Man Sends Wife Spreadsheet Of All Her Excuses Not To Have Sex

[Genx87]

This is the fault of both parties. They let it get this way. Neither of them seem to discuss the issue. The spreadsheet is an immature passive aggressive way to get his point across. A way to rub it in her face. I suspect this is how he operates and why she is shut off.

One more thing. We dont help ourselves. How many have been in a long term relationship where the first 6-12 months was a fuck-fest? Where all the guy had to do was open his mouth and sex was initiated? Then real life starts to get in the way. The guy thinks it should be easier to get sex while the woman wants more warming up and intimacy? So he does even less to get sex while she wants more. And the result is a bunch of frustration for both of them.

Both of these two need to have a real talk. Or they will eventually split. At that age they should be having sex more than 3 times in 7 weeks. A 3/27 avg can be had by anybody going to a bar and giving a moderate effort.

 

[Scotteq]

Take a week out of the house and don't tell the wife.

If she doesn't say anything, send your papers.

 

[Oldgamer]

She's an overeating, sweaty, gross drunk and he wants to boink?

LOL

 

[Blackjack200]

Now on that note, I also think that some men have a "sex entitlement" problem in this day in age too. Marriage doesn't necessarily mean sex on demand. It means your committed to a partner and friend for life. Sex is just the icing on the cake.

Really? I kind of have the opposite impression... that back in the day, the guy got home from work and said 'Oh, you don't want to have sex? That's interesting, guess what we're doing tonight?'

I posted a big thread in L&R based on an article about how men who do more and more of the suff everyone says they should be doing (dishes, childcare etc.) they get less and less sex.

Or she could, you know, make an effort to be sexual even if it's not the first thing on her list at the time.

I don't want any woman opening their legs to me as a favor. What a total boner-killer.

 

[Oldgamer]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oldgamer View Post
Oh one other thing, and I just wanted to add to this. Women should be taught how to please a man just as well. I mean it is a give and take. It isn't all on us to give pleasure and for women to just lay back and receive. If a women really cares and loves her partner she would want to put in just as much effort to please him as he does her. It isn't just a one sided deal. I think some young girls especially really pretty ones get things handed to them and are so catered to that they are never taught this.

Now on that note, I also think that some men have a "sex entitlement" problem in this day in age too. Marriage doesn't necessarily mean sex on demand. It means your committed to a partner and friend for life. Sex is just the icing on the cake.

Agree fully with the first paragraph.

Disagree fully with the second. It's not icing on the cake. It's a fundamental aspect of marriage. If it ISNT important, then why cant we go out and do it with anyone else? I mean, it either DOES or DOESNT mean a ton....if it doesnt, then it shouldnt be a big deal if he goes out and gets his rocks off with someone else. Right? If it's just the icing on the cake, no big deal, then it shouldnt be a big deal if he gets his willy wet somewhere else.

I'm betting his wife would disagree.

And we wonder why the divorce rate is so high.

When I was younger I thought very much like you. Now that I am older I have a much different take. When you get much older you soon realize that sex is just the icing on the cake. That what is most important is your partner in life and the deep friendship and bond you have with that partner, not the sex necessarily. The sex is great when you are young, but in the long haul, in the grand scheme of things when you get old together what is most important is the lasting commitment and the fact that the two of you can count on one another, that you are able to understand one another, that you know you can be together and just "be". I know it's deep, but when you get in your late 50's and soon in your late 60s that libido of yours will soon be less important than just having your friend and partner in life with you.

 

[Oldgamer]

Really? I kind of have the opposite impression... that back in the day, the guy got home from work and said 'Oh, you don't want to have sex? That's interesting, guess what we're doing tonight?'

I posted a big thread in L&R based on an article about how men who do more and more of the suff everyone says they should be doing (dishes, childcare etc.) they get less and less sex.



I don't want any woman opening their legs to me as a favor. What a total boner-killer.

How old are you? Are you even married?

 

[Blackjack200]

How old are you? Are you even married?

33, never married.

 

[Hugo Drax]

I don't understand how reddit threads like this make the news. It's blowing up on my facebook as well. The entire thing might be made up and, even if it isn't, headline: Marriage kills sex. Shocking.

Only if you suck at sex.

Remember no one turns down a good time. When someone turns down sex repeatedly it is because it sucks and it is no fun for them.

Someone is doing it wrong.

 

[slag]

Is sex every other week THAT infrequent?

I know some married guys that have gone over a year without sex.

To answer your question, yes.

To answer your statement, that's complete bullshit and could definitely be an indicator of the lack of love and intimacy.

 

[Red Storm]

The problem is the husband doesn't state how he asked for sex, which might be part of the problem. My GF showed me some picture of a text message exchange where a guy was bitching that his GF never had sex with him and her reply was "You might be more successful if you didn't ask with 'Let me get at them titties, girl.'" I, now, make sure to ask the GF at least once a day using the above method. It has yet to actually work. =(

Huh, well that works 99% of the time for me, my wife actually finds it funny.

We're like that though, spontaneously copping a feel or moving in for a deep kiss whenever either of us want (within reason of course), gets things going in no time. :whiste:

 

[slag]

Couldn't have said it better. They either need to fix this or get a divorce. This is not normal, and the guy is clearly miserable.

Of course we're only seeing his side of the story, there may be more to this. However, 3 times in 7 weeks and they're only 26? What the hell?

P.S. I'm betting this spreadsheet was made as a "proof" of an earlier argument that the sex was not happening enough and the wife dismissing it. In which case a spreadsheet like this is actually appropriate solution. If there was a disagreement in subjective perceptions of sex frequency, a spreadsheet like this is the only objective way to settle that argument once and for all.

I tend to agree. We don't know who leaked it either but I'm fairly confident this is the result of trying other tactics and reasoning (you shouldn't have to reason with your mate to have sex), but when all else failed, he made the spreadsheet to prove a point.

 

[Oldgamer]

33, never married.

Yep figures..

 

[slag]

Really? I kind of have the opposite impression... that back in the day, the guy got home from work and said 'Oh, you don't want to have sex? That's interesting, guess what we're doing tonight?'

I posted a big thread in L&R based on an article about how men who do more and more of the suff everyone says they should be doing (dishes, childcare etc.) they get less and less sex.


I don't want any woman opening their legs to me as a favor. What a total boner-killer.

I agree with most of what you are saying. Sex is not "icing on the cake". It's part of the package you get when you are in a relationship. It's not an extra bonus, its a large part of the relationship.

 

[Oldgamer]

Sex entitlement is when you think your entitled to a womans body, that you think because your her boyfriend or husband that somehow you have a right to have sex with her, that her body is somehow yours, and you have a right to it. I for one would never force my partner into having sex with me, nor guilt trip her into it, or make her feel bad for not wanting to have sex with me. If there is a problem we would talk it out. Your significant other is not obligated to have sex with you period. But one thing is for certain I don't feel that I am entitled to my wife's body in anyway... and that folks is what sex entitlement is all about. I see too many on here posting in a very "sex entitlement" covert way, and yea that bothers me.

 

[slag]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oldgamer View Post
Oh one other thing, and I just wanted to add to this. Women should be taught how to please a man just as well. I mean it is a give and take. It isn't all on us to give pleasure and for women to just lay back and receive. If a women really cares and loves her partner she would want to put in just as much effort to please him as he does her. It isn't just a one sided deal. I think some young girls especially really pretty ones get things handed to them and are so catered to that they are never taught this.

Now on that note, I also think that some men have a "sex entitlement" problem in this day in age too. Marriage doesn't necessarily mean sex on demand. It means your committed to a partner and friend for life. Sex is just the icing on the cake.





When I was younger I thought very much like you. Now that I am older I have a much different take. When you get much older you soon realize that sex is just the icing on the cake. That what is most important is your partner in life and the deep friendship and bond you have with that partner, not the sex necessarily. The sex is great when you are young, but in the long haul, in the grand scheme of things when you get old together what is most important is the lasting commitment and the fact that the two of you can count on one another, that you are able to understand one another, that you know you can be together and just "be". I know it's deep, but when you get in your late 50's and soon in your late 60s that libido of yours will soon be less important than just having your friend and partner in life with you.

I consider myself older and have been married for almost 16 years, but judging from your posts, is not nearly as old as you are. What you are describing as your relationship matures is not an intimate relationship. It's just a good friendship. Counting on someone, having a deep friendship, being able to just be yourself with someone and having someone to hang out with...

Its called fishing buddies.

I hope I don't get to this stage in my marriage. I plan on having lots of sex with my wife until I can no longer get it up.

 

[chihlidog]

Sex entitlement is when you think your entitled to a womans body, that you think because your her boyfriend or husband that somehow you have a right to have sex with her, that her body is somehow yours, and you have a right to it. I for one would never force my partner into having sex with me, nor guilt trip her into it, or make her feel bad for not wanting to have sex with me. If there is a problem we would talk it out. Your significant other is not obligated to have sex with you period. But one thing is for certain I don't feel that I am entitled to my wife's body in anyway... and that folks is what sex entitlement is all about. I see too many on here posting in a very "sex entitlement" covert way, and yea that bothers me.

Would you agree that as part of marriage, which is an agreement that sexual fulfillment for the rest of your lives ONLY comes from the other person, that each party has a responsibilty to the other to do their best to see those sexual needs and desires satisfied?

 

[Blackjack200]

Yep figures..

Is that your way of telling me that I'll be obnoxious when I get older and marry?

I said it was my perception, not experience, that any entitlement issues are not more pronounced today, and if anything, less pronounced. If that is not your experience, feel free to share it.

 

[Red Storm]

Your significant other is not obligated to have sex with you period.

I somewhat disagree with this particular line. No I do not think I am entitled to have sex with my wife, but there is a... "duty" for lack of a better word for both husband and wife to sexually satisfy each other (within reason). Your significant other may not be obligated to have sex with you, but not having sex (for long periods) is also a very poor way to treat your spouse.

 

[Oldgamer]

Would you agree that as part of marriage, which is an agreement that sexual fulfillment for the rest of your lives ONLY comes from the other person, that each party has a responsibilty to the other to do their best to see those sexual needs and desires satisfied?

There was a time before women's liberation that women felt obligation and pressure especially with the religious marriage matrimony entrapments to have sex when their husbands demanded it. This contract of marriage that you speak of is not healthy for either partner honestly. It implies that either partner has some entitlement to their partners body and I think that is wrong and puts pressure on your partner.

Sometimes during periods of low sex drive (for either partner), it can be discussed without blame/shame/obligation, as a part of their life cycle rather than in spite of it. I believe that this is a healthier, more flexible platform on which a long-term partnership can find an honest balance.

A feeling of entitlement is never healthy in a relationship and doesn't do any good. I think the reason there is a high divorce rate is there is a clash of the old world thinking and the new world thinking. Women have become empowered in a lot of ways, and they now can say no. They are feeling empowered to break that "male entitlement" over their bodies. That is why there is all this friction in marriages. So in answer to your question no. Two partners in a marriage have no contractual agreement to satisfy each others sexual desires. They need to work things out together not put a contract up under each others noses and say "hey your not living up to our marriage contract".

It really all boils down to this, if you have a partner in life that is not compatible to you then move on and find someone who is. If however you find that you have many partners in life that are not compatible to you, then maybe the problem is you.

 

[Blackjack200]

I somewhat disagree with this particular line. No I do not think I am entitled to have sex with my wife, but there is a... "duty" for lack of a better word for both husband and wife to sexually satisfy each other (within reason). Your significant other may not be obligated to have sex with you, but not having sex (for long periods) is also a very poor way to treat your spouse.

So if one of the partners does not want to have sex, they should do so to avoid treating the other partner poorly?

I don't see the problem as a lack of sex, I see it as a lack of desire for sex. A problem that may well be biological or otherwise intractable.

 

[Oldgamer]

I somewhat disagree with this particular line. No I do not think I am entitled to have sex with my wife, but there is a... "duty" for lack of a better word for both husband and wife to sexually satisfy each other (within reason). Your significant other may not be obligated to have sex with you, but not having sex (for long periods) is also a very poor way to treat your spouse.

The word duty implies entitlement. If you go through long periods without sex with your partner you do not have the right to force, shame, or guilt your partner into sex. What you do have the right to do, is talk it out with your partner and try to get to the root of the problem. In a respectful manner talk it out with her and see why she is avoiding sex. If its a physical issue get her help, and show understanding. If she is angry with you, get counseling and help her find better ways to cope with her anger instead of taking it out on you with passive aggressiveness like not having sex with you. If she is no longer happy in the relationship then its time to move on.

 

[Oldgamer]

I consider myself older and have been married for almost 16 years, but judging from your posts, is not nearly as old as you are. What you are describing as your relationship matures is not an intimate relationship. It's just a good friendship. Counting on someone, having a deep friendship, being able to just be yourself with someone and having someone to hang out with...

Its called fishing buddies.

I hope I don't get to this stage in my marriage. I plan on having lots of sex with my wife until I can no longer get it up.

Best fishing buddy I ever married. Does your wife go fishing with you? Mine does. BTW..she once gave me permission to see an escort when she was really sick and she couldn't have sex with me. Does your wife do that for you? My wife is one of a kind. I love her dearly. I got lucky in life I really did.

 

[Printer Bandit]

sex should only be for procreation. have the mindset of getting a girl pregnant everytime.

 

[Red Storm]

So if one of the partners does not want to have sex, they should do so to avoid treating the other partner poorly?

I don't see the problem as a lack of sex, I see it as a lack of desire for sex. A problem that may well be biological or otherwise intractable.

Obviously if there are emotional/mental/sexual problems then things are different, I'm talking about two healthy people that are happily married.

The word duty implies entitlement. If you go through long periods without sex with your partner you do not have the right to force, shame, or guilt your partner into sex. What you do have the right to do, is talk it out with your partner and try to get to the root of the problem. In a respectful manner talk it out with her and see why she is avoiding sex. If its a physical issue get her help, and show understanding. If she is angry with you, get counseling and help her find better ways to cope with her anger instead of taking it out on you with passive aggressiveness like not having sex with you. If she is no longer happy in the relationship then its time to move on.

Again, if there are problems things are obviously different. You talk it out, you go see a doctor/therapist, you show that you care about the other person and support them. I'm talking about a normal happy relationship. I have a wife, I know it is expected of me to sexually satisfy my wife to the best of my abilities. Note I am not specifying a certain time, place, or way that it has to be done or else, but there's no doubt that the expectation that it will be done is most definitely there.

Going back to entitlement for a second. When you marry someone, don't you feel entitled to be intimate with your spouse? To be able to talk to them, to hold their hand, give/receive a hug, lay next to them in bed? We don't think of these things as "duties" because we obviously enjoy doing them with our significant other, but they are expected.

 

[KeithTalent]

This is a sure fire way to get more sex...

KT