After my whole suicide thingy nearly a month ago, which you can read about here, this girl and i became very close and really, really good friends. She and I were just plain friends before this entire ordeal, but since then, we really talk a lot and can really relate to things. We can speak up very openly with each other and talking and being with her really makes me feel good. She's very cute and I like almost everything about her (except for this one thing which I wont say. It's something she's done before.). As best friends, we of course love and care for each other. About 2 nights ago, after we had a great time from a dinner and a movie, we had an argument on AIM with each other. I was telling her some how I feel now about myself and my life. I told her that what I want most in the world right now is to die, even if it means sacrificing our relationship. Well, I promised her, my friends, and myself that I wouldnt attempt suicide anymore, and I'm still keeping that promise. What I really want to is to be gone and to basically die. Well, she got really hurt from having to hear me say that. Then we argued about all this and she cried and etc because she told me she didn't want to lose her best friend. It goes FAR more in depth this just this and she really said stuff that really hurt me also, making me just want to cry. This entire argument isn't about a dispute or hatred or a fight. This is about her being depressed about the fact that she thinks our entire friendship was a lie and how i told her that i loved and cared for her was a lie.
Well, now, we talked things over and the way she told me how much she cared and loved me was really hitting me hard. We eventually talked things over, and now its all good, but nothing is changing the fact about the ways I feel. Because of me being diagnosed with depression, it really makes me feel the way I feel. I really, really have feelings for her now, much more then best friends now. I'm also stunned about the fact that she's currently going out with one of my best friends and went out with a really good friend of mine before. She tells me that I make her happier then anyone else and that I'm too dear to her heart for her to lose me.
I'm not going to make any moves on her, but just knowing that 2 of my friends have gone out with her is troubling. Even though her current relationship with my other best friend is hanging on by a thread right now, I don't feel it appropriate for me to date her or for us to be anything more then just best friends...for anytime soon at least. Basically, she's got everything I look for in a girl (except that one thing I won't discuss). I don't know what to do, but I will eventually tell her how I feel about her. We are so close to the point where we can tell each other anything. I really look forward to being with her, just like she looks forward to being with me.
I'm just creating this thread to get some input about my situation. One of the few things that makes me feel better is for me to express myself. I've been feeling extremely depressed as of late. Even my meds are doing anything but improving my problems.
Note that the reason why I'm feeling the way I do and everything has nothing to do with grades or girls.
*If you guys want cliff notes, tough luck. I apologize for making it so long.*
Well, now, we talked things over and the way she told me how much she cared and loved me was really hitting me hard. We eventually talked things over, and now its all good, but nothing is changing the fact about the ways I feel. Because of me being diagnosed with depression, it really makes me feel the way I feel. I really, really have feelings for her now, much more then best friends now. I'm also stunned about the fact that she's currently going out with one of my best friends and went out with a really good friend of mine before. She tells me that I make her happier then anyone else and that I'm too dear to her heart for her to lose me.
I'm not going to make any moves on her, but just knowing that 2 of my friends have gone out with her is troubling. Even though her current relationship with my other best friend is hanging on by a thread right now, I don't feel it appropriate for me to date her or for us to be anything more then just best friends...for anytime soon at least. Basically, she's got everything I look for in a girl (except that one thing I won't discuss). I don't know what to do, but I will eventually tell her how I feel about her. We are so close to the point where we can tell each other anything. I really look forward to being with her, just like she looks forward to being with me.
I'm just creating this thread to get some input about my situation. One of the few things that makes me feel better is for me to express myself. I've been feeling extremely depressed as of late. Even my meds are doing anything but improving my problems.
Note that the reason why I'm feeling the way I do and everything has nothing to do with grades or girls.
*If you guys want cliff notes, tough luck. I apologize for making it so long.*