Should Guys Still Pay For First Dates?

[LogicBoard]

Women want equality so all bills should be split right? His system is ok too I guess.

 

[ImpulsE69]

Soon there won't be dates.

 

[feralkid]

The one who invites, pays.

 

[momeNt]

It all depends on what you two mutually agree on. There is very little chance you received affirmative consent to speak to her, ask her her plans for the night, ask if she wanted to eat dinner, ask if she wanted to eat dinner with you, ask if she wanted to go to a specific place to eat dinner, and somehow not receive affirmative consent that you pay for her portion of the bill, or split the bill. So the question is moot nowadays in the era of consent.

 

[dud]

Only if they want to. A guy SHOULD be able to tell if a woman is "into" him for his money. If he decides to pay under these conditions then he has consequences to deal with ...

 

[pete6032]

If you are sick of paying for first dates, stop going on first dates with women who you don't think have potential

 

[zinfamous]

Prior to the date, the two individuals must agree upon the method that determines payment responsibility, at the end of the date. There are two options to consider:

1: Arm wrestling
2: Ro-sham-bo (Southpark version)

After the date/when payment is required, the resultant loser of the chosen method pays the bill(s)

 

[Aikouka]

Men paying for the dates has essentially become a social contract over the years. Social contracts are a term used to describe something as a societal norm that dictates what's expected of certain parties. On the other side of that, some men think that when the man pays, the woman "plays", and that's another social contract. Frankly, I think both of them are BS... the prior is far outdated and the latter is just boorish.

Now, to be clear, there's nothing wrong with always paying or even having a woman have that mindset. The problem is that I think that's something that both parties have to agree with rather than there being an innate expectation. To give you an example, I have a coworker that told me that when she's out with her husband, she literally will not get out of the car unless he opens the door. She told me that when dating, she expected the guy to always pay. If he's fine with that, then there's absolutely no problem; however, I can tell you that I would not be okay with that. I've always preferred someone who I call my "equal" (note: I do not think you should ever stress on absolute equality in a relationship... that's a really slippery slope!!!), and I don't think opening a door like you would for a small child to count under that. Yet again, if someone wants to do that in their relationship, have at it, but it just seems inane to me.

 

[Blackjack200]

I pay for all of my dates. You have to put it in a white envelope and leave it discreetly on the night table.

 

[monkeydelmagico]

Make sure the first date is some place that's free. Parks are great. That way you can find out if she is fit and likes the outdoors. If all she wants is to go to the mall and eat then run away.

 

[boomerang]

Who pays should be spelled out in the first date contract drafted by the attorneys for the two parties.

 

[momeNt]

Who pays should be spelled out in the first date contract drafted by the attorneys for the two parties.

That's a microaggression against people who can't read. I don't know what school of SJW you subscribe to, but keep me far away from it.

 

[iroast]

You asked someone out, you pay. If she offers to pay, then tell her she can pay when she asks you out. Simple way of gauging interest. If you can't afford paying for a nice restaurant, then find establishments that work for you.

 

[ImpulsE69]

Make sure the first date is some place that's free. Parks are great. That way you can find out if she is fit and likes the outdoors. If all she wants is to go to the mall and eat then run away.

Tell her you want to make it extra special and will be staying "in" the comfort of your parents lush basement and eating frozen pizza. If she accepts you have a keeper.

 

[dave_the_nerd]

A first date is like your resume or a job interview. You don't put "FARTS IN ELEVATOR" on your resume or go to a job interview and brag about stealing other peoples lunches. You pay for the first date (assuming you asked her out) because that's the convention, just like you put on a shirt and tie when you interview, even if it's for a job that requires you to wear a nametag.

After a little while, if everything is going okay, you can break into the "cheap dates" phase of the relationship. (Parks, church, Netflix, walks, etc.) In most cases, she'll be as relieved as you are.

Caveat: if you're putting your best foot forward and she's like, "What? This is your best foot?" you may have fatally divergent expectations.

Online dating has short-circuited a lot of this, since by the time you're ready for a first date, you've already seen a person's picture, IM'd/texted, maybe talked on the phone a few times, stalked them on Facebook, found them on LinkedIn, run a background check, and in some cases know how much they make via a public records search. (If they're a public employee.)

 

[IronWing]

Just skip the first date.

 

[GagHalfrunt]

I pay for all of my dates. You have to put it in a white envelope and leave it discreetly on the night table.

Well lah-di-freaking-dah Mr. Rockefeller. Those of us in the real world don't always have the luxury of a night table. Sometimes we have to leave the money on the dashboard or the lip of the dumpster in the alley behind a Chinese restaurant.

 

[spacejamz]

Do you mention the Arby coupons when y ou pick her up or do you surprise her with them at the register when you order?

 

[Aikouka]

You pay for the first date (assuming you asked her out) because that's the convention, just like you put on a shirt and tie when you interview, even if it's for a job that requires you to wear a nametag.

Mmm something bugs me about your analogy. I mean... the reason why people dress up for an interview is that it conveys a sense of professionalism. Now, my understanding has been that men would pay for dates because it conveys their ability to provide for their family. This would especially be important since old gender stereotypes had women serve the housemaker role, and the male was the primary moneymaker. However, that old viewpoint doesn't really reflect reality anymore. If that's the case... why do we do it?

It's also worth noting that you do make the "assuming you asked her out" caveat, but it's sort of an odd caveat, because in my experience, most women don't like to do the asking. So... it's pretty rare to have that happen regardless.

Do you mention the Arby coupons when y ou pick her up or do you surprise her with them at the register when you order?

I prefer the McValue menu. It really lets her know upfront that I am a fiscally responsible individual.

 

[KIAman]

I don't date anymore but in general whenever I go out with friends or family, I always try to get the check. The best the other party can do is either accept or insist on paying their portion. Those who repeatedly take advantage of my generosity aren't invited out much if at all.

 

[Carson Dyle]

I don't date anymore but in general whenever I go out with friends or family, I always try to get the check. The best the other party can do is either accept or insist on paying their portion. Those who repeatedly take advantage of my generosity aren't invited out much if at all.

LOL. So, you call yourself "generous", but you expect the others to actually speak up and pay?. So you just want to look generous to everyone.

Dick move. And that's putting it very nicely.

 

[mindless1]

Depends on the situation. If it's someone you know in real life, the person who asks should pay. If it's online, the bill should be split but frankly I don't get into the whole extended online conversation stalking etc drawn out process then a big date. Online personas and years old pictures are often misleading.

Online, invite them to a quick coffee or drink at a bar and make it clear you have another appointment that day so it's more of a short meeting than a date, just to get a first face to face impression, not a significant expense and not drawn out agony if the person grossly misrepresented him/herself.

 

[KIAman]

LOL. So, you call yourself "generous", but you expect the others to actually speak up and pay?. So you just want to look generous to everyone.

Dick move. And that's putting it very nicely.

No. I don't expect anything.

 

[Insomniator]

Yes.

 

[rh71]

If you are sick of paying for first dates, stop going on first dates with women who you don't think have potential

I like this mentality. If you're really into the girl from the outset, you should have no problem wanting to wine & dine her.