Recap:
...I think the problem that keeps creeping in, is mistaking punishment for discipline. Spanking is a quick punishment. It's used as a consequence of not doing as told. Parents have to be disciplined about disciplining their kids. There are generally more logical steps and consequences that could be employed before it reaches a spanking point. This may take a little more time at first, but saves countless future arguments and... spankings!
It seems so easy in hindsight. Just a matter of laying down reasonable rules and seeing that they're followed. It's got to be done in a "disciplined", consistent manner. Mom can't allow things that dad prohibits. You can't say one thing one day and something different the next. You have to lay down the ground rules early, so there is no misunderstanding. My boys have NEVER defied either of us, because that was not an option. I can't ever remember them telling me no. Never.
You guys have got to read the
Montessori method before even having kids. It should be a mandatory class in all schools. Hell, the kids in public schools should all be taught using these methods.
A quick example that might explain why our boys weren't "terrible" in their twos would be the way we dealt with things that they weren't "allowed" to touch. In the
Montessori method, all their toys have a place. No toy is removed from it's place, till the last toy is put back. Sound impossible? Nope, it's easy. Just a matter of setting up the rules and following through.
At two years old, they liked to watch Sesame Street videos. Instead of telling them not to touch the TV and VCR, we showed them how to turn them on and operate them. They could find their own tapes and play them when they wanted. The tapes were rewound and put away when done. Like I said, you have to read up on this whole
Montessori teaching program. It's a way of life that saves a LOT of stress.
In other words:
IMO, people confuse discipline with spanking. I believe in discipline, but not spanking. One other thing to consider is when to discipline. If you're constantly harping at your child, it will fall on deaf ears when important issues crop up. Lastly, a parent has to be consistent. When you tell a child to do, or not do something, you have to follow through. Personally, I tell them once and only once. After that they face the consequence of not listening the first time.
My children are 10 and 15 years old now, but I still remember dealing with 2 year olds. The trick is to keep them busy with their own toys or activities. Don't merely tell them no from across the room. You'll have to frequently get up and direct them to an activity that they are allowed and encouraged to do. Say,
"That's grandma's vase, here are your toys to play with." No need to tell them no, over and over. Doing that only lessens the meaning of the word, no.
The consequences of continuing to do something that they have been told not to, could range from spanking to time outs or anything in between. I never resorted to spanking or time outs. I have been known to yell, but only once every ten days or so. That's really all that was required to discipline our boys. Their manners are always commented on and I couldn't be more proud of them.
I wish our local schools offered lessons in parenting. By the time someone has started down the road to poor parenting habits, it's really hard to change. Again, the keys are consistency, following through and not sweating the small stuff.
...I wouldn't say anything if I hadn't been down this road already. A good source for more info can be found in any
Montessori based training guides.