Moral Relationship Question

[hungrypete]

OK, this is for people who have been in relationships with someone for AT LEAST 3 YEARS. Teenage heartbreaks do not count.
Hypothetical question, I would like some random opinions.
-OK, a girl and a guy have lived together for 4 years. They love each other very much. One night the guy gets mad at the girl for never having enough time for him. He kisses another girl, who happens to be kind of a whore. He waits a week until the 'whore' girl has moved away for the summer, then breaks down and tells the girlfriend that he kissed a girl. They still love each other. They want to continue the relationship. But she can't get over it, and brings it up frequently. Will this relationship be able to make it? Can she ever forgive him? Do you ever 'forget' about that stuff, or even put it behind you, or is this going to nag her as long as they are together? Serious replies only, please. I need advice.

 

[Angrymarshmello]

It was just a kiss. I don't really view that as something extremely intimate. She just needs to get over it, that's all

 

[kassy]

How does this guy think he will react next time he gets angry with her ?
Perhaps the girl thinks that every time they have a disagreement there is a chance that he will seek comfort elsewhere and it may not always end with just a kiss.

 

[bigrash]

i don't think that a kiss would mean much. but if she holds a grudge over it, i think that she's going to remember it for a long time(maybe forever)

 

[IJump]

Did the guy plan the kiss? Was it someone he knew well? I think a spur of the moment whore kisswould be more forgivable that planned non-whore kisses.

I would say that the girl wouldn't forget but that the relationship should be able to get past it if the love was real. Even after four years, it may be some fake, superficial love. I guess this would be the time to find out for sure.

 

[Doboji]

Hard to say.... it totally depends on the people in the relationship. I think it's doable... but first off you have to come to terms with the fact that you kissing the "whore" is just f-ed up and not equivalent to her not paying attention to you. My guess is that when she brings it up... you bring up her not paying attention to you. Don't do that... and maybe you'll have a chance...

-Max

 

[mdennison]

MYHO: the kiss is justification for a breakup. If I found out my girl kissed someone for any reason, I could not stay with her any longer.

 

[Keribeth]

While I can't say that I would forget, I would forgive my b/f. 4 years is alot of time invested in the relationship. Every relationship is different, however. If the relationship is strong enough and you are both willing to put 100% into working through this, then I think it is possible. It is easy to forgive, but forgetting is impossible. She will probably always hide a doubt in your commitment. Give her all the time she needs. If this is something she can't get over, she will let you know.

 

[Isla]

You'll have to earn her trust/respect again. If you really love her, you won't mind her nagging and insecurity at this time... if she had done the same thing to you, you would probably be freaked out, too. Time will help both of you get past this... the best relationships involve people who are growing together, and that often means overcoming the mistakes you make.

Presents are good, too.

 

[Pastore]

i think a kiss is a very intimate thing... not just "no big deal"...

i would not trust my partner any longer if she ever kissed another man, no matter what her excuse was...

 

[Urinal Mint]

She will dangle that kiss over your head for the rest of your life. You've got to find a way to tell her that you want more time from her, or it's just not going to work. What you should've done in the first place was tell her this before getting all pissy and making out with some other chick.

Just my thoughts.

She might let it go for a while, but every opportunity she gets she will hang it over your head because she can. She doesn't trust you right now, and won't for a long time, and that's just something you'll have to deal with if you continue the relationship.

 

[IJump]

<< Presents are good, too >>

The more expensive the better?

 

[jeweleeann]

As a girl who has been in the same situation as the hypothetical girl, I think that time can and will heal the wound if she wants it to. You need to give her time not just a couple of weeks either. Maybe a month or longer. If you already have then you need to ask her what it is she wants from you. Maybe she needs to be reassured that you will not do something like that again. After there is mistrust in a relationship it is hard for a while but if BOTH people work on it then there is hope. I know its hard to forgive and you never forget but holding a grudge will only hurt the person who is harboring the grudge. Some people cannot forgive, if that is the case then there is no chance.

 

[HansHurt]

Well, can she get over it? I cannot answer that one....once you find the true answer to it you will know.


If you are mature, and seasoned you can put it behind you...it can make the relationship stronger sometimes. Sadly this is rarely the case.

 

[hungrypete]

Thank you all very much for your opinions. I value outside perspective to help pry myself out of my fantasy world . I actually flipped the girl and guy, I am actually the one who didn't have enough time for her, and she kissed some guy she had developed a crush on in my 'mental absence'. I'm not sure if I can forgive her or not. I could go get revenge in a heartbeat, I'm no stud but I have a nice ride and dress well, and I know how and where to party. I just don't see that making me feel any better. I've been sitting on this for a month. She says after she did it she realized how stupid it was and how much she 'really loves me'. But some of you were right, I *DO* doubt her commitment now, no matter how many times she tells me 'only you' or how many bjs she gives me (although that in itself is worth milking for a while, leave her or not). Problem was, I spent alot more time on the computer than I did paying attention to her. I realize that this is partially my fault, but I didn't do anything STUPID. I just wish *I* could meet someone who was a good person, attractive, AND LIKES COMPUTERS. My girlfriend resents computers because of me. She's the artsy type, and not at all into technology. I honestly have never met the 'women of my dreams', or anyone close, so I settled for someone close several years ago. Now I'm in deep, this sh*t happens, and I'm at a crossroads... And you know what... if I hadn't of just bought a new truck, I could afford to just up and move out... as is I can't. Thanks for everyone who took the time to read this thread, once again, your honest perspectives are valued by me.
Thanks

 

[Stark]

<< . I honestly have never met the 'women of my dreams', or anyone close, so I settled for someone close several years ago. Now I'm in deep, this sh*t happens, and I'm at a crossroads... And you know what... if I hadn't of just bought a new truck, I could afford to just up and move out... as is I can't. >>

After four years with a woman you don't love enough to marry, why even bother trying to keep it going? There's nothing holding you together, so just leave when you want. I just hope the two of you don't have any kids. Good luck.

 

[hungrypete]

<< I just hope the two of you don't have any kids. Good luck. >>


OK maybe this will make it clearer. We moved in together at 17. We are both 21 now. Thanks for being so eager to pass judgement on my ability to raise a child. Once again, thanks to the rest for your opinions.

 

[dOrKuS]

forgiveness will come with time, she will never forget. the occassional deragatory comment she may make when bringing it up is well worth her forgiveness.

 

[aimn]

Us guys would think its no big deal. But......you violated her trust. There is a big problem with that. Once you violate someones trust,you will never, ever, ever get the trust back to the same level. Argue all you want, it just isnt going to happen. As for your relationship, only one person knows if it is going to work out or not.

 

[hungrypete]

i have gone over everything in my mind a thousand times, I'm just fishing for excuses to help myself justify whatever course of action I decide to take. I'm going to milk it for now, until I'm no longer angry and can make a logical decision. Maybe my problem is attempting to include logic in my relationships

 

[Stark]

You moved in when you were 17? Where do you live, the Ozarks?

Anyways, you've been together four years and it sounds like you're both still very immature. If you're not ready to move to the next step (the big M word), get out now.

And if you did have kids, aren't married, and your GF is kissing other guys, one way or another, your kids would be screwed. I was thinking about them, not you. Someday maybe you can do the same.

 

[Red Dawn]

Well Bud, that's a cross you'll have to bear for a while and it's not necessarily a bad thing. It will remind you what you have to lose if you stray again.



<< Thanks for being so eager to pass judgement on my ability to raise a child >>

Ah ignore them. This place is full of Dickheads who think their sh!t doesn't stink.

 

[Muadib]

I hate to say it dude, but you brought it on yourself. It sounds like you spend 99.5 percent of your free time on the PC, and the rest with her. Be thankful that a kiss is all you have to worry about. Then again, maybe this is what you wanted all along. Now you can kick her to the curb, and it will be her fault......

 

[luckiestone]

You have been together long enough to have the seven (in this case four year itch). Since you didn't marry the girl (good call) she still thinks that there are greener pastures. SO YOU have to be the adult here. No one knows except you what you feel like when you are around your lady friend. If you want to continue then just find a way to continue. If you can't get over the lack of trust then you should either seek counseling or move on. In matters of the heart statistically coin flips are better predictors of outcomes.

 

[hungrypete]

thanks guys. and stark, why the h*ll would I want to get married at 21? That's suicide. I want to PLAN my children, not run off and get married, and start collecting food stamps. Kids are at least 4 years away. I have to put myself through college, my parents cannot afford to, so I have a full time job and part time school. And YES I DO LIVE IN THE OZARKS. It is beautiful country. I don't see the relationship between moving out on my own at 17 and living in the Ozarks. Maybe you could enlighten me? I know it's good we don't have children now, but I really don't think this would have happened if we did.