please help me understand females...

[T4NNER]

Over a year ago, I dated someone whom I loved very much(Jane). She dumped me and has had multiple boyfriends since then. I met her best friend(Jill) over the weekend. She and I hit it off very well, and ended up being affectionate towards one another.

Now today, I'm told that she broke a "friend code" by getting involved with her best friend's ex. Friend code, ex, me?... what the @$!@#$? I can't be interested in Jill because I'm the former dumpee of Jane? Jill and I had our moment, and we both decided a long distance relationship would not work at all, so nothing will come of the weekend. The problems all come from the fact that I'm an "ex" and I'm off limits to any of Jane's friends.

Personally, I feel the whole thing is absurd. I had a genuine interest in Jill, and she in me. Why does Jane's opinion matter at all?... She dumped me a long time ago.

 

[gopunk]

they're on crack, if jane dumped you, there should be no problem with you dating her friends.

 

[Viper0329]

don't try to understand females...they make as much sense as we do

 

[T4NNER]

Frustrating

 

[Viper0329]

And by the way, her idea doesn't.

 

[kami]

<< please help me understand females... >>


What you are attempting is impossible

 

[T4NNER]

women, the original catch-22

 

[KiltedFool]

The only man to ever truly figure out the mindset of a woman died laughing before he could pass it on, so you're mostly SOL.



Could be a variety of things, usually you don't date a good friend's ex, regardless of gender. But there was plenty of time passed between when she dumped you and when this other thing arose. If I had to make a guess your ex has some regrets that she ended things with you. She likely knew or assumed you were dating, but could handle if it was a nameless faceless kind of assumption. Knowing that it's her friend and that it's likely to be right in front of her eyes on a regular basis could unhinge her.


Oh heck with it, women are insane and not to be understood. The downside is that if God made anything better than women, he kept it to himself.

KF

 

[grimzod]

As long as Jill likes you it could be a great situation. If shes too tight with jane hang it up. If you can get her to date for a while Jane will go insane or she'll realize she doesn't care anymore. Either way just sit back and watch the world come apart. Sounds like fun.

I enjoyed watching some of my ex girlfriends blow a gasket when they realize their 'girlfriend' is dating their x. Just remember to keep it all in good humor. At least on your side. If they get mad...who cares. Tell Jill in a heartfelt way she means something to you and you might just get her to date notwithstanding your x's opposition.

On the other hand it might not be worth the trouble.

Anyway, have fun. And don't try to understand them. It'll hurt your brain.

I'm married three years this November and (we dated four years before marrying) I don't understand her. I just know better what not to do and when not to do it.

Grimzod

 

[darkjester]

Females don't understand females. We have no hope.

 

[viewton]

Secretary: &quot;How do you write women so well?&quot;

Jack Nicholson: &quot;I think of a man. Then I take away reason and accountability.&quot;

-As Good as It Gets

 

[kei]

i'm dating my former roomate's ex
i have no loyalty at all

 

[MomAndSkoorbaby]

Yup, we are a strange bunch that's for sure.

Although, I would date my friend's ex. I have in the past!

 

[palad]

Allow me to share with you all men's combined understanding of women...

Here.

 

[goodoptics]

<< please help me understand females... >>



That's almost impossible. :frown:

 

<< please help me understand females... >>



Another hopeless man.
Someday you will understand WHY they make beer.

 

[StageLeft]

If its a year old and Jane dumped you, not the other way around, there is no frigging friend code. We're not talking black ops here and criminal activites. Tell her to get over it.

 

[Urinal Mint]

Would you want Jane humping one of your best friends?

 

[DreamKing]

Hmmmm....

I think there is no understanding, either way as long as both genders continue to play the various games that we do.

That entire &quot;rule&quot; about not dating the ex of a friend seems rather silly to me unless perhaps it was a really messy split and the &quot;friends&quot; don't want a friendship to split apart due to one person being involved with someone that the other friend was formerly involved with. If the split was mutal and clean (didn't sound like it in this case) then there shouyld be no problem since everyone still could be together and hang out without a problem....but that is the rational assumption and this is an emotional issue we are talking about.....rarely does rationality work its way into the situation.

I know when the woman I was with left me I really didn't think too much about her dating someone else (well not after the first few weeks...special situation here), and eventually when we got back together it was revealed that even though we were split (by HER leaving)she couldn't stand the idea of me dating other women (we were split up mind you), which I was casually doing, yet she was in a very INVOLVED relationship for the short time we were apart.....tell me that makes any sense......well it sort of does....she still missed and cared for me deeply, but I was ready to move on (had to..no other choice) so I didn't want to think about her anymore...there still was a very active emotional tie.

I think the only &quot;rule&quot; that really should be steadfast is that if someone is involved with someone (as in married or engaged or damn close to either one) you should NOT start to snoop around and try to set yourself up with that person esp. if it is a troubled relationship and you come across as a &quot;friend&quot; type when what you are really trying to do is make it so that when the person gets out of that relationship you are there waiting....for something more, which was your intention all along (can anyone tell I was on the short end of the deal on this one....ie, the dumpee????). That type of person, to me has no HONOR in life to do something like this...(I can judge because I had the chance to be that type of person (on more than one occasion) but my honor and integrity would not allow me to do so.

My point with any of this....relationships really are not RATIONAL things that you can analyze and if you try you will give yourself a really really BIG headache in the process.
You just have to take things daily, be the best and most honest person that you can be with that person, and hope that the same is returned to you. And if it doesn't turn out....you did you best and perhaps the path you walk in life was not meant to unfold in such a manner....

 

[DannyLove]

something yakko would say:




<< please help me understand females... >>



no

danny~!

 

[Gonad the Barbarian]

Since Jane perpetrated the dumping, and you are the victim of said dumping, Jane has forfeited her right to protection under the friend code, and hence absolved you and any of Jane's friends, Jill in this case, from having to adhere to said friend code.

 

[goog]

<< Since Jane perpetrated the dumping, and you are the victim of said dumping, Jane has forfeited her right to protection under the friend code, and hence absolved you and any of Jane's friends, Jill in this case, from having to adhere to said friend code. >>



What he said. Code does not apply, nor does Jane's opinion (cept possibly to Jill in which case you got a problem).

 

[Cyberian]

A man was walking along a California beach when he stumbled across
an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The
genie said &quot;OK so you released me from the lamp blah blah blah, but
this is the fourth time this week and I'm getting a little sick of these
wishes, So you can forget about three. You only get one wish.&quot;
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, &quot;I've
always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm too scared to fly and I get very
seasick. So could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there?&quot;
The gene laughed a replied, &quot;That's impossible. Think of the
logistics of that. How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?
Think of how much concrete....How much steel !!!! No think of another
wish.&quot; The man agreed and tried to think of a really good wish. He said,
&quot;I've been married and divorced four times. My wives have always said I
don't care and that I'm insensitive. I wish that I could understand
women. To know what they are thinking when they give me the silent
treatment, To know why they are crying, To know what they want when they
say &quot;nothing&quot;....&quot;
The genie replies &quot;You want that bridge two lanes or four?&quot;

 

[Ulfwald]

You, my friend ask the impossible. Even the GREAT AND WISE OLD SAGE at the top of the mountain cannot answer this one, nor can he give you insight.

 

[spp]

Hmmmmm... I think you're lucky enough to be able to date her (and other things that you've done).... I've always dated people that are not related to each other at all.............


But either way, don't try to understand women. Try to let them understand you.... I think you'll be better off that way