Problem Solved: Should I call the police

[Bryophyte]

Your brother seems to hang out in FS/FT more than here. Maybe you ought to send him a PM so he won't miss this thread.

 

[mortong]

Originally posted by: travisray2004
Hello everyone,

I currently had and have trouble with my younger brother taking advantage of using my vehicles with out my permission. He currently does not have a job, and don't think he is motivated in getting one. He is using the car for pleasure usage. THIS ISN'T ABOUT DRIVING IT AND WASTING GAS. This is about the respect of my wished to wait to hear from me before driving it. I currently have a policy for him to use my vehicle. It is.

1. Ask three days in advance
2. Answer cell phone if called
3. Return it better then what it was ( Gas,oil, maintenance and dents and dings)
4. Be responsible. No recklessness
5. Return keys when done with it

I am not being an @ss about it. Or charging him for it, though i should, I might make enough to buy another car. Its not that I dont want him to drive it, I would like to know when I could use it if I was to come in. That, and its to make him look for another job, so he doesnt have to ask for it. BTW he wants to buy it from me. I would sell it to him for $1500, $100 a paycheck. I know that might be alot but its easier then trying to get a loan.

You could, but remember this - he WILL be charged with grand theft auto, a felony that will haunt him for the rest of his life, and will land him in jail/prison for a few months to a few years depending on how much the judge wants to teach *you* a lesson. Google it, you'll see this happens every few months.

 

[Cuular]

In most states when you go to report it, and you say you know who stole it, they'll ask if you've ever given them permission to drive your car without you with them. If you answer yes, they'll wish you a good day, and hangup on you.

So while you may think reporting it as stolen is leverage you have, it's only leverage if your younger brother is stupid enough to believe it would make a difference.

 

[D1gger]

Originally posted by: travisray2004

Originally posted by: buck


I hear what you are saying, but me personally, I would keep the problem in the family instead of calling the cops.

I dont want to call cops, its the only leverage I have on the matter. I mean time I come home I am cooled off about the matter.

The cops are NOT your only leverage you have in this matter. If he refuses to follow the rules you have set out, then you remove the privilege of borrowing your car. On your next trip home, you should sit him down and tell him that for the next month, he has no access to your car because he wouldn't follow the rules.

After that month you can restore the privilege, with the clear understanding that if he breaks the rules again, the keys will be unavailable for 6 months.

If he doesn't get the message, then all your love isn't going to change his attitude and you should just permanently remove the support until he proves that he deserves your trust.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: Cuular

In most states when you go to report it, and you say you know who stole it, they'll ask if you've ever given them permission to drive your car without you with them. If you answer yes, they'll wish you a good day, and hangup on you.

So while you may think reporting it as stolen is leverage you have, it's only leverage if your younger brother is stupid enough to believe it would make a difference.

This isn't just about the car. It's also about an uninsured driver on the road. That presents a financial risk to every other driver on the road.

There's a reason that teenage boys have the highest insurance rates - because they pose the highest safety risk behind the wheel.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: D1gger

Originally posted by: travisray2004

Originally posted by: buck


I hear what you are saying, but me personally, I would keep the problem in the family instead of calling the cops.

I dont want to call cops, its the only leverage I have on the matter. I mean time I come home I am cooled off about the matter.

The cops are NOT your only leverage you have in this matter. If he refuses to follow the rules you have set out, then you remove the privilege of borrowing your car. On your next trip home, you should sit him down and tell him that for the next month, he has no access to your car because he wouldn't follow the rules.

After that month you can restore the privilege, with the clear understanding that if he breaks the rules again, the keys will be unavailable for 6 months.

If he doesn't get the message, then all your love isn't going to change his attitude and you should just permanently remove the support until he proves that he deserves your trust.

AND he gets his own insurance. Don't let him bork your rates.

 

[Bryophyte]

After reading some of your brother's posts, I can see how you'd have problems with him.

 

[travisray2004]

Originally posted by: sixone

There's a reason that teenage boys have the highest insurance rates - because they pose the highest safety risk behind the wheel.

Yup, but not just boys. Hes insured under me if he has permission, due to household policy with the insurance company, thats why I have a higher rate.

Originally posted by: sixone


AND he gets his own insurance. Don't let him bork your rates.

I agree.
Thats what I am working on. Getting the car and him on there own policy. So it doesn't crap my nice rate.

 

[darkxshade]

Lemme guess, you,re jealous your brother can pick up girls with your beat up car and you can't?

 

[travisray2004]

Originally posted by: darkxshade
Lemme guess, you,re jealous your brother can pick up girls with your beat up car and you can't?

Thanks Dude. Thats totally how i feel.

 

[FallenHero]

Not sure how Virgina works, but in IL, it's a civil problem if he has regular access to the vehicle in question. Regular does not mean "whenever he wants." It simply means that you have allowed him drive the car on a regular basis for the past week or two. if so.....no crime has been committed, and I would not bother taking a report. Sorry man.

EDIT: After reading the thread, my answer above has been posted. However, I will add that the police cannot solve in 15 minutes what took 15 years to develop. Keep us out of your family issues until there is an actual crime.

 

[travisray2004]

Originally posted by: FallenHero
Not sure how Virgina works, but in IL, it's a civil problem if he has regular access to the vehicle in question. Regular does not mean "whenever he wants." It simply means that you have allowed him drive the car on a regular basis for the past week or two. if so.....no crime has been committed, and I would not bother taking a report. Sorry man.

EDIT: After reading the thread, my answer above has been posted. However, I will add that the police cannot solve in 15 minutes what took 15 years to develop. Keep us out of your family issues until there is an actual crime.

Based upon my recent posts, I have decided what I should do. The title and summary explained the problem. Sorry for the people that didn't bother to read it or didnt fully understand it.

 

[Perknose]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: travisray2004

Originally posted by: Brainonska511

Originally posted by: Ns1
uh take the keys back?

/thread.

I would but he takes them back, aka steals them

Originally posted by: zoiks
Does he have insurance?

Nope, not currently insured

STEALS THEM? As in, repeatedly?

Call the cops. It's the only way he's going to learn.

Involving uniformed strangers in your family business is a very last resort, and an admission of personal failure on your part.

Man up. There is no way he repeatedly "steals" your keys from you without you half letting him.

It's time for you to forcefully redefine your relationship with your little braugh, and make it stick.

You don't currently have his respect. He's been playing you, and you've been allowing it to happen. You need to get in his face and be quite specific.

And again, involving the cops here represents massive personal fail.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: Perknose
Involving uniformed strangers in your family business is a very last resort, and an admission of personal failure on your part.

Man up. There is no way he repeatedly "steals" your keys from you without you half letting him.

It's time for you to forcefully redefine your relationship with your little braugh, and make it stick.

You don't currently have his respect. He's been playing you, and you've been allowing it to happen. You need to get in his face and be quite specific.

And again, involving the cops here represents massive personal fail.

In case you hadn't noticed, pretty much no one here "respects" the OP. He can get in his brother's face, but his brother has zero reason to believe the OP will back it up with anything he hasn't done already.

Better to call the police than to threaten physical violence. That's just going to land the OP in jail.

 

[travisray2004]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: Perknose
Involving uniformed strangers in your family business is a very last resort, and an admission of personal failure on your part.

Man up. There is no way he repeatedly "steals" your keys from you without you half letting him.

It's time for you to forcefully redefine your relationship with your little braugh, and make it stick.

You don't currently have his respect. He's been playing you, and you've been allowing it to happen. You need to get in his face and be quite specific.

And again, involving the cops here represents massive personal fail.

In case you hadn't noticed, pretty much no one here "respects" the OP. He can get in his brother's face, but his brother has zero reason to believe the OP will back it up with anything he hasn't done already.

Better to call the police than to threaten physical violence. That's just going to land the OP in jail.

Im glad this is related to my subject.

 

[TehMac]

Ok, take your right hand, use that hand to slowly feel your scrotum for your testicles. use your right hand and grab your balls. With your left hand, grab your FUCKING KEYS.

 

[Perknose]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: Perknose
Involving uniformed strangers in your family business is a very last resort, and an admission of personal failure on your part.

Man up. There is no way he repeatedly "steals" your keys from you without you half letting him.

It's time for you to forcefully redefine your relationship with your little braugh, and make it stick.

You don't currently have his respect. He's been playing you, and you've been allowing it to happen. You need to get in his face and be quite specific.

And again, involving the cops here represents massive personal fail.

In case you hadn't noticed, pretty much no one here "respects" the OP. He can get in his brother's face, but his brother has zero reason to believe the OP will back it up with anything he hasn't done already.

Better to call the police than to threaten physical violence. That's just going to land the OP in jail.

Calm down, Six, I'm not talking about physcial violence.

I just don't think he's ever really gotten in his little brother's face and personally laid down the law, no actual violence involved, and I think that's the OP's core problem here.

Instead, I'm advising him to set firm, unmistakable boundaries, and enforce them.

I don't think the OP has come close to doing that yet, and I think it's high time he did, instead of spazzing out and going directly to the gendarmes.

The police will always be there as a last, desperate option if he fails utterly as a big brother and a human being.

They are the tool of choice in these situations principally for people and families that can't handle their own personal business, like white trash and others from the "disempowered underclass."

But I'm yet convinced the OP is either, merely sadly ineffectual to this point.

Using the emergency ward as your physician and the police to handle your inter-family affairs are twin hallmarks of massive personal fail, imho.

Meh.

I didn't think it was good initial advice to call the cops, and I still don't.

 

[imthebadguy]

dont be a jerkoff.....no one calls the cops on their own family....take the keys if anything....or give him a good brother to brother beating, be pissed at each other for 2 hrs and then move on with life......

.....i cant believe ppl these days.....its your own brother.....i dont care if my brother killed someone, i would NEVER call the f'in cops on him

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: Perknose
Calm down, Six, I'm not talking about physcial violence.

I just don't think he's ever really gotten in his little brother's face and personally laid down the law, no actual violence involved, and I think that's the OP's core problem here.

Instead, I'm advising him to set firm, unmistakable boundaries, and enforce them.

I don't think the OP has come close to doing that yet, and I think it's high time he did, instead of spazzing out and going directly to the gendarmes.

The police will always be there as a last, desperate option if he fails utterly as a big brother and a human being.

They are the tool of choice in these situations principally for people and families that can't handle their own personal business, like white trash and others from the "disempowered underclass."

But I'm yet convinced the OP is either, merely sadly ineffectual to this point.

Using the emergency ward as your physician and the police to handle your inter-family affairs are twin hallmarks of massive personal fail, imho.

Meh.

I didn't think it was good initial advice to call the cops, and I still don't.

Then what's the point of "getting in his face"? You don't do that unless you're prepared to back it up.

The problem isn't that the brother doesn't understand what's expected of him. It's that he doesn't CARE. He knows the OP won't impose any consequences - or he'd stop doing it.

And now he's got his sister to be in charge. Pretty damn sad when you have to get your sister to be the man in the family.

 

[Perknose]

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: Perknose
Calm down, Six, I'm not talking about physcial violence.

I just don't think he's ever really gotten in his little brother's face and personally laid down the law, no actual violence involved, and I think that's the OP's core problem here.

Instead, I'm advising him to set firm, unmistakable boundaries, and enforce them.

I don't think the OP has come close to doing that yet, and I think it's high time he did, instead of spazzing out and going directly to the gendarmes.

The police will always be there as a last, desperate option if he fails utterly as a big brother and a human being.

They are the tool of choice in these situations principally for people and families that can't handle their own personal business, like white trash and others from the "disempowered underclass."

But I'm yet convinced the OP is either, merely sadly ineffectual to this point.

Using the emergency ward as your physician and the police to handle your inter-family affairs are twin hallmarks of massive personal fail, imho.

Meh.

I didn't think it was good initial advice to call the cops, and I still don't.

Then what's the point of "getting in his face"? You don't do that unless you're prepared to back it up.

The problem isn't that the brother doesn't understand what's expected of him. It's that he doesn't CARE. He knows the OP won't impose any consequences - or he'd stop doing it.

And now he's got his sister to be in charge. Pretty damn sad when you have to get your sister to be the man in the family.

You seem to have some alarmist, Hollywood movie idea of what it means for one brother to get in another's face.

Here's a hint I'll repeat to you until you finally acknowledge it: It doesn't involve actual physcial violence of any kind.

It involves the OP emphatically letting his immature little brother know he's pissed and not going to stand for his BS anymore, which I don't think he's really done to this point.

To quote you, "He knows the OP won't impose any consequences - or he'd stop doing it." The OP can and should act to change this perception short of calling in the Tactical Squad. That's just alarmist, defeatist, piss poor advice.

Give it up, Six.

No matter what you wish to say, your initial advice to "call deh copz" was singularly over-the-top and ill-advised. For ALL of the reasons I outlined in my last post, it is MASSIVE PERSONAL FAIL.

That's kinda low class and real BS, you know, using the cops to settle family disputes.

Are you really that much of a fan of using the cops to handle sibling disputes?

It's clear, low class fail.

 

[invidia]

Call the police and press charges for grand theft. It is unlikely he'll go to jail for a first time offense but it should send a message. If he does it again, it seems he doesn't learn and won't express respect the laws of you or men. Then you should go all out and get him as much jail time as possible.

 

[DrPizza]

<gazes into crystal ball, sees the thread created in the future...>

Okay, guys, I decided to be a jerk and call the police because my brother took my car again. Well, the police found him driving around about ten minutes later. My mom just had to go down to the police station with me. They asked if I wanted to press charges for grand theft auto. Well, of course I don't. So, they let my brother go. However, my car is currently in the impound lot and I have to pay $400 to get it back. I'd make my brother pay, but he doesn't have a job. What should I do?"

 

[silverpig]

Only call the cops if you're prepared to have your brother hauled to jail for car theft and you want to press charges. Short of that, deal with it yourself. Tell him he can't use it anymore, and keep the keys on you. In your pocket. Beside your bed at night.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: Perknose
You seem to have some alarmist, Hollywood movie idea of what it means for one brother to get in another's face.

Here's a hint I'll repeat to you until you finally acknowledge it: It doesn't involve actual physcial violence of any kind.

It involves the OP emphatically letting his immature little brother know he's pissed and not going to stand for his BS anymore, which I don't think he's really done to this point.

To quote you, "He knows the OP won't impose any consequences - or he'd stop doing it." The OP can and should act to change this perception short of calling in the Tactical Squad. That's just alarmist, defeatist, piss poor advice.

Give it up, Six.

No matter what you wish to say, your initial advice to "call deh copz" was singularly over-the-top and ill-advised. For ALL of the reasons I outlined in my last post, it is MASSIVE PERSONAL FAIL.

That's kinda low class and real BS, you know, using the cops to settle family disputes.

Are you really that much of a fan of using the cops to handle sibling disputes?

It's clear, low class fail.

When said sib is breaking various laws, repeatedly and irresponsibly, we're far beyond a "family dispute". What part of "no insurance" did you fail to understand?

At that point, I don't give a flying flip about family who refuse to behave like family.

Doesn't get much lower class than being your brother's doormat.

 

[DrPizza]

Originally posted by: invidia
Call the police and press charges for grand theft. It is unlikely he'll go to jail for a first time offense but it should send a message. If he does it again, it seems he doesn't learn and won't express respect the laws of you or men. Then you should go all out and get him as much jail time as possible.

I'm glad you're not MY brother! You really want to screw up his life that bad? Jail's only half of it. There's that thing about having a felony conviction on your license. Good luck applying for jobs! It's going to be 100 times harder landing a good job with "grand theft auto" on your record.