Saying something other than "I'm sorry" when people die..

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: RichardE

Originally posted by: Howard
It's not "I'm sorry", it's "I'm sorry to hear that"

as in "why the hell did you tell me that?"

Well, see, that is the problem. I don't want to sound like an asshole, but want to say something somewhat meaningful but isn't as flat as "I'm sorry"

Well, then try to be convincing and you won't come off as an asshole. Has anyone you loved ever died? I guess you could try to imagine how they feel and then that would put you in the proper frame of mind to be sincere when you say it.

Why would you think you'd sound like an asshole?

wait... So you're telling me if your best friend comes up to you and says, "my dad died", then you are going to just say, "Why the fuck did you tell me this? Oh because you need emotional comfort.. Right, go fuck yourself."

You guys are great...

No, I'd say how sorry I am and ask if there was anything I could do. I'd genuinely feel bad for him...in fact, I've been in this situation with a friend of mine when his Mom died...hell, I've been in this situation with my Mom when her Mom died.

It sucks but the best thing you can do is just be there for the person. That says more than words do believe me.

Edit-I wasn't trying to come off as being glib with my response. I was really wondering why someone would feel that "I'm sorry" somehow didn't carry enough meaning.

 

[yours truly]

a woman told me over the phone her mum died, and i blurted, oh well life goes on

i was banging my head against the wall the rest of the conversation

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: hopeless74
a woman told me over the phone her mum died, and i blurted, oh well life goes on

i was banging my head against the wall the rest of the conversation

Your username is ironically appropriate here. :laugh:

 

[zinfamous]

Originally posted by: K1052
Congratulations?

good riddance?

 

[Shadow Conception]

"I hope you're next."

 

[ggnl]

Originally posted by: Farang

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: RichardE

Originally posted by: Howard
It's not "I'm sorry", it's "I'm sorry to hear that"

as in "why the hell did you tell me that?"

Well, see, that is the problem. I don't want to sound like an asshole, but want to say something somewhat meaningful but isn't as flat as "I'm sorry"

Well, then try to be convincing and you won't come off as an asshole. Has anyone you loved ever died? I guess you could try to imagine how they feel and then that would put you in the proper frame of mind to be sincere when you say it.

Why would you think you'd sound like an asshole?

wait... So you're telling me if your best friend comes up to you and says, "my dad died", then you are going to just say, "Why the fuck did you tell me this? Oh because you need emotional comfort.. Right, go fuck yourself."

You guys are great...

What if its someone you just met? I'd known this chick for like 3 days and she mentions to me how her Dad died yesterday. Obviously she can be forgiven for not having perfect social etiquette but what the hell am I supposed to say. It just came up in normal conversation.

I think it'd be kind of weird for her to not mention it. I'd want to know just so I could adjust my tone to her match her emotional state.

 

[rubix]

i just fall to my knees, raise my arms up and look towards the sky as i yell "noooooooooooooooo!"

people have since stopped informing me of deaths.

 

[xSauronx]

Originally posted by: Howard
It's not "I'm sorry", it's "I'm sorry to hear that"

as in "why the hell did you tell me that?"

yeah this is more accurate.

 

[FeuerFrei]

Originally posted by: rubix
i just fall to my knees, raise my arms up and look towards the sky as i yell "noooooooooooooooo!"

people have since stopped informing me of deaths.

My aunt died last week.

 

[everman]

dibs

 

[TridenT]

Originally posted by: rubix
i just fall to my knees, raise my arms up and look towards the sky as i yell "noooooooooooooooo!"

people have since stopped informing me of deaths.

:thumbsup: lol!

 

[MrDudeMan]

Originally posted by: Farang

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: RichardE

Originally posted by: Howard
It's not "I'm sorry", it's "I'm sorry to hear that"

as in "why the hell did you tell me that?"

Well, see, that is the problem. I don't want to sound like an asshole, but want to say something somewhat meaningful but isn't as flat as "I'm sorry"

Well, then try to be convincing and you won't come off as an asshole. Has anyone you loved ever died? I guess you could try to imagine how they feel and then that would put you in the proper frame of mind to be sincere when you say it.

Why would you think you'd sound like an asshole?

wait... So you're telling me if your best friend comes up to you and says, "my dad died", then you are going to just say, "Why the fuck did you tell me this? Oh because you need emotional comfort.. Right, go fuck yourself."

You guys are great...

What if its someone you just met? I'd known this chick for like 3 days and she mentions to me how her Dad died yesterday. Obviously she can be forgiven for not having perfect social etiquette but what the hell am I supposed to say. It just came up in normal conversation.

You're right. She should have gone about her life as if nothing happened and completely ignored it. That sounds like healthy behavior.

 

[PricklyPete]

"my sympathies"

 

[rezinn]

"My fish died"

 

[SunnyD]

Yo bitch, wut up!

 

[darkxshade]

""

 

[Capt Caveman]

Oh Noes!!!

 

[sjwaste]

Saying "I'm sorry" is the very same thing as saying "I apologize" except when you're at a funeral.

 

[BurnItDwn]

You could say "my condolences."
And then if you were close with the person who lost someone close to them, you could talk with them about that person. They can share a bit about their loss, and maybe think of some of the better memories... Might even cheer them up a bit.

 

[Tiamat]

My condolences to your family, I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[Red Squirrel]

You only say "I'm sorry" if you were actually responsible for the death like "oh sorry about that! yeah bad aim, I know". I usually just say "i'm sorry to hear that" but yeah don't really know what to say other then that, it's one of those things where you can't really express your feelings.

 

[Amused]

One thing that peeved me when my parents died is people telling me they're in a better place.

I found no solace in that. And even if I did believe in better places I am selfish and want them here with me, so screw your bloody fucking better places, okay?

 

[Train]

Originally posted by: Farang

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: RichardE

Originally posted by: Howard
It's not "I'm sorry", it's "I'm sorry to hear that"

as in "why the hell did you tell me that?"

Well, see, that is the problem. I don't want to sound like an asshole, but want to say something somewhat meaningful but isn't as flat as "I'm sorry"

Well, then try to be convincing and you won't come off as an asshole. Has anyone you loved ever died? I guess you could try to imagine how they feel and then that would put you in the proper frame of mind to be sincere when you say it.

Why would you think you'd sound like an asshole?

wait... So you're telling me if your best friend comes up to you and says, "my dad died", then you are going to just say, "Why the fuck did you tell me this? Oh because you need emotional comfort.. Right, go fuck yourself."

You guys are great...

What if its someone you just met? I'd known this chick for like 3 days and she mentions to me how her Dad died yesterday. Obviously she can be forgiven for not having perfect social etiquette but what the hell am I supposed to say. It just came up in normal conversation.

:camera:'s? (of the girl)

 

[nanette1985]

A bunch of my elderly relatives have died recently. It's so much easier when I tell people and they respond with "I'm sorry". It means that I can just say "thank you" if I don't feel like talking, or I can respond with details if it's someone I want to talk to.

Social conventions don't always make logical sense, but they're useful. Go ahead and say "I'm sorry". It's traditional for a reason.

 

[MovingTarget]

"I'm so sorry" can and should only be said to the survivors just prior to re-entering the TARDIS.

/thread