ouch.

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: villan
Berkeley Software Distribution (BSD) is the name of the UNIX derivative distributed in the 1970s from the University of California, Berkeley. The name is also used collectively for the modern descendants of these distributions.

yeah, sht sucks. im working through it but how do you trust someone after this? im not mad, i accept my faults and dont blame her.

Well, you ignored her and she rebelled. Really not any different than what most men would've done.
Consider this a learning experience.

BTW, did you guys talk about this "time sharing thing?" Had she brought it up before? Had you tried to compromise on the "you do your own thing" time? <--I cringe when I say this. It is the "correct, adult thing" to do. I.E. try to compromise and work things out. HOWEVER, I also feel that the mere fact that you/I/other guy would even have to DO THAT is just totally wrong.

This is me, woman. Deal. I twiddled you this morning, then we went shopping...I watched you hold up 34,341 outfits in front of your body and nodded my head and smiled. Great. Now I want to go to The Man Room and compare my 3DMark scores on the 4 different PCs I have because IT MAKES ME HAPPY.

Now, go make me a sandwich and stop your incessant yammering or else grab the car keys and go for a ride. For like a day or so.

 

[PCTweaker5]

A car ride will definitely calm you down. Take a car ride, smoke a couple of cigs, and come home in a couple of hours and cry it out. Then see her, have a big talk, and start all over. Things will get better just put some faith into it and as always, communication is the key.

 

[RbSX]

Originally posted by: villan
I neglected my girlfriend for months, spent all my time on the computer while she was on the couch. Never gave an inch in an arguement - I was a bad boyfriend.
Her blog 2 months ago:

"i don't know what to do anymore. our relationship isn't working anymore. i can't apologize anymore. i can't let go of the things that are nagging at me. i don't feel loved. i don't feel wanted. when i'm over at his house i feel like a nuisance, a burden. like someone who just wants to take him away from his work. i have to beg for attention. the passion has dwindled. he's sarcastic and mean. i feel so needy, and i feel like i have become that whiny, bitchy girlfriend. and i f*cking hate it. i just don't know what to do. i love him, and i know he loves me, even though he has a funny way of showing it. i don't want to break up. but i also don't want to continue to be neglected and feel this way.

i'm going home this weekend in hopes that some space will do more good than harm. he can work on his f*cking computer without me bothering him. he doesn't have to worry about 'wasting his time paying attention to me'"

Then she cheated on me. The girl I love. Ironically my years of sl*tty "bad girls" never produced a situation like this, and now I face it from a girl that "doesnt do things like that". I am shocked.. Good home, good grades, great future.. I thought I had really struck gold with her.

She says it was a mistake. The sex doesnt hurt, but the emotions f*cking do. I've been rejected by the girl I love, she wanted someone else - someone to talk to, someone to hold her..

It took me an hour to take her back, I feel so dead. I used to enjoy my "f*ck it" attitude, now I'm scared to speak. I touch her every second I can, we hug and cry, she says its going to be alright, it still hurts. All of my control has been subverted, this is she must have felt for 8 months.. She fell asleep early tonight, present but invisible. My mind wanders- "there is too much poison in our love" but I still will hold on.

We should be partners in crime. I am going through the same thing.

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: PCTweaker5
A car ride will definitely calm you down. Take a car ride, smoke a couple of cigs, and come home in a couple of hours and cry it out. Then see her, have a big talk, and start all over. Things will get better just put some faith into it and as always, communication is the key.

Hmm. Additionally, when you're talking with her, pull an OLD NIC or Rage XL videocard out of your pocket and snap it in half and say something like "Damn these computer parts! They ruined our relationship! *SNAP!* See honey? It's all behind us now...I love you!! Come to papa!"

Make passionate love to her and when she falls asleep...get to work soldering that card back together!

 

[villan]

its not like i wanted to eb an asshole, ive always been like this. im trying to change. i was neglectful in her eyes, not mine (at teh time at least) i just get...into things, i cant help but focus on them. its not even like i have an "online world", i just mess around..

right on sengara.. this sht is rough, at least for me.

 

[villan]

lol i have both of those, not sure if they are in these pics in enough detail tho: http://jukashi.com/room

 

[PCTweaker5]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: PCTweaker5
A car ride will definitely calm you down. Take a car ride, smoke a couple of cigs, and come home in a couple of hours and cry it out. Then see her, have a big talk, and start all over. Things will get better just put some faith into it and as always, communication is the key.

Hmm. Additionally, when you're talking with her, pull an OLD NIC or Rage XL videocard out of your pocket and snap it in half and say something like "Damn these computer parts! They ruined our relationship! *SNAP!* See honey? It's all behind us now...I love you!! Come to papa!"

Make passionate love to her and when she falls asleep...get to work soldering that card back together!

OMG dude you are sooo funny, thanks!

 

[Mo0o]

Originally posted by: villan
its not like i wanted to eb an asshole, ive always been like this. im trying to change. i was neglectful in her eyes, not mine (at teh time at least) i just get...into things, i cant help but focus on them. its not even like i have an "online world", i just mess around..

right on sengara.. this sht is rough, at least for me.

Regardless what you think, you were an a-hole in everyone else's eyes and thats what really counts. I was like this when i was doing research for my new computer, neglected my girlfriend. Luckily she didn't cheat on me but we talked about it and our relationship is better now. Just learn from this experience and move on.

 

[FoBoT]

oh brother

do you write scripts for soap operas?

 

[Shivatron]

Originally posted by: PCTweaker5
A car ride will definitely calm you down. Take a car ride, smoke a couple of cigs, and come home in a couple of hours and cry it out. Then see her, have a big talk, and start all over. Things will get better just put some faith into it and as always, communication is the key.

I've never been one to give advice about relationships here -- I figure most people sort them out on their own eventually, with or without ATOT's help -- but in light of the above comment I feel I should offer my opinion. Take it or leave it.

I think that this relationship is over. You may have had something at some point, but whatever you did have was uncerimoniously killed by neglect on your part. The final nail in the coffin, as it were, was the fact that she cheated on you. (Quite frankly, from the sounds of it you've been quite an ass, but that doesn't excuse her actions in this reagrd either.)

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that the damage has been done, and done severly. Unless you've got Cupid's arrow, no amount of apology and/or make-up sex will fix this mess. Even if you do manage to remain friends, your relationship will, most likely, never be the same. Time to move on.

Just my $0.02.

[Edit for spelling.]

 

[PCTweaker5]

Originally posted by: villan
lol i have both of those, not sure if they are in these pics in enough detail tho: http://jukashi.com/room

OK you know what? You should seriously clean your room and rearrange before anything else. Changing your environment can have a serious affect on the way you live and feel. My room was a total mess and I just cleaned it today and am going to shampoo the carpet and everything tomorrow. It was dirty for like 3 months and I have been so damn lazy and negative about things and when I cleaned today I felt pretty good and productive. lol

 

[Tremulant]

Kinda looks like you unexpectedly brought it upon yourself. It sucks, but you can work through it. :beer:

 

[AreaCode707]

You remind me of my ex-bf (only ex-bf I've ever had - Am, if you're reading this thread, um, hi?) except I didn't cheat and I never would have left. But it SUCKS when you feel like you're trying so hard and the other person isn't trying at all. For me, it was all about the visible level of effort. Don't go out and buy flowers to make up for neglecting her, but sit down and spend some serious time talking. For one, because you need to work out her cheating thing. Secondly because you're going to need to show her that you're putting effort into things so it doesn't happen again.

 

[Trygve]

Originally posted by: rsd
Also don't you think it is a bad sign that you had to read her BLOG to get an insight into what she is feeling/ thinking?

Sometimes it's how you find these things out, though. In real life, maybe she just seems a little moody, but says "nothing" is wrong...and it's not until you check her blog that you find out that she's having a passionate affair with someone she met that weekend and has actually dumped you, but just hadn't gotten around to mentioning it.

 

[villan]

those pics are of when its clean seriously heh..

anyway, i love her and i think she is worth fighting for. i know most guys think of their girl fcking some other guy is go berzerk, i have a different view (i want an open relationship sometime in my life) . it the deception that hurts, the rejection. she says we worked it out, we are talking about moving in together. two negatives equal a positive? and btw it wasnt all bad, for the first couple months she was the object of my affection/obsession, maybe we can go back..

 

[cornbread]

Originally posted by: JeffCos
Thank you?

THANK YOU!!!!!!

 

[AreaCode707]

Oh, since you're a no0b - check out YAGT.org

 

[candicec]

Dear Villan,

Wow, I was really touched by your post..

I think you handled the situation in a very adult fashion

If my bf cheated on me...first reaction DUMP HIM...it would take a lot longer than an hour to take him back...but, I'm glad that you are clear on your feelings...that you think your reltshp with her is worth fighting for.

It's a shame that such a breakdown of communication led to this. But what someone else said is right.
Neglect does not excuse the cheating. Make sure you guys are more communicative of your needs, and everything will work out in the long run.

I'm feeling for you!!

your pal,

candicec

time really does heal all wounds...

 

[HardcoreRobot]

if she cheat on me, i will crush her

 

[PCTweaker5]

Originally posted by: villan
those pics are of when its clean seriously heh..

anyway, i love her and i think she is worth fighting for. i know most guys think of their girl fcking some other guy is go berzerk, i have a different view (i want an open relationship sometime in my life) . it the deception that hurts, the rejection. she says we worked it out, we are talking about moving in together. two negatives equal a positive? and btw it wasnt all bad, for the first couple months she was the object of my affection/obsession, maybe we can go back..

Sounds like youre getting through it already. Congrats man and Im sure everything will be just fine. But no I dont believe the clean room thing. lol

 

[rh71]

how long have you been with her ? I found out about neglect almost too late also. I think this is the 8th year we've been together. I have made every effort to change for the better since realizing the neglect and I hope she sees that. She trusted me enough to marry me recently. The feelings are there, but you still need to make a concerted effort to show it. We're stronger than I've remembered in a long time now.

As I read her blog you posted, I couldn't help but think of the sorrow my now-wife must've felt at one point. I don't have any advice as to where you go from here. I do want to know how long you've been together though.

 

[PCTweaker5]

So what does your wife have to say about your sig girls? lol

 

[Tremulant]

Originally posted by: PCTweaker5
So what does your wife have to say about your sig girls? lol

I was thinking the same.

 

[Mo0o]

Originally posted by: PCTweaker5
So what does your wife have to say about your sig girls? lol

Baby steps..

 

[PCTweaker5]

I like your September 16th comment on your Xanga Mo0o.