Reasons why anyone should get married

[Nik]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: Nik
I would have a nice, long, serious conversation with them. If they're that shallow, they're not my type and I wouldn't be involved with them to begin with. I don't like women with their heads in the clouds daydreaming about fairytales and white picket fences.

So you wouldn't do something simple to please your significant other? Seems like you were the one not committed to your "committed relationship".

It's just a piece of paper. It won't change the way I feel about her. However, her need for something shallow says that our relationship has problems and she's really not that dedicated anyway. If neither party needs to get married, but wants to for a valid reason, I wouldn't be opposed to getting married. I am simply passionately against getting married just to get married or doing so for some sort of relationship validation.

 

[DisgruntledVirus]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: Nik
I would have a nice, long, serious conversation with them. If they're that shallow, they're not my type and I wouldn't be involved with them to begin with. I don't like women with their heads in the clouds daydreaming about fairytales and white picket fences.

So you wouldn't do something simple to please your significant other? Seems like you were the one not committed to your "committed relationship".

Correct. Do you think that the foundation of a successful marriage is built upon one person doing something solely to please their SO? I don't. If you think one person doing things to please their SO is a good thing for them or the relationship, you may want to read Meltdown75's L&R thread.

If a couple gets married it should be because they both choose and want to, not because it will make their SO happy. That just buries the seed for resentment and issues later on, because they were "forced" into something they didn't want or agree with.

 

[DisgruntledVirus]

Originally posted by: dullard
Then lets flip the question around. Why not get married? All it takes is a piece of paper for many emotional, logical, spiritual, societal, and financial benefits. In the worst case scenario, you get divorced and a judge splits up your assets. But that same thing happens if you live together and break up, someone can always sue the other and a judge splits your assets.

Simple answer: I don't want to lose income due to alimony/child support, 1/2 (or worse) of everything I own, the house I live in, and go through the emotional turmoil of somebody I planned to spend my life with leaving me.

Can a judge get involved in a relationship where a couple hasn't been married? Definitely, but that is very rare. Also, I've never heard of a situation where a person has to pay alimony to their ex bf/gf, have you?

 

[Nik]

Originally posted by: DisgruntledVirus

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: Nik
I would have a nice, long, serious conversation with them. If they're that shallow, they're not my type and I wouldn't be involved with them to begin with. I don't like women with their heads in the clouds daydreaming about fairytales and white picket fences.

So you wouldn't do something simple to please your significant other? Seems like you were the one not committed to your "committed relationship".

Correct. Do you think that the foundation of a successful marriage is built upon one person doing something solely to please their SO? I don't. If you think one person doing things to please their SO is a good thing for them or the relationship, you may want to read Meltdown75's L&R thread.

If a couple gets married it should be because they both choose and want to, not because it will make their SO happy. That just buries the seed for resentment and issues later on, because they were "forced" into something they didn't want or agree with.

Conversely, relationship requires compromise. He made a good point. You're never going to find someone who is *exactly* like you, you can't marry your clone. You're GOING to find situations where a couple will be doing something that one of them doesn't want to do. It happens a lot

It's just that there's a problem in that situation and I'd rather get to the root of the problem and solve that than just throw stupid solutions at it.

 

[DisgruntledVirus]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: DisgruntledVirus

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: Nik
I would have a nice, long, serious conversation with them. If they're that shallow, they're not my type and I wouldn't be involved with them to begin with. I don't like women with their heads in the clouds daydreaming about fairytales and white picket fences.

So you wouldn't do something simple to please your significant other? Seems like you were the one not committed to your "committed relationship".

Correct. Do you think that the foundation of a successful marriage is built upon one person doing something solely to please their SO? I don't. If you think one person doing things to please their SO is a good thing for them or the relationship, you may want to read Meltdown75's L&R thread.

If a couple gets married it should be because they both choose and want to, not because it will make their SO happy. That just buries the seed for resentment and issues later on, because they were "forced" into something they didn't want or agree with.

Conversely, relationship requires compromise. He made a good point. You're never going to find someone who is *exactly* like you, you can't marry your clone. You're GOING to find situations where a couple will be doing something that one of them doesn't want to do. It happens a lot

It's just that there's a problem in that situation and I'd rather get to the root of the problem and solve that than just throw stupid solutions at it.

I agree completely that you will never find somebody you always agree with. I don't think marriage is something that one person should let themselves be "forced" into so to speak, and I don't think another person should "force" their SO into it.

It shouldn't be something that is forced upon the relationship, but instead if it feels like "the next step" should be taken by both parties they should do it. I believe too many people and couples (especially the women, but men as well) rush into marriage as something that they feel they *should* do, due to external pressures (i.e. friends asking when they are getting married). I believe that many women are indoctrinated at a young age to believe that they grow up, go to college, meet their soulmate/prince charming/etc, get married, buy a house, have some kids, and all that. Society/parents/MSM gets it into little girls heads that marriage is kind of their "goal" so to speak and because of this rush into it too early in life.

I don't believe that people are ready for marriage until after college or after they are 24/25 at the earliest. You can't know who you are as a person until then, because frankly you're not done developing who you are as a person. You still are learning, growing, maturing, and figuring out who you are and what you want out of life (along the lines of career, if you want kids, traveling, and things like that). Obviously there are exceptions to that, but I believe in general people should spend their early to mid 20's living life and developing their self (emotionally, romantically, mentally, life views, etc). All this is IMHO obviously, but statistics backup my belief about waiting until mid to late 20's to get married (in terms of the success of it).

 

[oznerol]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: ducci
You don't think signing a legally binding contract is a higher level of commitment than a verbal agreement?

I'm not shallow enough to think a legal contract changes how I feel about them or how dedicated I am to them.

It's not a question of being shallow, and the point isn't to change how you feel about each other (though, believe me, it will).

It's essentially putting your money where your mouth is. If you aren't willing to legally bind yourself to your significant other - verbally and contractually forming a union for (ideally) the rest of your lives - putting your livelihood on the line - then odds are you shouldn't be getting married.

It's the equivalent of the other thread here currently going on about people believing the world will end in 2012 - if you truly believe it, send the dude a check.

You're essentially betting on your relationship, and the government is making it official. If that's not a bet you're willing to make, for whatever reason, don't have kids or combine finances.

 

[DisgruntledVirus]

Originally posted by: ducci

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: ducci
You don't think signing a legally binding contract is a higher level of commitment than a verbal agreement?

I'm not shallow enough to think a legal contract changes how I feel about them or how dedicated I am to them.

It's not a question of being shallow, and the point isn't to change how you feel about each other (though, believe me, it will).

It's essentially putting your money where your mouth is. If you aren't willing to legally bind yourself to your significant other - verbally and contractually forming a union for (ideally) the rest of your lives - putting your livelihood on the line - then odds are you shouldn't be getting married.

It's the equivalent of the other thread here currently going on about people believing the world will end in 2012 - if you truly believe it, send the dude a check.

You're essentially betting on your relationship, and the government is making it official. If that's not a bet you're willing to make, for whatever reason, don't have kids or combine finances.

Fine, then sign a prenup

 

[Nik]

Originally posted by: ducci

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: ducci
You don't think signing a legally binding contract is a higher level of commitment than a verbal agreement?

I'm not shallow enough to think a legal contract changes how I feel about them or how dedicated I am to them.

It's not a question of being shallow, and the point isn't to change how you feel about each other (though, believe me, it will).

It's essentially putting your money where your mouth is. If you aren't willing to legally bind yourself to your significant other - verbally and contractually forming a union for (ideally) the rest of your lives - putting your livelihood on the line - then odds are you shouldn't be getting married.

It's the equivalent of the other thread here currently going on about people believing the world will end in 2012 - if you truly believe it, send the dude a check.

You're essentially betting on your relationship, and the government is making it official. If that's not a bet you're willing to make, for whatever reason, don't have kids or combine finances.

Why would I even do that though?

Why would tying all of that together and be necessary? Why do you insist that marriage is the only way to "put my money where my mouth is"? Why do you insist that a relationship cannot be the same before and after marriage making marriage nothing more than a convenience or non-relationship-related advantage?

I don't understand your "betting on your relationship" comment. A successful relationship doesn't need to be bet on.

 

[oznerol]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: ducci

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: ducci
You don't think signing a legally binding contract is a higher level of commitment than a verbal agreement?

I'm not shallow enough to think a legal contract changes how I feel about them or how dedicated I am to them.

It's not a question of being shallow, and the point isn't to change how you feel about each other (though, believe me, it will).

It's essentially putting your money where your mouth is. If you aren't willing to legally bind yourself to your significant other - verbally and contractually forming a union for (ideally) the rest of your lives - putting your livelihood on the line - then odds are you shouldn't be getting married.

It's the equivalent of the other thread here currently going on about people believing the world will end in 2012 - if you truly believe it, send the dude a check.

You're essentially betting on your relationship, and the government is making it official. If that's not a bet you're willing to make, for whatever reason, don't have kids or combine finances.

Why would I even do that though?

Why would tying all of that together and be necessary? Why do you insist that marriage is the only way to "put my money where my mouth is"? Why do you insist that a relationship cannot be the same before and after marriage making marriage nothing more than a convenience or non-relationship-related advantage?

I don't understand your "betting on your relationship" comment. A successful relationship doesn't need to be bet on.

When a relationship turns more serious, and you decide to build a life together with someone - having kids, raising a family, buying a home, etc - a commitment is required by both parties that they are in the relationship for the long haul. I don't think you disagree with this, right? If I understand you, you are simply saying that a verbal commitment is enough.

I would agree somewhat. I think a couple that has been married for decades probably never needed to get married in the first place. But I think that if you're prepared to have and raise a kid with someone, buy a home with them, grow old with them - you should be entirely willing to take the leap and put your commitment in writing. Should you have to? No. And you don't.

But I also think marriage can be helpful. If you don't think that being married makes you more inclined to work things out, stay together, and put selfish issues aside for the sake of whatever children you've brought into this world - then don't get married.

This thread just goes in circles, though.

1) Do you love me? Yes
2) Will you spend the rest of your life with me? Yes
3) Will you sign this legal document declaring your endless love for me? Why would I do that?

If you believe 1 and 2, the answer to 3 should be "sure, why not?". It's like asking me to sign a contract that I will eventually die if I stop eating. Sure, why not? It's not a gamble when it's a certainty.

If you're of the mentality that things happen, people change, etc - then don't get married and don't have kids.

 

[zerocool84]

No logical reason to get married except personal.

/thread

 

[BriGy86]

Originally posted by: meltdown75
all the people in here that don't understand marriage are failing to realize that it's an ages-old institution.

you guys make it sound like it's just something we cooked up last week because we thought it was a good idea.

marriage: it's what people that want to be together forever do?

it's just a logical step in a lot of relationships. no one is trying to reinvent the wheel here.

This all makes sense but legalities in marriage now days I think detract from all this. Now days you have to worry about losing everything you've worked for in life if the marriage goes bad. Take away that aspect and I'm sure more people here would have a more positive outlook on marriage.

 

[DAGTA]

http://www.nomarriage.com/

that's the extreme side. I don't agree with a lot of it but I do agree that there is no reason for a man to marry in the USA but it's the goal of almost every woman.

 

[GiggleGirl]

Originally posted by: meltdown75
reasons to get married

- you trust someone enough to sign a contract saying you will spend the rest of your life with them
- you can't see yourself ever being with another person or ever finding someone better
- you love the crap out of the person and want to commit to them forever
- financial stability, relationship stability, family stability
- desire to start a family
- desire to be a "team" forever - indestructible.
- the need to have a "home base" in someone that you can always return to and they will never walk out on you or leave you. "stand by your (wo)man"
- always having someone there

these are all great reasons and im glad you stated them!

 

[GiggleGirl]

Originally posted by: krunchykrome
-It makes sense financially. Two incomes > one income. More financial security, more buying power.

-Children of married parents are more likely to suceed in academically.

-Children need two parents two raise them.

-It makes you look more stable that someone who is not married. It's a bit odd to be unmarried at 40+, and people may begin to assume things about that person's character.

-And finally, when you find that person whom you want to spend the rest of your life with, there is no reason not to.

lol with all the errors in this post, were your parents married? academia doesnt seem to come very easily for you.....................

 

[GiggleGirl]

Originally posted by: nakedfrog

Originally posted by: vi edit

Originally posted by: Platypus
tax benefits

I'd say that the legal benefits and civil protections are more of a reason than taxes.

You mean like how your spouse doesn't have to testify against you? :shiftyeyes;

*chuckle*

 

[Nik]

Originally posted by: GiggleGirl

Originally posted by: krunchykrome
-It makes sense financially. Two incomes > one income. More financial security, more buying power.

-Children of married parents are more likely to suceed in academically.

-Children need two parents two raise them.

-It makes you look more stable that someone who is not married. It's a bit odd to be unmarried at 40+, and people may begin to assume things about that person's character.

-And finally, when you find that person whom you want to spend the rest of your life with, there is no reason not to.

lol with all the errors in this post, were your parents married? academia doesnt seem to come very easily for you.....................

Kindly, point out all the mistakes or go crawl back under the rock you came from.

.........................

 

[Red Squirrel]

I just compiled a list of 10 after some very deep thinking.

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

 

[GiggleGirl]

Originally posted by: DisgruntledVirus

Originally posted by: actuarial

Originally posted by: DisgruntledVirus
How many people have "loved" one another without getting married?


OP I am very interested in this thread, as my gf and I have had this conversation many times. I am of the mindset that there is nothing marriage provides, that's beneficial to me, that I can't get without the legal aspects. You want a ceremony for me to pronounce my love for you in front of friends, family, and all witnesses? Okay, then lets have a ceremony. I'm fine with that, and will do it tomorrow provided there are no legal contracts.

As a male, I don't see any benefit for me in marriage. Yes there are some benefits in the realm of tax breaks (although you pay more due to combined incomes), legal ones like spousal benefits (if I get sick or for wills and such), easier to get a house when both names are on it (but you can do this without being married AFAIK), and can add them to medical insurance. For me though, 75% of that doesn't matter. The tax breaks I don't need right now as I get a refund (due to school). I don't need spousal benefits (to give them to somebody), because if I died or something my mother is the one who would take care of all that. I'd like to get a house, but I don't know if I want both our names on it. If *only* my name is on it, then it's less likely I'd lose it if we did ever get divorced (although as with everybody I'd expect not to). My medical insurance allows me to add "domestic partners" to my insurance, so I don't need to worry about that.

So, with no benefits all I see are the possible risks which are huge. Lose my stuff, lose my income, lose my retirement, etc. The risk/reward ratio is all risk and little to no rewards.

Depending on where you live though, if you are co-habitating in a relationship long enough you would still get screwed if you guys broke up anyways. What do you say in those situations?

If you don't know what the common-law marriage laws are in your state, and that happens to you then it's your own fault.

In my state (Ohio), there is no common law marriage currently. I don't believe common law marriage should be a law. Also, I believe Mosh is asking about marriages where the decision to get married is made and it's not due to common law.

common law marriage info

 

[Geekbabe]

A husband is a guy who battles friday rush hour traffic to carry you to the doctor's office when you're in a lot of pain..

A shackup is a guy who says" Gee I'm going to hang with my boys tonight, let me call you a taxi, shouldn't cost you more than $12"

A husband is the guy who sits in a Dr's waiting room filled with elderly asian people for well over 1 1/2 hours without a single word of complaint

A shackup is the guy who calls you as you're sitting in the a waiting room filled with elderly asian people to inform you that there's no juice and he doesn't think you have any tylenol but there's a 7-11 near the doctor's office ,you can stop there on your way home...and while you're there would you mind picking him up some pepsi?

A husband is the guy who drives to the pharmacy and waits for over 1/2 an hour to be sure you get your antibotics and pain medications.. and asks if you got everything or if he will need to go back.

A shackup is a guy who would never even think about how you would be getting your meds.

A husband is the guy who cooks you a good meal after your procedure
and makes sure the mess is cleaned up.

A shackup is the guy who's already gone out for his planned evening by the time you arrive home from your appointment, Dinner? there's none but there's a note detailing which shirts he'd like you to drop at the dry cleaners, in the morning he's sure you'll feel up to it.

A husband is the guy who tells you that he did your laundry so that you have soft PJ pants to wear so as to not irritate your incision site.

A husband is the guy who makes bad butt jokes with you and praises your ability to handle pain, he sits home watching a netflix movie even though it's a lovely night and he'd normally be off having a few with his best friend.

A shackup is a guy you'd be too embarrassed to tell about the details of your medical problem, let alone joke with him about it.

A husband is a guy who does all of the above and more, confident in knowing that you would and have been there in the same way for him


There is no one "right" reason to marry.. you marry when it feels right to the both of you

Hats off to all the good husbands here... I know there are many

 

[nakedfrog]

I have to disagree, I would have done any of those things before we were married.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
I have to disagree, I would have done any of those things before we were married.

Which is probably why she married you

 

[Corbett]

How about to show the person you love that you are completely committed to them for the rest of your life?

 

[alkemyst]

so you get hurt

drink all the soda

have a drug problem

while you stay at home all day and he works, wants to pay you to take his laundry to the dry cleaners.

is getting tired of you being at the 'doc appointment today' again.

Didn't catch what you brought to the table above.

 

[JJChicken]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
A husband is the guy who tells you that he did your laundry so that you have soft PJ pants to wear so as to not irritate your incision site.

A husband is the guy who makes bad butt jokes with you and praises your ability to handle pain, he sits home watching a netflix movie even though it's a lovely night and he'd normally be off having a few with his best friend.

A shackup is a guy you'd be too embarrassed to tell about the details of your medical problem, let alone joke with him about it.

A husband is a guy who does all of the above and more, confident in knowing that you would and have been there in the same way for him


There is no one "right" reason to marry.. you marry when it feels right to the both of you

Hats off to all the good husbands here... I know there are many

Red has premature ejaculation problems :beer:

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: alkemyst
so you get hurt

drink all the soda

have a drug problem

while you stay at home all day and he works, wants to pay you to take his laundry to the dry cleaners.

is getting tired of you being at the 'doc appointment today' again.

Didn't catch what you brought to the table above.

I was singing the praises of my husband and marriage.

I was in a supposed deeply committed relationship lasting almost 12 years.. I had an ectopic pregnancy that blew up while I was on the OR table, I damn near died. I lost a ton of blood but the doctors just pumped me with a lot of fluids and have me huge iron pills.

MY SO picked me up after a 5 day hospital stay, I was barely able to walk and became faint easily, he drove me to our shared home, made sure I had my pills and then took himself off to Foxwoods casino for the weekend with his relatives. I didn't have so much as bread or enough coffee in the house to make a single pot.