My friend didn't go to his BEST friend's funeral...

[E equals MC2]

-Our friend Nick committed suicide last fall and was buried soon thereafter.

-My other friend Mark attended the wake but didn't attend the funeral.

-So I was troubled and went to check up on Mark. He went on a day trip with his GF.

-This got me bit disturbed (Mark was Nick's BEST friend).

-Few months later today, I asked him why he didn't go. He said it's because of his Chinese culture and it's extremely bad luck to attend funerals of those who commited suicide. His old grandmother strongly stopped him from going.

I have a Chinese GF and numerous Chinese friends (I'm Korean). And I have NEVER heard this. I think he's straight up bull shitting.

Chinese members here: Have you ever heard of such thing?

 

[kranky]

I can think of some possible outcomes:

1. It's a widespread Chinese custom
2. No Chinese members post that they have heard of it.
2a. Still, might have been the custom of your friend's grandmother

Regardless of what you learn from this thread, I would only urge you to not say anything to your friend about it. Grieving is a very personal thing.

 

[TecHNooB]

Never heard of it. Maybe it's an old country thing.

 

[mwmorph]

It sounds plausible, Chinese people do have a lot of customs and superstitions about death and luck. China is a very large place with a hetrogenous culture and customs. Every province has it's own beliefs and even every city differs a bit. Hell my grandparent's condo dont have the floors 4 and 14 because when pronounced, sound too close to the word "death" in Chinese.

I don't see why he would skip out on the funeral otherwise.

 

[heinz256]

I'm Chinese and i've never heard of that. I've also been to a funeral of a friend who committed suicide.

 

[LtPage1]

Maybe he was just uncomfortable about attending. Let it go.

 

[DrVos]

A lot of conservative Chinese are very superstitious and will do anything to avoid bad luck. To that end, many of their actions are determined by keeping important events like marriages from happening on unlucky days or or attending the funerals of "unfortunate" deaths like suicide.

In any case, he is grieving in his own way and as his friend, you should support him.

*Edit* I think part of the issue is that there are no hard and fast rules for Chinese superstition. What is considered lucky or unlucky could largely depend on where in China they are from, what their particular village believed, and how Westernized there family has become. For instance, my mom would have no issues with me going to a friend's funeral if one committed suicide, but made sure I consulted her luck calendar to select a good date for my wedding.

 

[glutenberg]

Chinese people have so many customs that aren't standard that it would be hard to give you a certain answer. With my family, after funerals, we all have to go to areas full of life (eg. malls, parks, etc.) to shed the bad "chi." So, yea, every family probably has differing superstitions.

As a side note, is there a chance he's mad at this friend for taking his own life? Especially considering they were best friends.

 

[Ns1]

Best google can find in 5 seconds

There are two kinds of endings: a happy ending like my grandmother?s, and sad endings. A sad ending could be the death of parents when a son has not been produced, because there will be no eternity in that family. There is also great sadness when an only son dies young. The saying is "White hair has to send black hair first". Death from an accident is considered a bad ending, especially if the body is mutilated. Suicide is a very bad ending. In suicide, the soul has been taken from the body at the wrong time. Whereas everyone wanted to touch my grandmother at her funeral, people keep a distance from the body if there has been a bad ending. A person who died from suicide must be buried separately from other ancestors.

 

[blackdogdeek]

it's not for you to judge how someone else mourns his or her loss.

 

[Mxylplyx]

Maybe he just thought his friend was a fucking asshole for committing suicide?

 

[Enig101]

Originally posted by: LtPage1
Maybe he was just uncomfortable about attending. Let it go.

This was my thought. If they were friends, I am sure the guy grieved in his own way.

 

[Nitemare]

lots of people hate funerals

 

[Ricochet]

Why are you making a big deal out of this? A funeral is a public event. Not everyone likes to grieve in public. Let him deal with it in his own way.

 

[sygyzy]

If you feel strongly about something, you feel strongly about it. I realize it's bad form not to go to your best friend's funeral, but cmon. You may have no beliefs or traditions, but many others do and you should respect that.

 

[JS80]

Originally posted by: E equals MC2
-Our friend Nick committed suicide last fall and was buried soon thereafter.

-My other friend Mark attended the wake but didn't attend the funeral.

-So I was troubled and went to check up on Mark. He went on a day trip with his GF.

-This got me bit disturbed (Mark was Nick's BEST friend).

-Few months later today, I asked him why he didn't go. He said it's because of his Chinese culture and it's extremely bad luck to attend funerals of those who commited suicide. His old grandmother strongly stopped him from going.

I have a Chinese GF and numerous Chinese friends (I'm Korean). And I have NEVER heard this. I think he's straight up bull shitting.

Chinese members here: Have you ever heard of such thing?

Wow, didn't go to the funeral because it was "bad luck"? What a great friend.

 

[mwmorph]

Originally posted by: JS80

Originally posted by: E equals MC2
-Our friend Nick committed suicide last fall and was buried soon thereafter.

-My other friend Mark attended the wake but didn't attend the funeral.

-So I was troubled and went to check up on Mark. He went on a day trip with his GF.

-This got me bit disturbed (Mark was Nick's BEST friend).

-Few months later today, I asked him why he didn't go. He said it's because of his Chinese culture and it's extremely bad luck to attend funerals of those who commited suicide. His old grandmother strongly stopped him from going.

I have a Chinese GF and numerous Chinese friends (I'm Korean). And I have NEVER heard this. I think he's straight up bull shitting.

Chinese members here: Have you ever heard of such thing?

Wow, didn't go to the funeral because it was "bad luck"? What a great friend.

Wow you're a judgmental prick because you don't even try to understand and comprehend that people from different cultures have differing customs and living their own way through free will? What a great person.

 

[DrVos]

Originally posted by: JS80

Originally posted by: E equals MC2
-Our friend Nick committed suicide last fall and was buried soon thereafter.

-My other friend Mark attended the wake but didn't attend the funeral.

-So I was troubled and went to check up on Mark. He went on a day trip with his GF.

-This got me bit disturbed (Mark was Nick's BEST friend).

-Few months later today, I asked him why he didn't go. He said it's because of his Chinese culture and it's extremely bad luck to attend funerals of those who commited suicide. His old grandmother strongly stopped him from going.

I have a Chinese GF and numerous Chinese friends (I'm Korean). And I have NEVER heard this. I think he's straight up bull shitting.

Chinese members here: Have you ever heard of such thing?

Wow, didn't go to the funeral because it was "bad luck"? What a great friend.

Chinese culture is very elder-centric. It appears he was trying to honor his grandmother's wishes.

 

[nakedfrog]

Why is it any of your concern?

 

[Suspicious-Teach8788]

I guess I can see the whole bad luck thing having an issue. My grandmother is religious and superstitious and all that (lives in Taiwan), so I could see her telling me such things. My mom on the other hand would surely make me go. I remember going to a funeral for a girl from our youth group, and even though I didnt know her that well, my mom made me go. So unless my grandmother had some major concern over me going or something like that I think my parents for the most part would let me attend.

 

[E equals MC2]

Originally posted by: blackdogdeek
it's not for you to judge how someone else mourns his or her loss.

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
Why is it any of your concern?

Very well said, but i cannot help but to feel (or anyone in my shoes) for Nick if he were to know Mark never attended his funeral.

Wouldn't you get mad or least bit curious to see what's going on if your dad never showed up for your mom's funeral while you were there?

Same logic applies. It may be personal to him, but I, also as Nick's friend, can't help but to naturally feel curious.

 

[sdifox]

Originally posted by: JS80

Originally posted by: E equals MC2
-Our friend Nick committed suicide last fall and was buried soon thereafter.

-My other friend Mark attended the wake but didn't attend the funeral.

-So I was troubled and went to check up on Mark. He went on a day trip with his GF.

-This got me bit disturbed (Mark was Nick's BEST friend).

-Few months later today, I asked him why he didn't go. He said it's because of his Chinese culture and it's extremely bad luck to attend funerals of those who commited suicide. His old grandmother strongly stopped him from going.

I have a Chinese GF and numerous Chinese friends (I'm Korean). And I have NEVER heard this. I think he's straight up bull shitting.

Chinese members here: Have you ever heard of such thing?

Wow, didn't go to the funeral because it was "bad luck"? What a great friend.

Dude, he showed at the wake, just not the actual burial.

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: E equals MC2

Originally posted by: blackdogdeek
it's not for you to judge how someone else mourns his or her loss.

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
Why is it any of your concern?

Very well said, but i cannot help but to feel (or anyone in my shoes) for Nick if he were to know Mark never attended his funeral.

Wouldn't you get mad or least bit curious to see what's going on if your dad never showed up for your mom's funeral while you were there?

Same logic applies. It may be personal to him, but I, also as Nick's friend, can't help but to naturally feel curious.

I might be curious, but I don't think I'd ever question it. You said he went to the wake.
Was this funeral just the actual ceremony at the grave?
Funerals are for the living, not the dead.

 

[yowolabi]

Why does it matter that he didn't attend the funeral? Funerals are for the living, not the dead. If his preference for grief is to not do it at a funeral, I don't see how anyone is harmed by it.

Originally posted by: E equals MC2

Very well said, but i cannot help but to feel (or anyone in my shoes) for Nick if he were to know Mark never attended his funeral.

Wouldn't you get mad or least bit curious to see what's going on if your dad never showed up for your mom's funeral while you were there?

Same logic applies. It may be personal to him, but I, also as Nick's friend, can't help but to naturally feel curious.

Do you honestly believe that he didn't attend the funeral because he didn't care about his best friend? That's a huge assumption to make and you should have a lot more to go on before you start making hurtful accusations like that.

 

[Jeff7]

Originally posted by: Ns1
Best google can find in 5 seconds

The kind of ending: a happy ending like my grandmother?s

:Q