Oh man, Mayne, my heart goes out to you. Keep her in your heart, for she will live there as long as your heart keeps beating. Cry if and when you need to, for tears are cleansing and keeping that angry wolf grief inside you is fucking toxic.
Mayne, my man, ATOT is your home. We are a (motley, but still) band of brothers, with connections to each other forged first in our love of tech but continued in our love of life itself. For life is a precious gift and it is not meant to be enjoyed alone. No man is an island.
Like any family, there are those here who don't get you, but there is genuine love here as well. Be brave, but let the river of grief flow. You have a home here, and we'll keep the lights on and the door open, for, as Robert Frost wrote, "Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in. "
OT was started all these now many years ago because, quite simply, wherever folks congregate, community arises.
People want and need to be heard. Welcome home, Mayne. You will always have my ear.