My aunt moves my grandma for better care and ends up killing her

[highland145]

Where are you from Mag?

 

[GasX]

It just escalated quickly when she got moved.

That type of thing is very common. For those at the end of life, there is often a cliff that some seminal event (like a fall) will send them over it into a rapid decline. I would not be surprised if this was inevitable after a fall, especially if the hip fractured.

edit: and regardless of circumstances, my condolences.

 

[Sho'Nuff]

So grandma just kicked off this mortal coil. Don't worry she was old as hell and had dementia/lots of stuff wrong so her dying is fine.

Back to the bitch of an aunt. Grandma was living in one place and it was OK not great but OK. She fell and my aunt decided she "dying" and moved her to an assisted living facility and convinced a doctor she needed to be on hospice mainly to get medicaid to pay. So they put her on bed rest and pumped her full of liquid morphine.

Once again I'm not sad she died it would have been cruel to force her to stay alive but moving her sure did speed things along and there wasn't any need for it.

I'm sorry for your loss. There may be a number of factors involved that you might not understand. You might want to ask your aunt about them, as she most likely was not interested in speeding your grandmothers death. There are a lot of elder care decisions that are not clear. And sometimes the best intentions have unfortunate results. That is part of the burden of caring for an elderly person.

 

[rockyct]

If she fell at home, she absolutely needed to go to an assisted living home. It took a year of convincing my grandparents to moving into an assisted living place after my Grandpa started falling. My Grandma was there and could get a neighbor to help him up as she couldn't help him up herself. He passed away six months after they finally moved to an assisted living place but the damage had already been done by that point. My Grandma, in her early to mid-stages of dementia, had basically starved both of them by not eating enough and he was down to about 110# and her 90#. They got meals on wheels a few days a week but refused to get more and they would split a lunch. My Grandma is still alive and gained about 10# since going into the assisted living home. Before my Grandpa passed, he admitted they shouldn't have been so stubborn and were glad they had moved there.

They wouldn't have put her into hospice unless she was had six months or less left to live. It is bed rest basically because there is no recovery. If there is a chance of recovery, there are nursing facilities instead.

 

[Remobz]

My grandma on my mother sides (last surviving grandparent on both sides) is 95 years old and in GOOD physical shape. Some dementia but nothing too serious.

 

[Sonikku]

I hope when I'm in bad shape and near the end my caregivers speed up the obviously inevitable end a little by pumping me with morphine. Dragging out a prolonged, painful death has to be one of the most miserable things imaginable.

 

[Kadarin]

I hope when I'm in bad shape and near the end my caregivers speed up the obviously inevitable end a little by pumping me with morphine. Dragging out a prolonged, painful death has to be one of the most miserable things imaginable.

I agree.

 

[ahenkel]

I agree.

Totally agree if I'm in bad shape.

 

[Rebel44]

My condolences to the OP and his family.

I hope when I'm in bad shape and near the end my caregivers speed up the obviously inevitable end a little by pumping me with morphine. Dragging out a prolonged, painful death has to be one of the most miserable things imaginable.

I agree.

 

[skimple]

I'm very sorry for your loss. But I do agree with Magnus that ultimately it was one of her doctors that made the decision to admit her to hospice, no matter much your aunt may or may not have wanted it.

It may be hard to understand, but visitors who pop-in a few times a week may not be seeing the whole picture. They don't know what is a happening through the night, they don't know how the vital signs may be changing, they don't know how the medications are working or not working and if the dosage has changed.

I know quite a few nurses and none of them "like" to assist people in dying. However, when the inevitable is coming, those nurses are very businesslike and professional. It may seem cold and uncaring to an outsider.

 

[Vdubchaos]

Sorry for your loss and to hear another story of American household neglecting and abusing their elders.

Very common

 

[richardycc]

This is the standard end of life care in the US and possibly everywhere...when the doc start to give a sick person morphine and gradually increase the dosage, you know it is pretty much the end is near.

 

[SunburstLP]

I'm very sorry for your loss. Cherish all the good times you shared.

 

[ahenkel]

I'm very sorry for your loss. But I do agree with Magnus that ultimately it was one of her doctors that made the decision to admit her to hospice, no matter much your aunt may or may not have wanted it.

It may be hard to understand, but visitors who pop-in a few times a week may not be seeing the whole picture. They don't know what is a happening through the night, they don't know how the vital signs may be changing, they don't know how the medications are working or not working and if the dosage has changed.

I know quite a few nurses and none of them "like" to assist people in dying. However, when the inevitable is coming, those nurses are very businesslike and professional. It may seem cold and uncaring to an outsider.

It's really not the decision to place her in hospice I had a problem with. It was the move there was no reason other than convenience and ego on my aunt's part. My grandma could have died somewhere she was happy instead she died scared in a place unfamiliar to her with a woman she didn't like or trust.

 

[alzan]

My condolences to the OP and his family.

Op, I can understand your attitude towards the situation but for your sake find a way to get past the distrust for your aunt; it may do harm to other family members who may feel caught in the middle between yourself and your aunt.

 

[alkemyst]

Who were the people who assumed responsibility for Grandma's care? Only the aunt?

This, it's sad when someone goes and Hospice is usually the end of the road for most (being she was put on Morphine means that she was in pain/suffering).

It's easy to point fingers, but at the end of the day paying for another's care is a huge sacrifice; even if you are just managing the process.

 

[ahenkel]

My condolences to the OP and his family.

Op, I can understand your attitude towards the situation but for your sake find a way to get past the distrust for your aunt; it may do harm to other family members who may feel caught in the middle between yourself and your aunt.

There isn't any way I'll get caught in the middle my aunt has ostracized her self out of the family with a long history of meddling.
I feel bad for my uncle because he's a pretty cool guy.

 

[alkemyst]

There isn't any way I'll get caught in the middle my aunt has ostracized her self out of the family with a long history of meddling.
I feel bad for my uncle because he's a pretty cool guy.

Why didn't anyone else take on the role of caregiver?

 

[OutHouse]

My grandmother entrusted power of attorney and her medical directives to her eldest son who she trusted. She did not ever like or trust my aunt.

so how did your aunt move your grandmother? the PoA was in her sons name not her daughter-in-law. sounds like your uncle wanted nothing to do with his mothers care.

 

[TeeJay1952]

OP You didn't take her in. When she went to new spot you stood on sidelines and bitched.
Life is about choices. You made yours.
I buried my wife 2 years ago and she had hospice care (I am very grateful that they helped me through a difficult time.) End of life is a terrible but goes around. Everyone will not be satisfied.