Disclaimer: suggested edits done very fast, so you?d better proof carefully.
(x) refer to notes below your text.
SUGGESTED OVERALL EDIT:
In contrast to many fiction writers, in ?The Sniper,? (A) author Liam O?Flaherty does not rely on dialogue for character development. O?Flaherty creates suspensful tension through his particular way of describing each scene in detail. He builds tension and suspense by narrating conflicts of conscience within the Republican sniper, which lead to external actions.
(B)
The story begins in Dublin, with the narrator describing the ?twilight faded night.? (C) & (D) We observe a Republican sniper and a Free Stater sniper, each camped on different rooftops near O'Connell Bridge. O?Flaherty casts them as opponents, in close proximity, each seeking to defeat the other in a fight for life and victory.
(B)
O?Flaherty writes very little dialogue between his characters. He uses an interesting narrative style to provide a window into each principal characters? thoughts. For example, (E) ?He paused for a moment, considering whether he should risk a smoke. It was dangerous. The flash might be seen in the darkness, and there were enemies watching. He decided to take the risk." (D)
(B)
O?Flaherty vividly describes the mental turbulence within the Republican sniper which quickly escalates to external physical conflict. O?Flaherty?s narrative clearly draws the growing apprehension within the Republican sniper, so that we distinctly sense this character's anxieties.
(B)
Liam O?Flaherty narrates the stressful situation (F) each character is coping with. "The sniper could hear the dull panting of the motor. His heart beat faster. It was an enemy car. He wanted to fire, but he knew it was useless. His bullets could never pierce the steel that covered the gray monster." This paints a word picture for us, while perhaps intentionally leaving the characters obscure. This could be read as subtly suggesting a threat that the snipers potentially are any anonymous persons, even someone we know.
(B)
In ?The Sniper? we are presented with an excellent short story that consists of a narrative force, internal character conflict and descriptions of scenes that seduce the reader. With these essential elements O?Flaherty successfully generates tension with minimum dialogue or character development in his fictional piece.
(B)
Though some may suppose a lack of dialogue equals a lack of substance, Liam O?Flaherty most effectively proves otherwise in his provocative story, ?The Sniper.?
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ALSO NOTE:
(A) I looked up the story on Amazon. It looks like a story in a book containing other stories. There?s a proper way to cite a story in a collected work, and the way you?ve done it is not correct. The correct form depends on whatever style guide your teacher, or your school, prescribes. Various style guides differ in specifying how to properly cite your source. I?d think at minimum, at the first appearance of the title, you?d include perhaps the story name in quotes, the book title underlined, the copyright date, publisher, editor name and ISBN. If not in the body, then footnoted.
(B) Break up the ?sea of text? with either a blank row between paragraphs, or indent the beginning of each para. That same style guide will say which method you?re required to use.
( C) Each direct quote should be footnoted, with the location in the story cited.
( D) Usually a comma would go inside the quotes rather than outside as you had it. However, in this instance your comma was edited into a period.
(E) I don?t think you should?ve used a semicolon here, but a comma instead.
(F) Changed ?position,? which might be confused with physical location, to ?situation.? Also delete a superfluous ?that.? (Several superfluous ?that? ?s deleted throughout)
P.S. What school are you in?