Sorry for the rant guys. But I just need to spill.
Okay, so this summer was the best of my entire life. I met some people I will never, ever forget, and of course made some of the best memories I know I'll ever have. I went to a music festival which was the time of my life, went to California with my mother and sisters and had a great time.
Let me also make sure I mention that I know I am no angel, I made many mistakes, I had too much fun and didn't get shit done that I needed to. I lived in the moment, which at the time was great, but it has contributed to the shit mess I'm now standing in (but not entirely).
So, one responsible thing I did do, was get a (seemingly, at the time) good apartment early on lined up for next school semester, before summer even started. It was cheap, but my roommate and I checked it out, and though it was a little dirty because of the people that still lived there, it would be fine when we moved in, as they would clean it and give us new furniture. Well, I moved in the 18th of August. My mom came and helped me move in. My roommate would not be able to move in 'til serveral days later. When my mom and I first walked around, we were impressed. They cleaned it really well, new carpets were put in, etc. My mom spotted one roach and killed it. We thought that was all, it was the only one we saw at first. We moved all my stuff in, then went grocery shopping. We came back and quite a few roaches had come out, so we talked to the manager, and he said they had just exterminated that day, and that the roaches would just come out for a few more days and die off (oh, and these are not big ones, luckily, just small ones, but still disgusting). HAHAHA. That was a good joke. A week and second exterminating session later, there are roaches EVERYWHERE. I am disgusted and getting depressed by it. I have cried (partly) because of my shit living situation the past three nights. I can't sleep anymore, because I feel like bugs are crawling on me at the slightest itch. OH, and also, there are now fucking BEDBUGS in this place. My friend (who I now realize is not such a great friend) won't let me sleep in her bed. My other friend who I'd be comfortable asking never answers when I do. Plus, I bet they're both uncomfortable with the risk of me bringing bedbugs to their places. I don't blame them for that. I am so pissed with the manager. How can this be legal? I don't think it is. We are trying to get out of the lease, and I don't see how we couldn't, right? I found fucking baby bedbugs on my school bag when I got home today. I am so paranoid and disgusted and depressed whenever I am here.
Another kinda shitty thing is that one of the great people I met this summer is being weird. He was the first normal seeming man who I've met in a while. He genuinely liked me this whole summer. Was a gentleman. He was definitely in to me. Everyone agreed. So he left for a month during summer, but called me the very day he got back to hang out. Except then he didn't call me back later.. and he'd call me again and again for several days in a row, but he either wouldn't answer when i called back, or wouldn't call me back. It's now been two days and he hasn't tried to make more plans. Not that I'd be jumping for joy to hear from him now, as I'm just annoyed with the situation. But I hate that I'm losing him (along with others in our group that have moved away already) as a friend. We had such a great time together.
The worst thing is that I don't have enough money for school at the moment. And this is the part that is all on me, pretty much. I did not find a job all summer and I did not get FAFSA done yet. I can still turn it in, but tuition is due the 2nd of sept. My parents do not contribute anything towards my college except for food, though they are not poor by any means. That is a little frustrating, but I knew they would not help a long time ago, and so is not an excuse. My biological father said a couple days ago that he could give me 4,000 in advance (he gives me this much every year), but today decided he could not afford to. Tomorrow I am going to meet with a financial advisor to see if I can do anything at all to stay at this school this semester. I'm going to ask if I can file as an independent soon enough to get more financial aid. I don't know what I'll do if I have to leave this wonderful town and school that I love so much. All of my best friends are here, and I can't stand living at home for more than a few days at a time. I am so incredibly attatched to my school and town, they are my home. But eventually, if worse comes to worse, all I can do is buck up, stop being a little kid and get through it. My life will be okay sometime. But god this all sucks so much right now. I'll probably need to get a counseler soon.
Thanks for reading, or not reading. Whichever. Definitely not looking for pity, as I know so much of this has directly been caused by me. Just needed to vent.
Cliffs:
-Great summer, new amazing friends/memories, but I did not get enough important things done
-life is kind of shitty now because:
-New apartment has roach and bedbug infestation. (not our fault at all, got fucked over by manager)
-amazing friends from summer leave/and or start acting like complete assholes
-might not get to go to school and have to move back home, because i fucked up and do not have the money.
Okay, so this summer was the best of my entire life. I met some people I will never, ever forget, and of course made some of the best memories I know I'll ever have. I went to a music festival which was the time of my life, went to California with my mother and sisters and had a great time.
Let me also make sure I mention that I know I am no angel, I made many mistakes, I had too much fun and didn't get shit done that I needed to. I lived in the moment, which at the time was great, but it has contributed to the shit mess I'm now standing in (but not entirely).
So, one responsible thing I did do, was get a (seemingly, at the time) good apartment early on lined up for next school semester, before summer even started. It was cheap, but my roommate and I checked it out, and though it was a little dirty because of the people that still lived there, it would be fine when we moved in, as they would clean it and give us new furniture. Well, I moved in the 18th of August. My mom came and helped me move in. My roommate would not be able to move in 'til serveral days later. When my mom and I first walked around, we were impressed. They cleaned it really well, new carpets were put in, etc. My mom spotted one roach and killed it. We thought that was all, it was the only one we saw at first. We moved all my stuff in, then went grocery shopping. We came back and quite a few roaches had come out, so we talked to the manager, and he said they had just exterminated that day, and that the roaches would just come out for a few more days and die off (oh, and these are not big ones, luckily, just small ones, but still disgusting). HAHAHA. That was a good joke. A week and second exterminating session later, there are roaches EVERYWHERE. I am disgusted and getting depressed by it. I have cried (partly) because of my shit living situation the past three nights. I can't sleep anymore, because I feel like bugs are crawling on me at the slightest itch. OH, and also, there are now fucking BEDBUGS in this place. My friend (who I now realize is not such a great friend) won't let me sleep in her bed. My other friend who I'd be comfortable asking never answers when I do. Plus, I bet they're both uncomfortable with the risk of me bringing bedbugs to their places. I don't blame them for that. I am so pissed with the manager. How can this be legal? I don't think it is. We are trying to get out of the lease, and I don't see how we couldn't, right? I found fucking baby bedbugs on my school bag when I got home today. I am so paranoid and disgusted and depressed whenever I am here.
Another kinda shitty thing is that one of the great people I met this summer is being weird. He was the first normal seeming man who I've met in a while. He genuinely liked me this whole summer. Was a gentleman. He was definitely in to me. Everyone agreed. So he left for a month during summer, but called me the very day he got back to hang out. Except then he didn't call me back later.. and he'd call me again and again for several days in a row, but he either wouldn't answer when i called back, or wouldn't call me back. It's now been two days and he hasn't tried to make more plans. Not that I'd be jumping for joy to hear from him now, as I'm just annoyed with the situation. But I hate that I'm losing him (along with others in our group that have moved away already) as a friend. We had such a great time together.
The worst thing is that I don't have enough money for school at the moment. And this is the part that is all on me, pretty much. I did not find a job all summer and I did not get FAFSA done yet. I can still turn it in, but tuition is due the 2nd of sept. My parents do not contribute anything towards my college except for food, though they are not poor by any means. That is a little frustrating, but I knew they would not help a long time ago, and so is not an excuse. My biological father said a couple days ago that he could give me 4,000 in advance (he gives me this much every year), but today decided he could not afford to. Tomorrow I am going to meet with a financial advisor to see if I can do anything at all to stay at this school this semester. I'm going to ask if I can file as an independent soon enough to get more financial aid. I don't know what I'll do if I have to leave this wonderful town and school that I love so much. All of my best friends are here, and I can't stand living at home for more than a few days at a time. I am so incredibly attatched to my school and town, they are my home. But eventually, if worse comes to worse, all I can do is buck up, stop being a little kid and get through it. My life will be okay sometime. But god this all sucks so much right now. I'll probably need to get a counseler soon.
Thanks for reading, or not reading. Whichever. Definitely not looking for pity, as I know so much of this has directly been caused by me. Just needed to vent.
Cliffs:
-Great summer, new amazing friends/memories, but I did not get enough important things done
-life is kind of shitty now because:
-New apartment has roach and bedbug infestation. (not our fault at all, got fucked over by manager)
-amazing friends from summer leave/and or start acting like complete assholes
-might not get to go to school and have to move back home, because i fucked up and do not have the money.