please help me to correct grammar.

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slinetz

Senior member
Apr 2, 2000
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I am not a native english speaker, so i need your help to fix my grammar errors and other errors. Whoever contribute most will recieve $5 dollars cash reward or a DVD. I will let people know who get the prize by the end. thanks.

My heatware is slinetz.

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# My basic information and how I get into mobile application industry.
My name is Andy Huang. I was born in Taipei, Taiwan. After I finished middle school in Taiwan, my whole family immigrated to San Jose, CA, USA. I attended high school there and moved to Davis for college education. My college major was computer science. I majored it because I enjoyed playing video game and wanted to write my own. It was my passion at that time, and I naturally followed it.
I got a game programmer offer from Softstar Taiwan after I graduated from college. I flied back to Taiwan and rented an apartment near the company. Because I was considered a new programmer at that time, they assigned me to newly formed mobile software division. Ever since that job, I have officially gotten into mobile application industry and have stayed in this field for the past six years.
# Why am I interested in China?
I was sent to Shanghai, China in 2005. This place was young and vibrant. The whole city was changing its face in daily base. People were so eager to improve their life and worked toward that goal relentlessly. Lots of foreign and Taiwanese companies were expanding here. My local co-workers were from all over China. I could tell that they were all highly educated and very ambitious. China is a sleeping dragon, I said to myself.
#Back to US
As my father became sick, I moved back to United States. Here I was hired by an India company, aalayance. It later merged with fifth largest outsourcing companies in India, HCL. My job was doing the part of engineering works which could not be done in India office, dealing with internal engineering and product team in yahoo, and QA, engineering teams in Bangalore, India. I also had to make daily verbal report to my direct boss inside the US office.
I was hired as a contractor, as soon as it became clear there were no more projects available, I started to look for another job. Because my experience in game and mobile application industry, I was hired by a very well-known Japanese game publisher, Namco. Pac-Man was top three download mobile games for 2007 and 2008. And we were porting lots of classic arcade games into mobile platform.
My next move was a career move, Vindigo was a company located in the heart of New York City, Time Square. Mapquest Mobile was the most popular map application before google came out their version of it. I was so eager to help the company grow. I still remembered I spent my whole Christmas Eve inside the office voluntarily. But maybe google was just too tough to beat, we struggled for months. Eventually, we had to close the operation.
I moved back to San Jose again. I was hired by another India company to work for a mobile project. We were integrating a lot of social network web sites. We gathered all the information from them and put them in an organized way.
#Conclusion

Mobile software application is a very profitable business, and this industry is still growing. India has large percent of illiterate in population. China has very good potential to replace India to become the world largest mobile software solution provider. Nanjing is Foxconn software development center. From my background, past experience, and my industry, I think I would be a very good fit to Foxconn. To help it grow its business.

Sincerely,
Andy Huang
 

Malak

Lifer
Dec 4, 2004
14,696
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Just an FYI, don't bother bumping it. It's the middle of the night, most are sleeping. Don't worry, BoomerD will help you tomorrow.
 

angminas

Diamond Member
Dec 17, 2006
3,331
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# My basic information and how I got into the mobile application industry.
My name is Andy Huang. I was born in Taipei, Taiwan. After I finished middle school in Taiwan, my whole family emigrated to San Jose, California. After graduating from high school there, I moved to Davis to begin my college education. I enjoyed playing video games and wanted to write my own, so I majored in computer science. It was my passion at that time, and naturally I followed it.

After I graduated, Softstar Taiwan offered me a position as a game programmer. I moved back to Taiwan and rented an apartment near the company. Because I was considered a new programmer at that time, they assigned me to their newly formed mobile software division. Ever since that job, I have officially gotten into the mobile application industry and have been active in this field for the past six years.

# Why am I interested in China?
I was sent to Shanghai, China by Softstar in 2005. Shanghai felt young and vibrant. The whole city was changing its face on a daily basis. I was impressed by how eager people were to improve their lives and how relentlessly they worked toward that goal. Many foreign and Taiwanese companies were expanding here. My local co-workers were from all over China, and I could tell that they were all highly educated and very ambitious. I felt energized by the tremendous potential I felt all around me.

#Back to US
As my father's health declined, I moved back to the United States. Here I was hired by an India company, Aalayance. It later merged with the fifth largest outsourcing company in India, HCL. My duties included engineering work which could not be done in the India office, dealing with internal engineering and product teams in Yahoo!, and performing quality assurance for engineering teams in Bangalore, India. I also made daily verbal reports to my direct boss at the US office.

I was hired as a contractor, but when it became clear that there were no more projects available, I started to look for another job. Because of my experience in the game and mobile application industries, I was hired by the Japanese video game publisher Namco. I was involved with Pac-Man when it was one of the top three downloaded mobile games for 2007 and 2008. During this time, we ported many classic arcade games onto mobile platforms.

My next career move was to Vindigo, a company located in the heart of New York City- Times Square. Mapquest Mobile was the most popular map application before Google released their version of it. I was so eager to help the company grow that I voluntarily spent Christmas Eve working at the office. We struggled for months, but maybe Google was just too tough to beat. Eventually, we had to close the operation.

After this, I moved back to San Jose. I was hired by another Indian company to work for a mobile project integrating a number of social network web sites. We gathered all the information from them and presented it in an organized fashion.

#Conclusion
Mobile software application is a very profitable business, and this industry is still growing. India has a very high percentage of illiteracy, and China has very good potential to replace India as the world's largest mobile software solution provider. Nanjing is the Foxconn software development center. Considering my background, past experience, and my industriousness, I think I would be a very good fit with Foxconn and could help it grow.

*************************************

"My duties included engineering work which could not be done in the India office, dealing with internal engineering and product teams in Yahoo!, and performing quality assurance for engineering teams in Bangalore, India."

This sentence needs serious help...it's unclear what you did with whom and to whom. I tried to clean it up but can't really do much without knowing more. I don't know if the way I rephrased it is accurate, so I just tried to make the sentence better. You'll need to fact check it.

Your overall tone is quite informal. I tried to tighten it up without making it bland and without putting too many words in your mouth. It could still be improved, but I think it's much better now. Again, I can't do much more without knowing more about you and the specific assignment for which you were writing this.

Do work on your flow, though. Move away from "I did this. I did this. I did this." and more toward "When I started to do this, I learned how to do this, which helped me to be able to do a better job at this." It sounds like a chain of events rather than a box full of unrelated data. It's better to read, and it makes it sound more like you're in charge of your life, rather than letting things happen to you.

Same with the part about reporting to your boss. "Had to" carries the connotation that you didn't want to or that you found it unpleasant, and it could be interpreted as whining about your duties or slamming your employer. It also makes you look powerless.

Well, this is way more than $5 worth of improvement, so I'm going to stop there for now ^_^
 

slinetz

Senior member
Apr 2, 2000
824
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0
as i promised, do you want a dvd or 5 dollars from payapl for helping me for the cover letter?

thanks

andy
 
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