pie chart

:biggrin:

 

[WackyDan]

I know that only chickenshits resort to that, regardless of what happened before.

A spreadsheet, really? what a soulless dork.

I've been planning on writing my own response in this thread in regard to how it relates to something I went through with my wife... and I will find time later.

Needless to say, I kept a spreadsheet/journal documenting several failing facets of our marriage. That isn't abnormal as I tend to be data driven.

You call him a chickenshit but have no idea what made him finally snap and send her that data to prove what he has probably been trying to get her to see for more than just a couple of months. You may have never been in that situation. Consider yourself all the more manly then.

 

[MongGrel]

I've been planning on writing my own response in this thread in regard to how it relates to something I went through with my wife... and I will find time later.

Needless to say, I kept a spreadsheet/journal documenting several failing facets of our marriage. That isn't abnormal as I tend to be data driven.

You call him a chickenshit but have no idea what made him finally snap and send her that data to prove what he has probably been trying to get her to see for more than just a couple of months. You may have never been in that situation. Consider yourself all the more manly then.

You have a completely different problem I think.

But I'm not going there.

 

[K1052]

It might have been his last attempt to get through to her. Using a spreadsheet may very well be what she understands and the reason he used it - other than to validate his side of an argument.

I think people are constructing scenarios based on their own experiences which go beyond the available facts.

 

[Mai72]

In Thailand soapies are very popular with the Asian businessmen. If a wife doesn't want to engage in sex, people here go to the many sex shops around Bangkok. Too bad we don't have something like this in America.

 

[Bird222]

Like everyone else I don't know the background to this but I ain't that mad at him. I don't think he should have given it to her on the trip. I think he should have given it to her in person and see what kind of conversation it sparked. I think shit was bad before he started keeping a record. I also think that he is at the end of his rope. I.e. they go to counseling or they get divorced. I don't think he would have sent it to her if he wasn't at that point.

 

[manimal]

In Thailand soapies are very popular with the Asian businessmen. If a wife doesn't want to engage in sex, people here go to the many sex shops around Bangkok. Too bad we don't have something like this in America.

rub and tugs are available all over the US.

 

[Wyndru]

Wife and I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old, I'm lucky if I get a quickie every 2 weeks, it's usually a weekend daytime lock the bedroom door and hope the kids can sit by themselves for 10 minutes situation. Nighttime sex is pretty much non-existent, since we are both tired by the time the kids go to bed.

I just figured this was normal, I was surprised to see so many people worked up about the spreadsheet. Maybe I should start making one too

 

[zerocool84]

Wife and I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old, I'm lucky if I get a quickie every 2 weeks, it's usually a weekend daytime lock the bedroom door and hope the kids can sit by themselves for 10 minutes situation. Nighttime sex is pretty much non-existent, since we are both tired by the time the kids go to bed.

I just figured this was normal, I was surprised to see so many people worked up about the spreadsheet. Maybe I should start making one too

You'd get further if you made it PowerPoint presentation.