Roy asked either Dennis, Dan or I to post this today:
The first of my three D friends that receives this
email please post it on the TA forum.
Thanks.
Muttley gave me his username and password for the TA
forum but since I'm currently using AOL as my ISP
connection using his account was to no avail. I do
thank him for his generosity.
I want to thank Ranger for his offer, but this yahoo
email account is fine. Perhaps I'm not understanding
the advantage of using one of his email accounts.
I'm still struggling with this computer rebooting.
I've been able to reduce the frequency at which the
reboot occurs by downloading/installing a Win2k update
related to user defined fonts, but unexpected reboots
still occur. Unfortunately the problem was not
resolved by setting the RAM timing to '3'.
David do you know of any Win2K option that would allow
me to gain additional insight into the source of the
problem. For example I see that under Win2K there
exists a debug-startup mode. Not to say that the
debug-startup mode would help in this situation but it
serves as an example of a Win2K debug technique.
I want to first resolve the random crashes before
investigating which free-ISP and ad popup blocker to
use in order to make posts on the TA forum.
I know that free ISPs do use a lot of ad pop ups so
I'm hoping that I can add a popup blocker to help
reduce the number of popups.
I need to get busy today calling a couple of church
friends in hopes of getting a ride to pick up a new
set of eye glasses. For the last month I haven't been
able to read text due to a double vision problem. I
originally thought the double image problem might be
due to the medication I'm on but last Saturday an
optometrist verified that the double image was related
to myopia and not a medication issue. My sister has
paid ($300) for the eye exam and the new set of eye
glasses. I just need to get a ride to pick up the new
glasses. The glasses are tri-focal with no lines. It's
the new progressive lenses in which the lowest part of
the lenses can be used for reading close up text
(book) and the portion of the lense immediately above
the lowest portion can be used for reading text on a
computer monitor.
I plan to submit an application for disability income.
I may be able to join the work force within a few
weeks but if that does not occur I don't want to
regret not applying for disability. There is a person
here in Texarkana that will do all the paper work
required to be eligible for disability. There is a
fee to use his service but considering that most
initial applications for disability result in a
refusal it probably is worth the fee. I realize that
currently I don't have the determination to do the
paper work due to depression. I have been considering
using this fellow's help in making a disability
application for at least a week now, but every day is
a struggle and I have yet to even pick up the phone
and call him.
It's almost impossible for me to describe how deep
depression leaves one without the ability to think in
a rational/logical manner. For one day or perhaps only
part of a day I'm able to think clearly and then all
of a sudden a Mack truck (depression) hits me and my
ability to think in a rational/logical manner is
immediately lost. It's truly a devastating and
frightening disability.
I have received some excellent job opportunites from
people that have made posts within my TA thread. Those
people may retract their offer forever once they
realize how I'm currently struggling, however I feel
that "what will be, will be". I have enough
self-awareness to realize that my primary focus must
be on my own recovery.
Once I'm able to go for two weeks without being hit by
the Mack truck (depression) I want to start an online
course that will prepare me to take the Oracle
Developer exam. I'm glad that even though my current
life is a struggle, I still have a goal. Goals are
helpful. Why? When depressed it's difficult to find a
reason to live.
I have a couple items remaining in my previous house
in Dallas that I want to sell. Top-of-the-line Klipsch
PC speakers, speaker stands for the Klipsch speakers,
top-of-the-line Adaptec 39160 dual-channel 160 SCSI
card. The items are unused and still in the box. I
must obtain a ride back to Dallas to pick up my
clothing items that remain in my Dallas home. I will
pick up the items that I want to sell at that time.
My current plans (highly subject to change) is to use
the donations from my DC (distributed computing)
friends to pay for online courses and to use the
cash from the two items I want to sell to upgrade my
sister's computer. I want to upgrade her motherboard
to one that has an AGP slot and to upgrade her mobo
built-in 8MB graphics chip to a graphics card that
would allow me to re-join my EverQuest friends (Legion
of Zek,
http://www.legionofzek.org/forum/viewforum.php?f=1 ).
These friends were previously in Radiant Circle
(
http://pub18.ezboard.com/fradiantcircleradiantcircle
). One member of Radiant Circle, that did not make the
move to Legion of Zek offered a month ago to pay my
monthly subscription to Everquest. I have not been in
a position to take him up on the offer, due to my
erractic depressing moods.
Everyone needs goals in life, regardless of whether
the goals are ever obtained.
A proper balance of educational and recreational goals
is hopefully a good plan for how to spend my time
until I'm ready to re-join the work force.
(Just returned from answering a phone call on my
sister's phone.)
The call was from the local MHMR office here in
Texarkana. They informed me that I had missed my MHMR
appointment that had been scheduled for this morning.
When everyday is a struggle it's easy to forget an
appointment. Missing the appointment was not a big
loss because I was informed from the phone
conversation I just finished that people that are not
on medicaid disability are placed on a year long
waiting list. People receiving medicaid disability for
some legal reason are accepted immediately as a MHMR
patient.
Contacting the fellow that can help me with the
disability application now takes on a much higher
priority.
On a positive note, I have joined my sister's church
and many people in her church are praying for a
miracle.
I truly feel that nothing short of a miracle will get
me out of this situation in a short span of time.
I will continue to go to a medical clinic here in
order to keep on my anti-depressant medication. Last
week I went to St. Michael Family Clinic here and
received a 30 day supply of anti-depressant and
sleeping aid medication. Unfortunately the sleeping
aid medication was stolen by my sister's daughter that
came to visit last weekend or one of her girlfriend's.
It seems that any self/group therapy to address the
events that I have experienced in the recent past will
have to wait till I have become a qualified MHMR
patient.
I do apologize for the "depressing" tone of this post.
I pray that my next post will be more upbeat.
If you would like to contact me you can do so using
the email addy of ta_ogr AT yahoo DOT com.
Everything stated in this post is subject to change
considering my current situation.
God bless,
Roy