Serious family problems...Need Ideas

[OneOfTheseDays]

Originally posted by: Dumac
40 hours isn't really that much for a week. That could be only 6 hours a day, which isn't much to me. I use to play Everquest, so I know what he is going through. YOu do feel like you made a commitment, because those are other PEOPLE you are playing with and they are counting on you.

I assume he will most likely grow out of it...(WoW will die someday...)

He is your brother. Do you think he is serious about suicide? I doubt it, but you know best. I doubt he has any major mental disorders, but again, brother knows best!

Edit: How old is he?

Something tells me you are the last person who should be giving this guy advice.....40 hours a week isn't much to you? what kind of a loser are you?

 

[timosyy]

Again... stop paying for his WoW. The $13 a month comes from somewhere.

If he has a job and he's the one paying for WoW, while maintaining his academics, then props to him.

 

[HamburgerBoy]

Fourty hours a week is nothing. He's perfectly fine.

 

[Powermoloch]

Originally posted by: HamburgerBoy
Fourty hours a week is nothing. He's perfectly fine.

are you serious? he'll be better off working 40 hours a week earning cash.

 

[JEDIYoda]

huh...i just don`t get it...hmmm

 

[Dumac]

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: Dumac
40 hours isn't really that much for a week. That could be only 6 hours a day, which isn't much to me. I use to play Everquest, so I know what he is going through. YOu do feel like you made a commitment, because those are other PEOPLE you are playing with and they are counting on you.

I assume he will most likely grow out of it...(WoW will die someday...)

He is your brother. Do you think he is serious about suicide? I doubt it, but you know best. I doubt he has any major mental disorders, but again, brother knows best!

Edit: How old is he?

Something tells me you are the last person who should be giving this guy advice.....40 hours a week isn't much to you? what kind of a loser are you?

I don't spend that much time anymore, but back when I had no real responsibilities that I played EQ. Even without EQ, you think its crazy to play R:TW a couple hours here and there, a few hours of CS, and a few hours of random console game #1024? You obviously aren't a avid gamer.

I was first under the impression he was 15-16ish, in which case 5-6 hours a day wouldn't be that bad IMO.

Btw, this is Anandtech. We are all losers to the general public here!

 

[AznAnarchy99]

Sound like a story about my friend. His parents sent him away to a wilderness retreat until he was 18. The people in this retreat were addicts of all diff kinds like sex drugs etc. He signed himself out at 18. That was the worst thing they could do since now he hates his parents and doesnt talk to them anymore and hes back to gaming.

 

[timosyy]

btw, I play WoW, and yes, I'm in a raiding guild. 40 hours a week is definately a bit excessive if he feels "obligated" to do it.

If I wanted to make every raid night, I'd only play about 15 hours a week. Oftentimes I'll only end up playing 10 or less. It still feels like a lot, because summer just hit and I'm rather busy catching up with friends/hanging out/doing RL stuff. FWIW, my guild has had C'thun (hardest raid boss in game) on farm for a while and we're one of the top 3 guilds on one of the oldest/largest servers (Arthas), so I'm one of those "powergamers" or "hardcore" WoW players/raiders. And again, I only play ~10-15 hours a week and consider that too much. Course, back in high school I used to play this (and EQ, back in the day) for possibly more than 40 hours a week, so I know where he's coming from, heh.

He should get tired of it shortly, raiding gets pretty boring pretty quick. Obligation is just a BS excuse really... I used to feel "obligated" to raid because people were "depending" on me but now I only log in when I actually feel like it (smallish guild too, its only around 50 people max). People may miss him, or playfully tease him for missing raids or what not, but most people understand (even if they can't do it themselves) that RL > WoW, and will cut him some slack.

Tell him to take a break. Tell him the guildies will understand. And quit paying for the account

 

[kykoz]

I used to play 10-14 hours a day on school days and almost 20 hours a day on weekends (I don't really need much sleep), I felt like if I logged out I would miss something. My parents continually tried to get me off, and while I would cut back for a week or so, then slip back into my old schedule. Went to counseling once a week and started hanging out with friends and playing intramural dodgeball and eventually got over it. Got a part-time summer job working bout 40 hours a week and am so busy doing that and keeping up with friends, that I rarely have time for anything but a few mins on ATOT. I've lost about 35 lbs since I started working, mainly from not snacking at the computer, and all around my life is much better. I still have the option of going back to WOW but it just doesn't feel the same, as if I feel dirty when I play.

Mainly, get him a job, get him off the computer, and counseling does help, but if he is really so resistant, he won't get much out of it.

 

[skim milk]

find him a girlfriend

he will be in puppy love and will forget about WoW altogether

 

[Whisper]

I wouldn't necessarily attribute the problem to a personality disorder, especially since, as you've said, he seemed fairly "normal" before WoW kicked in. People can get addicted to all sorts of different things, and this sounds more like an addiction than anything else (replace every instance of Warcraft with something like Alcohol or Cocaine, and you'll see what I mean). Sit down with him, get him (and anyone else interested) some counseling, and see how things go from there.

 

[Whisper]

Originally posted by: Dumac

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: Dumac
40 hours isn't really that much for a week. That could be only 6 hours a day, which isn't much to me. I use to play Everquest, so I know what he is going through. YOu do feel like you made a commitment, because those are other PEOPLE you are playing with and they are counting on you.

I assume he will most likely grow out of it...(WoW will die someday...)

He is your brother. Do you think he is serious about suicide? I doubt it, but you know best. I doubt he has any major mental disorders, but again, brother knows best!

Edit: How old is he?

Something tells me you are the last person who should be giving this guy advice.....40 hours a week isn't much to you? what kind of a loser are you?

I don't spend that much time anymore, but back when I had no real responsibilities that I played EQ. Even without EQ, you think its crazy to play R:TW a couple hours here and there, a few hours of CS, and a few hours of random console game #1024? You obviously aren't a avid gamer.

I was first under the impression he was 15-16ish, in which case 5-6 hours a day wouldn't be that bad IMO.

Btw, this is Anandtech. We are all losers to the general public here!

Even at 15-16-ish, I'd call six hours a day excessive.

And yes, I consider myself an avid gamer. But there comes a time when you need to devote portions of your day to things other than gaming, such as school, work, eating, and hanging out with friends.

Edit: Don't get me wrong, spending six hours playing a game one day happens to lots of people. But spending an average of six hours per day, EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK, playing a game is excessive. At least in my opinion.

 

[I Saw OJ]

Its so easy to limit the amount of time he plays WoW, it sounds like you guys arent even putting forth any effort. First off it sounds like he doesnt have a job so someone has to be paying the monthly fee. With that in mind you can setup times in the WoW account management where he is only able to play from like 6pm-9pm on weekdays, or whatever you guys set for him. Second you can also restrict the times he is able to access the internet(assuming you have a router for your broadband). Its not terribly difficult to restrict access like that, you just have to do it.


How old is he BTW?

 

[Eeezee]

WHOA whoa whoa, I think there's a lot of overreacting going on. When I was in high school, I did pretty much the same thing, exactly when there were only 3 big MMOs (Everquest, Ultima Online, and Asheron's Call - I chose the third). My parents did the same thing, were worried that I spent too much time on the computer, etc. You want to know something though? Despite my hardcore addiction (easily 50-60 hours a week), I was still a straight A student, starred in several plays, and obtained a full-ride to an in-state university. Eventually I kicked the habit on my own because I no longer felt like paying a monthly fee for games (in actuality my parents paid for it each month, so I sold my character and gave them the profit, which came out to them earning about $20).

The difference was my parents never threatened to send me to a counselor. That's essentially the same as saying you need to see a psychiatrist, which I'd consider an attack against my mental health if I were a teenager. Considering the addiction, it's not such a surprise that your brother threatened suicide. However, realize that these types of addictions **usually** pass depending on how intelligent the user is.

Is your brother a good student? Has he been falling behind in his grades? He's 17, is he prepared for college? You need to find out a lot more information before you can decide if drastic measures need to be taken. Doing pretty much anything is seen by him as an attack against his privacy and an attempt at just making him miserable.

Forty hours a week really isn't much, he's an unemployed high school student. If all he wants to do is play WoW and it doesn't effect his health or his studies, then I don't see the harm. If he starts staying up all night playing the game or skipping meals, skipping homework, skipping responsibilities, etc., then I'd suggest cutting him off because he can't manage his addiction.

Seriously, chances are he'll get bored with the game after awhile. I'm afraid interfering and alienating him with disciplinary action for doing nothing more than playing a game may turn him into another case of a kid walking into a cyber cafe and playing until he drops dead.

 

[Whisper]

Originally posted by: I Saw OJ
Its so easy to limit the amount of time he plays WoW, it sounds like you guys arent even putting forth any effort. First off it sounds like he doesnt have a job so someone has to be paying the monthly fee. With that in mind you can setup times in the WoW account management where he is only able to play from like 6pm-9pm on weekdays, or whatever you guys set for him. Second you can also restrict the times he is able to access the internet(assuming you have a router for your broadband). Its not terribly difficult to restrict access like that, you just have to do it.


How old is he BTW?

Then again, you also have to keep in mind that if he's used to playing a certain amount per day, he's going to get pretty upset when you limit that amount. Doesn't make that course of action wrong, but you need to prepare for the repercusions based on his current behaviors. Just because he shouldn't be playing WoW so much doesn't mean that he will automatically see things how they need to be. It's like telling an alcoholic, "you know, you don't need to drink that much," and then limiting them to one beer per day. It's better for them, but there are going to be consequences.

 

[Eeezee]

Originally posted by: Powermoloch

Originally posted by: HamburgerBoy
Fourty hours a week is nothing. He's perfectly fine.

are you serious? he'll be better off working 40 hours a week earning cash.

Of course he would, but he probably wouldn't think that's fun. He's a lazy teenager, no big deal. It'd be great if he found a girlfriend or something, but you really can't do much about that. Suggesting he get a job might help if he's receptive to it, but if he doesn't feel like getting a job then I see no point in forcing him.

 

[Eeezee]

Originally posted by: fritolays
find him a girlfriend

he will be in puppy love and will forget about WoW altogether

QFT, if you could pull that off it'd be the best possible solution

 

[Whisper]

Originally posted by: Eeezee

Originally posted by: Powermoloch

Originally posted by: HamburgerBoy
Fourty hours a week is nothing. He's perfectly fine.

are you serious? he'll be better off working 40 hours a week earning cash.

Of course he would, but he probably wouldn't think that's fun. He's a lazy teenager, no big deal. It'd be great if he found a girlfriend or something, but you really can't do much about that. Suggesting he get a job might help if he's receptive to it, but if he doesn't feel like getting a job then I see no point in forcing him.

I think the problem here isn't the amount of time he's spending online necessarily, but his responses to his family's suggestions that he also take on other hobbies. Threatening to kill yourself because you can't go on a raid isn't exactly normal behavior. And while "normal" is a very subjective term, here the younger brother's behavior definitely warrants at least some concern.

 

[I Saw OJ]

Originally posted by: Whisper

Originally posted by: I Saw OJ
Its so easy to limit the amount of time he plays WoW, it sounds like you guys arent even putting forth any effort. First off it sounds like he doesnt have a job so someone has to be paying the monthly fee. With that in mind you can setup times in the WoW account management where he is only able to play from like 6pm-9pm on weekdays, or whatever you guys set for him. Second you can also restrict the times he is able to access the internet(assuming you have a router for your broadband). Its not terribly difficult to restrict access like that, you just have to do it.


How old is he BTW?

Then again, you also have to keep in mind that if he's used to playing a certain amount per day, he's going to get pretty upset when you limit that amount. Doesn't make that course of action wrong, but you need to prepare for the repercusions based on his current behaviors. Just because he shouldn't be playing WoW so much doesn't mean that he will automatically see things how they need to be. It's like telling an alcoholic, "you know, you don't need to drink that much," and then limiting them to one beer per day. It's better for them, but there are going to be consequences.

Well, sometimes you have to do whats best for the child wheither they like it or not. Sometimes parents or siblings have to play the "bad guy" and limit the WoW time, or whatever the case may be. The kid will probably be upset for a while but he has to understand that playing 40+ hours a week is too much and will not be tolerated.

 

[Eeezee]

Originally posted by: Whisper

Originally posted by: Dumac

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: Dumac
40 hours isn't really that much for a week. That could be only 6 hours a day, which isn't much to me. I use to play Everquest, so I know what he is going through. YOu do feel like you made a commitment, because those are other PEOPLE you are playing with and they are counting on you.

I assume he will most likely grow out of it...(WoW will die someday...)

He is your brother. Do you think he is serious about suicide? I doubt it, but you know best. I doubt he has any major mental disorders, but again, brother knows best!

Edit: How old is he?

Something tells me you are the last person who should be giving this guy advice.....40 hours a week isn't much to you? what kind of a loser are you?

I don't spend that much time anymore, but back when I had no real responsibilities that I played EQ. Even without EQ, you think its crazy to play R:TW a couple hours here and there, a few hours of CS, and a few hours of random console game #1024? You obviously aren't a avid gamer.

I was first under the impression he was 15-16ish, in which case 5-6 hours a day wouldn't be that bad IMO.

Btw, this is Anandtech. We are all losers to the general public here!

Even at 15-16-ish, I'd call six hours a day excessive.

And yes, I consider myself an avid gamer. But there comes a time when you need to devote portions of your day to things other than gaming, such as school, work, eating, and hanging out with friends.

Edit: Don't get me wrong, spending six hours playing a game one day happens to lots of people. But spending an average of six hours per day, EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK, playing a game is excessive. At least in my opinion.

But consider the life of a high schooler

Wake up at 8AM
Get out of school by 3PM
Play for 4 hours until 7PM for dinner
Eat (15 minutes)
Play for 4 hours until 11PM
Get ready for sleep by midnight
Repeat?

That's over 7 hours a day on a weekday. How about a weekend?

Sleep in until 11AM
Playtime until 11PM

Some of us occupy ourselves with sports, books, company, and girlfriends or boyfriends. Some choose to completely occupy themselves with just one activity (a hardcore sports player, or a bookworm, or someone madly in love). Gaming is just one more way to occupy yourself and it's really in the same categories as the others.

I'd consider the other experiences more valuable, but I'm sure you could hold a good argument about that if you gave it a little effort.

 

[PurdueRy]

Originally posted by: Dumac

Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne

Originally posted by: Dumac
40 hours isn't really that much for a week. That could be only 6 hours a day, which isn't much to me. I use to play Everquest, so I know what he is going through. YOu do feel like you made a commitment, because those are other PEOPLE you are playing with and they are counting on you.

I assume he will most likely grow out of it...(WoW will die someday...)

He is your brother. Do you think he is serious about suicide? I doubt it, but you know best. I doubt he has any major mental disorders, but again, brother knows best!

Edit: How old is he?

Something tells me you are the last person who should be giving this guy advice.....40 hours a week isn't much to you? what kind of a loser are you?

I don't spend that much time anymore, but back when I had no real responsibilities that I played EQ. Even without EQ, you think its crazy to play R:TW a couple hours here and there, a few hours of CS, and a few hours of random console game #1024? You obviously aren't a avid gamer.

I was first under the impression he was 15-16ish, in which case 5-6 hours a day wouldn't be that bad IMO.

Btw, this is Anandtech. We are all losers to the general public here!

No, actually I think 40 hours a week playing a stupid game is pretty excessive. Especially if this occurs while he is in school. That is pretty much every hour from when you get home!

 

[Eeezee]

Originally posted by: Whisper

Originally posted by: Eeezee

Originally posted by: Powermoloch

Originally posted by: HamburgerBoy
Fourty hours a week is nothing. He's perfectly fine.

are you serious? he'll be better off working 40 hours a week earning cash.

Of course he would, but he probably wouldn't think that's fun. He's a lazy teenager, no big deal. It'd be great if he found a girlfriend or something, but you really can't do much about that. Suggesting he get a job might help if he's receptive to it, but if he doesn't feel like getting a job then I see no point in forcing him.

I think the problem here isn't the amount of time he's spending online necessarily, but his responses to his family's suggestions that he also take on other hobbies. Threatening to kill yourself because you can't go on a raid isn't exactly normal behavior. And while "normal" is a very subjective term, here the younger brother's behavior definitely warrants at least some concern.

I believe he was threatening to kill himself because they wanted to send him to psychological counseling, which is a serious ordeal to some people. "I'd rather kill myself than be told by a professional that I have a problem when I know that it's just a harmless game" is what was going through his mind.

 

[Whisper]

Originally posted by: I Saw OJ

Originally posted by: Whisper

Originally posted by: I Saw OJ
Its so easy to limit the amount of time he plays WoW, it sounds like you guys arent even putting forth any effort. First off it sounds like he doesnt have a job so someone has to be paying the monthly fee. With that in mind you can setup times in the WoW account management where he is only able to play from like 6pm-9pm on weekdays, or whatever you guys set for him. Second you can also restrict the times he is able to access the internet(assuming you have a router for your broadband). Its not terribly difficult to restrict access like that, you just have to do it.


How old is he BTW?

Then again, you also have to keep in mind that if he's used to playing a certain amount per day, he's going to get pretty upset when you limit that amount. Doesn't make that course of action wrong, but you need to prepare for the repercusions based on his current behaviors. Just because he shouldn't be playing WoW so much doesn't mean that he will automatically see things how they need to be. It's like telling an alcoholic, "you know, you don't need to drink that much," and then limiting them to one beer per day. It's better for them, but there are going to be consequences.

Well, sometimes you have to do whats best for the child wheither they like it or not. Sometimes parents or siblings have to play the "bad guy" and limit the WoW time, or whatever the case may be. The kid will probably be upset for a while but he has to understand that playing 40+ hours a week is too much and will not be tolerated.

I agree with you. Often it takes an outside perspective to see things how they really are, and how much the person might be hurting themselves. I was just saying that limiting the WoW time (involuntarily) is going to result in a pretty pi$$ed of younger brother, so you need to prepare for that situation.

 

[KingofCamelot]

Originally posted by: EeezeeI'd consider the other experiences more valuable, but I'm sure you could hold a good argument about that if you gave it a little effort.

First off, in the mock schedule you put up there you didn't leave much time for HW, chores, or other responsibilities. I understand your argument, but its still not healthy for the kid to be dedicating that many hours to a game. The other experiences are much more valuable. Instead of wasting his time playing a game that will get him nothing he should be playing sports, working, getting a girlfriend, join a club, whatever. Anything with more interaction with people in person would be good.

Also, I don't buy your argument that playing games that much is no different than playing sports that much, etc. Sports give you physical activity, social relations, and the chance for scholorships, etc. Games give you, brain stimulation, thats about it. Either way, variety is the key to life, the kid shouldn't be dedicating that much time to WoW.

 

[oogabooga]

cut him off. Let him say farewell to his guild, then peace him on out of there.