Picking Up Chicks

[Tbirdkid]

seriously, you should just walk up and say this: Hey girl, can i taste it? She wont know how to react, and you will either get the ****** slapped outta you or she will just laugh and giggle and your in like flin.

Just so ya know, thats how i landed my girls when i was younger, but then again, i was 6 foot 4, ripped, had a nice car, and well, im hung like a peanut....

 

[Aharami]

Originally posted by: quakefiend420

He's this guy *NSFW*

wow. best ownage Ive ever seen

 

[pinion9]

Serious advice is needed. I'll be the mature one, and not take the low blow, the stupid joke, and tell you what has always worked for me.

First, girls love metrosexual. You need to dress as nice (borderline gay) as possible. This means a stylish tight t-shirt from Abercrombie or AE. A whimsical shirt that can be construed as gay is acceptable if it includes an animal. A shirt with a daschund that says "I'm not gay but my weiner is" would really do it. Tight jeans to match are a must, but they also need flair, such as rings down the legs.

Girls also love eyelashes, even on guys. They also want guys to feel their pain. I suggest you put on a little mascara. Just a touch, nothing too heavy. Eyeliner wouldn't hurt either.

Next, give yourself a name. Nothing too pretentious. Something that will sound cool. That way you can tell her, "Hi, my name is Max, but you can call me 'G Love'." Your friends also need to call you this.

You are on your way to metrosexual. But you know what? Girls also love guys that are a little rough. Once you have talked to her, don't let her 'friend' you. Also, since your friends are better looking and smoother than you, you need to establish dominance. Go ahead and sucker punch the first one that looks at your new woman. Tell him he needs to quit being a b!tch.

Start changing from metrosexual to control freak through the night. Women love a sense of security, and nothing makes a girl feel more secure than a tight grip. Don't call her by her name any more. Make up a name and tell her you like it better. Patronize her every chance you get, and when she orders a drink, tell the waiter that she has had enough. Push him away from the table to establish that YOU make the rules.

Towards the end of the night, when you are taking her home, let her know you need to stop at the 7-11 to pick up some Jimmy hats. Ask her if she or her roomate is alegic to latex.

When you get to her place, turn the ribbed condoms inside out. You should get the pleasure. Pull out and give her a jelly donut when you are done. Make sure you finish first and that she doesn't even make it to the halfway mark.

When you leave, throw $50 on her nightstand and tell her thanks and to keep the change.

 

[WildHorse]

Make her laugh

 

[randay]

raise anchor, catch the wind in your sails and broadside her with your long nine. yar

 

[Perknose]

Picking up heavy chicks is not easy, so it's best to bringalong one or two strong friends who won't mind the smell.

It's a lot like cow tipping, it's best to catch them unawares.

It's well known that morbidly obese chicks sleep standing up, due usually to them having completely smashed their former bed with the enormity of their own weight. So you just have to keep your eye out when travelling through less populated areas (morbidly obese chicks eat other girls, reducing the population, another well know fact) for an inert mass of failed feminity, and then stirke!

Hope this helps. :wine:

 

[sonambulo]

Just be confident. Get a female friend to give you an honest ranking on a 1-10 point scale. If you starting fresh, go for two points below that or pick up women over 30. I'm sure it sounds like joking but it's actual advice. Good luck.

 

[nonnormman]

Better than picking up chicks:

* Games
* playing with new technology
* upgrading and maintaining your car

 

[pinion9]

Originally posted by: nonnormman
Better than picking up chicks:

* Games
* playing with new technology
* upgrading and maintaining your car
* dying alone

Yes...and maintaining virginity until death is an amazing feat of self control.

 

[nonnormman]

Originally posted by: pinion9

Originally posted by: nonnormman
Better than picking up chicks:

* Games
* playing with new technology
* upgrading and maintaining your car
* dying alone

Yes...and maintaining virginity until death is an amazing feat of self control.

Women=overrated

 

[UDT89]

how about this.

just go up to a girl and say, "Hi, I'm (insert your name) and you are.......?" then when she gives her name start a convo. Like "are you from around here?" do you rent/own, you work in the area? what do you do for a living? do you like it? do you have any future career goals? what do you do for fun?

but you gotta have fun with it. be witty. like if she doesnt give you her name just make one up and call her that. and see if she responds to it. if she does say since you're making my life difficult i decided to call you Rebecca.

etc etc etc. and if you cant converse off of her answers then shes not for you.

Now if ur just looking to get laid. thats a whole different ball game.

 

[AbAbber2k]

Originally posted by: pinion9
Serious advice is needed. I'll be the mature one, and not take the low blow, the stupid joke, and tell you what has always worked for me.

First, girls love metrosexual. You need to dress as nice (borderline gay) as possible. This means a stylish tight t-shirt from Abercrombie or AE. A whimsical shirt that can be construed as gay is acceptable if it includes an animal. A shirt with a daschund that says "I'm not gay but my weiner is" would really do it. Tight jeans to match are a must, but they also need flair, such as rings down the legs.

Girls also love eyelashes, even on guys. They also want guys to feel their pain. I suggest you put on a little mascara. Just a touch, nothing too heavy. Eyeliner wouldn't hurt either.

Next, give yourself a name. Nothing too pretentious. Something that will sound cool. That way you can tell her, "Hi, my name is Max, but you can call me 'G Love'." Your friends also need to call you this.

You are on your way to metrosexual. But you know what? Girls also love guys that are a little rough. Once you have talked to her, don't let her 'friend' you. Also, since your friends are better looking and smoother than you, you need to establish dominance. Go ahead and sucker punch the first one that looks at your new woman. Tell him he needs to quit being a b!tch.

Start changing from metrosexual to control freak through the night. Women love a sense of security, and nothing makes a girl feel more secure than a tight grip. Don't call her by her name any more. Make up a name and tell her you like it better. Patronize her every chance you get, and when she orders a drink, tell the waiter that she has had enough. Push him away from the table to establish that YOU make the rules.

Towards the end of the night, when you are taking her home, let her know you need to stop at the 7-11 to pick up some Jimmy hats. Ask her if she or her roomate is alegic to latex.

When you get to her place, turn the ribbed condoms inside out. You should get the pleasure. Pull out and give her a jelly donut when you are done. Make sure you finish first and that she doesn't even make it to the halfway mark.

When you leave, throw $50 on her nightstand and tell her thanks and to keep the change.

:shocked::laugh:

 

[suse920]

Originally posted by: nonnormman

Originally posted by: pinion9

Originally posted by: nonnormman
Better than picking up chicks:

* Games
* playing with new technology
* upgrading and maintaining your car
* dying alone

Yes...and maintaining virginity until death is an amazing feat of self control.

Women=overrated

not at all actually

 

[pinion9]

Originally posted by: nonnormman

Originally posted by: pinion9

Originally posted by: nonnormman
Better than picking up chicks:

* Games
* playing with new technology
* upgrading and maintaining your car
* dying alone

Yes...and maintaining virginity until death is an amazing feat of self control.

Women=overrated

Aaaahahahahahahahahaha...

You think that for the same reason I think sky diving is overrated: I've never done it, and there is little chance that I ever will.

 

[pinion9]

Originally posted by: suse920

Originally posted by: nonnormman

Originally posted by: pinion9

Originally posted by: nonnormman
Better than picking up chicks:

* Games
* playing with new technology
* upgrading and maintaining your car
* dying alone

Yes...and maintaining virginity until death is an amazing feat of self control.

Women=overrated

not at all actually

I agree. I enjoy women. Not all, but most. You just need to realize you are equals and that they can only make your life miserable if you let them. Show them you are self confident and that you don't need them, and they flock. I would say self confidence and good personality/sense of humor can get you 80% of the way. It isn't your hobbies, clothes, style, etc that turn girls off. It is your defeatist attitude and lack of confidence.

 

[nonnormman]

I've come up an equation to represent my feelings on women.

Life - women = Great

 

[UDT89]

Originally posted by: nonnormman
I've come up an equation to represent my feelings on women.

Life - women = Great

lol awesome.

 

[AdamK47]

It's most evident in this thread that humor on the subject hides the lonely sadness that sits deep inside the people that post on ATOT.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Originally posted by: nonnormman
I've come up an equation to represent my feelings on women.

Life - women = Great

losers will tell themselves anything to make them feel like winners.

 

[nonnormman]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

Originally posted by: nonnormman
I've come up an equation to represent my feelings on women.

Life - women = Great

losers will tell themselves anything to make them feel like winners.

Men who chase after women are the real losers.

 

[Ragnarok2]

Originally posted by: Perknose
Picking up heavy chicks is not easy, so it's best to bringalong one or two strong friends who won't mind the smell.

It's a lot like cow tipping, it's best to catch them unawares.

It's well known that morbidly obese chicks sleep standing up, due usually to them having completely smashed their former bed with the enormity of their own weight. So you just have to keep your eye out when travelling through less populated areas (morbidly obese chicks eat other girls, reducing the population, another well know fact) for an inert mass of failed feminity, and then stirke!

Hope this helps. :wine:

ROFL!

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Originally posted by: nonnormman

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

Originally posted by: nonnormman
I've come up an equation to represent my feelings on women.

Life - women = Great

losers will tell themselves anything to make them feel like winners.

Men who chase after women are the real losers.

keep rationalizing it.....whatever gets you to bed at night.

 

[pinion9]

Originally posted by: nonnormman

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

Originally posted by: nonnormman
I've come up an equation to represent my feelings on women.

Life - women = Great

losers will tell themselves anything to make them feel like winners.

Men who chase after women are the real losers.

Chase? Make the women chase you man. That is the real accomplishment. Why is wanting female companionship and a warm dock to park your skiff the actions of a loser?

I take it you are about 15 and the girl you want, the only girl, doesn't like you.

 

[nonnormman]

No, I'm 18 and I've never had the slightest interest in any of the women I've seen over the years. However, I love the benifits of not wasting money on dates, gifts, or bithdays.

 

[pinion9]

Originally posted by: nonnormman
No, I'm 18 and I've never had the slightest interest in any of the women I've seen over the years. However, I love the benifits of not wasting money on dates, gifts, or bithdays.

Teh gay?

Wasting money? You don't have to waste money on that stuff. It isn't really wasting...if you are so broke that you can't afford to spend $50 on a date or a gift, I would reevaluate your life as it stands and get a second job.