<< /edit Holy crap... I actually read that article. I know it's a satire, but rest assured boys, my wedding night is NOT going to be like that... >>
Awwww... but I love some of the quotes in it:
"Recalled John: 'When I saw Linda emerge from the bathroom, a vision in billowing, opaque cloth, her head and hands peeking tantalizingly from the tight collar and cuffs, the moment we first fell in love came rushing back to me in a wave of adoration and fear.'"
"As with millions of young newlyweds who haven't yet had sex," John said, "there was some nervousness and confusion at first. But after a couple of minutes, we figured out that it would be easier if Linda separated her legs to facilitate entry"
"As the sexual act wore on, Linda said it grew gloriously tolerable, describing the experience as "endurable beyond my wildest dreams." "
"As for the future of the couple's sex life, John said he is full of hope. "I'd like to maybe try actually touching Linda's vagina with my hand at some point," he said. "Then again, I don't want to rush things. Also, I've heard that the vagina kind of smells bad." "