My brother caught his wife! Update...

[MrCodeDude]

In the butt, out the door :Q
-- mrcodedude

 

[Lady In Red]

Maybe if he had done his "homework" and fullfilled her needs she would not have had to get in front of a cam??

 

[Angrymarshmello]

I wouldn't consider it cheating but that's pretty lame none the less

 

"The 'bad' part comes with the fact that she was doing it and trying to hide it. She isn't trustworthy."

But, but . . . couldn't one argue that ultimately it isn't trust issue, at least not on her part, for it was fear of the significant other being closed to the idea in the first place? Had he been willing to hear such, she would have nothing to hide. And hiding something really isn't synonymous with lying, as she may not have been asked before she was caught. Maybe if she was asked before she was caught, she would be truthful.

"As usual, GeekBabe hit the nail right on the head...

Skin mags personally are boring to me, I need more of a story to get involved. That is why most p0rn is such comedy, the plots are absurd. That being said, if you want the good p0rn, you need to find the stuff made for couples/women, it tends to have far better production values and storylines than the generic stuff."

Grasshopper, porn on a magazine isn't much of my issue as is strip clubbing. And I would assume that he would have no problem if I did either of these jobs; stripping especially. Intent is usually what comes to play. For instance, someone could read porn mags, watch strips and porn for informative reasons or with indifference. On the other hand, someone else could do the same thing but for his personal pleasure and excluding his significant other.

 

[Chadder007]

Originally posted by: hollowman

Originally posted by: Kiyup

Originally posted by: RishiS
She was camping?

WTH is camming?

Cybering with a webcam.

is that a big deal?

EDIT: well... if she was naked, then i guess it IS a big deal.

Yeah, if webcaming naked....yeah dump the ho. If she was like cybering with someone over webcam ....h377 yeah I would consider that cheating.

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: luvly

Grasshopper, porn on a magazine isn't much of my issue as is strip clubbing. And I would assume that he would have no problem if I did either of these jobs; stripping especially. Intent is usually what comes to play. For instance, someone could read porn mags, watch strips and porn for informative reasons or with indifference. On the other hand, someone else could do the same thing but for his personal pleasure and excluding his significant other.

Strip clubs serve no useful purpose...

For the money you can spend there, you might as well pay someone to sleep with you...

They are huge cash machines however, I'm quite sure the people who run them make a lot of money.

Grasshopper

 

[Hayabusa Rider]

As has been pointed out its between him and her. If HE has a problem, then there is a problem, because THEY have a problem. I have no idea what the relationship is like, but whatever it is isn't what it appeared to be on the surface. If he cares for her, and this is a problem, then counselling is in order. Having a neutral third party can be a big help. No marrage is perfect, because the people who make them up are not. If they come to grips with what lies underneath, then can both be better off as long as they dont have the dispo marriage attitude.

 

[Gonad the Barbarian]

If another person and an orgasm are involved, the line between just wrong and cheating is crossed. Forgiveness is up to him, but he should never forget.

 

[CaesarX]

After thinking this through, with all honestly, if i were in his shoes, i'd be filing for divorce right about now. Some valid points against this have been brought up in this thread, but nevertheless, i know i would never be able to trust my wife again after something like this. The person on the other end of that cam isn't some random stranger - he is someone she has surely known for what may very well be a very long time. She has spoken to him countless times, laughed at his jokes, and allowed him to see her naked. And without a doubt, all this, down to this man's very existance, has been kept secret from her husband. There is no easy way out of this. Taking away her computer won't change a thing. It's like taking away a stash of porn magazines from a teenage boy - the object of affection is gone, but the need for a replacement hasn't disappeared - it grew even stronger than it was before. So my advise to your brother be to leave this woman. As nightmarishly hard as that may sound, it seems to be the only logical solution.

 

[iamme]

Maybe the husband needs to set up a PC w/ webcam on their home LAN, and they can get their freak on together. Or maybe together with other people. She can satisfy her obivious voyeuristic desires this way.

 

[tm37]

Some people obviously have never been in a serious realtionship that both parties were equal. There is no way you can PUNISH your spouse and usually when a breach of trust occurres both parties are partially to blame. We have no idea what was goning on in this relationship and evidently neither did the husband. WOuld I be upset If me wife did this? Yes I would but the most important thing would be figuring out what I could give her that prevent this from happing in the future. While I beleive there are many black and white issues in this world when it comes to matters of the heart and there is someone you truely love involved there normally are HUGE SHADES OF GREY.

I have never cheated on my wife and to the best of my knowledge she hasn't on me. I would like to beleive that if there was a lapse in trust I could overcome it but I don't know If I could. It does not matter if he has cheated in the past and they have gotten over it. HE needs to find out what she feels he is missing that causes her to look elsewhere for gratification. If he is unable to fill that need and is uncomfortable with her cybering he needs to leave.

 

[Tripleshot]

This was wrong, plain and simple. it was a morally repugnant gesture on her part and any statement like "we aren't having body contact so it's not a problem" just is so outrageously ignorant,I can't see any hope for trust in this relationship ever again. A marriage without trust is just shacking up. That act she performed in front of a webcam------do you think it would be acceptable in heaven? If it isn't, I would submit this marriage should end, because it is no longer bound by heavenly law.

Does anyone ever remember "Love, Honor, and Obey--until death do you part" in their marriage vows?How could this escape this women? It doesn't matter what her motives are, what drove her to do it,or anything. It is obvious the husband is upset and this behavior was not mutually acceptable in the marriage. It was done in secret. When men and women keep secrets of this magnitude, then the marriage is in deep, deep trouble.

What tells me this? I have been around a long time, and grew up in the "free love" generation. That was a freaking myth, folks. A price will always be paid for deviant behaviour in a marrage. The price for this should be D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

Sad. I feel sorry for both of them, and worse for his brother and best friend. Now they are burdoned with this knowledge and must act accordingly. The rest of us here won't have to deal with it at all. It will be a post in a thread and forgoten in a few hours or days. Sure does make you re-assess your values though, huh?

Unless you are satisfied with your values already. Amish is his and so is Isla. That is fine. As long as there is no mystery with the spouses and there is mutual trust and honor and love, IMHO.

 

[sandorski]

Originally posted by: Gr1mL0cK

Originally posted by: sandorski

Originally posted by: Electric Amish

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
her computer has to go ! maybe a few sessions with a counselor would be in order?

How is this any different from a man whacking it to a skin mag or a porno??

amish

Yup, pretty much the same.

Exactly how? Do you masturbate in front of people? You must be the roomate that got caught.

That's just the point, you are not in front of another person, you are in front of a picture. As long as the encounter remains anonymous(re: no personal contact is made), there is no difference between a pic of Cindy Crawford or some anonymous(note that even if names are known, anonymity is still maintained) guy over the Internet.

That said, I too would be somewhat upset in this situation. My personal feeling involved with porn and even secret masturbation within a relationship is that if you have to hide it from your partner, then it's wrong. She may have a sexual problem, be bored, or unhappy with her husband, I don't know. This is a situation that definitely needs to be discussed and may require both partners to change in order to save the relationship.

 

[sandorski]

Originally posted by: wje
Has anyone contacted Jerry Springer? I don't mean to sound insensitive, but your brother has two choices:

1) Dump her because if his trust was broken, it will be hard to regain.

2) Accept what he witnessed. See if his wife will agree to some joint counseling. Obviously something was missing from their relationship which prompted her to hit the 'Net with the Web cam.

Jerry! Jerry!! Jerry!!!

 

[Tripleshot]

""""This is a situation that definitely needs to be discussed and may require both partners to change in order to save the relationship.""""""

Uh, why save it? What's to save? Is this the kind of woman you would want to be the mother of your children?


Not this prude ol' cowboy, no sir. She doesn't measure up. She is one step from being a whore. A whore gives it away. She was giving it away without physical contact only. If you lust in your heart, you are guilty of the same sin as commiting the act.

Not my rules, Gods' rules.

 

[Hayabusa Rider]

Originally posted by: Tripleshot
This was wrong, plain and simple. it was a morally repugnant gesture on her part and any statement like "we aren't having body contact so it's not a problem" just is so outrageously ignorant,I can't see any hope for trust in this relationship ever again. A marriage without trust is just shacking up. That act she performed in front of a webcam------do you think it would be acceptable in heaven? If it isn't, I would submit this marriage should end, because it is no longer bound by heavenly law. Does anyone ever remember "Love, Honor, and Obey--until death do you part" in their marriage vows?How could this escape this women? It doesn't matter what her motives are, what drove her to do it,or anything. It is obvious the husband is upset and this behavior was not mutually acceptable in the marriage. It was done in secret. When men and women keep secrets of this magnitude, then the marriage is in deep, deep trouble. What tells me this? I have been around a long time, and grew up in the "free love" generation. That was a freaking myth, folks. A price will always be paid for deviant behaviour in a marrage. The price for this should be D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Sad. I feel sorry for both of them, and worse for his brother and best friend. Now they are burdoned with this knowledge and must act accordingly. The rest of us here won't have to deal with it at all. It will be a post in a thread and forgoten in a few hours or days. Sure does make you re-assess your values though, huh? Unless you are satisfied with your values already. Amish is his and so is Isla. That is fine. As long as there is no mystery with the spouses and there is mutual trust and honor and love, IMHO.

I agree that this was wrong, but I could not say there SHOULD be a divorce How can someone mandate an end to a relationship who is not in it? Also, you refer to a heavenly relationship. There is also the concept of repentence and forgiveness. If they should opt for reconciliation and make a genuine effort, who are we to say they cannot or should not try? God forbid that I should ever get what I deserve. I have screwed up many things over my lifetime, but when I was given a chance to make amends, I was glad for the opportunity, and the people who gave me a second chance were not disappointed.

 

[iamme]

Seems like some of you guys are taking things way too extreme. Sure it's easy to say "divorce 'em" on the internet, but what if this was really you? People make mistakes, jeez.

Get off your high horses, people.

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: Tripleshot

Uh, why save it? What's to save? Is this the kind of woman you would want to be the mother of your children?

Not my rules, Gods' rules.

My response would be, "everyone makes mistakes, even really big huge major serious ones"

Everyone is entitled to really screw up once. If that happened with us, I know I wouldn't be looking for a divorce, I'd be looking for therpy.

If she was willing to work out it and talk it over and come clean, I know I could find it in my heart to forgive her. Wouldn't be easy of course, I'd be mad, angry, etc...

Grasshopper <-- I'm not perfect either

 

[deerslayer]

I wouldn't be happy at all if I were married and caught my wife "camming", but this isn't my marriage nor my decision to make.

Divorce seems a bit drastic, but is camming all she's doing, and who says it will stop there?

 

[erikistired]

Originally posted by: slycat
looking at porn is one thing...camming with another dude is a WHOLE different issue
and i'm sorry but its time for some fisting...

how did you get to be a golden member? you couldn't possibly have dsl/cable in the trailer park. geez.

 

[Tripleshot]

Originally posted by: Hayabusarider

Originally posted by: Tripleshot
This was wrong, plain and simple. it was a morally repugnant gesture on her part and any statement like "we aren't having body contact so it's not a problem" just is so outrageously ignorant,I can't see any hope for trust in this relationship ever again. A marriage without trust is just shacking up. That act she performed in front of a webcam------do you think it would be acceptable in heaven? If it isn't, I would submit this marriage should end, because it is no longer bound by heavenly law. Does anyone ever remember "Love, Honor, and Obey--until death do you part" in their marriage vows?How could this escape this women? It doesn't matter what her motives are, what drove her to do it,or anything. It is obvious the husband is upset and this behavior was not mutually acceptable in the marriage. It was done in secret. When men and women keep secrets of this magnitude, then the marriage is in deep, deep trouble. What tells me this? I have been around a long time, and grew up in the "free love" generation. That was a freaking myth, folks. A price will always be paid for deviant behaviour in a marrage. The price for this should be D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Sad. I feel sorry for both of them, and worse for his brother and best friend. Now they are burdoned with this knowledge and must act accordingly. The rest of us here won't have to deal with it at all. It will be a post in a thread and forgoten in a few hours or days. Sure does make you re-assess your values though, huh? Unless you are satisfied with your values already. Amish is his and so is Isla. That is fine. As long as there is no mystery with the spouses and there is mutual trust and honor and love, IMHO.

I agree that this was wrong, but I could not say there SHOULD be a divorce How can someone mandate an end to a relationship who is not in it? Also, you refer to a heavenly relationship. There is also the concept of repentence and forgiveness. If they should opt for reconciliation and make a genuine effort, who are we to say they cannot or should not try? God forbid that I should ever get what I deserve. I have screwed up many things over my lifetime, but when I was given a chance to make amends, I was glad for the opportunity, and the people who gave me a second chance were not disappointed.

I agree. And I fully believe that judgement is reserved for somone much Higher up the food chain than I.

I am stating my opinion. I do not think this can go away easily, and her reputation is stained regardless of repentance. It is people like me who can forgive, but will probably never really be able to forget. What makes you think the husband would be any different?

Repentance and forgiveness is in order, but that is not what a marriage is based on. Marriage is based on trust and honor. It appears to me that is sullied forever.

That is sad. Yes, she can absolutely be forgiven this if she sincerely prays for forgiveness, and repentance means never ever doing anything remotely like this again, not even in her imagination.

Only her and her God will know when or if that is done to His satisfaction. And that may take her entire life and beyond to know.

I just don't think this marriage can hold up under that kind of pressure. Not many do. That is a statistacal fact.

 

[SNPELY]

yep Electric Amish is right. Not everyone has a white picket fence.

 

[Grasshopper27]

Originally posted by: Tripleshot

Repentance and forgiveness is in order, but that is not what a marriage is based on. Marriage is based on trust and honor. It appears to me that is sullied forever.

I disagree, I think trust and honor can be restored, and I think repentance and forgiveness are very much a part of marriage.

Granted, you don't want to be using them in this case too often, more like, "honey, I forgot to take out the trash again".

That is sad. Yes, she can absolutely be forgiven this if she sincerely prays for forgiveness, and repentance means never ever doing anything remotely like this again, not even in her imagination.

I imagine all sorts of things, many of which I should NEVER ever do. I'm not going to hold Thumper's imagination to any higher standard than my own. What she thinks in her own head is her business. I just hope she thinks about me.

Grasshopper

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: luvly
"The 'bad' part comes with the fact that she was doing it and trying to hide it. She isn't trustworthy."

But, but . . . couldn't one argue that ultimately it isn't trust issue, at least not on her part, for it was fear of the significant other being closed to the idea in the first place? Had he been willing to hear such, she would have nothing to hide. And hiding something really isn't synonymous with lying, as she may not have been asked before she was caught. Maybe if she was asked before she was caught, she would be truthful.

"As usual, GeekBabe hit the nail right on the head...

Skin mags personally are boring to me, I need more of a story to get involved. That is why most p0rn is such comedy, the plots are absurd. That being said, if you want the good p0rn, you need to find the stuff made for couples/women, it tends to have far better production values and storylines than the generic stuff."

Grasshopper, porn on a magazine isn't much of my issue as is strip clubbing. And I would assume that he would have no problem if I did either of these jobs; stripping especially. Intent is usually what comes to play. For instance, someone could read porn mags, watch strips and porn for informative reasons or with indifference. On the other hand, someone else could do the same thing but for his personal pleasure and excluding his significant other.

Everybody has a need for some personal headspace Luvly and everybody has the right to indulge themselves in some solo erotic reading and self pleasure. The only time there's a problem is if those solo activties replace a healthy sex life within the relationship.What's really nice is if you can occasionally share your naughty fun with your significant other...lol, where's the drool emoticon when I need it?


Btw, no dirty pm's please,I'm already taken and not interested in sharing with you dudes

 

[Yeeny]

Originally posted by: grasshopper26


I imagine all sorts of things, many of which I should NEVER ever do. I'm not going to hold Thumper's imagination to any higher standard than my own. What she thinks in her own head is her business. I just hope she thinks about me.

Grasshopper

Woot, you go boy. That is a great attitude to have, your girl is one very lucky lady. She must be very special.