Sad Story ***New Update

[datalink7]

Hi all,

I am pretty sure that my dad is filling out divorce papers right now. Actually, I am 100% sure. This is a total shock to me, and I doubt anyone in the entire family would see this coming. My parents have been married 21 years, and though they have had hard times they have had good times as well and always worked out their problems.

When I asked him "what papers are you filling out" he said "I'll talk to you about it later."

This would be horrible for the family, and it would devistate my mom. I have NO idea why he is doing this. WTF should I do? Should I confront him now, or wait till he "talks to me later" about it? What should I say? How should I approach the situation?

I never would have though this would ever happen. I could use some help here (I am 20 years old btw and just at home for winter break).

Update: Well, I was sitting here watching the Iowa vs. USC game. It had just finished when my dad comes out of the bedroom, knocks over the christmas tree, takes a really old picture of him and my mom and slams his fist into it, puts on his shoes, and heads out the door.

I go check on my mom, and she appears to be ok. I clean up the mess, and then ask her what is going on. She said "what I can tell you is that it isn't your dads fault. I did something a long time ago and he is angry about it." (wouldn't have ever suspected my mom to do anything.... guess I don't know her as well as I thought).

So I drive around looking for my dad for a while (crapshoot). Didn't find him. I am worried because he gets real angry sometimes, and also real depressed. Luckily all the liqur stores and I think all the bars close at 9:00 pm in eugene.

What should I do? This is kind of out of my league here. I know that this is little information to go on but it would take way to long to type out my whole father and mothers history. My 15 year old sister is here as well (though she has a strong personality and seems to be weathering it alright). I might just try to play XBox with her or something so she feels better.

Any help would be appreaciated

edit: I have another sister, 18 years old. She is at a friends house. Should I go get her? Or should I leave her there to find out in the morning.

update: My dad just came home and said "this is the last night I'll ever see you guys (talking to his three children... my mom is not back went out to look for him). I need to figure out my life so I am going away."

WTF should I do? I love my dad so much.

Final Update: My dad just came in to pick up some things before he took off for the final time. The good thing is that he called a realitive while he was here and is going to go stay with them in California for a while. He also said that he would keep in touch with me and my sisters, though it might take him a bit to get set up. The bad thing is that now my family doesn't have a father

edit: Thanks everyone for your support. It helped a lot to get me through the night

 

[Stifko]

don't confront him now, maybe later ask him if he was doing what you think he was doing

sorry to hear BTW

 

[SCSIfreek]

sorry to hear that. seat down and talk to him is the best approach.


--Scsi

 

[Kelvrick]

Do you think something happened while you were away? I'm not saying anything, but maybe he found out about something your mom is doing/did? Maybe your mom found out something he is doing/did and told him to fill it out? Divorce sucks, but its better then making the whole family suffer seeing them still together.

<== divorce sucks monkey dance

 

[optoman]

A friend of mine just found out about his parents getting divorced and it is a shock. He's 25 and his parents also have been married forever. Sometimes things change. I hope the best for you and your parents.

 

[SlowSS]

Sorry to hear about the possible pending divorce of your parents.

I don't know if you could do anything about it though, after all, you may not have full knowledge of what goes on between your parents.
Nevertheless, it won't hurt to approach him and discuss with him in an adult manner. Good luck to you.

 

[lilFajita]

how are you sure that they are divorce papers? are you sure that your mom has no idea?

regardless, I know that's a scary thing I hope that things are ok.

 

[Ime]

Dude, you're an adult. Chill out.

Wait until he talks to you later.

 

[Freejack2]

Happened to me when I was 12. Sucks but my parents were the dictionary definition of dysfunctional. The best thing they could have done for themselves was get divorced.
It's probably not going to be fun but I bet it'll be a lot better at 20 than at 12.

 

[datalink7]

Originally posted by: lilFajita
how are you sure that they are divorce papers? are you sure that your mom has no idea?

regardless, I know that's a scary thing I hope that things are ok.

He is trying to place the papers so I can't see them across the room, but when he walked by me with them I clearly saw "divorce court" and "child custody" written across them. It is a HUGE packet of papers, and he has been placing down his drivers licence and information about my youngest sister on them (who is 15).

I am literally shaking here

 

[datalink7]

Originally posted by: Ime
Dude, you're an adult. Chill out.

Wait until he talks to you later.

It is hard to chill out because this is a COMPLETE shock, and I am very worried about how it will hit my mother.

 

[chemos]

do you have any little brothers or sisters? divorce is always toughest for kids living in the home. if so, be sure they are ok and be there to guide them through it. being a neutral party in a divorce can be very difficult, but is sometimes necessary.

 

[Ime]

Originally posted by: datalink7

Originally posted by: lilFajita
how are you sure that they are divorce papers? are you sure that your mom has no idea?

regardless, I know that's a scary thing I hope that things are ok.

He is trying to place the papers so I can't see them across the room, but when he walked by me with them I clearly saw "divorce court" and "child custody" written across them. It is a HUGE packet of papers, and he has been placing down his drivers licence and information about my youngest sister on them (who is 15).

I am literally shaking here

Like I said before. RELAX.

Nothing good ever came from panicing. Even if it is that bad, getting all freaky doesn't help anything.

The best thing you can do now is to keep a clear head.

 

[Aceshigh]

My parents divorced when I was 2 years old. It doesn't mean you can't have a fulfilling relationship with both of them. Perhaps they are just not mean't to be together.

 

[Ime]

Originally posted by: datalink7

Originally posted by: Ime
Dude, you're an adult. Chill out.

Wait until he talks to you later.

It is hard to chill out because this is a COMPLETE shock, and I am very worried about how it will hit my mother.

I know it's a shock. No expects something like this.

Just try not to go crazy. It would only make a bad situation worse. Trust me, I've seen it happen.

 

[ATLien247]

Originally posted by: Freejack2
Happened to me when I was 12. Sucks but my parents were the dictionary definition of dysfunctional. The best thing they could have done for themselves was get divorced.
It's probably not going to be fun but I bet it'll be a lot better at 20 than at 12.

Mine got divorced when I was around 15 years old. They too were dysfunctional, and I think it was for the best.

BUT...

Then they go and get re-married 10 years later. WTF is that about?!?!

 

[Hammer]

i'm sure your mom knows or least suspects. no way its a total shock. she just hasn't said anything to you aobut it yet.

 

[imported_Tomato]

I would second the suggestion of sitting him down and talking to him... good luck.

Peace,
Dezign

 

[joohang]

That sucks to hear.

You know what's even worse, though? My parents divorced for a year and they didn't tell us because it was "too embarrassing" or something like that. WTF?

 

[Ime]

Originally posted by: joohang
That sucks to hear.

You know what's even worse, though? My parents divorced for a year and they didn't tell us because it was "too embarrassing" or something like that. WTF?

:Q

 

[Deleted member 4644]

Datalink- I strongly urge you to talk to him about it. You are a part of the family and you have a right to know what is going on.

But thats just my opinion.

 

[tarheelmm]

Sorry dude. Just hang on and wait

 

[murphy55d]

Originally posted by: Freejack2
Happened to me when I was 12. Sucks but my parents were the dictionary definition of dysfunctional. The best thing they could have done for themselves was get divorced.
It's probably not going to be fun but I bet it'll be a lot better at 20 than at 12.

ditto

tho i dont speak w/ my dad.

 

[Shelly21]

sorry about your parents impending divorce..... you need to take care of your younger sister now.

 

[StageLeft]

If this is indeed divorce, and based on those papers it probably is (though based on your first post it doesn't sound like it would be divorce necessarily. It could be bankruptcy, or something to do with a will, etc.), I'd be very surprised if your mom doesn't see it coming or they've not discussed it. You need to relax.