Religion in a Relationship (little long)

[snakesnfrogs]

My wife and I were in the same situation before we were married---and it almost caused us to break up. The solution that worked for us? We went together and had a talk with her minister. I didn't become religious, she didn't become non-religious, but he thoroughly understood the problem and helped us to get through it. Try it---you might be surprised at the results, and it surely won't hurt anything.

 

[Azraele]

I agree with some of the others. Talk to her. relationships are about compromise and each of you will have to do some give and take. Give her space to think things through is she neds it, but make sure you two have a serous heart to heart.

Be sure to respect her beliefs. They're important to her. She needs to respect yours as well.

 

[Stark]

<< in the West it's always been about wives submitting to their husbands, husbands being the head of the house, blah blah. >>


The scripture in question is from Colossians 3:


<< 18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. >>


and Ephesians 5:


<< 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. >>


Normally people focus on Paul's advice for women and call him a sexist pig. If you read the whole passage, Paul tells wives to submit to husbands, but then turns around and tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Christ died for the church. In Paul's model for marriage, the husband is the leader of the house who should love and protect his wife to the point of death. In response, the wife submits to the will of the husband. If the husband does his job properly, the wife should have no problem following his lead. In formal dancing, one person leads and the other follows. Done properly, a beautiful, synchronized dance results.

Many men don't want to take an active leadership role in their family. They'd rather sit on the couch or computer and let their wives run the show. Let's ask the women around here: would you rather have an active, loving husband who took the initiative in your family even if it means he has the ultimate say in things? (And don't forget the many methods women have to get their way.)

 

[RossGr]

Communication is a key, you need to be able to convince her that you are a respectable moral person with beliefs that you have thought out. Talking with her minsister would not be a bad idea. There are very many fundamentalist cults out there, this will give you an better idea of her beliefs. With some cults it will be totaly impossible to work out a solution with others you may be able to find a middle ground, she needs to have respect for you beliefs as well as your respect for hers.

I once found myself in a similar position, I still (30 yrs later) wonder if I did the right thing. I made a quick and complete break, a piece of me still loves this sweet lady.

 

[bigd480]

Ouch... religion is one of those things that is very hard to compromise on... regardless of what either of you say or do, when it comes down to it, she'll still be as devoutly religious as you are devoutly agnostic... depending on how serious you're thinking this relationship will go, if you even think abt marriage, you could find several obstacles, her parents' approval possibly the largest... then you get into how to raise kids... even if you don't mind them being brought up christian, would it bother you inside? would you go to church? would y'all explain the difference of beliefs to the kids?

these questions used to be on my mind for a while because there are only 100,000 or so followers of my religion left in the world and if you divided it up into females my age in America it would probably come down to about 5000 or so... Luckily, my fiancee is one of those so I feel very fortunate, and I really have no idea how i would handle it if she wasn't... It wouldn't necessarily be a hindrance, but having it as a common ground is definitely a plus...

if you don't expect this to go far, it may not be that big a deal... but i know hindus going out w/ muslims who thought the same thing and in both of the cases there is a militant father who would all but kill the daughter for marrying someone not of their religion...

on a more positive note, i recently went to a very christian wedding of my very christian friend who married an atheist... he went along w/ it and just smiled and posed like any other groom and they seem to be doing great... guess it just depends on the individuals...

good luck...

 

[Deleted member 4644]

Well, I found this thread after searching for religion and relationships. I commend all of you for keeping the discussion on topic. I recently found myself in a similar situation.

I met a Muslim girl in my English class last year, second semester. She is very devout and even wears a scarf over her hair. We started talking online a lot, and bit by bit we starting spending some time together. She tutored me in math, and we did several school projects together. Best of all, we had many discussions late into the night that truly have opened my mind and inspired me philosophically and intellectually.

I really care about her, and respect has always been the foremost thing on my mind in our relationship. Within a month of meeting her I really was drawn deeply to her morals and intelligence. She really isn?t at all an ?ignorant? or innocent person; rather she just chooses to live a moral life. I realized when I told her how I felt about her that it might cause problems because the potential problems are two fold: 1) Devout Muslims cannot really date unless they are interested in marriage 2) I am a non-practicing Roman Catholic who doesn?t really agree with most organized religions.

I?m not really sure how I feel about my faith, and that?s a big part of the problem. I do believe in ?God?, but I don?t yet know if I really can ever believe in the all of the Bible or the Quran. Part of this is due to the fact that I?ve never really read either. I don?t think the Pope is the final word; I think things like the Inquisition and the Taliban prove that religion should be a personal thing that is often perverted by humans when they form governments. My mom used to be a totally devout Catholic, but became strongly agnostic before I was born, and always sort of discouraged religion in my life.

I care deeply about this girl, but we are both pretty young, and I just don?t know what to do. For starters, I want to read the Bible and the Quran, and see if they fit with my own beliefs. More than anything, I don?t want to lie to myself or to her.

If you have any advice or comments, Id be happy to hear them. Maybe Ill show her this thread.

Thanks

 

[Elledan]

Fact is that everyone is different. Not everyone is thus capable of blind faith.