post funny quotes from your relatives

[Wadded Beef]

my grandpa on the subject of evolution: "First came the cavemen, then the indians, then the people."

 

[Zysoclaplem]

"If you don't have enough room in your house, I'll sleep in a tree." Dead serious 9 year old brother in law regarding sleeping situations.
"I'll eat it for 50 cents." Dead serious 21 year old brother on the subject of cat poop.
"Go get fvcked Pam!" My dad to my mom.
"BAMMM!!" The sound made by the cast iron frying pan after my mother swung it at my father's head.

 

[TheNinja]

"You know Edna....she was married to Garret from Sioux City, Iowa, no wait maybe that was Garret's brother George....ya, it was George b/c I remember going to school with him and his sister Henrietta....she always wore this really nice dress that her mom made. I think her mom's name was Beatrice b/c her mom and my mom were friends....ya Beatrice was also from Sioux City, Iowa. They both grew up on farms and both of their husbands were dairy farmers, Beatrice was married to Norman.....but Edna told me she likes to shop at Kmart instead of Target b/c the prices are better."

 

[Whitecloak]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
"If you don't have enough room in your house, I'll sleep in a tree." Dead serious 9 year old brother in law regarding sleeping situations.
"I'll eat it for 50 cents." Dead serious 21 year old brother on the subject of cat poop.
"Go get fvcked Pam!" My dad to my mom.
"BAMMM!!" The sound made by the cast iron frying pan after my mother swung it at my father's head.

Do you live in a trailer?

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: whitecloak

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
"If you don't have enough room in your house, I'll sleep in a tree." Dead serious 9 year old brother in law regarding sleeping situations.
"I'll eat it for 50 cents." Dead serious 21 year old brother on the subject of cat poop.
"Go get fvcked Pam!" My dad to my mom.
"BAMMM!!" The sound made by the cast iron frying pan after my mother swung it at my father's head.

Do you live in a trailer?

I used to. Too bad that's not a joke.

 

[cavemanmoron]

Originally posted by: Wadded Beef
my grandpa on the subject of evolution: "First came the cavemen, then the indians, then the people."

I am still here. )

I had an Uncle,who noticed I had gained some weight;
he said,to me,"Are you hungry?"
when I said I am starving!
"Hmm looks like your wasting away to a Ton"

 

[meltdown75]

OP's parents:

"You are NOT our son."

 

[DaTT]

Originally posted by: cavemanmoron

Originally posted by: Wadded Beef
my grandpa on the subject of evolution: "First came the cavemen, then the indians, then the people."

I am still here. )

I had an Uncle,who noticed I had gained some weight;
he said,to me,"Are you hungry?"
when I said I am starving!
"Hmm looks like your wasting away to a Ton"

lmao.....actually...still laughing

 

[funboy6942]

I was born at night just not last night!-My step father when I was trying to bs him when I was a kid.

Hey I think your turn signals are broken.
Really why do you say that?
Because either they are broken or your just a A$$ hole when you cut me off!-My younger brother when we got cut off and he pulled up next to the guy.

You have to be atleast 10% smarter then the thing your working on idiot.-My step father trying to encourage me as a child.

 

[Mr N8]

Last Christmas my sister got Grey's Anatomy from my parents, since she's a nursing student. My younger sister (who was a Junior in HS) opens it up and says "OK, let's all learn about the Erotic Valve." Those of us that caught it started laughing immediately. She was completely clueless.

 

[DaTT]

Me and my cousin talking about medical terms (she is a medic in that army) telling be that your butt crack is actually called your gluttiol fold (sp.). I asked her for the medical term for cleavage. My usually very well mannered, soft spoken uncle, who was wasted at the time, yelled across the room...."Its the space between your tits!!!".

Ithought it was humorous considering where it came from.

 

[DaTT]

Excellent thread BTW.

 

[mordantmonkey]

my redneck cousin on my mom's side (she's from alabama) "we're getting a trailer, it's a double wide!"

 

[Garet Jax]

My wife had two duzies:

1) (When I was dating her)You are going to have to find a dumber girlfriend.


2) I'm pretty stupid (she forgot to pause) ====> I'm pretty, stupid.

 

[SuRgEoN]

Here's to the little red bull that roamed the woods.
He treated them hefers so good
For if it wasn't for his little red rod
There'd be no more beef in this world by God.

My great uncles toast before we get smashed.

I know it's not his own, but it's a still a great toast.

 

[3point14]

Originally posted by: funboy42
Hey I think your turn signals are broken.
Really why do you say that?
Because either they are broken or your just a A$$ hole when you cut me off!-My younger brother when we got cut off and he pulled up next to the guy.

:thumbsup: I will have to use that one some day

 

[cavemanmoron]

My Fathers Uncle had some interesting saying's,
The funniest thing I saw him do,he didn't actually say a word.

On his rear pants pocket he had sewn a patch that said "Bitch Bitch Bitch"

When his wife would complain about something he would rub that patch.LOL.

 

[ohtwell]

My mom says that if you have a fever milk will curdle in your stomach.


: ) Amanda

 

[jdini76]

Grandma: "Isn't he the head poncho?"

 

[shortylickens]

Me: Hey grandpa, that guy just cut you off!!

Him: Those Goddamned Canadian drivers!!!!!!!!!

Me: Grandpa, arent you Canadian??

Him: Ohhhh. Oh, Oh yeah.

 

[eakers]

my dad: "so is this a cordless cell phone?"

hahahaha

 

[Golden Earring]

"Damn it Dale, I'm gonna kick your ass!"

 

[NyteCrawler]

Parents walk in late one night while I'm with large group of friends and it goes like this:
Mom: Well, its getting late so I'm off to bed.
Me: Night mom. Dad you going too?
Dad: Oh yeah guys, its time to get horizontal! (does odd pelvic thrust and hand motion)

My friends still haven't forgotten, and btw my parents are in their 50's.

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: NyteCrawler
Parents walk in late one night while I'm with large group of friends and it goes like this:
Mom: Well, its getting late so I'm off to bed.
Me: Night mom. Dad you going too?
Dad: Oh yeah guys, its time to get horizontal! (does odd pelvic thrust and hand motion)

My friends still haven't forgotten, and btw my parents are in their 50's.

LOL
Is that funny to everyone except you?

 

[neutralizer]

Originally posted by: 3point14

Originally posted by: funboy42
Hey I think your turn signals are broken.
Really why do you say that?
Because either they are broken or your just a A$$ hole when you cut me off!-My younger brother when we got cut off and he pulled up next to the guy.

:thumbsup: I will have to use that one some day

yep yep so will i.