OT: I'm so confused.. and this doesn't help... :)

LANMAN

Platinum Member
Oct 10, 1999
2,897
128
106

WORDS WOMEN USE
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine".

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows!)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word it is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done . . . "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing".


--LANMAN
 

Yai

Senior member
Jan 30, 2003
841
0
0
I second you for that statement Lanman
Also experienced the first 5 statments myself
 

LANMAN

Platinum Member
Oct 10, 1999
2,897
128
106
Many have you might have seen this before, but it sure goes with the topic:


COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:

1) No one but their creator understands their internal logic

2) Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

3) The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

4) The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".

5) As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.

and the biggest of them all...

6) As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.
 

Orange Kid

Elite Member
Oct 9, 1999
4,356
2,154
146
In the same sort of vein
A guide for THAT time of the Month

The Hormone Hostage

The Hormone Hostage knows there are days during the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands. Self-aware women know and accept this fact. Many men, however, have shown resistance and still need some gentle guidance to show them down the right path. This handy guide should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other:

Guide to Communication with The Hormone Hostage

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate!

DANGEROUS: You're not wearing THAT are you?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in taupe
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate!

DANGEROUS: What are YOU so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars -- go buy something just for you
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate!

DANGEROUS: Should you really be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left in the fridge
SAFEST: Can I get you a shot of tequila with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate!

DANGEROUS: What the hell did YOU do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate!

The Moral of This Story: Money talks...but chocolate sings
 
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