Originally posted by: Ryuson99
Why Stars Twinkle By: Me
Stars twinkle in the nights sky
for everytime i see your smile in your bright eyes
time goes back in time as to not pass us by
for every shimmering moment of a loves cry
Stars twinkle in the nights sky
as in holding you forever never saying good bye
with a hug and a kiss to seal our love as it does not lie
sometimes we fight as comes the sunlight and so i sigh
that is why Stars only twinkle in the nights sky
Inspired by this topic
Originally posted by: Lola
my biggest pet peive.... people think good poetry has to rhyme... IT DOESNT.
there are so many types of poems its incredible.
I think non-rhyming poems sound better just because you ahve to be very careful that if they do rhyme that they are not cheesey.
try writing something that dosent rhym, but still has a nice beat and flow
Originally posted by: bleeb
sorry dawg, I dont think people want to hurt your feelings by saying that the poem sounds cheesy. like your desparate last attempt at wooing a girl into the sac.
Originally posted by: TranceNation
Originally posted by: Ryuson99
Why Stars Twinkle By: Me
Stars twinkle in the nights sky
for everytime i see your smile in your bright eyes
time goes back in time as to not pass us by
for every shimmering moment of a loves cry
Stars twinkle in the nights sky
as in holding you forever never saying good bye
with a hug and a kiss to seal our love as it does not lie
sometimes we fight as comes the sunlight and so i sigh
that is why Stars only twinkle in the nights sky
Inspired by this topic
well.....first, how do you see a girls smile in her bright eyes? does she have teeth in her eyes?
also, what to you mean by 'sometimes we fight as comes the sunlight'? you trying to say you fight every morning?
I think it's ok poem, but definitely need to redo/rethink/restructure some areas. Maybe steal some lines from the great Poe:
And she would mark the opening skies
I saw no heaven but in her eyes
Originally posted by: HonkeyDonk
Originally posted by: TranceNation
Originally posted by: Ryuson99
Why Stars Twinkle By: Me
Stars twinkle in the nights sky
for everytime i see your smile in your bright eyes
time goes back in time as to not pass us by
for every shimmering moment of a loves cry
Stars twinkle in the nights sky
as in holding you forever never saying good bye
with a hug and a kiss to seal our love as it does not lie
sometimes we fight as comes the sunlight and so i sigh
that is why Stars only twinkle in the nights sky
Inspired by this topic
well.....first, how do you see a girls smile in her bright eyes? does she have teeth in her eyes?
also, what to you mean by 'sometimes we fight as comes the sunlight'? you trying to say you fight every morning?
I think it's ok poem, but definitely need to redo/rethink/restructure some areas. Maybe steal some lines from the great Poe:
And she would mark the opening skies
I saw no heaven but in her eyes
lol...i was thinking the same thing.
That "see your smile in your bright eyes" line doesn't make any sense.
your poem sucks hahaha...many lines just don't make any sense. hahaha...smile in your bright eyes...thanks for the laugh!