Men have softened as women have hardened

[sao123]

Originally posted by: eleison

Originally posted by: TheFamilyMan

If you're married and you're saying, with this post, that your wife isn't your best friend then you just need to divorce right now and let her get on with her life and be with her lifelong best friend. What is so "LOL" about the fact that your fiancee/wife will be your lifelong best friend? When me and my wife got married, she was my best friend then and is now (some 15 years later) and we were 21 when we married. She will be my best friend until the day I die. Why is that so "LOL"? Me, I think it's incredible that I (and many other married men/women) have that in their lives. Say what you want...having someone that I know completely and knows me completely makes any day, no matter how hard or stressful, end in an incredibly wonderful way. You keep your "LOL" attitude towards the lifelong best friend statement and you'll miss an aspect of your life that could be incredibly fulfilled. Just my $.02 worth coming from someone married for 15 years (this June) to their lifelong best friend.

You are the exception to the rule... marriage is not all its cracked up to be... IMHO, your attitude only confuses people; your line of thinking has probably ended many marriages. Everyone expects to marry their soul mate.. they expect their marriage will bring them untold volumes of happiness. it rarely, if ever happens; most of the time, at the end of the day, you only hope that the person you marry makes you happy 5% of the time, and they are bearable the last 95%. anything else is gravy.

That being said, I use to think about marriage as being something special.. not anymore. its about compromise.. however, at the end of it all.. when your lying on your death bed, looking back as a whole... yea... marriage would be nice only taken as a whole...

the problem isnt that a perfect marriage cant happen, its that it cant happen effortlessly. People are selfish and stupid, they dont try to make it work, they just expect it to.
Marriage isnt an effortless thing... and love isnt a feeling. Love is an action, and a daily choice. Happyness doent fall into your lap, you have make happyness happen. You only get out of marriage what you put into it... so if/when it fails... the couple have only themselves to blame.


the problem isnt marriage, its a personal lack of discipline, self sacrifice, and humility combined with an excess of artifically inflated unrealistic expectations. When one partner lives completely & exclusively & for the other withut regard to their own desires, and the second likewise for the first, marriage works perfectly.


However as the recent study suggests, society today is trending to complete narcisicity, this is why marriage is failing. Remove pride, greed, lust for power, and lust for pleasure from the equation... and everything works the way it should be...

 

[sao123]

Originally posted by: jdoggg12

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: jdoggg12
6 billion people

3 billion women

500million aren't ugly

400million don't have serious STD

25 million you'd get along with

2.5 million you could be with

1 million you're compatible with in bed

100,000 you're willing to have a long term relationship

1000 you could have kids with

100 that think you're all the above

5 that you will ever meet.


So you get about 5 chances in your life to meet the ONE lol

Define compatibility in bed???
Compatibility is more choice than fate... because if you go around saying...
Choice A (who is everyhting else you want in a partner, except she wont suck, swallow, anal, or whatever) is eliminated...your as much at fault as she is...
Thats complete BS...
relationships are about compromise, not about sex...

a good healthy sex life is not something you can compromise on. you have physical chemistry or you don't.

So basically what your saying is that sex is 1sided... if she cant satisfy all your wildest fantacies then hit the road???

This is where i completely disagree with every word you said...
your job is to satisfy your partners desires without worrying about your own... An unselfish partner is always the one who is most fullfilled... with an attitude like yours... you'll be lucky to ever find someone you can be with and stay with monogamously forever.

I don't believe in that hollywood "happilly ever after" fairy tail. It hasn't been a realistic outcome since my grandparents generation.

So basically what your saying is that sex is 1sided... if she cant satisfy all your wildest fantacies then hit the road???

no im saying if the sex sucks it aint gonna work. i didnt say anything about wild kinky fantasy role playing.......thats what hookers are for.

Yup....

Sex can be bad and/or get boring. I had a gf that laid there like a dead fish, i liked her a lot, but the sex was so un-fun that it killed it for me.

You can have a good long term relationship with bad sex - but you'd better have a helluva relationship

And probably what you were doing didnt excite her much either... she probably didnt want to have sex with you, and just did to make you happy. Or she might have been inexperienced...

Either way... did you discuss it? Did you try to work it out? Did you both try to compromise? or did you simply walk away?

Your first problem is clearly evident in what you said... good sex was more important than the relationship itself... except that good sex can only come from a good relationship.
You put the cart before the horse...


Sex is not the focal point of the relationship...nor should it ever be... it is the mutual beneficial byproduct of the relationship.

Think about it... when you get old, and cant have sex anymore... with that focal point gone, whats going to hold the relationship together??? The relationship comes first... then the sex.

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

Originally posted by: AnthroAndStargate
All of you that are complaining about this are single and angry. Quit blaming women for your own anti-social inability to achieve your hegemonic masculine ideal. Nubs.

Nobody is blaming women. This thread isn't even about women really, it's about men and the pussification of men worldwide. Being a strong and confident person will net your better results with women, which is something most guys(including myself) want.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: AnthroAndStargate
All of you that are complaining about this are single and angry. Quit blaming women for your own anti-social inability to achieve your hegemonic masculine ideal. Nubs.

Nobody is blaming women. This thread isn't even about women really, it's about men and the pussification of men worldwide. Being a strong and confident person will net your better results with women, which is something most guys(including myself) want.

Absolutely. It will benefit you in all areas of your life, not just with women.

 

[jdoggg12]

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: jdoggg12

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

Originally posted by: sao123

Originally posted by: jdoggg12
6 billion people

3 billion women

500million aren't ugly

400million don't have serious STD

25 million you'd get along with

2.5 million you could be with

1 million you're compatible with in bed

100,000 you're willing to have a long term relationship

1000 you could have kids with

100 that think you're all the above

5 that you will ever meet.


So you get about 5 chances in your life to meet the ONE lol

Define compatibility in bed???
Compatibility is more choice than fate... because if you go around saying...
Choice A (who is everyhting else you want in a partner, except she wont suck, swallow, anal, or whatever) is eliminated...your as much at fault as she is...
Thats complete BS...
relationships are about compromise, not about sex...

a good healthy sex life is not something you can compromise on. you have physical chemistry or you don't.

So basically what your saying is that sex is 1sided... if she cant satisfy all your wildest fantacies then hit the road???

This is where i completely disagree with every word you said...
your job is to satisfy your partners desires without worrying about your own... An unselfish partner is always the one who is most fullfilled... with an attitude like yours... you'll be lucky to ever find someone you can be with and stay with monogamously forever.

I don't believe in that hollywood "happilly ever after" fairy tail. It hasn't been a realistic outcome since my grandparents generation.

So basically what your saying is that sex is 1sided... if she cant satisfy all your wildest fantacies then hit the road???

no im saying if the sex sucks it aint gonna work. i didnt say anything about wild kinky fantasy role playing.......thats what hookers are for.

Yup....

Sex can be bad and/or get boring. I had a gf that laid there like a dead fish, i liked her a lot, but the sex was so un-fun that it killed it for me.

You can have a good long term relationship with bad sex - but you'd better have a helluva relationship

And probably what you were doing didnt excite her much either... she probably didnt want to have sex with you, and just did to make you happy. Or she might have been inexperienced...

Either way... did you discuss it? Did you try to work it out? Did you both try to compromise? or did you simply walk away?

Your first problem is clearly evident in what you said... good sex was more important than the relationship itself... except that good sex can only come from a good relationship.
You put the cart before the horse...


Sex is not the focal point of the relationship...nor should it ever be... it is the mutual beneficial byproduct of the relationship.

Think about it... when you get old, and cant have sex anymore... with that focal point gone, whats going to hold the relationship together??? The relationship comes first... then the sex.

- She liked the sex, she was just of the mindset that the guy should do all of the work. I'm of the mindset that the better i make it for the girl, the better it'll be for me. Its usually true too - lots of good foreplay, and making sure she O's at least once every time and they try hard to make it good for you. She was just unwilling to put any effort into it - but wasvery upset when i ended the relationship (which ended b/c she didnt get along with my friends)

Don't mis-quote me, show me where i said sex is more important.

Sex should never be the focal point - talk to any marriage counselor and they will all say that a good sex life is VERY important in a marriage.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: TheFamilyMan

Originally posted by: dainthomas

Originally posted by: SirChadwick
You can still do things w/ the guys, but remember that your fiancee/wife is the one you're living with forever - pretty much your lifelong best friend.

This made me LOL. Wait until you're married a few years, dude.

If you're married and you're saying, with this post, that your wife isn't your best friend then you just need to divorce right now and let her get on with her life and be with her lifelong best friend. What is so "LOL" about the fact that your fiancee/wife will be your lifelong best friend? When me and my wife got married, she was my best friend then and is now (some 15 years later) and we were 21 when we married. She will be my best friend until the day I die. Why is that so "LOL"? Me, I think it's incredible that I (and many other married men/women) have that in their lives. Say what you want...having someone that I know completely and knows me completely makes any day, no matter how hard or stressful, end in an incredibly wonderful way. You keep your "LOL" attitude towards the lifelong best friend statement and you'll miss an aspect of your life that could be incredibly fulfilled. Just my $.02 worth coming from someone married for 15 years (this June) to their lifelong best friend.

My husband is my best friend

 

[doze]

Originally posted by: SirChadwick

Originally posted by: doze
I often ask myself if a girlfriend or wife would be nice to have, and the answer is ....Sometimes.

My married friends and those in relationships have to schedule in advance, ask permission, balance the budget, clean the kitchen, cut the grass etc... before heading out to grab some wings and a few beers with the guys. Then there are the phone calls while they are out and the curfew.

This is true info right here. I'm not even married yet and I find myself asking for permission, calling about curfew, making phone calls while I'm out, etc. However... it comes with the territory. Any woman who is ok if you don't do these things isn't really one to hold onto - I think it's that they want to feel included in every aspect of your life... to love and cherish them and show that you do. You can still do things w/ the guys, but remember that your fiancee/wife is the one you're living with forever - pretty much your lifelong best friend.

I was in a long term relationship, almost got married, so I experienced this. At first it was weird to be single but now I think it would be weird to date the same girl regularly.

 

[dennilfloss]

Men go through cycles of hardening and softening.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: dennilfloss
Men go through cycles of hardening and softening.

O rly?

 

[dennilfloss]

YA RLY!

Actually, more like episodes rather than cycles.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: dennilfloss
YA RLY!

Actually, more like episodes rather than cycles.

:giggle:

 

[91TTZ]

Originally posted by: Agentbolt
I don't think you can judge the state of Men from what's written in the Internet's biggest nerd circle jerk (i.e. the Anandtech forums)

Hahahaha :laugh:

So true.

 

[thomsbrain]

awwwww, is iggumwuggums a wittle hurt inside his wittle heartywearty?

poooor wittle iggumwuggums. he donta wanna play wiff the wittle girlywirlies anymore. he's afwaid to fall in wuv again!



seriously, turning yourself into a sociopath isn't the answer, dude. there's a balance between dependency and emotional isolation.

 

[her209]

I blame Hollywood. I think a lot of women have unrealistic expectations of men based on what they perceive in romantic comedies.

 

[OneOfTheseDays]

Originally posted by: thomsbrain
awwwww, is iggumwuggums a wittle hurt inside his wittle heartywearty?

poooor wittle iggumwuggums. he donta wanna play wiff the wittle girlywirlies anymore. he's afwaid to fall in wuv again!



seriously, turning yourself into a sociopath isn't the answer, dude. there's a balance between dependency and emotional isolation.

sociopath? of course there is a balance that needs to be struck. my point is that most guys fall on one side of the spectrum (and that's 9/10 the dependency side).