Marriage Proposal question

[lancestorm]

I will propose to my g/f within the next 6 months. Possibly 2. But I have a question. Should I get her parent's blessing before going thru with it? I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy, so I will probably do so anyways. I want to hear what you guys think. I am 25, she is 26. Both never been married and both living on our own in our own houses. She is very much in touch with her family almost everyday and her mother is one of her best friends. Any more background info?

 

[Jon855]

GET THE PARENT'S BLESSING FIRST... At least u've met the fockers.

And congrats...

 

[Lovepig]

I did.

It can't really hurt to ask. If they like you already, they will either fell neutral about your asking and still say yes, or you make points with them for asking and they say yes.

If they don't like you they may be soooo impressed they start liking you- or they say no, in which case you get married anyway knowingyou just have to deal!

Goodluck. And think about bribing them...

 

[Digobick]

Originally posted by: lancestorm
She is very much in touch with her family almost everyday and her mother is one of her best friends. Any more background info?

No more info needed...she will appreciate that you asked her parents first.

 

[spherrod]

yeah, ask first - it won't hurt at all

 

[Fritzo]

I didn't, but we were living together for 6 years anyway

 

[Vegitto]

1.) Ask for hand (parents)
2.) Ask for hand (g/f)
3.) ....
4.) ...Profit?

God, I love these 4 step-step 3 is empty-step 4 is ...Profit?.

 

[Liviathan]

Just don't do it..that solves everything. DON'T GET MARRIED.

Marriage is difference between being annoyed and lonely.

 

[Kindjal]

You know the situation best - and as others have said - it seems like tradition.

However, I did not ask the permission of my spouses' parents because: (1) I think the question insinuates that a daughter is some how "property," and (2) she is the one who has to live with/love me and it seems that her consent is paramount.

That is just my 0.02.

 

[SouthPaW1227]

I did this 3 weeks ago, let me share my story:

Me & my lady have been together nearly 4 years now, and I've always been great friends w/ her folks. We've always got along, never any issues. It helps that we were childhood friends so I knew her parents BEFORE we started dating. Anywho, her mom knew that sometime within the next 6 months or so (this was 3-4 months ago) that marriage might come up, so the "cat was out of the bag" already.

However, I still wanted to address them before the proposal. So about 3 weeks ago I was over at their place and the 2 parents were in the same room, and I just asked them if I could speak with them about something. I came out very straightforward and said the reason I wanted to talk was that I planned on proposing to their daughter soon and I wanted to ask for their blessings on the marriage before I did. They each were very pleased with my decision to ask them first (the were of course wholly supportive) and we chatted about 5-10 minutes about future plans, the rest of her schooling, etc...(all positive stuff) and they concluded by re-assuring me they approved.

In sum, do it. Don't beat around the bush when you sit down with them. Just get it out first, and then get into details. Make sure you have your thoughts planned out at least somewhat, as I'll admit I was a bit nervous even after nearly 4 years of seeing them every week. I'm proposing in 9 days...good luck to you & your miss!

 

[hypn0tik]

When I plan on asking someone to marry me in the future, I intend to ask the parents first and then then girl.

 

[iamwiz82]

I did not ask Lola's parents as the decision was hers, not theirs. She is an adult and can make her own choices.

 

[Al Neri]

:camera:?

 

[alm4rr]

ask her to elope and avoid the whole thing

 

[SouthPaW1227]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82
I did not ask Lola's parents as the decision was hers, not theirs. She is an adult and can make her own choices.

I firmly believe the choice is hers, but I did it out of respect for the parents. I was going to ASK my lady regardless if they supported it or not, but life's SO much easier if the in-laws support.
I also think age plays a role.

 

[iwantanewcomputer]

depends on who you respect more

 

[SouthPaW1227]

I see it this way: I wouldn't want some dude just asking my daughter one day without at least giving me a heads-up, whether I agreed or not. So I'm not gonna that to my lady's folks either.

 

[HeroOfPellinor]

I didn't bother asking her parents. I'm very respectful and like her parents a lot, but, as far as I could see, it was a decision between us. The thought of asking them never crossed my mind, but I did ask for their blessing afterward.

To be honest, I was more concerned over what she would say..........don't ask, it's a long, magical, convoluted story with a wonderfully happy ending, but, needless to say, it wasn't one of those "she knows it's coming" things, although she did have a dream the night before that paralleled my proposal, but, again, long, amazing story I'm not getting into.

 

[SouthPaW1227]

^ Congrats!

 

[LeonarD26]

Do it... I gained a lot of respect from her and her parents...

 

[rh71]

I didn't ask the dad, but that's because they're not that close (even though there's nothing wrong with their relationship). I guess I could've asked her mom but that's not even the custom. I didn't sweat it. We were together for 7 years... it was inevitable and they had to know that. I don't really see how it's respect regardless, seems more like feel-good justification (in the best sense possible)... if someone would like to point it out, I'd like to hear it.

In the OP's case where mom is her best friend too, yeah that might play a role.

 

[GasX]

Sir, I love your daughter and I am going to ask her to marry, but I want to do it with your blessing. Do I have it?

That is alll you have to say. You are not asking permission, you are asking for their blessing - they are, after all, going to pay for the damn thing...

 

[SouthPaW1227]

. I don't really see how it's respect... if someone would like to point it out, I'd like to hear it.
.

Here's my take: if you visit a relative in their home, and you get an urge to grab that 20oz. Coke in their fridge, you probably ask first KNOWING they'll say yes, just outta respect for what's in their home.

I know that's a beat-up example, but it's honestly along the same lines, IMO. The deciding factor for me was I wanna do their parents like I hope some guy ends up doing me, which is to ask first. I would respect the guy (from a parent's standpoint) A LOT if he had the balls to ask my blessing beforehand. Just a personal thing I suppose, but I would respect him a lot for it. Also, it proves you care about her parents (even if you don't, just make life easier on yourself).

 

[iamwiz82]

Originally posted by: Mwilding
Sir, I love your daughter and I am going to ask her to marry, but I want to do it with your blessing. Do I have it?

That is alll you have to say. You are not asking permission, you are asking for their blessing - they are, after all, going to pay for the damn thing...

If that was the case then I definately wouldn't have to ask her Dad.

 

[Lola]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82

Originally posted by: Mwilding
Sir, I love your daughter and I am going to ask her to marry, but I want to do it with your blessing. Do I have it?

That is alll you have to say. You are not asking permission, you are asking for their blessing - they are, after all, going to pay for the damn thing...

If that was the case then I definately wouldn't have to ask her Dad.

and why not?!