My Girlfriend Made Me Crashed My New Mini Cooper

dccop

Member
Oct 11, 2004
28
0
0
Damn, I am about to break up with my girlfriend for five years. I never got any from her, and she has the nerves to reprimand me about going back to church and go to the pastor for conselling just because I yelled at her when she wouldn't put out. I am a good Christian, but I am also a healthy red blooded American white male. I need to hit something other my frequent right, and occasional left for a change. And novelty of different lubricants wears out fast if you beat off as often as I do.

To make the long story short, after having a big fight with her, I drove home from her place around 2a.m. I was so tired and exhausted from arguing with her I felt asleep driving. And before I knew it, I hit a freaking fire hydrant at some ungodly speed, and my new mini cooper was total. Luckily the airbag was deployed, and my handsome face was intact. It really was a miracle that I was unharm, you see that even God have favor in me.

But damn. I went through so much to get that car, brand spanking new. I had to constantly lie to her about having no money. She was at school full time and had to do stupid ass jobs to pay rent. She never asked me for money, so it's really not my fault for not helping out.

So, should I break up with her? I am ready to, but I want to find someone else before I do. I am currently at D.C. I just became a full fledge cop and I am ready to party. If you are in the area and interested to be with a tall, well built, handsome white male with blonde hair, blue eyes and matching style and wits, send me a personal message. I like watching movies, hang out with friends, right now I am living with a few roommates, and there's beer and party every night.

So ladies, don't be shy. Send me a pm and give yourself a chance. You will have a great time with me, I gaurantee it.
 

Ikonomi

Diamond Member
Dec 19, 2003
6,056
1
0
From now on I'm going to rate parody threads (and horrible threads) as n/post count. So:

-8000/1
 

EGGO

Diamond Member
Jul 29, 2004
5,504
1
0
You're a retard for driving with an unclear head and being tired. You better be thankful it was a fire hydrant you hit and not anybody else in the road.

You're also a hypocrite for saying that girls will have a great time with you, yet you've yelled at your girlfriend over something dumb.

Mods, get rid of this troll; [edit]well I have this feeling he is by reading that post.
 

phonemonkey

Senior member
Feb 2, 2003
806
0
0
It almost sounded like Skywalker for a moment there...

Edit: It's also your own damn fault for driving when you were tired and falling asleep at the wheel. Pull over next time if you're feeling sleepy so I don't have to worry about dodging your dumbass on the road.
 

dccop

Member
Oct 11, 2004
28
0
0
Originally posted by: EGGO
You're a retard for driving with an unclear head and being tired. You better be thankful it was a fire hydrant you hit and not anybody else in the road.

You're also a hypocrite for saying that girls will have a great time with you, yet you've yelled at your girlfriend over something dumb.

Mods, get rid of this troll.

and who's fault it is to put in that state?
 

Chompman

Banned
Mar 14, 2003
5,608
0
0
Bleh, when I read the title of "My Girlfriend Made Me Crashed My New Mini Cooper" I was thinking she was distracting you somewhere
 

phonemonkey

Senior member
Feb 2, 2003
806
0
0
going back to church and go to the pastor for conselling just because I yelled at her when she wouldn't put out. I am a good Christian, but I am also a healthy red blooded American white male.

That's the part that almost tricked me. The rest of the first paragraph firmly set himself apart from skywalker.
 

ISAslot

Platinum Member
Jan 22, 2001
2,882
103
106
Lay off on the lubricant on your "girlfriend". She won't be so inclined to slip off the steering wheel next time.
 

dccop

Member
Oct 11, 2004
28
0
0
Originally posted by: ISAslot
Lay off on the lubricant on your "girlfriend". She won't be so inclined to slip off the steering wheel next time.

yea, like you don't do it
 

thirdlegstump

Banned
Feb 12, 2001
8,713
0
0
Actually I don't believe in god so your point is moot son.

Don't get so angry because you're a dumbass. That's no excuse.
 

Chompman

Banned
Mar 14, 2003
5,608
0
0
Originally posted by: deathkoba
Actually I don't believe in god so your point is moot son.

But I am right here so you better start to believe or I shall become angry
 

dccop

Member
Oct 11, 2004
28
0
0
Originally posted by: Chompman
Nice to make a new guy feel so welcome all

Thanks for sticking up for me, I know I can find some decency on internet. In fact, I have so much faith in the internet I actually posted my personals on yahoo. Cost me 20 bucks, but I think it's well worth the chance of meeting a decent girl.
 
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