Poll: Do You/Will You/Would You Spank your kids?

[NeoV]

young children do not understand consequences like the potential danger of running into the road, but they can understand that if they do run towards the road, they may get spanked, so they might think twice about it.

Spanking is different than hitting btw. Like Murphy says, the actual contact between your hand and your child's butt isn't what upsets the child, it is seeing that you are upset and serious that they have done something wrong...if the physical contact is actually hurting the child, then you are hitting too hard.

 

[Coolone]

im obviously not going to abuse my kids, but i think a good spanking will keep them behaving on rare occasion.

my dad whacked me a few times, at the time it really sucked (duh, that was a the point), but now that i look back, i dont reall mind about it, its all in the past, and est of all, i learned my lesson

 

[Pundit]

<< young children do not understand consequences like the potential danger of running into the road, but they can understand that if they do run towards the road, they may get spanked, so they might think twice about it. >>



That's where you are wrong, NeoV. If they get spanked, the won't "think twice about it". In any situation that someone has previously felt pain, physical or emotional, their instinct to avoid that pain will take over. And just like GirlFriday said, you will have some pretty stupid situations in the future that you can't make sense of. Some may even be detrimental to one's health.



<< Spanking is different than hitting btw. Like Murphy says, the actual contact between your hand and your child's butt isn't what upsets the child, it is seeing that you are upset and serious that they have done something wrong...if the physical contact is actually hurting the child, then you are hitting too hard. >>



If it's not the emotional pain that the child feels, which is still harmful, then it is the restimulation of a previous hitting. If you've never hit your child before, do you think lightly tapping him will hurt him? It won't. Only if you've hit your child previously so that he feels pain will your so-called "spanking" have an effect.

I'm starting to lose faith in mankind.

 

[UltraQuiet]

Pundit- do you have any children?

 

[Pundit]

I should say, however, that I understand why some people hit their kids. They are themselves in an irrational state because they've been hit as a child. And during those beatings, they adopted the survivor's persona (i.e. the father/mother) and incorporated it into their own. I don't think anybody in a completely rational state of mind would find hitting their children an optimal solution to the problem.

 

[Linux23]

spare the rod, spoil the child - as the bible states.



nuff said!

 

[Pundit]

<< Pundit- do you have any children? >>



No.

 

[UltraQuiet]

<< << Pundit- do you have any children? >> >>




<< No. >>


So all this advice or whatever it is that you are doling out is based on... your degree in child psychology, you read a book, what?

 

[Mountain]

I am 53, got six kids. all got spanked some. I believe it is done when it is "deserved" regardless of the deterent(SP?) factor. Baby boy (13) cheated at school and hassled a substitute teacher. Five swats on the butt with a serious belt, pants at ankles. Also on an electronic diet (no TV,etc.) for a few days. ( until alias comes on sunday)

 

[Mountain]

Hey let's finally get this straight with the Bible Quote Thing. It says,
" he who spares the rod, hates his children." It a Proverb , I think.

 

[Pundit]

<< So all this advice or whatever it is that you are doling out is based on... your degree in child psychology, you read a book, what? >>


When I was younger, I used to be a child.

 

[dude8604]

No. It's not right.:| Also, if a parent is trying to teach their kid to not be violent, then spanking them will make them more violent.

 

[dude8604]

<< When I was younger, I used to be a child. >>



That's going in my quotes list.

 

[Geekbabe]

<< No. It's not right.:| Also, if a parent is trying to teach their kid to not be violent, then spanking them will make them more violent. >>



That was always how I felt about it. What used to kill me was when I'd get together with my girlfriend's and their kids and the kids would start fighting and hitting each other and one of the mothers would smack the kid for hitting.. that just never made any sense to me.

 

[NeoV]

everyone is going to have their own experiences, I don't think there are any general rules like if you were spanked as a kid you will spank your kids and vice-versa.

Pundit, no offense, but if you don't have kids you really can't have a fully educated voice in this discussion..not that you are right or wrong, but unless you have been there ON BOTH SIDES, then you don't really know.

I was never, ever spanked as a child, yet I have spanked my daughter a few times...again, not hard enough to hurt her, but I think that she gets upset at seeing me upset at her, and that, more than the contact, is what sends the message that what she did is wrong.

Also, let me add that I think the age that spanking should stop is very young, no more than 4 or 5 years old..beyond that there are so many more ways to communicate/reward/punish without having to spank and sending more meaningful messages.

Also, I do have to add that my daughter is the greatest little person...she is 3 and a half, and I am very sad that I will be going to back to work full time starting this Monday because the time I have been able to spend with her over the past year has been the most wonderful time I have ever spent with someone in my life..

 

[Squisher]

<<If your child goes to touch something very hot on the stove and you slap his hand away, your child will develop a mental problem that relates to stoves, pots, etc.>>


LOL, Yeah, a fear of hot stoves, that might take years of therapy to get over.

 

[Doomguy]

No, I will not spank my children when I eventually have some. Why? You're showing them that violence is acceptable, in my opinion.

Spanking should be the last option. Take away their games, snacks, TV, isolate them to the house with nothing to do. Why use violence against little, defense-less children, when there are better methods?

 

[angusthermopyle]

Hahahahaha! I love the stoves analogy! The when I was a child one is great as well! Yep, I always keep an eye on that damn stove of mine, never know when it'll sneak up behind me!

 

[Josephus]

When parents feel a need to resort to corporal punishment to gain respect or control of their children, it speaks more of the parent than it does of the child.

I will admit that I have on rare occasions been far enough out of control in my parenting to use this technique, I regret it and am guilty of letting the
children control me, rather than the other way around. That's what it seems to revolve around, who has control, and believe it or not, if you feel compeled
to strike a child, they are in more control than you...

 

[Cyco]

I spank my kids only when such force is necessary. The bleeding hearts will cry "abuse" but that's the reason why society is as funked up as it is today. I try to install in my children that with every action, there is a reaction. With everything they do, there is a consequence (sp?) either good or bad or in some wierd times, both. My job as a parent is to instill values in my children, and to have them grow up as productive members of society. Spanking is not abuse. Whooping is/may be. Spanking instills a negative reaction to a negative action. I just wonder where in society we went wrong that spanking is seen as a corporal punishment. A slap on the hand or a slap on the butt does not constitute abuse. It's not in the magnitude of the force, but rather the show of force that is present. In other words, you don't have to beat them, just let them know that you mean business. At the risk of flaming, I'll say "screw you liberal tree hugging hippies that think that spanking is abuse, you're responsible for the downfall that's happening in society today" I remember when I was younger and was spanked and yelled at. I told my parents that I didn't like being spanked or yelled at. Their response, and the same thing I tell my children, if you don't like it, don't do things that cause it to happen. Even as a 5 year old, I could comprehend that. I did what I could to stay away from what I did not like. I'll admit that I screwed up many times since then, but that little exchange of words helped me deal with the consequences of what I did. In the end, it helped me to be a better person, and assists me on the values and discipline I present to my children. I feel that those that are against spanking are just spoiled brats that can't handle the consequences of their actions, hated it, vowed not to do it to their children, and now are dealing with the fact that their children are "menaces" to society. I mean, come on, sometimes the hand speaks louder than words. I do not like negative enforcement, but realize that it is necessary.
-Cyco-

Edit: Just additional words of thought...in some cases, abuse is clearly present, and as the children grow up to be parents themselves, they vow not to continue to abuse to their children. Spanking is such a gray area, it mostly depends on the severity. Abuse and neglect are touchy subjects. I'm just presenting my thoughts on my situation where neither neglect nor abuse reside in the way that I was raised, nor the way I'm raising my children. If I do offend anybody, I appoligize.

 

[Pundit]

<< Yep, I always keep an eye on that damn stove of mine, never know when it'll sneak up behind me! >>


My children will hear the tales of Stovey, the child snatcher



<< Pundit, no offense, but if you don't have kids you really can't have a fully educated voice in this discussion..not that you are right or wrong, but unless you have been there ON BOTH SIDES, then you don't really know. >>



NeoV, I agree with you if you're saying that a theory can't be verified as true unless you carry out an experiment to prove it. I don't have my own children, but I have lots of experience with them. I've handled all sorts of their problems. So to answer the essence of your argument, I have been on both sides.

And again, I ask someone to explain to me the virtues of hitting your children... Is this really the right way to handle them?

 

[lebe0024]

First off, you should NEVER spank your child out of rage or while your temper is high.

Secondly, if you don't hug and kiss your child and tell him you love him a THOUSAND times more than you spank him, then something else is wrong other than discipline.

 

[Pundit]

<< That was always how I felt about it. What used to kill me was when I'd get together with my girlfriend's and their kids and the kids would start fighting and hitting each other and one of the mothers would smack the kid for hitting.. that just never made any sense to me. >>


When we don't have the real answers and we're desperate we come up with some crazy ones.



<< Take away their games, snacks, TV, isolate them to the house with nothing to do. >>


Have you ever had your freedom taken away? Children have the same emotions we do. Have you ever asked a child to help you? You'd be surprised at how much their attitudes change when they know that they are valuable.



<< That's going in my quotes list. >>


dude, I am very honored. So I won't spoil it by telling you my statement was gramatically incorrect.

 

[NeoV]

pundit, again, you are looking at spanking as hitting, and it isn't at all like that....and being around kids is not the same as being a parent...being around kids doesn't really give you the authority or molding ability that being a parent does...not putting you down, but it is still different.


Again, spanking shouldn't be done as a way to cause physical pain in the child's bottom! The notion that you spank them, and that you are clearly upset with them is the message that should be sent, not that I am going to make your 4ss glow red!

The last time I spanked my daughter, the actual contact wouldn't have even killed a bug on her but, but when she saw that I was upset with what she had done, she got the message.

Spanking should not equal corporal punishment. There is a difference between a hand spanking a butt and a belt or paddle hitting someone.

 

[Cyco]

<< First off, you should NEVER spank your child out of rage or while your temper is high.

Secondly, if you don't hug and kiss your child and tell him you love him a THOUSAND times more than you spank him, then something else is wrong other than discipline. >>


This is sooooo true. Regardless of how I discipline my children, whether taking priviliges away, spanking, or what have you, I always let them know that I love them. Part of my discipline is to tell them where they went wrong and what they should do to avoid being wrong. My wife instilled in me that no matter what you love them, so let them know no matter what. The most important time for positive feedback is right after negative feedback.
-Cyco-