1. A vulture boarded a plane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess
stopped him and said, "Sorry sir, only one carrion per passenger."
2. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit for experimental
purposes. They called it the herd shot round the world.
3. Two boll weevils grew up in S. Carolina One took off to Hollywood and
became a rich star. The other stayed in Carolina and never amounted to
much--and naturally became known as the lesser of two weevils.
4. Two Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire, which sank
the craft, proving the old adage you can't have your kayak and heat it
too.
5. A 3-legged dog limps into an Old West saloon, sidles up to the bar and
whimpers, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the dentist and refused to
take Novocain? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the lobby
where they were discussing their recent victories in chess tournaments.
The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and asked them to
disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
8. A woman has twins, gives them up for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian
family and is named "Ahmal" The other is sent to a Spanish family and is
named "Juan". Years later, Juan sends his birth mother a picture of
himself. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband she wishes she
also had a picture of Ahmal. He replies, "They're twins for Pete's sake!!
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!!"
9. A group of friars opened a florist shop to help with their belfry
payments. Everyone liked to buy flowers from the Men of God, so their
business flourished. A rival florist became upset that his business was
suffering because people felt compelled to buy from the Friars, so he
asked the Friars to cut back hours or close down. The Friars refused. So
the florist then hired Hugh McTaggert, the biggest meanest thug in town.
He went to the Friars' shop, beat them up, destroyed their flowers,
trashed their shop, and said that if they didn't close, he'd be back.
Well, totally terrified, the Friars closed up shop and hid in their rooms.
This proved that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
10. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which
created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from
very bad breath. This made him.... what? (This is so bad it's good...) A
super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
11. And finally...there was a person who sent 10 puns to some friends in
hopes at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did!
stopped him and said, "Sorry sir, only one carrion per passenger."
2. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit for experimental
purposes. They called it the herd shot round the world.
3. Two boll weevils grew up in S. Carolina One took off to Hollywood and
became a rich star. The other stayed in Carolina and never amounted to
much--and naturally became known as the lesser of two weevils.
4. Two Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire, which sank
the craft, proving the old adage you can't have your kayak and heat it
too.
5. A 3-legged dog limps into an Old West saloon, sidles up to the bar and
whimpers, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the dentist and refused to
take Novocain? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the lobby
where they were discussing their recent victories in chess tournaments.
The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and asked them to
disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
8. A woman has twins, gives them up for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian
family and is named "Ahmal" The other is sent to a Spanish family and is
named "Juan". Years later, Juan sends his birth mother a picture of
himself. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband she wishes she
also had a picture of Ahmal. He replies, "They're twins for Pete's sake!!
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!!"
9. A group of friars opened a florist shop to help with their belfry
payments. Everyone liked to buy flowers from the Men of God, so their
business flourished. A rival florist became upset that his business was
suffering because people felt compelled to buy from the Friars, so he
asked the Friars to cut back hours or close down. The Friars refused. So
the florist then hired Hugh McTaggert, the biggest meanest thug in town.
He went to the Friars' shop, beat them up, destroyed their flowers,
trashed their shop, and said that if they didn't close, he'd be back.
Well, totally terrified, the Friars closed up shop and hid in their rooms.
This proved that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
10. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which
created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from
very bad breath. This made him.... what? (This is so bad it's good...) A
super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
11. And finally...there was a person who sent 10 puns to some friends in
hopes at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did!