Sorry to hear about your mother, and your father.
I kinda know what your father might be going thru.
My parents are both nears 90 and always have been fairly independent, until my mother lost most her ability to walk and use her legs last year.
She needed professional care but was very stubborn, and my parents refuse assisted living or any professional help to come into the house on a regular basis.
We tried meals on wheels. They hated the food.
It's near impossible to get her into a doctor visit.
My father insists he can be the care giver, but he can hardly get around himself, much less lift and help my mother to get around.
We got them the medical alert panic buttons to wear around the neck.
They hate them.
A month ago my mother started falling quite a bit, several times a day, and pressing the panic button.
Fire dept dispatched out to help her off the floor every time.
Luckily no injuries, but a lot of falling and a lot of fire department visits.
Each visit at $45 a pop.
That irritated my sisters to no end.
Then, my mother got that nasty flu and was hospitalized for a week.
Doctors insisted she then go into a nursing home-rehab for 100 days to get her strength and weight back.
That did not sit well with my father. He wanted her back home.
Actually, after a few days, my mother started to like the nursing home and rehab.
Shockingly, she likes the food, the care, and having the staff wash her hair several times a week, take care of her, and help her around.
And she likes talking and interacting with the other residents.
She likes the staff.
I think the place is a bit institutional looking inside, but she seems not to mind.
I've never really been inside a nursing home. Reminds me of an institution, especially when compared to assisted living communities.
But with assisted living, you have to be pretty independent and still able to get around on your own. Most assisted living are not care facilities.
In the nursing-rehab home, she has her own private room, rehab, residential games and parties, and best of all her own TV.
But as the op stated with his father, my dad is having real issues as well.
My mother not there at home with him is making him somewhat depressed.
He visits mom daily, but only makes the lonely times at home worse.
In their case, they both should be and really need professional care.
Some place where married couples can live and be cared for together.
I think my mother would go for that, but not my father. No way.
Once mom goes back home, no doubt she will once again fall daily trying to get around, and eventually to the point of hurting herself. Broken hip, arm, it is bound to happen.
Then she will be again hospitalized, and again returned back to that nursing home-rehab environment.
But next time I'm guessing that will be for many long months, not just days.
It's hard when parents get old and need professional care.
Especially when they resist and refuse help.
And the loneliness for the surviving parent to cope with?
That is a hard one to deal with.
Whether short term, or long term after a death.
Just be there for your father, naturally, and take it bit by bit.
You both have one thing in common, your love for your mother.
Im no good at giving advice, or much comfort, but thats my 2 cents worth.