So there's me an Amy, and we're all
inseparable, right? Just big time in
love. And then about four months in,
I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Dumb
move, I know, but you know how it is -
you don't really want to know, but you
just have to... stupid guy bullsh__.
Anyway she starts telling me all about
him - how they dated for years, lived
together, her mother likes me better,
blah, blah, blah - and I'm okay. But
then she tells me that a couple times,
he brought other people to bed with
them - menage a tois, I believe it's
called. Now this just blows my mind.
I mean, I'm not used to that sort of
thing, right? I was raised Catholic.
So I get weirded out, and just start
blasting her, right? This is the only
way I can deal with it - by calling
her a slut, and telling her that she
was used - I mean, I'm out for blood I
want to hurt her - because I don't
know how to deal with what I'm
feeling. And I'm like "What the f___
is wrong with you?" and she's telling
me that it was that time, in that
place, and she didn't do anything
wrong, so she's not gonna apologize.
So I tell her it's over, and I walk.
No, idiot. It was a mistake. I
wasn't disgusted with her, I was
afraid. At that moment, I felt small -
like I'd lacked experience, like I'd
never be on her level or never be
enough for her or something.
And what I didn't get was that she
didn't care. She wasn't looking for
that guy anymore. She was looking for
me. But by the time I realized this,
it was too late, you know. She'd
moved on, and all I had to show for it
was some foolish pride, which then
gave way to regret. She was the girl,
I know that now. But I pushed her away...
So I've spent every day since then
chasing Amy...So to speak.