Okay...So I'm really liking one of my best friends right now...

Mik3y

Banned
Mar 2, 2004
7,089
0
0
After my whole suicide thingy nearly a month ago, which you can read about here, this girl and i became very close and really, really good friends. She and I were just plain friends before this entire ordeal, but since then, we really talk a lot and can really relate to things. We can speak up very openly with each other and talking and being with her really makes me feel good. She's very cute and I like almost everything about her (except for this one thing which I wont say. It's something she's done before.). As best friends, we of course love and care for each other. About 2 nights ago, after we had a great time from a dinner and a movie, we had an argument on AIM with each other. I was telling her some how I feel now about myself and my life. I told her that what I want most in the world right now is to die, even if it means sacrificing our relationship. Well, I promised her, my friends, and myself that I wouldnt attempt suicide anymore, and I'm still keeping that promise. What I really want to is to be gone and to basically die. Well, she got really hurt from having to hear me say that. Then we argued about all this and she cried and etc because she told me she didn't want to lose her best friend. It goes FAR more in depth this just this and she really said stuff that really hurt me also, making me just want to cry. This entire argument isn't about a dispute or hatred or a fight. This is about her being depressed about the fact that she thinks our entire friendship was a lie and how i told her that i loved and cared for her was a lie.

Well, now, we talked things over and the way she told me how much she cared and loved me was really hitting me hard. We eventually talked things over, and now its all good, but nothing is changing the fact about the ways I feel. Because of me being diagnosed with depression, it really makes me feel the way I feel. I really, really have feelings for her now, much more then best friends now. I'm also stunned about the fact that she's currently going out with one of my best friends and went out with a really good friend of mine before. She tells me that I make her happier then anyone else and that I'm too dear to her heart for her to lose me.

I'm not going to make any moves on her, but just knowing that 2 of my friends have gone out with her is troubling. Even though her current relationship with my other best friend is hanging on by a thread right now, I don't feel it appropriate for me to date her or for us to be anything more then just best friends...for anytime soon at least. Basically, she's got everything I look for in a girl (except that one thing I won't discuss). I don't know what to do, but I will eventually tell her how I feel about her. We are so close to the point where we can tell each other anything. I really look forward to being with her, just like she looks forward to being with me.

I'm just creating this thread to get some input about my situation. One of the few things that makes me feel better is for me to express myself. I've been feeling extremely depressed as of late. Even my meds are doing anything but improving my problems.

Note that the reason why I'm feeling the way I do and everything has nothing to do with grades or girls.

*If you guys want cliff notes, tough luck. I apologize for making it so long.*
 
Aug 26, 2004
14,685
1
76
if they break up, wait a min before you swoop in...dont wanna make it look like you tried to orchestrate the breakup to get her for yourself...but once you've wandered into friend territory its hard to get back out of it and into relationship terr...
 

cchen

Diamond Member
Oct 12, 1999
6,062
0
76
Best friends in a month? Don't think so....

Anyway, liking a good friend never really works out. Esp since she has a bf, who is your friend. It won't work, and you probably shouldn't keep any high hopes for the future. (I know from experience)
 

Baked

Lifer
Dec 28, 2004
36,152
17
81
Push the male best friend over a highway over pass, then step in and bang the female best friend. 2 best friends? Tthere can only be one.
 

Mik3y

Banned
Mar 2, 2004
7,089
0
0
I'm totally willing to just be good friends with her in order to keep problems from rising, but its just gonna give me a blow in my process of becoming less depressed. All I want is for everyone to be happy, even if it bothers me. So much sh!t has happened to me in the last month so I dont have a problem with being open to anyone now, except my family. This is exactly the reason why I've always distanced myself from girls throughout my depression. The honest things I say, straight from my heart, will really hurt them, and i'll just be inundated with more problems.
 

Mik3y

Banned
Mar 2, 2004
7,089
0
0
Originally posted by: Baked
Push the male best friend over a highway over pass, then step in and bang the female best friend. 2 best friends? Tthere can only be one.

I have a group of friends, consisting of several people, who I consider to be my best friends. This is just what I call my bubble of friends.
 

Connoisseur

Platinum Member
Sep 14, 2002
2,471
1
81
Dude... why are you doing this in ATOT? If you have serious problems don't ask for help from complete strangers (or people they think they know just cause they spoke to them a bunch in the forums). You're just gonna get bad advice or just plain stupid responses and are going to hurt yourself more in the long run if you take any of it seriously. Why not ask another good friend about it? someone who really knows you? This is true ESPECIALLY if you suffer a disorder such as clinical depression. I think that's roughly the best advice anyone here's gonna give you.

Dude, I've had friends with depression and I've suffered through many a long night of it myself. My problems aside, just realize that having any one thing (the girl, the grades, the money etc.) won't make you any happier. Try not to use anybody as a crutch (which, from my understanding of your post, you are doing with the girl). If they let you down once, you're gone. I'm a firm believer that, when all is said and done, all you have left in the world is yourself. You have to come to accept this fact if you want to retain a modicum of happiness. And treat all situations with a good deal of equanimity. Sadness and hapiness walk hand in hand. You're depressed now, you will be happy later on in life... and vice versa.

Sorry for MY rant. Also, take my advice with an overdose of salt. This is from my experience, not yours and I don't know you at all. So if you feel that none of this relates to you in any way, shape or form, feel free to ignore my advice. The last thing I need on my mind is some dude's mental anguish.
 

aidanjm

Lifer
Aug 9, 2004
12,411
2
0
Originally posted by: Connoisseur
Dude... why are you doing this in ATOT? If you have serious problems don't ask for help from complete strangers (or people they think they know just cause they spoke to them a bunch in the forums). You're just gonna get bad advice or just plain stupid responses and are going to hurt yourself more in the long run if you take any of it seriously. Why not ask another good friend about it? someone who really knows you? This is true ESPECIALLY if you suffer a disorder such as clinical depression. I think that's roughly the best advice anyone here's gonna give you.

There's a fair few people on ATOT who have depression and other problems. Why shouldn't that kind of thing be discussed here?
 

Specop 007

Diamond Member
Jan 31, 2005
9,454
0
0
Originally posted by: aidanjm

There's a fair few people on ATOT who have depression and other problems. Why shouldn't that kind of thing be discussed here?

Theres a difference between being depressed and not even being able to get off the couch and find something worth living for. Its one thing to be depressed, quite another to make a mockery of your life and look the fool by trying to off yourself. Those things should probably be kept with personal people I would think.
 

aidanjm

Lifer
Aug 9, 2004
12,411
2
0
Originally posted by: Specop 007
Originally posted by: aidanjm

There's a fair few people on ATOT who have depression and other problems. Why shouldn't that kind of thing be discussed here?

Theres a difference between being depressed and not even being able to get off the couch and find something worth living for. Its one thing to be depressed, quite another to make a mockery of your life and look the fool by trying to off yourself. Those things should probably be kept with personal people I would think.

I don't agree.
 

Mik3y

Banned
Mar 2, 2004
7,089
0
0
Originally posted by: Connoisseur
Dude... why are you doing this in ATOT? If you have serious problems don't ask for help from complete strangers (or people they think they know just cause they spoke to them a bunch in the forums). You're just gonna get bad advice or just plain stupid responses and are going to hurt yourself more in the long run if you take any of it seriously. Why not ask another good friend about it? someone who really knows you? This is true ESPECIALLY if you suffer a disorder such as clinical depression. I think that's roughly the best advice anyone here's gonna give you.

this is because you guys dont know me personally and you guys cant possibly make things any worse. all i want is input from different perspectives.
 

noxipoo

Golden Member
Aug 12, 2000
1,504
0
76
i can tell you from experience that don't date the girl if you want to remain friends with everyone. you will lose the male friend if you date her even after they break up, trust me.
 

Mik3y

Banned
Mar 2, 2004
7,089
0
0
Originally posted by: Specop 007
Originally posted by: aidanjm

There's a fair few people on ATOT who have depression and other problems. Why shouldn't that kind of thing be discussed here?

Theres a difference between being depressed and not even being able to get off the couch and find something worth living for. Its one thing to be depressed, quite another to make a mockery of your life and look the fool by trying to off yourself. Those things should probably be kept with personal people I would think.

also, you have no idea how hard i am struggling to make things better for myself. there are things that i'm not ready to tell to people that i know personally. i'm trying really hard to make myself happy, but as hard as i try, i just cant feel it. its hard to understand if you havent felt it personally.
 

Mik3y

Banned
Mar 2, 2004
7,089
0
0
Originally posted by: noxipoo
i can tell you from experience that don't date the girl if you want to remain friends with everyone. you will lose the male friend if you date her even after they break up, trust me.

this is exactly my problem. one way or another, i'm gonna be struggling inside. i cant have things both ways. its either one way or the other. its either I feel like crap, or i feel even crappier.
 

Specop 007

Diamond Member
Jan 31, 2005
9,454
0
0
Originally posted by: Mik3y
Originally posted by: Specop 007
Originally posted by: aidanjm

There's a fair few people on ATOT who have depression and other problems. Why shouldn't that kind of thing be discussed here?

Theres a difference between being depressed and not even being able to get off the couch and find something worth living for. Its one thing to be depressed, quite another to make a mockery of your life and look the fool by trying to off yourself. Those things should probably be kept with personal people I would think.

also, you have no idea how hard i am struggling to make things better for myself. there are things that i'm not ready to tell to people that i know personally. i'm trying really hard to make myself happy, but as hard as i try, i just cant feel it. its hard to understand if you havent felt it personally.

Thats what I hear. Having not worn those shoes myself, I cant really imagine it.
 

Specop 007

Diamond Member
Jan 31, 2005
9,454
0
0
Originally posted by: aidanjm
Originally posted by: Specop 007
Originally posted by: aidanjm

There's a fair few people on ATOT who have depression and other problems. Why shouldn't that kind of thing be discussed here?

Theres a difference between being depressed and not even being able to get off the couch and find something worth living for. Its one thing to be depressed, quite another to make a mockery of your life and look the fool by trying to off yourself. Those things should probably be kept with personal people I would think.

I don't agree.

Fair nuff
 

rz8168

Junior Member
Feb 6, 2005
7
0
0
Are you saying your best friend (female) got together with other best friend (male) already??? If they did, then you're out of luck. If not, tell her how you feel (only if you really love her, and she's worth a try), and let her decide to accept you or your best friend....
 

SearchMaster

Diamond Member
Jun 6, 2002
7,792
114
106
Here's my .02 - (1) girls CAN be "just friends" with guys, and that's how she feels about you. You're setting yourself up for disappointment by letting your feelings cross that line. (2) You need to get your life right before you can be ready for the rollercoaster of a relationship. I was touched by your previous thread, but one thing stood out - describing the numerous friends that went looking for you. Do you know how lucky you are to be able to say that? There are a lot of people that wouldn't have had that support. Best of luck with your recovery, you have a lot of people that care for you.
 

Pepsi90919

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
25,162
1
81
why do you keep bringing up this 'thing' you don't want to discuss? it's called, "don't type it out in the first place."
 

Mik3y

Banned
Mar 2, 2004
7,089
0
0
what tears me up is that my mind is putting her in the position as a relief towards my depression. as much as this all bothers me, its a personal feeling i have, and i cant try to stuff it back inside me.

and if since you guys really want to know the secret thingy, here it is. she kissed another guy before while having a bf. i'm not talk about it, but this is something that bugs me about girls, especially since i have low self asteem. i'm worried about faithfulness.
 
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