Samuel Adams, fearful that he was being watched by the Tool Lobby, secretly wrote his friend John Pitts on January 21, 1776, "How strangely will the Tools of a Tyrant pervert the plain Meaning of Words!"
Of course, what Samuel meant was that King George- an avid amateur carpenter- couldn't hear the colonist's demands over the whine of his saws and drills, which resulted in the Revolutionary War
The tool that started it all- a .50 (1/2") high speed full auto assault drill. It is a model 7254 Type 2 manufactured by the famous International Death Merchant .This drill is an industrial accident waiting to happen. There is no need for a tool like this to be available to the average homeowner, yet you can go down to almost any hardware store in any town and purchase one. What's worse, is that you could send your ten year old daughter to buy it for you, and she could walk home with it that same day. Why? Because there are no age limits and no waiting periods for assault drills. Originally developed for military use, these drills are now available to the public without permits of any kind; their ownership is not regulated by any agency of the Federal Government; their ownership is not regulated by any State Agency. Worse, there are hundreds of thousands of these "tools" in homes across America- probably in your own home! Note in the above illustration that these drills contained features only found in military hardware- large calibers, pistol grips, locks for constant, high-speed drilling, and drill bits capable of drilling through tank armour. Yet, with all these features, they can easily be plugged into a standard wall outlet and operated by a child of two
Worse than the deadly assault drill is the unspeakable horror of Sawzall Electric Saw. This industrial monster not only has NO child safety features to prevent young hands from starting it, but it also has a giant blade with sharp teeth FULLY EXPOSED WITH NO GUARDS OF ANY KIND!
When we at M.I.L.T. saw one of these monsters, all we could do was murmur to each other that, if we had set out to design a tool for the sole purpose of maiming children, this is what it would look like. A ten amp motor and over three thousand strokes per minute-My God, what are these people thinking? Who needs that kind of cutting power? Can you imagine how quickly the delicate wrists or neck of your toddler would surrender to this reciprocating Blade of Death? Of course, greedy hardware merchants are only interested in getting rich- we easily spent our entire July budget sending neighborhood children in the store to purchase these menaces- NO QUESTIONS ASKED. the pic they refer to
So, I must say that my search for laughs was quite succesful.Undercover M.I.L.T. shoppers have discovered a new threat to children in stores all over America. Sometimes, we wonder if the manufacturers of these things don't hate children. In this instance, they've apparently focused on the worst aspects of power tools, and combined them in a small, portable, child sized package! We know what you are thinking- we were stunned ourselves. Why on earth would they purposely make a bad thing worse? But that's what Dremel has done. Instead of limiting its range of destruction, they made it cordless. Now a child is free to roam anywhere with a deadly power tool- home, car, school, church, it doesn't matter to Dremel! High-capacity rechargeable removable batteries- the same technology used in the military- are sold to an unsuspecting public in these tools. What's worse, though, is their childlike size and weight attract preschoolers and toddlers like flies to spilled Kool-Aid. There is a collection of deadly drill bits, routing blades, grinders, and sanding devices that would make Torquemada squeal with delight. The 10,000 r.p.m. motor (that's 166 rotations every second -much too fast for any lawful purpose) can be "locked on" which is, of course, Dremel's playful euphemism for "full-auto." Nine ounces. Full auto. Giggling Inquisitors. And you child could buy one today, no questions asked. Funny picture
Samuel Adams, fearful that he was being watched by the Tool Lobby, secretly wrote his friend John Pitts on January 21, 1776, "How strangely will the Tools of a Tyrant pervert the plain Meaning of Words!"
Of course, what Samuel meant was that King George- an avid amateur carpenter- couldn't hear the colonist's demands over the whine of his saws and drills, which resulted in the Revolutionary War
The tool that started it all- a .50 (1/2") high speed full auto assault drill. It is a model 7254 Type 2 manufactured by the famous International Death Merchant .This drill is an industrial accident waiting to happen. There is no need for a tool like this to be available to the average homeowner, yet you can go down to almost any hardware store in any town and purchase one. What's worse, is that you could send your ten year old daughter to buy it for you, and she could walk home with it that same day. Why? Because there are no age limits and no waiting periods for assault drills. Originally developed for military use, these drills are now available to the public without permits of any kind; their ownership is not regulated by any agency of the Federal Government; their ownership is not regulated by any State Agency. Worse, there are hundreds of thousands of these "tools" in homes across America- probably in your own home! Note in the above illustration that these drills contained features only found in military hardware- large calibers, pistol grips, locks for constant, high-speed drilling, and drill bits capable of drilling through tank armour. Yet, with all these features, they can easily be plugged into a standard wall outlet and operated by a child of two
Worse than the deadly assault drill is the unspeakable horror of Sawzall Electric Saw. This industrial monster not only has NO child safety features to prevent young hands from starting it, but it also has a giant blade with sharp teeth FULLY EXPOSED WITH NO GUARDS OF ANY KIND!
When we at M.I.L.T. saw one of these monsters, all we could do was murmur to each other that, if we had set out to design a tool for the sole purpose of maiming children, this is what it would look like. A ten amp motor and over three thousand strokes per minute-My God, what are these people thinking? Who needs that kind of cutting power? Can you imagine how quickly the delicate wrists or neck of your toddler would surrender to this reciprocating Blade of Death? Of course, greedy hardware merchants are only interested in getting rich- we easily spent our entire July budget sending neighborhood children in the store to purchase these menaces- NO QUESTIONS ASKED. the pic they refer to
So, I must say that my search for laughs was quite succesful.Undercover M.I.L.T. shoppers have discovered a new threat to children in stores all over America. Sometimes, we wonder if the manufacturers of these things don't hate children. In this instance, they've apparently focused on the worst aspects of power tools, and combined them in a small, portable, child sized package! We know what you are thinking- we were stunned ourselves. Why on earth would they purposely make a bad thing worse? But that's what Dremel has done. Instead of limiting its range of destruction, they made it cordless. Now a child is free to roam anywhere with a deadly power tool- home, car, school, church, it doesn't matter to Dremel! High-capacity rechargeable removable batteries- the same technology used in the military- are sold to an unsuspecting public in these tools. What's worse, though, is their childlike size and weight attract preschoolers and toddlers like flies to spilled Kool-Aid. There is a collection of deadly drill bits, routing blades, grinders, and sanding devices that would make Torquemada squeal with delight. The 10,000 r.p.m. motor (that's 166 rotations every second -much too fast for any lawful purpose) can be "locked on" which is, of course, Dremel's playful euphemism for "full-auto." Nine ounces. Full auto. Giggling Inquisitors. And you child could buy one today, no questions asked. Funny picture
Originally posted by: Bryophyte
Large vibrating objects keep millions of mothers happy every day...
Originally posted by: Jfrag
Originally posted by: Bryophyte
Large vibrating objects keep millions of mothers happy every day...
And happy mothers = happy daddies.
Originally posted by: Bryophyte
Large vibrating objects keep millions of mothers happy every day...
It is a parody. Go to the "last page" link on the left.Originally posted by: Bryophyte
You mean the site isn't a parody? Looked like it to me.
And the corallary: "If daddy ain't happy, ain't nobody cares."Originally posted by: Bryophyte
If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happyOriginally posted by: Jfrag
And happy mothers = happy daddies.Originally posted by: Bryophyte
Large vibrating objects keep millions of mothers happy every day...