My sister has a problem

[Steve]

Your sis has to want help, and want to change. Groups like AA can help only if she wants to be there.


She needs a wakeup call, but she's probably smart enough to see through an attempt to set her up for one. She may not take that seriously.


EDIT: I moved out at 27, no shame IMO.

 

[Locut0s]

Originally posted by: Gothgar
lol you are going to live at home till you are almost 25?

I'm 26 and live at home.

 

[StinkyPinky]

Originally posted by: finite automaton
The only example I will give is the time when she was about 18 and my mother got a phone call from one of her friends parents telling my mother to come get my sister. When my mom got there, she was out cold (you can figure out why).

Ok, fine, I'll give you another example. Remember, she's 20. A month ago she got into a car accident; put a kid in the hospital and got a (yep, you guessed it) a DUI.

Edit: I appreciate the constructive criticism about my age and living at home. I would've had to have been a moron to not expect it. If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's to not compare yourself to others. So if you think your comments bother me, you're wrong. Living at home has enabled me to go to school full time, work for pleasure (that is, take the time to find a job that I enjoy, and now I have found one), and (almost) set my entire career in stone. I realize that can all be done while living on your own, but it's a lot more difficult and takes more time.

Your sister seems to have more of a maturity problem. My uncle was an alcholic (dead from it now). He would get blind drunk every day, put beer on his cereal, and spend about 12 hours a day at a bar. Your sister just sounds selfish and immature.

Btw, don't listen to the nubs around here laughing at you for living at home. I did so until I was 25, and my parents were happy for me to do so. It's just a hell of a lot easier, especially if you're studying.

 

[nageov3t]

Originally posted by: Locut0s

Originally posted by: Gothgar
lol you are going to live at home till you are almost 25?

I'm 26 and live at home.

I moved back for a year when I was 24-25... you gotta do what you gotta do. /shrug

I'd sooner suck up my pride than live out of my car.

 

[alkemyst]

First you need to define what a drinking problem is to you.

Second your sister is an ADULT...you are still a child whether you agree or not. You have never left home really. Much changes in life at that crossroads.

I know people that think having a 6 pack a weekend makes one an alcoholic.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: loki8481
there's a fine line between a drinking problem and being a stupid kid.

I drank pretty excessively from like 17-22 (blacked out a couple times, drinking till I puked was a pretty regular occurence). after I graduated college, I just snapped out of it and dropped back into the real world.

but if she's really got a problem, there's not much you can do to help unless she wants help... you can always talk with your mom about a no-alcohol in the house rule, and call the cops if she ever drinks and drives.

QFT...I knew a ton of people from junior/senior year of high school through out college that were practically fall down drunk anytime I saw them outside of school.

Only a few didn't amount to much and many don't drink even a 10th of what they did in the past, some drink the same.

I love beer. I drink a lot of anything in front of me. I drink about 12+ sodas a day...for about 3-4 years I was drinking that much in beer when I worked for myself. *EDIT*...I was never drunk. It was usually less than one beer per hour.

Many thought I was an alcoholic, but I have an oral fixation apparently...not an alcohol one. I can stop drinking at any time...I went from 12 a day to none overnight and then back 12 a week. My recycle bins are always crazy though.

 

[finite automaton]

Originally posted by: alkemyst
First you need to define what a drinking problem is to you.

Second your sister is an ADULT...you are still a child whether you agree or not. You have never left home really. Much changes in life at that crossroads.

I know people that think having a 6 pack a weekend makes one an alcoholic.

I'm going to have to disagree with your definition of an adult (as if you didn't expect it). I hope you are all right and she really is not an alcoholic, but only time will tell that I suppose.

Edit: I enjoy drinking as much as the next person, so it's not like I'm judging her just because she drinks.

 

[TheVrolok]

Originally posted by: loki8481

Originally posted by: Locut0s

Originally posted by: Gothgar
lol you are going to live at home till you are almost 25?

I'm 26 and live at home.

I moved back for a year when I was 24-25... you gotta do what you gotta do. /shrug

I'd sooner suck up my pride than live out of my car.

Truth, I'll probably move back for 9 months or so and I'm 23. It's cheap and helps get those retirement accounts set up and going!

As for the OP, seems like a bit more elaboration is needed. Like others have said, there's a big difference between alcoholism (physical dependency on alcohol) and a wild kid. I know tons of people who drank a lot in high school (blacked out, vomited frequently, etc.) and during college they actually slowed down and got more responsible. Now they're fine.

 

[IHateMyJob2004]

I've always told myself that if my kid ends up like this, I would beat some sense into him. LITTERALLY.

Actually, I would go to my boss at work and in private explain the situation and ask for a month off. I would then take my kid away on a vacation with wilderness and allow no alcohol.

Of course ... there could be a bigger problem. If all her friends drink she really needs new friends. That is a tough thing to do ... abandon your friends and your memories.

AS for your age. Saving while your young is the most important time to save because that money you don't spend on rent will have much more time to grow. Value Investing 101

 

[IHateMyJob2004]

Originally posted by: loki8481
there's a fine line between a drinking problem and being a stupid kid.

I drank pretty excessively from like 17-22 (blacked out a couple times, drinking till I puked was a pretty regular occurence). after I graduated college, I just snapped out of it and dropped back into the real world.

but if she's really got a problem, there's not much you can do to help unless she wants help... you can always talk with your mom about a no-alcohol in the house rule, and call the cops if she ever drinks and drives.

Have you ever woken up in the middle of hte night wondering why it is so warm in the middle of winter? Well, I have. It's because I pissed myself at the age of 22. That's when I knew i had a problem. I probably had blackouts to. I just don't remember them You remembered them? The only blackout I remember is the first time I got hammered. I seriously do not remember running around the dorm rooms in my underwear.

 

[IHateMyJob2004]

Originally posted by: finite automaton

Originally posted by: alkemyst
First you need to define what a drinking problem is to you.

Second your sister is an ADULT...you are still a child whether you agree or not. You have never left home really. Much changes in life at that crossroads.

I know people that think having a 6 pack a weekend makes one an alcoholic.

I'm going to have to disagree with your definition of an adult (as if you didn't expect it). I hope you are all right and she really is not an alcoholic, but only time will tell that I suppose.

Edit: I enjoy drinking as much as the next person, so it's not like I'm judging her just because she drinks.

alkemyst is a bit opinionated let's say, but he did raise a point. What does your sister weigh and how much does she actually drink (in shots including average proof of the shot or in glasses of beer).

 

[Bill Brasky]

Rofl. If anyone looked at my drinking habits during college I would've been labeled the worst kind of alcoholic. I grew up, got a job, and turned out just fine. Is there any chance this is just phase?

 

[IHateMyJob2004]

Originally posted by: Zaitsev
Rofl. If anyone looked at my drinking habits during college I would've been labeled the worst kind of alcoholic. I grew up, got a job, and turned out just fine. Is there any chance this is just phase?

I say that to, but worry about what my kidneys will be like when I get older.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: finite automaton
Good evening all. I wanted to share a little story with all of you hoping to get some good ideas. My sister has a drinking problem, and has for ~3 years now. She is 20. My mom kicked her out for about 2 years, softened up, and let her back in about a week ago. I am 23, still living at home. I am in college, have a great internship, and am aiming to move out in about 1.5 years. I do not want to have to worry about her when I am on my own.

She turns 21 in approximately 6 months and my goal is to attempt to wake her up before her 21st birthday. I do not want to go to my mother because she had a chance and her methods didn't do a thing (except make things worse).

I saw two smirnoff malt liquor bottles in the fridge last night with an unknown origin. My suspicions were that they were from my sister. When I came home from work today (around 4:30) I saw her drinking one. I looked in the fridge, and they were both gone.

Anyone have any tips? I already gave her a lecture about having a repeat of 2 years ago. All she kept saying was "ok, I know." I want to at least attempt to make a difference in her life.

Here is the deal: You give me ideas that work and I will come back with pictures.

Thanks.

no matter what, unless she gives permission, don't post her pictures on the internet.

your sister's "problem" sounds more like a maturity thing, as others have said. you can talk to her about it until you are blue in the face, but don't be surprised if no matter what you say it won't have any impact. that wouldn't stop me from showing my concern though. as any brother should for his sister, because you love her, and maybe one day (soon) she will realize that and realize she needs to grow up.

 

[bGIveNs33]

You are going to try to explain to a twenty year old that she has a problem with drinking... and more than likely she doesn't think she does??? GOooooood luck.

I think you best card is to make sure she knows you will be there for her. Because eventually she is going to get sick of it fast or she is going to get hurt(i.e. car crash, sexually assaulted). I highly doubt there is ANYTHING you can say to change her mind.

Sorry if I skipped over it.. but is she in school? Working?

Sometimes the only way to help someone is to let them hit rock bottom. That being said, by the limited examples you have posted, it doesn't sound like she has a drinking problem... just an irresponsibility problem.

 

[Scarpozzi]

Sit her down and tell her the following:

1. Don't drive if you drink...call me and I'll come get you
2. Don't drink around people you don't know....unless you have 2 or more friends that you do know with you....and watching out for you
3. Don't EVER put your drink down....carry it with you at all times. If you put it down, don't ever finish it. (protects from roofies)

Aside from that, help her make the right decisions with her education and future. Try to be supportive. You can't change a person, you can only help change their beleifs and guide them to be a better person. There's nothing wrong with alcohol, but it pays to drink in a safe environment and understand the risks of drinking elsewhere. At least she's not on meth.

 

[Bill Brasky]

Originally posted by: Scarpozzi
Sit her down and tell her the following:

1. Don't drive if you drink...call me and I'll come get you
2. Don't drink around people you don't know....unless you have 2 or more friends that you do know with you....and watching out for you
3. Don't EVER put your drink down....carry it with you at all times. If you put it down, don't ever finish it. (protects from roofies)

Aside from that, help her make the right decisions with her education and future. Try to be supportive. You can't change a person, you can only help change their beleifs and guide them to be a better person. There's nothing wrong with alcohol, but it pays to drink in a safe environment and understand the risks of drinking elsewhere. At least she's not on meth.

Excellent post. :thumbsup:

 

[RandomFool]

Originally posted by: Zaitsev

Originally posted by: Scarpozzi
Sit her down and tell her the following:

1. Don't drive if you drink...call me and I'll come get you
2. Don't drink around people you don't know....unless you have 2 or more friends that you do know with you....and watching out for you
3. Don't EVER put your drink down....carry it with you at all times. If you put it down, don't ever finish it. (protects from roofies)

Aside from that, help her make the right decisions with her education and future. Try to be supportive. You can't change a person, you can only help change their beliefs and guide them to be a better person. There's nothing wrong with alcohol, but it pays to drink in a safe environment and understand the risks of drinking elsewhere. At least she's not on meth.

Excellent post. :thumbsup:

Double, :thumbsup:

There's only so much you can do. It could just be a phase, or it could be more. If your family has a history of alcoholism then I'd be more worried. Talk to your mom, and have her tell your sister that there's a no alcohol in the house and maybe take away her car assuming it still works after the accident and she didn't already lose her license.

I had friends who were pretty much getting drunk every time I saw them. After awhile I just stopped hanging out with them because I couldn't be around that for various reasons. Now a days they've cut back a bit which is nice because I enjoy hanging out with them.


P.S. There's nothing wrong with living at home, especially if you're still in school.

 

[Christobevii3]

Two drinks is not a drinking problem except in the fact she doesn't even have enough to get drunk.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: RandomFool

Originally posted by: Zaitsev

Originally posted by: Scarpozzi
Sit her down and tell her the following:

1. Don't drive if you drink...call me and I'll come get you
2. Don't drink around people you don't know....unless you have 2 or more friends that you do know with you....and watching out for you
3. Don't EVER put your drink down....carry it with you at all times. If you put it down, don't ever finish it. (protects from roofies)

Aside from that, help her make the right decisions with her education and future. Try to be supportive. You can't change a person, you can only help change their beliefs and guide them to be a better person. There's nothing wrong with alcohol, but it pays to drink in a safe environment and understand the risks of drinking elsewhere. At least she's not on meth.

Excellent post. :thumbsup:

Double, :thumbsup:

There's only so much you can do. It could just be a phase, or it could be more. If your family has a history of alcoholism then I'd be more worried. Talk to your mom, and have her tell your sister that there's a no alcohol in the house and maybe take away her car assuming it still works after the accident and she didn't already lose her license.

I had friends who were pretty much getting drunk every time I saw them. After awhile I just stopped hanging out with them because I couldn't be around that for various reasons. Now a days they've cut back a bit which is nice because I enjoy hanging out with them.


P.S. There's nothing wrong with living at home, especially if you're still in school.

you guys, you guys...

you forgot to mention her 'bubble'. She has to get in it before leaving home. These poor women are too defenseless to be out unprotected...and if they ever have teh sex it had to have been rape.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: finite automaton

Originally posted by: alkemyst
First you need to define what a drinking problem is to you.

Second your sister is an ADULT...you are still a child whether you agree or not. You have never left home really. Much changes in life at that crossroads.

I know people that think having a 6 pack a weekend makes one an alcoholic.

I'm going to have to disagree with your definition of an adult (as if you didn't expect it). I hope you are all right and she really is not an alcoholic, but only time will tell that I suppose.

Edit: I enjoy drinking as much as the next person, so it's not like I'm judging her just because she drinks.

ok disagree with my definition. Ask each woman that lives outside of her parents home you come across if living at home at 23 makes you an adult.

You still have NOT defined her drinking...for all we know your enjoyment of drinking is you an 'mom' sharing that mimosa at christmas.

 

[RandomFool]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: RandomFool

Originally posted by: Zaitsev

Originally posted by: Scarpozzi
Sit her down and tell her the following:

1. Don't drive if you drink...call me and I'll come get you
2. Don't drink around people you don't know....unless you have 2 or more friends that you do know with you....and watching out for you
3. Don't EVER put your drink down....carry it with you at all times. If you put it down, don't ever finish it. (protects from roofies)

Aside from that, help her make the right decisions with her education and future. Try to be supportive. You can't change a person, you can only help change their beliefs and guide them to be a better person. There's nothing wrong with alcohol, but it pays to drink in a safe environment and understand the risks of drinking elsewhere. At least she's not on meth.

Excellent post. :thumbsup:

Double, :thumbsup:

There's only so much you can do. It could just be a phase, or it could be more. If your family has a history of alcoholism then I'd be more worried. Talk to your mom, and have her tell your sister that there's a no alcohol in the house and maybe take away her car assuming it still works after the accident and she didn't already lose her license.

I had friends who were pretty much getting drunk every time I saw them. After awhile I just stopped hanging out with them because I couldn't be around that for various reasons. Now a days they've cut back a bit which is nice because I enjoy hanging out with them.


P.S. There's nothing wrong with living at home, especially if you're still in school.

you guys, you guys...

you forgot to mention her 'bubble'. She has to get in it before leaving home. These poor women are too defenseless to be out unprotected...and if they ever have teh sex it had to have been rape.

There's nothing wrong with being protective especially with a family member who could possibly have an alcohol problem. I agree there isn't really enough info to know but better safe than sorry.

 

[moonbit]

The American Psychiatric Association considers alcohol use to be a problem when it significantly affects occupational, social, and/or recreational activities. An alcoholic is someone who will have a drink, even when they know it will lead to them getting drunk, and they don't really want to, or they will get drunk even when they know bad shit has a good likelihood of happening. OP, does this describe your sister?

If it does, the best thing you can do for her is let her experience the consequences of her actions. This will negate any benefit she gets from compulsively drinking, and she will (hopefully) one day wake herself up to the fact that she needs help. As others have said, you can't do it for her. Also, this keeps you from getting into a pattern of "saving" her. It's a pattern you want to stay away from, because "saving" others (especially women you are close to) may feel good at first (gee, like drinking), but will eventually mess your life up. You're already doing good for yourself by setting yourself a foundation before going out into the world. Keep it up.

Good luck to you, your sis, your mom, and anyone else involved in this.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: moonbit
The American Psychiatric Association considers alcohol use to be a problem when it significantly affects occupational, social, and/or recreational activities. An alcoholic is someone who will have a drink, even when they know it will lead to them getting drunk, and they don't really want to, or they will get drunk even when they know bad shit has a good likelihood of happening. OP, does this describe your sister?

If it does, the best thing you can do for her is let her experience the consequences of her actions. This will negate any benefit she gets from compulsively drinking, and she will (hopefully) one day wake herself up to the fact that she needs help. As others have said, you can't do it for her. Also, this keeps you from getting into a pattern of "saving" her. It's a pattern you want to stay away from, because "saving" others (especially women you are close to) may feel good at first (gee, like drinking), but will eventually mess your life up. You're already doing good for yourself by setting yourself a foundation before going out into the world. Keep it up.

Good luck to you, your sis, your mom, and anyone else involved in this.

unfortunately many will see the above signs in someone that don't really exist if they are already against them drinking.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Its pretty much accepted that people 18-25 do alot of drinking.