My brother caught his wife! Update...

[huey1124]

Originally posted by: Electric Amish

Originally posted by: isekii

Originally posted by: Electric Amish

Originally posted by: isekii

Originally posted by: Electric Amish

Originally posted by: ATLien247

Originally posted by: Electric Amish

I've fought this battle many times around here.

There is a differnce between love and sex. They are not mutually inclusive.

Because of this, your comment isn't a low blow because I don't care what she did or with whom she did it with. The same way that she doesn't care that I boned another woman.

amish

There's no battle to be fought. We all know that your relationship with your wife is not considered normal. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing is not for me to judge. If you're both truly happy with the situation, then I applaud you for being so open with one another. Personally, I could not even fathom being in your shoes.

All I can say is that you are missing out...

It feels sooooo good to let all the trivial sh!t this go.

I just feel bad that nobody else can see my point and enjoy this freedom. I'm not saying that just because you believe it you should act on it every chance you get. I'm just saying that if you accept it from the beginning you don't have to expend the energy worrying or pondering about the "If's".

amish

what's the point of you being married ? ? why not just get a casual live in gf ??
wouldn't that be much better for you ? ?

no divorce to worry about ~
nothing to lose~ if she trys something kick her out~

The point?

Love and spending your life with your soulmate.

amish

I dont know about everyone else.. but I see why you would stay married~
If you're out to bone other people and she doesn't give a rat about it~
You can live with the person and not be married.. your so called "soulmate"

I guess you missed the whole meaning of "marriage" when you did get married~

LOVE ? I find it kinda ironic in your response looking at your previous responses~

First of all, we're not out to bone other people, but it has happened. The beauty is that it doesn't matter. Sex with other people is physical pleasure. Sex between us is a physically, spiritually, and emothionally fulfilling action.

Yes, we could live together without being married, but when you find each other at 19, you kindof go along with what your parents want.

Love? Yes love. True and boundless love. This is the way this arguement always goes around here. 'Round and around. I'm sorry for those that cannot experience this for themselves.

amish

not to take anything away from your marriage, but i think sex with other people possibly can lead to something more than just physical pleasure. you have to take into consideration other people's emotional and mental maturity. although you're sure your wife is able to handle her flings, what if her partners cannot? she could be flirting with disaster, and possibly jeopardizing her own marriage. and don't be so sure of your wife's maturity level either. she could always run off with someone else one day. (and this goes same for you as well)

 

[BatmanNate]

Originally posted by: Isla

Originally posted by: BatmanNate

Originally posted by: Isla

Originally posted by: ATLien247

Originally posted by: Isla

Glad you are so sure of yourself. I don't see the world in black and white... I see many shades of gray. So even if YOU think my point is 'invalid', that's just your opinion--- and neither your opinion nor my opinion amount to 'truth'.

Only in shades of gray? For shame!

Maybe you should get some rose-colored glasses or something...

My only real point in this whole thread is pretty simple. It's not our place to judge here.

Of course I don't think this kind of thing is healthy for a marriage... but I also know NOTHING about these people's marriage... and there may have been something rotten in Denmark LONG before this happened. Stuff doesn't just 'happen'.

So you are saying that because there was previous infidelity or (insert other instances of rottenness in Denmark here) that makes it acceptable?

No.

I am saying that it isn't for us to judge.

What about that don't you understand?

You are evading my question, still. I'm not asking you to judge the person whom originated this conversation. Also, since you seem to neglect the idea of absolutes in any regard, why shouldn't we judge? Why shouldn't I be judged? I'm judged daily at work by the boss, on the road by the law enforcement, on the street for how I walk or what I say or even how I dress. Why shouldn't I be judged? That's not my place to say whether or not all of you people should make personal judgements about the topic of the thread. I'm simply asking your opinion of what would justify "camming" when in a marriage.

 

[Electric Amish]

Originally posted by: Isla

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
I couldn't live in the kind of relationship Amish has,but that doesn't mean he deserves the kind of name calling he's getting here. Why can't these discussions happen within a context of respect for other people's differences ?

Because people want to run around judging/condemning others so they can feel better about themselves. This would be Moonbeam's cue to come in...

As for my previous comments about what MIGHT have gone on in their relationship... the point I was trying to make was that 'people who are without sin should cast the first stone'. And I don't care who thinks what 'sin' is worse, what he did or what she did, blah blah blah.

Exactly!

Just because she's caught this time she's automatically been having crazy monkey sex in some sleazy hotel behind her husband's back.


Geekbabe-I'm sorry you couldn't live in this type of relationship. It really is nice not having to worry about all the trivial "What is she doing behind my back." crap. I guess it's a good thing I found my wife, huh?

amish

 

[SherEPunjab]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: SherEPunjab
Yeah, but when i go to a strip club, the strippers get a lot of enjoyment out of seeing me, so this theory is flawed.

Lol, what they are enjoying seeing is your wallet fool

No, they like the pencil in my pocket.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Electric Amish

Originally posted by: Isla

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
I couldn't live in the kind of relationship Amish has,but that doesn't mean he deserves the kind of name calling he's getting here. Why can't these discussions happen within a context of respect for other people's differences ?

Because people want to run around judging/condemning others so they can feel better about themselves. This would be Moonbeam's cue to come in...

As for my previous comments about what MIGHT have gone on in their relationship... the point I was trying to make was that 'people who are without sin should cast the first stone'. And I don't care who thinks what 'sin' is worse, what he did or what she did, blah blah blah.

Exactly!

Just because she's caught this time she's automatically been having crazy monkey sex in some sleazy hotel behind her husbands back.


Geekbabe-I'm sorry you couldn't live in this type of relationship. It really is nice not having to worry about all the trivial "What is she doing behind my back." crap. I guess it's a good thing I found my wife, huh?

amish

One of the nice things about getting older is that hopefully you get to know yourself.For me sex is only really good when I have feelings for the person I'm sleeping with.I don't give a shiat about dirty magazines and the like
I would be really,really hurt if my husband was investing himself emotionally and sexually in an affair with somebody else though.

 

[Electric Amish]

not to take anything away from your marriage, but i think sex with other people possibly can lead to something more than just physical pleasure. you have to take into consideration other people's emotional and mental maturity. although you're sure your wife is able to handle her flings, what if her partners cannot? she could be flirting with disaster, and possibly jeopardizing her own marriage. and don't be so sure of your wife's maturity level either. she could always run off with someone else one day. (and this goes same for you as well)

Everyone is missing the point! They're too obsessed with this "Having sex with other people" thing.

That is NOT the whole point of the relationship. Neither of us are on the prowl searching for a new conquest. In the 10 years we've been married it's only occured once apiece.

I think the whole thing boils down to having the will to love an trust each other implicitly.

amish

 

[peter584]

Skeez = Divorce

 

[Isla]

Originally posted by: BatmanNate

Originally posted by: Isla

Originally posted by: BatmanNate

Originally posted by: Isla

Originally posted by: ATLien247

Originally posted by: Isla

Glad you are so sure of yourself. I don't see the world in black and white... I see many shades of gray. So even if YOU think my point is 'invalid', that's just your opinion--- and neither your opinion nor my opinion amount to 'truth'.

Only in shades of gray? For shame!

Maybe you should get some rose-colored glasses or something...

My only real point in this whole thread is pretty simple. It's not our place to judge here.

Of course I don't think this kind of thing is healthy for a marriage... but I also know NOTHING about these people's marriage... and there may have been something rotten in Denmark LONG before this happened. Stuff doesn't just 'happen'.

So you are saying that because there was previous infidelity or (insert other instances of rottenness in Denmark here) that makes it acceptable?

No.

I am saying that it isn't for us to judge.

What about that don't you understand?

You are evading my question, still. I'm not asking you to judge the person whom originated this conversation. Also, since you seem to neglect the idea of absolutes in any regard, why shouldn't we judge? Why shouldn't I be judged? I'm judged daily at work by the boss, on the road by the law enforcement, on the street for how I walk or what I say or even how I dress. Why shouldn't I be judged? That's not my place to say whether or not all of you people should make personal judgements about the topic of the thread. I'm simply asking your opinion of what would justify "camming" when in a marriage.

In matters of the heart, compassion keeps me from judging others. And I refuse to speculate about what would 'justify' camming in the relationship. I do know that relationships have ups and downs and that no one is perfect. My guess is that this woman is in a lot of pain and that the relationship has probably been in trouble for a while. Does that 'justify; anything? No, but it sure as hell puts everything into perspective. Unless of course you just want to assume she is some worthless slut who is nothing but pure evil. And maybe you do want to.

Now, this is just my nature (compassionate), and I have a right to it just as much as you have a right to yours (judgemental and interested in 'justification'). It's my opinion, just as you have yours. There is no argument here except for in your mind.

 

[Dragnov]

If she honestly didn't think anything was wrong with it and she wasn't cheating, then why was she hiding it in the first place?

No, I would not trust/forgive her.

 

[bolido2000]

Originally posted by: Isla
What's the difference between her doing that and married guys looking at porn? Or married guys going to strip clubs?

If he doesn't look at porn or go to strip clubs, then he has a right to be upset. But if he gets his jollies checking out other nekkid chicks...

The thing with porn or strips clubs is that usually it ends when you turn off the tv or leave the club. She was probably having a "long-distance" relationship with the other guy, so is not really the same.

 

[SherEPunjab]

Originally posted by: Gr1mL0cK
If she honestly didn't think anything was wrong with it and she wasn't cheating, then why was she hiding it in the first place?

No, I would not trust/forgive her.

There is a difference between doing something wrong and cheating. Big difference. I have friends who smoke but don't tell their wives this. They hide this from them, are they being unfaithful? The guy has two options:

a) he lets this ruin their relationship. i dont' know if they have children or not, or how long they have been together, but he can take this and use it to really screw up the relationship, but, keep it going.
b) he uses this to break the relationship. divorce.
c) he puts her on lockdown (i.e. no internet, etc.) throws the camera out of the house, and slowly starts getting over it, after a firm commitment from her to never do it again.

Those are the choices he has. Is it worth throwing a way a perhaps otherwise good marriage? thats up to him to decide. was the marriage already rocky, and this the last straw? again up to him. But, if it were me, and it was a good marriage, other than this incident, i'd do option C above. It would be foolish in my view to make this the one and final thing that leads to a divorce. A divorce has bad stigma in society, and if theyhave kids it makes it 1000 times worse. he may become depressed/angry, it may affect his business, there are so many factors to this.

 

[b0mbrman]

Originally posted by: Isla
Just don't be hypocrites and hold women to double standards, that's all.

Good for the gander=good for the goose.

Yeah...but she wasn't just looking at porn...

 

[bonk102]

Originally posted by: FallenHero
She was getting her jollies from another guy. She had intent, she knew what she was doing, and she probably knew that her husband would be upset...is it cheating as society knows it? No, but it is a form of it.

i agree, it def. constitutes cheating in my mind

 

[BatmanNate]

Unless of course you just want to assume she is some worthless slut who is nothing but pure evil. And maybe you do want to.

How about jump starting that compassion of yours to curb speculation and judgement towards me, I never said anything in regard to the repute of the woman who this thread was started about.

Your "perspective" is purely speculation anyhow.

 

[Zebo]

There's an old salesmen expression "what blows on the road, stays on the road"

Not sure if this applies to internet and camming?

 

"What's the difference between her doing that and married guys looking at porn? Or married guys going to strip clubs?

If he doesn't look at porn or go to strip clubs, then he has a right to be upset. But if he gets his jollies checking out other nekkid chicks..."

Preach it, Isla. Although they aren't exactly the same events, the point of it is if a man's willing to go see a stripper and thinks it's all right, but then if their wives or gfs consider actually being strippers they get upset. As I said, if any man tries that crap with me, I'll be doing the stripping myself. If it's okay for him to view it and attend the events, it's okay for me to be an actual stripper. Hypocrisy just turns me off. Luckily though, I know better than to waste my time with that kind of guy. And I know where to find the type of guy that's seen too much of that, so it doesn't become his source of fascination and desire. He'll look to me to find that one.

So, keep preaching it, sis!

 

[BatmanNate]

Originally posted by: luvly
"What's the difference between her doing that and married guys looking at porn? Or married guys going to strip clubs?

If he doesn't look at porn or go to strip clubs, then he has a right to be upset. But if he gets his jollies checking out other nekkid chicks..."

Preach it, Isla. Although they aren't exactly the same events, the point of it is if a man's willing to go see a stripper and thinks it's all right, but then if their wives or gfs consider actually being strippers they get upset. As I said, if any man tries that crap with me, I'll be doing the stripping myself. If it's okay for him to view it and attend the events, it's okay for me to be an actual stripper. Hypocrisy just turns me off. Luckily though, I know better than to waste my time with that kind of guy. And I know where to find the type of guy that's seen too much of that, so it doesn't become his source of fascination and desire. He'll look to me to find that one.

So, keep preaching it, sis!

This is what I'm talking about when I say 'Battle of the Sexes'. I'm a man and I don't go to strip clubs. That has nothing to do with the original topic, so saying that this is a double standard implies that it's acceptable for married men to frequent strip joints. In my experience, this is not the case. Most married guys I know would get a beating for go to a strip joint, if they even wanted to. My thought is why bother when you can get it for free at home? Grow up.

 

[Isla]

Originally posted by: BatmanNate

Originally posted by: luvly
"What's the difference between her doing that and married guys looking at porn? Or married guys going to strip clubs?

If he doesn't look at porn or go to strip clubs, then he has a right to be upset. But if he gets his jollies checking out other nekkid chicks..."

Preach it, Isla. Although they aren't exactly the same events, the point of it is if a man's willing to go see a stripper and thinks it's all right, but then if their wives or gfs consider actually being strippers they get upset. As I said, if any man tries that crap with me, I'll be doing the stripping myself. If it's okay for him to view it and attend the events, it's okay for me to be an actual stripper. Hypocrisy just turns me off. Luckily though, I know better than to waste my time with that kind of guy. And I know where to find the type of guy that's seen too much of that, so it doesn't become his source of fascination and desire. He'll look to me to find that one.

So, keep preaching it, sis!

This is what I'm talking about when I say 'Battle of the Sexes'. I'm a man and I don't go to strip clubs. That has nothing to do with the original topic, so saying that this is a double standard implies that it's acceptable for married men to frequent strip joints. In my experience, this is not the case. Most married guys I know would get a beating for go to a strip joint, if they even wanted to. My thought is why bother when you can get it for free at home? Grow up.

You're right, Batman. And I wasn't being clear in my first couple of posts, which has a lot to do with the fact that I have a raging headcold right now. Yes, occasionally I post something muddled and don't get across my meaning successfully. I tried to explain to you that my point was meant to be about not being judgemental or hypocritical and not about a battle of the sexes, but like a pitbull you wouldn't let go of the thing that irritated you in the first place. And it sure does seem to be a sore point for you.

 

[JeffreyLebowski]

Originally posted by: Isla
What's the difference between her doing that and married guys looking at porn? Or married guys going to strip clubs?

If he doesn't look at porn or go to strip clubs, then he has a right to be upset. But if he gets his jollies checking out other nekkid chicks...

But those don't bring you to climax. The girl was letting some otherman watch her rub one out. That is different than rubbing one out to porn.

 

[Isla]

Originally posted by: JeffreyLebowski

Originally posted by: Isla
What's the difference between her doing that and married guys looking at porn? Or married guys going to strip clubs?

If he doesn't look at porn or go to strip clubs, then he has a right to be upset. But if he gets his jollies checking out other nekkid chicks...

But those don't bring you to climax. The girl was letting some otherman watch her rub one out. That is different than rubbing one out to porn.

Sigh.

That was not my point. I am sorry that my first couple of posts misled people to believe that was my point. I don't really care about tit for tat. I don't care about what might or might not justify such behavior. I care about people not judging other people because we are all capable of making mistakes.

That is all.

 

[her209]

It could be her daytime job.

 

[BatmanNate]

Originally posted by: Isla

Originally posted by: BatmanNate

Originally posted by: luvly
"What's the difference between her doing that and married guys looking at porn? Or married guys going to strip clubs?

If he doesn't look at porn or go to strip clubs, then he has a right to be upset. But if he gets his jollies checking out other nekkid chicks..."

Preach it, Isla. Although they aren't exactly the same events, the point of it is if a man's willing to go see a stripper and thinks it's all right, but then if their wives or gfs consider actually being strippers they get upset. As I said, if any man tries that crap with me, I'll be doing the stripping myself. If it's okay for him to view it and attend the events, it's okay for me to be an actual stripper. Hypocrisy just turns me off. Luckily though, I know better than to waste my time with that kind of guy. And I know where to find the type of guy that's seen too much of that, so it doesn't become his source of fascination and desire. He'll look to me to find that one.

So, keep preaching it, sis!

This is what I'm talking about when I say 'Battle of the Sexes'. I'm a man and I don't go to strip clubs. That has nothing to do with the original topic, so saying that this is a double standard implies that it's acceptable for married men to frequent strip joints. In my experience, this is not the case. Most married guys I know would get a beating for go to a strip joint, if they even wanted to. My thought is why bother when you can get it for free at home? Grow up.

You're right, Batman. And I wasn't being clear in my first couple of posts, which has a lot to do with the fact that I have a raging headcold right now. Yes, occasionally I post something muddled and don't get across my meaning successfully. I tried to explain to you that my point was meant to be about not being judgemental or hypocritical and not about a battle of the sexes, but like a pitbull you wouldn't let go of the thing that irritated you in the first place. And it sure does seem to be a sore point for you.

Pitbull, huh? I don't claim to be the compassionate one in the first place, so it's alright.

 

[gopunk]

are there kids involved?

 

[ChefJoe]

Lockdown the computer is the stupidest idea I've heard. She's not a 5 year old, taking the computer away doesn't solve the fact that she wants to do this. Hell, you're taking the computer away like it's the husband's posession, it's a joint property.

That being said, i'd have some serious problems if I caught my (imaginary) wife doing this. Sure, nothing as far as actually having sex with another, but this is half a step away from it. It's your brother's call, but he really needs to evaluate her motives for doing this and if he can be with her without being suspicous of what she's doing. The harm isn't so much in the act, it's in how your trust crumbles.

 

[Tarmouth]

My wife would never dream of doing this ! Ask your brother if he'd like to trade wives lol