The PS3 has to rely on the game to provide chat options, XBL does not. Big difference.
You seem adamant on doing thing the hard way because you don't want to pay for the better option. If unified voice chatting was offered free on the PSN, I'm sure you'd be using all the live long day, and you'd then have a good argument against XBL annual fees. However, until PS3 can offer something comparable to XBL unified voice chat, I'd GLADLY pay for it. It just makes things so much easier.
And just an FYI, I have 2 360s and 2 PS3 and I game with my friend online most of the time with my PS3. Why? Because he doesn't have a 360. When I play other friends on my 360, XBL is just so refreshing. However I do agree with the dashboard ads. VERY annoying. The PS3 has a much better home screen.