Just got the below e-mail from the "security committee" at the firm I work for. Nothing in this is confidential, and I thought some people who frequent AT would find it very interesting..Personally I do not think I will be participating at this time.
Ok, here is the email:
"It has come to our attention that the security measures instituted for the protection of firm personnel and firm property have raised some concerns. Problems are not only experienced in the Washington office. In particular, the many secure glass doors throughout the firm, with the access key sensors, have raised logistical problems when large or bulky items are being carried through the firm, such as boxes of documents or food. The access keys of the persons carrying such items are often in pockets or places inconvenient to reach when laden down, requiring those persons to either put down or juggle their load at each glass door they encounter on their journey. Unfortunately, some of the less skillful juggling of food has led to unfortunate and unsightly accidents on the carpet by the secure glass doors.
As you all know, security is one of our top concerns. But clean carpets and the convenience of our employees are also important to us. Therefore, we enlisted the assistance of a consulting service we have used in other similar circumstances and asked them to conduct a detailed analysis of the issues and propose a solution. This consulting service is actually the same firm that suggested tripling the number of glass security doors to the number we have now and therefore we thought they would have some experience in addressing the current issue of concern.
The consulting service came back to us with a number of proposed solutions which are novel and state of the art. Because of this, it may cause questions to arise and temporary inconvenience during implementation. Anyone wanting to opt out of the new procedure will be allowed to do so provided they sign a statement promising not to carry food through the halls, particularly in places that are carpeted.
The solution was developed through the use of a government research grant and was successfully tested under laboratory conditions. For those of you who are curious about the technical details, it interestingly involves the use of a subdermal RFID (Radio Frequency Identification) chip that is one quarter the diameter of a pencil eraser and less than one millimeter thick. The chip is surgically implanted in the palm, using a local anesthetic administered at the office. With the sensor implanted in one's palm, participants can simply waive their hand in front of the sensor to gain access to secure areas. Just like in Star Trek. The range is three feet, the implantation procedure takes less than one tenth of a second, and only minor side effects have been noted in the laboratory test, such as becoming slightly flushed and dizzy, and an uncanny tendency of users to open their flip-phones and bark "Scotty, Beam Me Up!" . Bruising and bleeding are almost nonexistent in beta testing, that now uses fatty tissue. Best of all, no more fishing in pockets or purses for that key chain. The only spills on the carpet will come from amazed visitors to the firm, who will marvel with mouths agape at our state of the art security system...."
Ok, here is the email:
"It has come to our attention that the security measures instituted for the protection of firm personnel and firm property have raised some concerns. Problems are not only experienced in the Washington office. In particular, the many secure glass doors throughout the firm, with the access key sensors, have raised logistical problems when large or bulky items are being carried through the firm, such as boxes of documents or food. The access keys of the persons carrying such items are often in pockets or places inconvenient to reach when laden down, requiring those persons to either put down or juggle their load at each glass door they encounter on their journey. Unfortunately, some of the less skillful juggling of food has led to unfortunate and unsightly accidents on the carpet by the secure glass doors.
As you all know, security is one of our top concerns. But clean carpets and the convenience of our employees are also important to us. Therefore, we enlisted the assistance of a consulting service we have used in other similar circumstances and asked them to conduct a detailed analysis of the issues and propose a solution. This consulting service is actually the same firm that suggested tripling the number of glass security doors to the number we have now and therefore we thought they would have some experience in addressing the current issue of concern.
The consulting service came back to us with a number of proposed solutions which are novel and state of the art. Because of this, it may cause questions to arise and temporary inconvenience during implementation. Anyone wanting to opt out of the new procedure will be allowed to do so provided they sign a statement promising not to carry food through the halls, particularly in places that are carpeted.
The solution was developed through the use of a government research grant and was successfully tested under laboratory conditions. For those of you who are curious about the technical details, it interestingly involves the use of a subdermal RFID (Radio Frequency Identification) chip that is one quarter the diameter of a pencil eraser and less than one millimeter thick. The chip is surgically implanted in the palm, using a local anesthetic administered at the office. With the sensor implanted in one's palm, participants can simply waive their hand in front of the sensor to gain access to secure areas. Just like in Star Trek. The range is three feet, the implantation procedure takes less than one tenth of a second, and only minor side effects have been noted in the laboratory test, such as becoming slightly flushed and dizzy, and an uncanny tendency of users to open their flip-phones and bark "Scotty, Beam Me Up!" . Bruising and bleeding are almost nonexistent in beta testing, that now uses fatty tissue. Best of all, no more fishing in pockets or purses for that key chain. The only spills on the carpet will come from amazed visitors to the firm, who will marvel with mouths agape at our state of the art security system...."