secrets from your job

[Finalnight]

maufacturer warranties really do suck

 

[Locut0s]

Originally posted by: Leros
We occasionally assasinate officials from competing governments.

That's not secret.

 

[Locut0s]

Retail stores routinely place stickers on their front doors saying something to the effect of "tills contain less than $50". The reality of the retail world is that it is almost impossible to keep it that low, especially during busy hours or at the end of the month when we sell high price items like monthly transit tickets.

 

[latino666]

We can technacially return everything no matter how old the sale was. We just tell people we can't because the computer won't let us.

 

[Locut0s]

When a shoplifter takes something our sales staff is supposed to write down the item, time/date, and a description of the thief so we can look it up on the security tape the next morning. We have a web based theft claiming system where we post losses due to theft to the cooperate head office. Each store is budgeted for a certain amount of lost merchandise per month due to shoplifting and we will be reimbursed up to that amount . In reality we almost never look at the tape we just send a theft report based on the note left and we almost ALWAYS exaggerate how much was taken in order to cover other unnoticed losses. Before a store audit we sometimes even make up claims if we suspect we will be short.

 

[Locut0s]

Originally posted by: latino666
We can technacially return everything no matter how old the sale was. We just tell people we can't because the computer won't let us.

Where do you work that would allow you to return almost anything even technically?

 

[ATLien247]

Originally posted by: Slew Foot
When you're asleep during surgery, the surgeons and nurses will make fun of any bodily defects you may have.

Sometimes they don't even wait for you to be asleep, instead stepping just outside the patient's room. I guess they figure the privacy curtains provide some form of sound dampening...

 

[Winchester]

^

 

[vi edit]

Checking "student" or "unemployed" on a margin or options upgrade form on a brokerage account will automatically reject your application.

 

[Koharski]

wow. this thread really took off

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: vi_edit
Checking "student" or "unemployed" on a margin or options upgrade form on a brokerage account will automatically reject your application.

That doesn't surprise me in the least.

 

[ric1287]

-at a large electronics retailer, if there was an incorrect laptop displayed, we would overvolt the memory chips and fry it. Send it back to manufactorer as DOA.

-most of the "security staff" doesnt actually read your recipt. They just check it off, so you could possibly add numerous small items to your cart and walk right out the front door.

-pay cash, switch anything like old ram, old/smaller hard drives etc, and return it in the *new items box since the CS agents dont know anything about the products.

 

[Aimster]

when i used to work for the pizza chains ... we never collected coupons.

Just say you have a coupon for so and so and the kid will manually enter it in the computer.

I have a buy one get one free coupon..

 

[OS]

Originally posted by: vi_edit
Checking "student" or "unemployed" on a margin or options upgrade form on a brokerage account will automatically reject your application.

does this depend on the brokerage? I think i put student on my etrade margin account and it was still accepted.

I actually work, but i just didn't care to list my position/employer and stuff.

 

[compuwiz1]

A customer who comes on the car lot for 12 consecutive days and deals with 4 different salespeople, but yet buys nothing, is now profiled, and classified as a Jack-Off

We know his script, and he's become "persona non grata". :shocked:

Nobody will wait on this guy, except the green horn, simply because he's been coerced to help this person, so the more experienced guys can get all the UPs. (Unhelped Persons), and possibly have fresh chance at making some money.

 

[Fike]

I worked in a one hour photo lab...before this digital thang hit.

We would print anything...nudity, obscenity, etc...

But, if there was penetration, we had to return the developed negatives unprinted.

Sniffing photochemicals causes a decrease in sperm count.

Everyone says that photos can be printed automatically and still look good. They can't. For our best customers, we would custom print every frame in a roll.

 

[loup garou]

Billy likes to drink soda.
Miss Lippy's car...is green!

 

[Papagayo]

I make sure that I poop at work, so that I can be paid to take a dump.

I also take my time pooping and play freecell on my PDA..

 

[Fallnangel]

i work in a restaraunt for the last 4 years...if u complain and are a jerk about it ..something nasty will happen to ur food guaranteed..happens everywhere. and numero uno is if u dont tip 20% and u come back we will remember and do something to ur food( or i should say let someone do something to ur food)

Moost of my friends work in the same bizm we always laugh about how this happens.

TIP: tip heavy and u can get most thing s for free,alcohol drinks,dessert..etc my .02

 

[franksta]

I'm not sure these are really "secrets" of my job but if you work with me and read this you'll be ahead of the game.


- If your project is important don't leave it sitting in an unimportant place. If I find it first, you can be sure it is going in the garbage.

- If I agree to meet you at a specified time and you're more than 15 minutes late don't count on an immediate reschedule.

- Money greases the gears. If you want my time/work/expertise you'll pay for it.

- Since I have almost 100% machine ownership I can fix them at my leisure. Stay on my good side and you'll have fully functioning machines.

 

[Aimster]

Originally posted by: Fallnangel
i work in a restaraunt for the last 4 years...if u complain and are a jerk about it ..something nasty will happen to ur food guaranteed..happens everywhere. and numero uno is if u dont tip 20% and u come back we will remember and do something to ur food( or i should say let someone do something to ur food)

Moost of my friends work in the same bizm we always laugh about how this happens.

TIP: tip heavy and u can get most thing s for free,alcohol drinks,dessert..etc my .02

I tip 15% ...

 

[Al Neri]

Originally posted by: Aimster

Originally posted by: Fallnangel
i work in a restaraunt for the last 4 years...if u complain and are a jerk about it ..something nasty will happen to ur food guaranteed..happens everywhere. and numero uno is if u dont tip 20% and u come back we will remember and do something to ur food( or i should say let someone do something to ur food)

Moost of my friends work in the same bizm we always laugh about how this happens.

TIP: tip heavy and u can get most thing s for free,alcohol drinks,dessert..etc my .02

I tip 15% ...

you eat gross stuff probably

 

[Tobolo]

Where I work we routinely have people move on to other jobs and their lab space is not used in many cases for years. We just cleaned a lab out the hasnt been used in prolly 30 years and we found quite a large stockpile of Agent Orange. So if anyone needs to destroy any trees/foilage/or give someone horrible cancer call me.

Also if you ever live near any labs or chemical companies DONT DRINK THE TAP WATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Tob

 

[jimbob200521]

Be nice to people who fix your stuff, chances are you'll get it back sooner.

 

[eLiTeGoodGuy]

I used to work at a Cell Phone Company.

If you had a funny name/address, believe me your account page was printed up and shared around the office.

We told EVERYONE if you decline a higher plan after us telling you what you needed just because you saw a cheaper price on the flyer. We had one lady refuse to go any higher than our local 700 minute package for $35, when we told her based on her usage it would not be wise. Needless to say she came in the next month wanting us to discount her bill because she used 11,000 minutes between two phones on a plan that has a max of 700 minutes. She was pissed her bill was $1800. I simply said "You are correct looks like they incorrectly billed you, by my math your bill should be over $3600. I'll get this corrected right away"