Maybe my wife is the only one...

[StinkyPinky]

Originally posted by: child of wonder
My wife has a cold. Last night we watched some TV downstairs together. After a bit she decided to call it a night early. I had some work to do from home for my job so I told her I'd be up in a couple hours.

As she got up to leave she asks me if I can come upstairs and help her set up the humidifier in our room to help clear her sinuses.

"Help?" I asked. "What do you want help with? It just needs to be filled with water."

"Then can you just do it for me? I'm going to go to the bathroom."

"OK," I say. "I'll be up in a few minutes."

5 minutes go by and I head upstairs to find her filling it up herself. I take it away from her and say I was going to do it. Now she's mad.

Fast forward to this morning. I still have a lot of work to do and have to go into work this afternoon to move some servers. We also need to mow the lawn. Earlier in the week she volunteered to do it herself which is a big help so I can get my work done.

"Will you help me move the sprinklers?" she asks.

We have a temporary irrigation system set up since we had the lawn seeded. It's just a network of rainbird sprinklers connected with garden hoses. To move one, they simply need to be lifted up and carried somewhere else.

"When I mowed the yard last time I didn't need any help moving them," I said.

"Whatever. Fine. I'll just move them."

"I don't understand why you need help to move them. It's really simple. As you mow and come up to one, just pick it up and move it."

Again, she is peeved.

Why do women ask for help for the smallest little things? My wife does this frequently.

Are they really that incapable or do they just like seeing us jump through hoops?

Ha! Yes, my wife does the same type of stuff. I love her to bits, but sometimes it can be frustrating. She gets mad about the smallest little things.

 

[Orsorum]

"Really?" "Get out of here!" "You don't say?" "I told you that bitch crazy!"

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: RKS
Before we got married I told my wife I only had two main rules:

Don't fuck with my food.
Don't fuck with my sleep.

If I tired and hungry she stays clear.

I think RKS here found the secret to a happy and stable marriage.

He communicated upfront, and made it clear there were a few things he wasn't going to budge on. Good advice for everyone.

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: MrDudeMan
It sounds to me like the OP is just lazy. Sure you had work to do, but honestly would it have killed you to get up and take care of the humidifier? By telling her to wait 5 minutes, you are putting her somewhere other than your top priority. If you are married and your wife isn't your top priority, then you fail. Next time just take the 1 or 2 minutes (at the most) and put water in the humidifier. She's happy, you're a hero, and all is well. Or, do what you did this time and be a stubborn moron and treat her less than what she deserves and cause problems. Your choice. Yes, I'm married.

Not saying you missed the point...just trying to explain in a friendly manner....

The point the OP is trying to make is that even though he is courteous of his wife's needs and wants, no matter how hard he tries, she's not happy. That pretty much sums it up.

I.E. You are juggling flaming knives. Wife comes thru the door and says "I've got groceries in the car! Help me carry them in!" You say "OK honey, I'm on it."

In the two minutes it takes you to extinguish the flames and get out to the garage, she's pissed b/c it took you "too long."

Women just get into those moods. All of them do...even My Perfect Wife. And she is, compared to 100% of the women I've dated and lived with in the past 20 years...that would be why I married her.

I have chosen to deal with it and get many delicious, healthy meals prepared for me each week, and have someone to talk to and watch my movies with, over Singularity.

 

[Orsorum]

MichaelD, damn, haven't seen you around in a while. Glad you're doing well.

 

[StinkyPinky]

Originally posted by: MrDudeMan
It sounds to me like the OP is just lazy. Sure you had work to do, but honestly would it have killed you to get up and take care of the humidifier? By telling her to wait 5 minutes, you are putting her somewhere other than your top priority. If you are married and your wife isn't your top priority, then you fail. Next time just take the 1 or 2 minutes (at the most) and put water in the humidifier. She's happy, you're a hero, and all is well. Or, do what you did this time and be a stubborn moron and treat her less than what she deserves and cause problems. Your choice. Yes, I'm married.

Dude, that's not the point. Marriage goes both ways. Your wife shouldn't be constantly asking you to do tiny insignificant little chores for her every second of the day, and then get shitty when you don't jump at her request and do it straight away. Waiting for 5 minutes or whatever is entirely reasonable. Everyone needs time to relax and time to themself.

 

[RKS]

Originally posted by: SagaLore

Originally posted by: RKS
Before we got married I told my wife I only had two main rules:

Don't fuck with my food.
Don't fuck with my sleep.

If I tired and hungry she stays clear.

I think RKS here found the secret to a happy and stable marriage.

He communicated upfront, and made it clear there were a few things he wasn't going to budge on. Good advice for everyone.

well, after being together for over 15 years (married 8) we know how to communicate what's important and what's trivial. We both have one main goal of raising 2 happy and independent boys; everything else is secondary and really not worth fighting too long over.

btw: even though my wife doesn't mess with my sleep or food, I haven't been able to communicate those rules to my kids yet. If I could pinch a loaf in peace I would have as good a life as can be expected.

 

[Bryophyte]

Originally posted by: AstroManLuca
My mom pulled this shit all the time. She actually wanted help with the things that weren't utterly trivial to do herself, though. But she would often get pissy at me, my brother, and my dad for not doing something when she thought we should have known to do it on our own (without telling us). In other words, she'd get mad at us for not reading her mind. I'm so glad I'm not living at home anymore. I think this is just something that happens when women have been married for a little while.

Is it remotely possible that you SHOULD have known to do it on your own without her having to tell you? Maybe she thought that you should be able to handle some chores without having to be reminded every fucking time it needed to be done. Maybe she got sick of having to waste time every day standing over everyone to sure that their chores got done, like everyone else in the house was four years old. She's probably got better things to do. If her family gives her a choice between being called a nag and being a doormat (who just does all the chores because nobody helps voluntarily), that's a lovely position to be in, huh?

Anyway, back to the OP: I have a spouse that is sometimes like that too. It gets tiring when someone is standing, looking at a simple chore, and yells to you to come do it, as if it's somehow sensible for you to stop what you're doing and come into the room to do a chore that would have taken them less time to do than it took them to yell for you to do it. (Example...standing in the kitchen looking at the leftovers, and instead of scooping them into a ziplock bag and shoving it in the fridge, yelling for you to stop what you're doing and walk across the house to do it instead.) But if your spouse is actually sick, it wouldn't kill you to pamper him/her a little more than normal (without having to be asked to do it) and to give them a little more slack than you normally would when it comes to mood swings. Most people get a little bit grumpy and feel a little sorry for themselves when they feel under the weather.

 

[rpanic]

My wife has been bitching about something I said about her sisters ex-husband. She told me he eloped with some woman that he just met a month ago. I asked if she was pretty and she didn?t know, she then tells me that the only thing she knows about her is that she gets really bad seizures. I told her maybe the guy finds that kinky, so know I have to hear how I am degrading women. Then I say WTF and JESUS and she says I have no respect for her beliefs and starts bitching about that, I can?t win. She use not say anything when I was being crass, I can?t even fart without catching grief now.

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: rpanic
My wife has been bitching about something I said about her sisters ex-husband. She told me he eloped with some woman that he just met a month ago. I asked if she was pretty and she didn?t know, she then tells me that the only thing she knows about her is that she gets really bad seizures. I told her maybe the guy finds that kinky, so know I have to hear how I am degrading women. Then I say WTF and JESUS and she says I have no respect for her beliefs and starts bitching about that, I can?t win. She use not say anything when I was being crass, I can?t even fart without catching grief now.

That's pretty fucking crass. Her sister's in considerable emotional distress and you crack a joke like that. In poor taste at the least.

 

[GiggleGirl]

Originally posted by: Orsorum
"Really?" "Get out of here!" "You don't say?" "I told you that bitch crazy!"

chris rock FTW

 

[EricMartello]

Originally posted by: Orsorum
That's pretty fucking crass. Her sister's in considerable emotional distress and you crack a joke like that. In poor taste at the least.

Instead, get her sister drunk and boink her.

 

[ConstipatedVigilante]

Despite the fact that I still find girls utterly confusing, I think I have a better understanding of them than my dad/brothers. My dad still says things that piss my mom off after 30 years of being together - things where he doesn't look at the "female perspective" first. And one of my brothers doesn't get the "hints." For example, my mom starts up the lawnmower outside and he goes and offers to help. She says, "No, don't worry," and he goes back inside to play guitar and watch TV. She does the entire lawn and comes back inside (we have two decent-sized lawns, front and back), somewhat annoyed at him. My dad, my other brother and I come home to find her slightly peeved and ask if the one who stayed home helped her. He says, "I asked and she said no!"

My dad, my other brother and I say to him in our own ways, "That means you take the lawnmower from her and tell her to go relax inside."

 

[StinkyPinky]

Originally posted by: rpanic
My wife has been bitching about something I said about her sisters ex-husband. She told me he eloped with some woman that he just met a month ago. I asked if she was pretty and she didn?t know, she then tells me that the only thing she knows about her is that she gets really bad seizures. I told her maybe the guy finds that kinky, so know I have to hear how I am degrading women. Then I say WTF and JESUS and she says I have no respect for her beliefs and starts bitching about that, I can?t win. She use not say anything when I was being crass, I can?t even fart without catching grief now.

Probably not the best time to make such a joke.

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl

Originally posted by: Orsorum
"Really?" "Get out of here!" "You don't say?" "I told you that bitch crazy!"

chris rock FTW

 

[dbk]

Originally posted by: ConstipatedVigilante
Despite the fact that I still find girls utterly confusing, I think I have a better understanding of them than my dad/brothers. My dad still says things that piss my mom off after 30 years of being together - things where he doesn't look at the "female perspective" first. And one of my brothers doesn't get the "hints." For example, my mom starts up the lawnmower outside and he goes and offers to help. She says, "No, don't worry," and he goes back inside to play guitar and watch TV. She does the entire lawn and comes back inside (we have two decent-sized lawns, front and back), somewhat annoyed at him. My dad, my other brother and I come home to find her slightly peeved and ask if the one who stayed home helped her. He says, "I asked and she said no!"

My dad, my other brother and I say to him in our own ways, "That means you take the lawnmower from her and tell her to go relax inside."

Why didn't the mom just accept the help?

 

[ohtwell]

Women like that just want to feel like you are still doing some of the work and they aren't doing it all themselves. I'm not sure how you helping with something like that is beneficial to her, but she feels like you are taking part in the action.

The humidifier is just laziness, imo, and her getting pissed is because she expected you to do it then, not five minutes after you agreed. I can get the same way, when that happens. I have often asked my husband to do something, he's said yes, and then 10 minutes later I just did it myself. For me, when you say you are going to do it, you do it then!

Not all women are like this all the time, but I think we all have our moods, and they don't necessarily have to do with a time of month, so don't read that into my post.


: ) Amanda

 

[EightySix Four]

On a completely OT note, you may want to rethink the humidifier. While it sometimes temporarily helps sinus issues, it often in the long term increases the problem by giving mold a food source. Mold doesn't make you sick until you take away said food source, which it then releases micotoxins as a defence, so you turn on the humidifier to make it better, mold stops producing micotoxins, you feel better, you turn of humidifier... It goes round and round.

Family owns a mold remediation company and has to fix issues caused like this all the time.

 

[ConstipatedVigilante]

Originally posted by: dbk

Originally posted by: ConstipatedVigilante
Despite the fact that I still find girls utterly confusing, I think I have a better understanding of them than my dad/brothers. My dad still says things that piss my mom off after 30 years of being together - things where he doesn't look at the "female perspective" first. And one of my brothers doesn't get the "hints." For example, my mom starts up the lawnmower outside and he goes and offers to help. She says, "No, don't worry," and he goes back inside to play guitar and watch TV. She does the entire lawn and comes back inside (we have two decent-sized lawns, front and back), somewhat annoyed at him. My dad, my other brother and I come home to find her slightly peeved and ask if the one who stayed home helped her. He says, "I asked and she said no!"

My dad, my other brother and I say to him in our own ways, "That means you take the lawnmower from her and tell her to go relax inside."

Why didn't the mom just accept the help?

Because she's a woman. My mom will often do stuff like that - we offer help and she does it herself. She's the type who wants you to insist on helping rather than going "ok, I'll get back to the computer then." At other times, like when she brings home food, she asks for help and I gladly give it. She just likes to keep us on our toes.

 

[yhelothar]

My psychology professor mentioned about a guy who can tell with 90% accuracy if a marriage is going to end in a divorce or not.
How does he do it?

By watching them argue. Compromise is the cornerstone of any relationship, and without it, your relationship simply cannot sustain itself.
Basically if one person in the relationship shows a face of disgust during the argument, that's a tell tale sign that the person has given up in working it out.

 

[RaistlinZ]

It sounds like she really wasn't feeling good and just wanted you to take care of it so she could rest, and you gave her a hard time about it. Much man you are. :roll:

If you can't take care of her and help with simple stuff I'm sure she'll have no problem divorcing you, taking half of what you own plus the house and car, and fining a new man who will. Seriously.

 

[CrazyHelloDeli]

My wife watches Dancing with the Stars religiously. Last season, she was out with her friends and failed to set the DVR to record it, something she knows how to do and has done before. I spend the evening reading and playing some Call Of Duty when she walks in and the first thing out of her mouth is, "I hope you recorded DwtS!". I say, "Uh, no, I thought you would have set it up if you didn't want to miss it." A scowl comes over her face and I can tell she is pissed at me! "Why didn't you check to see if I set it to record?!". Fvck, woman, if you wanted to watch it so bad REMEMBER TO RECORD IT. I found out later that she had remembered that she had not set the DVR shortly after she left, and though she has a fvcking cell-phone, she failed to call me to set it thinking that "I should remember to check it for her." Absolutely fvcking crazy.

 

[GiggleGirl]

Originally posted by: CrazyHelloDeli
My wife watches Dancing with the Stars religiously. Last season, she was out with her friends and failed to set the DVR to record it, something she knows how to do and has done before. I spend the evening reading and playing some Call Of Duty when she walks in and the first thing out of her mouth is, "I hope you recorded DwtS!". I say, "Uh, no, I thought you would have set it up if you didn't want to miss it." A scowl comes over her face and I can tell she is pissed at me! "Why didn't you check to see if I set it to record?!". Fvck, woman, if you wanted to watch it so bad REMEMBER TO RECORD IT. I found out later that she had remembered that she had not set the DVR shortly after she left, and though she has a fvcking cell-phone, she failed to call me to set it thinking that "I should remember to check it for her." Absolutely fvcking crazy.

watching it on abc.com the day after FTW
tell her to shut it

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: EricMartello
The lesson of this thread is...don't get married. Think about it, how did getting married benefit YOU in any way, shape or form? It did not. All it did do was give your girlfriend a tighter clinch on your nuts, because now if you leave her she takes 1/2 or more of everything and you get left with child support (if you have kids) or 1/2 or less of whatever you used to have.

Marriage, over all, is probably the biggest mistake most guys make. The only valid reason for marrying a woman is if you're trying to import her from another country - even then, better sign a prenuptial agreement.

I agree with you...I'd have never married my current wife (not because I don't love her, I do) if she wasn't her on just an H1B...it's been 6 years in December.

In reality though a marriage today is worth nothing....it's not a big deal even with kids anymore.

All a marriage does is entitle the lesser party marrying 'in' to nice pay out later.

I work for a large mortgage company/homebuilder, I have seen more than a half dozen times where both the ex wife and ex husband are applying for loans/buying a home. 9 times out of 10 the lesser ex is on a nice alimony and sometimes a nice child support package.

The alimony is a fuxored situation as that shit does not stop until the ex marries again. What happens in my experience seeing this is they never marry again and find a nice partner and then have what amounts to 3 incomes. I have also seen deals where both have alimony coming in...it's a fucking legal crime that's been set up in the courts.

The sad part is a lot of the time the ex paying the alimony was buying a far lesser home, had far lesser assets, lesser car, etc than the one receiving it.

 

[child of wonder]

Hi, I'm the OP's wife

First off, the cold was the same cold that OP had last Sunday, that was SUPER bad for one day. That's what mine was Friday. His was Sunday or Monday(as we have since discussed) and if I do recall, he was treated as close to a king someone with 2 difficult children can come to... I wanted to do more yard work last Sunday, rock around the house, power wash the deck. But, he had started with a cold, so I just said, next weekend, as it is going to start cooling down here soon. He also forgot to mention that Friday when I asked him to fill up the humidifier I had also done the family's weekly grocery/ necessities shopping. After I got home and put the groceries away, I sat down with him and our 6 year old and watched an episode of Star Trek TNG then our son went to bed. Feeling very worn down and with him just sitting there messing around on the computer/internet (not working on the laptops, which were in the office, and we were in the family room) I asked him to fill up the humidifier. In my mind I would have, and have done the same thing for him time and time again.

Now come to the yard, as I stated last weekend he came down with this same cold, and he didn't feel up to doing much of anything. I was completely willing to mow the yard even still not feeling 100%, all I requested was for him to hold the the hoses up so I could mow under them...as I have done the times that he has mowed the yard. We have actually since talked about this hose thing, and he thought what I wanted him to do was to pull them out and move the sprinklers and hoses out of the way instead of what I had in mind.
I don't ask him to do mundane things very often imo. The humidifier was something where I have done it for him, so I kind of wanted to have the same treatment...Is that selfish? Is that being bitchy?
Also, dh knows that most of the time what I get mad about is not the fact that he won't help me with something, it's when I ask for help and I need immediate help and he agrees, but helps only on his time. Selfish? Bitchy? The yard was something that he and I had discussed for at least 2-3 days prior...