Poll: Do You/Will You/Would You Spank your kids?

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sheselectric

Golden Member
Mar 6, 2002
1,210
0
0
i was spanked a bit as a kid, and i never thought it was wrong. i still don't, but i have been babysitting/working with kids for 10 years and there's NO WAY i'd ever hit someone else's kid. now that i'm in that mentality, it seems wrong for me to hit my own future kids. and i won't do it.
 

db

Lifer
Dec 6, 1999
10,575
292
126
Murphyrulez brings up a very good point.
Infants and children are just that--little inexperienced people with no or little experience yet. They need guidence. They cannot think like an adult or they would be called adults. Anyone who assumes that you can discuss things with a child just as you can with an adult is just ignorant of the facts--it does not work that way.
 

"Physical punishment is illegal here as well. I agree with that law."

"Here" where? It seems to me a guy without his profile enabled would afford us the courtesy as Nemesis did--despite his profile-- of telling us where in particular "here" refers to.


Needless to say, thanks to more detailed posts from other users, I gathered you are Dutch. So, do I suppose you reside at the Netherlands?

Gosh! No wonder Elledan turned out the way he did! :Q
LMAO! Of course you know I've got better sense than basing my argument on argument against the person! I'm messing with ya there, though I do think I can hold your parents responsible for your dogmatic doctrines and your demonstrated hostility toward certain religious beliefs! :Q Hehehe!

Okay, on a more serious note: I tried to avoid this thread, especially as it got longer. However, my ever thinking mind wouldn't let it rest with some despicably ridiculous arguments and claims to facts.

First off, let's get this straight: Spanking is not the same as paddling, flogging, beating or whooping. So, for anyone who really cares for a sincere progressive discussion, please take note of what the lexical definition is: [/i]spank Pronunciation Key (spngk)
v. spanked, spank·ing, spanks
v. tr.
To slap on the buttocks with a flat object or with the open hand, as for punishment[/i]

More often than not, I witness people here make arguments based on artificial grounds failing to have an established definition of a keyword.

Now, let's look at "flog" or "paddle": "flog Pronunciation Key (flg, flôg)
tr.v. flogged, flog·ging, flogs
To beat severely with a whip or rod.
Informal. To publicize aggressively: flogging a new book

v. pad·dled, pad·dling, pad·dles
. tr.
Nautical.
To spank or beat with a paddle, especially as a punishment.
"


Thus, it is clear from all lexical definitions that spanking is not synonymous with beating, flogging, etc. Spanking suggests a very mild form touch (i.e., with the hand as opposed to an object) with intent to punish. I think what makes spanking different from when a friend or a coach pats his student on the back is the intent. The intent of the latter usually is not punishment.

That being said, there is no law that says you cannot establish your own definition (i.e., stipulative or persuasive definition). But no one here has offered that, so we must all meet the criterion of the lexical definition to follow the other's train of thought.

Okay, let's start with Pundit: First off, what qualifies you to speak as an authority here? I mean, do you have credentials in this field or any actual experiments you made to draw the conclusions you have drawn? By all means, your response to NeoV was great: "When I was younger, I used to be a child". You know why? With disregard to the grammatical error, it goes to show the absurdity in your argument. For as you were once a child and reached this inference, so were the rest who believe it is okay to spank. They too were once kids and they too speak from experience. Therefore, if we are to accept your premise, the logical conclusion is that the strength or weakness or the good or bad of spanking is contingent and dependent upon the individual.

Oh, dare I express my shock about such preposterous inference you drew about a child who was spanked when he (or she) attempted to touch the stove. Here's an analogy to show you the blunder in your argument: Suppose we accept the ridiculousness of your argument. Then we would accept the argument that such child fearing stoves from the spank he or she received in that regards could equally have suffered such draw back because of his (or her) past life. In other words, he (or she) is experiencing this fear because such (i.e., fire) hurt him (or her) during his (or her) previous existence. Yes, I am speaking of reincarnation. There are claims of this nature in reincarnation. Your argument is as ridiculous as that. And if you are not willing to accept such argument, then yours is not any more qualified or viable. You have presented no studies at all to prove your claim. Must you go to the extreme to make your argument against spanking?

The problem here is that as stated earlier you and others are implicitly using "spanking" and "flogging" interchangeably. Thus, your argument totally begs the questions. It's like saying abortion is wrong because murder is wrong. That sort of argument begs the question 'cuz it fails to establish how abortion is a form of murder. By no means am I giving an implied position on the matter of abortion as I am simply trying to point out a form of fallacious argument that you and others have engaged in.

The argument further begs the question with people arguing that it promotes violence. Let's see, all forms of killing must promote murder then and be murder themselves? Think of the weakness of such argument by likening it to another: Killing is bad because it promotes murder. Does not that invalidate self-defence and all other non-murderous forms of killing? Again, such argument begs the question.

By no means am I saying it is impossible to reach a conclusion that spanking is bad, but your arguments so far are simply rested upon false or weak premises and ones with which we cannot reach a conclusion without some form of fallacy.

But let's say we accepted the premise that spanking promotes violence, then would not that mean any kid who engages in self-defence physically would be morally incorrect to have done that? Would that mean you would discourage your kids from defending themselves physically if they are physically threatened?

Again, if you wish to speak about flogging, you are more than welcome to do so. Nonetheless, it would be best if you refrained from using the two interchangeably--in an implict manner.

Okay, that being said, now I have to take an issue with Neov's comment: "Pundit, no offense, but if you don't have kids you really can't have a fully educated voice in this discussion..not that you are right or wrong, but unless you have been there ON BOTH SIDES, then you don't really know."

I beg to differ and I'm sick and tired of hearing this line. There is no law of nature that says one cannot understand such except if one has kids. What I am willing to concede is that one without kids cannot feel the pain, trouble, joy or all that comes with it--no matter how much they claim they do. They cannot, for it is not the same. Nonetheless, I will not ever concede that one cannot understand it except if one has kids.

Personally, I think behaviour is primarily genetic. I am not about to have kids with some guy whose family has a history--despite how good he is 'cuz as far as I'm concerned it means a much bigger chance of a bad kid. At the same time, I think the environment does play a role in shaping how worse or better the people get. The environment either suppresses that person's nature significantly to the extreme or enhances it to whatever maginitude or slightly shapes it up. I don't know if that makes much sense.

When all is said and done, no Dick is gonna tell me how to raise my kid(s). You better back off as far as possible. I didn't have kids for you to lecture me on how to raise my kids. Nature gives us all the privilege to demonstrate our abilities and strength as we claim and wish (i.e., the ability to have kids), so have your own kids and use them as the guinea pigs of your theory on how to raise a kid. Don't be bringing your theories to experiment on my family. (I use "you" generically here.)
 

littlelilith

Member
Jul 15, 2000
157
0
0
It's not the lack of spanking children that is responsible for the 'downfall of society'. It's many, many things.. society as a whole, everything a child is exposed to. However, the biggest thing is a lack of PUNISHMENT from parents, and a lack of parents instilling morals, values, and a sense of right and wrong in their kids. By punishment, I don't mean spanking, but any kind of punishment that lets the kid know that what they did is not acceptable.

I think that it's not only important for you to raise your kids correctly, but also that the kids they are around the most are decent kids too. Children are *highly* influenced by the people around them, and if all the other kids are violent, disrespectful little brats, chances are pretty good that your kid will pick up that attitude too, at least to a certain extent.
 

PlatinumGold

Lifer
Aug 11, 2000
23,168
0
71
Luvly

luvly analysis of pundit.

here is one more lil tidbit.

<< Driving a car has NOTHING to do w/ this statement. >>


It certainly does. People have suggested that because I don't have children of my own yet, that I do not qualify to disseminate information about raising them. A mechanic may know how to fix automobile problems without owning a car.


Here pundit is trying to claim that his knowledge of raising a child is equivalent to knowing about a car. but you haven't really thought this argument thru pundit. what we are discussing is the equivalent OF DRIVING the car hence, IF YOU HAVEN'T DRIVEN A CAR YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THAT EXPERIENCE.
 

Spike

Diamond Member
Aug 27, 2001
6,770
1
81
I will totally spank them if they are out of line, but I will try to avoid it if possible and save it for a last resort
 

NeoV

Diamond Member
Apr 18, 2000
9,531
2
81
wow, this thing really grew on us, didn't it?

I hate to admit this, but for the most part I agree with Platinum here, even if I don't like his baseball thought process!

Pundit, you really should excuse yourself from this conversation. I was willing to give you some slack when you said you didn't have kids of your own, but your little comparison about "you don't have to own a car to understand how it works" is a great example of what is wrong with too many parents today...they think it is easy!

You know what, you can read a book and learn about cars, and you can watch a mechanic fix cars all day long, and you can live in a Goodyear store if that is what you want to do, and you know what, when you go to work on a car you should be able to do the job. This, however, is the complete opposite of being a parent! Everything you think you have a grasp of goes completely out the window the first day you bring your own child home. Your comparison to a car is 100 percent wrong, end of story there.


Ornery, I myself am a fan of some of the Montessori schooling methods, and am strongly considering starting my daughter off in a Montessori school this fall. However, your whole bit about spanking being lazy, plain and simple, is also a bunch of crap. Children are not beings of pure goodness, as they grow they begin to understand that their actions can cause a reaction from their parents, good or bad. Children will test these reactions as they grow and their minds start to understand more of the world around them, and some of their actions require negative reinforcement to send a clear signal that what they are doing is wrong. Trying to stick a screwdriver into the wall outlet is an innocent exploratory act that needs to be clearly explained to the child if they are old enough, but pushing a sibling down the stairs intentionally for the third time is clearly an ill-intentioned act which demands a stronger form of discipline such as a spanking. (these are not real events in my life, and no one was harmed in the making of this post!).

You may be against spanking, but that doesn't make it wrong. Child abuse is wrong. Good discipline isn't.

 

Shippy

Golden Member
Oct 15, 1999
1,830
2
81
Pundit, without having kids it's easy to think you know about kids. You say you've been around kids. But the beauty of other people kids is that they go home. You may worry about them and what not when they are around, but no matter how good or bad they are, they eventually leave.
 

Ornery

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
20,022
17
81
"Children will test these reactions as they grow and their minds start to understand more of the world around them, and some of their actions require negative reinforcement to send a clear signal that what they are doing is wrong."

What is "negative reinforcement"? Sounds like an oxymoron! LOL.

J/K, but I prefer to call it consequences. They learn the consequence of an action. It's your job as a parent to keep it all consistent and logical. When the consequences involve safety, it's your job to keep them from harm's way. They should already be doing exactly as they're told by the time they're able to run in the street or stick a screwdriver in an outlet. When you tell them to stay by your side or leave the screwdriver in the toolbox, that's what they WILL do if you've disciplined them correctly up to that point. If they don't obey by then, you've already screwed up. I imagine that's when the frustration and physical "punishments" kick in.

Damn, it seems so easy in hindsight. I don't recall having to "punish" these boys. Not saying they weren't, but I can't remember any time off hand. Well, they were yelled at when I had to tell them something twice. That could be considered "negative reinforcement" or "punishment", I guess. Didn't happen often, though. Ground rules, habits and hierarchy were established VERY early on and followed through religiously.

"Spanking as a last resort."

I should say so! LOL. It seems so pathetic, barbaric and desperate! I guess I'd liken it to Palestinians throwing rocks at Israelis. By the time it comes to that, the war is already lost. It's not a matter of discipline anymore, it's more like survival and making the best of a bad situation. Actually, it's not funny. Kind of sad & silly. It would be funny if the stakes weren't so high. I guess if you mix a big dollop of love in the equation, the family will overcome poor discipline practices. Of course we all know society suffers when there is no discipline at all. Spanking would be the lesser of two evils there!
 

MistaTastyCakes

Golden Member
Oct 11, 2001
1,607
0
0
When I was real young.. my butt was red 90% of the time, hehe. I was a monster I guess. I hated it for the minute it went on, but as a kid I'd get over it just as quickly and go on about my happy life, surrounded by loving parents, even if they did have to bust out the belt every once in a while. Spanking definately doesn't mess up a kid, unless it turns into beating or becomes unprovoked or out of control. My parents never did any of that. I'm 18 now, and I'm thinking if my kid does some of the stuff I did when I was younger I'd probably do the same thing, cause it worked on me. I consider myself to be a well balanced individual and I have no spite or regret or emotional problems.

As long as the kid knows why it's happening and how he can avoid it happeneing again, I think it's alright. I might be "old fashioned" or whatever, but it's quite possible to get spanked and be "alright." Heck, I'll even bet George Washignton was spanked once or twice

I think it's silly for someone to call it "assault" and then speak for the poor suffering kids who get spanked across the world. Back like 40 years ago I doubt it was even a debate, and the majority of those people turned out just fine, inspite of the horrid, disgusting abuse given to them.
 

dude

Diamond Member
Oct 16, 1999
3,192
0
71
I would never spank my kids, if I had any. I'd spank my monkey or the wife though.
 

Pundit

Senior member
Feb 28, 2002
634
0
0


<< Pundit, without having kids it's easy to think you know about kids. You say you've been around kids. But the beauty of other people kids is that they go home. You may worry about them and what not when they are around, but no matter how good or bad they are, they eventually leave. >>


I helped raise my sister's children. I know a lot about children. And what does my past have to do with the ideas I've put forth. Would you have told Albert Einstein that since he's never travelled near the speed of light that his ideas on relativity are wrong?
 

Hayabusa Rider

Admin Emeritus & Elite Member
Jan 26, 2000
50,879
4,266
126


<<

<< Pundit, without having kids it's easy to think you know about kids. You say you've been around kids. But the beauty of other people kids is that they go home. You may worry about them and what not when they are around, but no matter how good or bad they are, they eventually leave. >>

I helped raise my sister's children. I know a lot about children. <U>And what does my past have to do with the ideas I've put forth</U>. Would you have told Albert Einstein that since he's never travelled near the speed of light that his ideas on relativity are wrong? >>




Your past color you present. It creates your own personal bias. It is the nature of things as they ARE, not as you would like them to be.
 

JellyBaby

Diamond Member
Apr 21, 2000
9,159
1
81
If you spank, they become republicans; if you don't then you get democrats.

Just yell at them so we get more moderates.
 

Pundit

Senior member
Feb 28, 2002
634
0
0


<< You know what, you can read a book and learn about cars, and you can watch a mechanic fix cars all day long, and you can live in a Goodyear store if that is what you want to do, and you know what, when you go to work on a car you should be able to do the job. This, however, is the complete opposite of being a parent! Everything you think you have a grasp of goes completely out the window the first day you bring your own child home. Your comparison to a car is 100 percent wrong, end of story there. >>


NeoV, scholastic knowledge is not the same as practical knowledge. That much is true. But what I said was that you don't need to own a car to learn its inner workings. You can rent one, you can learn on a friend's car, etc.

You must realize at some point that I am not here to proclaim my parental acumen. I am trying to convey some of my thoughts and theories on the subject, nothing more. I am of the opinion that nobody should accept something as true until they themselves accept it as true. That is why I wouldn't want someone to adopt my opinions on faith alone.
 

Pundit

Senior member
Feb 28, 2002
634
0
0


<< If you ask my daughters today,they'll tell you that they would have far prefered a smack over seeing the look of disappointment in my eyes when they did something really out of line. >>



So you're saying that smacking them is less painful? I don't know what your daughters would say, but I would not prefer to be hit.
 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
32,188
2,430
126
www.theshoppinqueen.com


<<

<< If you ask my daughters today,they'll tell you that they would have far prefered a smack over seeing the look of disappointment in my eyes when they did something really out of line. >>



So you're saying that smacking them is less painful? I don't know what your daughters would say, but I would not prefer to be hit.
>>




Did you read the entire thread ? I am not in favor of hitting anybody,I was just making the point that there are other very effective ways of disciplining and teaching children besides hitting them.
 

Pundit

Senior member
Feb 28, 2002
634
0
0


<< When they talk back when you tell them it is bedtime, when they pinch one of their playmates. This is stuff that gets a smacked bottom, and it had nothing to do with pleasure for them. Do you let your kids do everything they think will bring them pleasure? Do you let them eat tons of junk food? Do you let them go out and play in the mud? Do you let them throw balls in the house? Do you let them pull the cats tail? There is plenty that could be wrong with what a CHILD thinks is pleasureable. That's why they are the CHILD. They don't know any better. >>



There are many things that I would not let a child do. But a child attempting to do something that is contrasurvival to them doesn't warrant inflicting pain upon them. You can communicate with children when they are old enough. Before that, you must guide them. Do you expect them to learn everything after the first time you tell them?
 

Pundit

Senior member
Feb 28, 2002
634
0
0


<< << If you ask my daughters today,they'll tell you that they would have far prefered a smack over seeing the look of disappointment in my eyes when they did something really out of line. >>

So you're saying that smacking them is less painful? I don't know what your daughters would say, but I would not prefer to be hit. >>

Did you read the entire thread ? I am not in favor of hitting anybody,I was just making the point that there are other very effective ways of disciplining and teaching children besides hitting them.
>>



Yes I did read it and I'm glad that you didn't hit them. But you said that they would have preferred a smack over a guilty feeling. I simply stated that I disagree.
 

Pundit

Senior member
Feb 28, 2002
634
0
0


<< Back like 40 years ago I doubt it was even a debate, and the majority of those people turned out just fine, inspite of the horrid, disgusting abuse given to them. >>


The effects are difficult to connect to the causes. I assure you that they are not "fine".
 

BaliBabyDoc

Lifer
Jan 20, 2001
10,737
0
0
The body of research on corporal punishment is quite controversial. Everybody wants cause/effect . . . b/c those who spank (with love) do it b/c they believe it will result in a particular outcome. Invariably, this group overlooks negative outcomes. The anti-spanking group holds as absolute the premise that physical confrontation teaches power-relationships and nothing more. The only good evidence comes at the extreme . . . households with clear abuse (spousal and/or child); physical punishment is almost always a bad idea in that setting.

Children are not little adults and they are not all good, but the problem is you are interpreting good to mean do what you say when you say it. Children are all good in the most basic sense. They learn to be contrary to your wishes. And most of those learned behaviors start at home, typically modeled by parents or siblings.

I'm not saying spanking can NEVER be used effectively. But once you go that route you've basically proven your inability to communicate with your child by any means other than the fact that you are bigger and can physically impose your will upon theirs.
 
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