I was dating my high school sweetheart for six years. Everything was great, we were really secure and comfortable around each other, which is to be expected after so much time together. The last year I had been pushing for more commitment, but every time I talked about moving in together or what color house she?d like to live in, her pupils dilated and she got really quiet. (She tells me now that she felt like she was unable to commit because she hasn?t experienced any other men, and her pride prevented explaining that she felt that way because I had encouraged her to see other people during the first few years of our relationship [and she didn?t then because she thought it was a silly idea and she was so emotionally attached to me (I didn?t realize it at the time, but doing that probably hurt her a little ? I mean, what girl wants her guy to say, ?Go ahead and see some other guys, I?m not jealous.?)].) So anyway, last summer I graduated and said (paraphrased), ?I?m going to California [from New Jersey]. See-ya.? At the time, I thought it?d be a nice way to settle someplace and ?prepare a room? while she finishes college and, potentially, gets her proverbial roll in the hay that she deserves.
So here I am in the Bay Area, my one-year anniversary being tomorrow! I talk to my Ex almost every day, maybe 29 days a month. Last night we got in a fight ? not a yelling fest, but a constructive debate ? where she told me that my feelings for her are inhibiting her ability to date other people and my desire to find someone else. Don?t get me wrong, I don?t whisper ?I love you? every night before going to sleep, but between my sending her gifts for no reason (It?s cute and has the last piece of her heart falling into place, I thought it was adorable. And the prior one was a book of Chinese proverbs. I?m not sending her plane tickets and diamonds or anything), my willingness to help her for hours with her 30-page research paper about watching Anime during class, and my going to the gym even though I?m lazier than a wilting cactus, my feelings for her are pretty clear. She hasn?t explicitly told me (and I can?t help but wonder why?), but it?s pretty clear that ?Seeing other people? means ?Not dating each other. Ever.? The obvious solution is to never talk to her again, but she seemed pretty adamant about keeping me as the ?best friend [she] can tell anything to, and can depend on when [her] other relationships go awry.? I?m against that solution too, because I honestly still have feelings for her (which, if you recall, was described as the problem in the first place).
So I?m looking for advice. How do I wait for the girl of my life patiently? Or do I stop waiting and go hunt down some girls on Craigslist, with the assumption that seeing other people would require my levying my feelings for her (which I don?t know how to do, anyway)? I?m also looking for questions, because answering questions is a great way to learn more about myself ? and I?m sure that my rose-tinted lenses have inhibited my ability to know everything about the situation I?m in. I don?t have much experience in ATOT barter, but from what I could gather, proper compensation for my request would be a link to her Match.com profile and a picture of a fairy?s panties.
Thanks in advance for simple advice, thought-provoking questions, and even for the comment questioning my masculinity. I?ll take it all to heart! ^3^
Edit: You get no muah from me. I'm masculine and not in denial.
So here I am in the Bay Area, my one-year anniversary being tomorrow! I talk to my Ex almost every day, maybe 29 days a month. Last night we got in a fight ? not a yelling fest, but a constructive debate ? where she told me that my feelings for her are inhibiting her ability to date other people and my desire to find someone else. Don?t get me wrong, I don?t whisper ?I love you? every night before going to sleep, but between my sending her gifts for no reason (It?s cute and has the last piece of her heart falling into place, I thought it was adorable. And the prior one was a book of Chinese proverbs. I?m not sending her plane tickets and diamonds or anything), my willingness to help her for hours with her 30-page research paper about watching Anime during class, and my going to the gym even though I?m lazier than a wilting cactus, my feelings for her are pretty clear. She hasn?t explicitly told me (and I can?t help but wonder why?), but it?s pretty clear that ?Seeing other people? means ?Not dating each other. Ever.? The obvious solution is to never talk to her again, but she seemed pretty adamant about keeping me as the ?best friend [she] can tell anything to, and can depend on when [her] other relationships go awry.? I?m against that solution too, because I honestly still have feelings for her (which, if you recall, was described as the problem in the first place).
So I?m looking for advice. How do I wait for the girl of my life patiently? Or do I stop waiting and go hunt down some girls on Craigslist, with the assumption that seeing other people would require my levying my feelings for her (which I don?t know how to do, anyway)? I?m also looking for questions, because answering questions is a great way to learn more about myself ? and I?m sure that my rose-tinted lenses have inhibited my ability to know everything about the situation I?m in. I don?t have much experience in ATOT barter, but from what I could gather, proper compensation for my request would be a link to her Match.com profile and a picture of a fairy?s panties.
Thanks in advance for simple advice, thought-provoking questions, and even for the comment questioning my masculinity. I?ll take it all to heart! ^3^
Edit: You get no muah from me. I'm masculine and not in denial.