Please Pray......
...always .
but not necessarily for how you'd like this to turn out. Prosecution can result in injustice and peace found somehow may not be lasting.
By the way, if anyone has advice about what to do/say in this kind of a situation, I would greatly appreciate it. Right now I feel very helpless.
Hi Sarah .
At first, I did not know what to think of this thread or the post. Rape is such a horrendous crime with issues of power, identity, personhood mixed in with sexuality that it is very hard for me to console or comfort one who has undergone the experience. It takes much time, much effort, much reliving and learning to deal. It is never fully over for the victim and these wounds run very very deep. However, there is healing.
As a person who also feels helpless in this case, here is some suggested advice:
1) Remain calm. There is already one woman who is going out of her mind with grief and with pain. Another one will surely add to the confusion. For your own sanity and wellbeing, use the reason you have to remain strong.
2) If you can, get her to visit rape victims organization. She has lost social status or may think she did. With something like this, the victim does not know how people perceive her. She will be scared, and not only scared for the immediate biological outcomes like unwanted pregnancy but for future intimate relationships with men, for future inhibitions in her sexual life, and most frighteningly, for her perception by other people. There is alot of blame that can occur here. It seems she was aware there was a chance of this happening and didn't leave. She will call herself stupid for not taking precautions, for not seeing this way in advance, for not listening to her bf, for not being able to push the boss away, etc. This is one of the hardest things to help with. Yet it is necessary to continue going on with life. To help with this, get her to talk to others or be as supportive and assuring as possible. Don't just sit there and cry as some sort of empathic moment, the results of this may feel good but the wounds run deeper. She must realize that nothing has changed, that people support here, and that this is not her fault.
3) Remember that this will take time. During the acute period of rape coping, there is a violent reaction, blaming, all sorts of stuff the victim undergoes. This is the period when your support, just being there, makes the difference. At the latter stage, when post-traumatic stress disorder is prevalent, an organization of life will occur. This experience will cause serious rethinking of priorities, or plans, ideas, etc. Here too, you can help just by helping with everyday tasks and getting her to open up and having someone to talk to. Talk is very thereapeutic.
You are far from helpless, please don't feel this way . Granted, you're not a trained counselor or anything but recent experiences have reminded me that the best help comes from being human and from caring enough as opposed to fancy certifications or credentials.
If you care too much and can't control your own emotions, maybe you should attend a rape crisis center meeting or join an organization to help you pick up some ideas on what to do/not to do and how to deal with this yourself.
If you want to help, you need to help, and this requires some knowledge. I just provided you with a good overview of what should work. If you need some more help, please PM me.
With this in mind, I do not pray for a speedy recovery. Those of you who think this way do not really feel what this means. This will take a long time to overcome and every day may be a struggle. I do not pray for solace immediately because it may then take longer to recover. I pray for the support of good people and for an understanding from this experience what rape can do and what darkness can lurk in human hearts.
Do good.
Cheers !
...always .
but not necessarily for how you'd like this to turn out. Prosecution can result in injustice and peace found somehow may not be lasting.
By the way, if anyone has advice about what to do/say in this kind of a situation, I would greatly appreciate it. Right now I feel very helpless.
Hi Sarah .
At first, I did not know what to think of this thread or the post. Rape is such a horrendous crime with issues of power, identity, personhood mixed in with sexuality that it is very hard for me to console or comfort one who has undergone the experience. It takes much time, much effort, much reliving and learning to deal. It is never fully over for the victim and these wounds run very very deep. However, there is healing.
As a person who also feels helpless in this case, here is some suggested advice:
1) Remain calm. There is already one woman who is going out of her mind with grief and with pain. Another one will surely add to the confusion. For your own sanity and wellbeing, use the reason you have to remain strong.
2) If you can, get her to visit rape victims organization. She has lost social status or may think she did. With something like this, the victim does not know how people perceive her. She will be scared, and not only scared for the immediate biological outcomes like unwanted pregnancy but for future intimate relationships with men, for future inhibitions in her sexual life, and most frighteningly, for her perception by other people. There is alot of blame that can occur here. It seems she was aware there was a chance of this happening and didn't leave. She will call herself stupid for not taking precautions, for not seeing this way in advance, for not listening to her bf, for not being able to push the boss away, etc. This is one of the hardest things to help with. Yet it is necessary to continue going on with life. To help with this, get her to talk to others or be as supportive and assuring as possible. Don't just sit there and cry as some sort of empathic moment, the results of this may feel good but the wounds run deeper. She must realize that nothing has changed, that people support here, and that this is not her fault.
3) Remember that this will take time. During the acute period of rape coping, there is a violent reaction, blaming, all sorts of stuff the victim undergoes. This is the period when your support, just being there, makes the difference. At the latter stage, when post-traumatic stress disorder is prevalent, an organization of life will occur. This experience will cause serious rethinking of priorities, or plans, ideas, etc. Here too, you can help just by helping with everyday tasks and getting her to open up and having someone to talk to. Talk is very thereapeutic.
You are far from helpless, please don't feel this way . Granted, you're not a trained counselor or anything but recent experiences have reminded me that the best help comes from being human and from caring enough as opposed to fancy certifications or credentials.
If you care too much and can't control your own emotions, maybe you should attend a rape crisis center meeting or join an organization to help you pick up some ideas on what to do/not to do and how to deal with this yourself.
If you want to help, you need to help, and this requires some knowledge. I just provided you with a good overview of what should work. If you need some more help, please PM me.
With this in mind, I do not pray for a speedy recovery. Those of you who think this way do not really feel what this means. This will take a long time to overcome and every day may be a struggle. I do not pray for solace immediately because it may then take longer to recover. I pray for the support of good people and for an understanding from this experience what rape can do and what darkness can lurk in human hearts.
Do good.
Cheers !