Should I appologize? Got into a fight with my coworker (pregnant woman)

[Muse]

You might want to apologize, even if it wasn't your fault. I've done that. I'm not reading your post, just the thread title. I avoid arguments, both other people's arguments and any situation I might be in that could result in an argument. Usually, it's just not necessary.

 

[PHiuR]

tell that bitch to "Clean that"

 

[Boxxcar]

Don't apologize, but try to be nice to her. Show the others in the office that you're not holding any grudges and you're doing your best to be nice to her. After a couple weeks or a month, take some stuff from the bosses desk and plant them in her desk along with a half bottle of Jack and a couple of doobies. Call security and everything should work out fine. No more problem.

 

[tami]

Originally posted by: eigen
I didnt even read the post.All I read was pregnant.So my answer is yes and buy her flower.

haha.

i read the entire thing. i'm female, and pregnancy is not an excuse to be a bitch.

you shouldn't have apologized. it's her fault for not listening to anyone.

/thread

 

[Kyanzes]

You actually work in cube? Like Neo in Matrix when Morpheus calls him for the first time on the cell? Interesting. Must be incredibly stressful. True Josef K. feeling.

 

[Ornery]

It would change her design, she thinks it was a bad idea, and refused to perform it herself.

Excuse me, but HTF can she "refuse" to do something, but you can't? HTF does she get away with crap like that?

 

[PandaBear]

Originally posted by: Ornery
It would change her design, she thinks it was a bad idea, and refused to perform it herself.

Excuse me, but HTF can she "refuse" to do something, but you can't? HTF does she get away with crap like that?

Because we are short of staff and she is still needed in the team for a big chunk of other works. So the director told her to do something else that is also important, and let me handle the "dirty work".

 

[Howard]

Originally posted by: PandaBear

Originally posted by: Ornery
It would change her design, she thinks it was a bad idea, and refused to perform it herself.

Excuse me, but HTF can she "refuse" to do something, but you can't? HTF does she get away with crap like that?

Because we are short of staff and she is still needed in the team for a big chunk of other works. So the director told her to do something else that is also important, and let me handle the "dirty work".

Are they interviewing applicants right now?

 

[Ornery]

This whole fiasco is the director's fault. He should have told her straight away to change the damn thing, and given you the "big chunk of other works" to do.

 

[FreshCrabLegs]

Pandabear, there's always two sides to every story, but I empathize with you.

Stand strong, don't give ground.

Good Luck, bro.

 

[PandaBear]

Originally posted by: Ornery
This whole fiasco is the director's fault. He should have told her straight away to change the damn thing, and given you the "big chunk of other works" to do.

Agree on this one, it should have been better designed in the beginning from requirement, instead of changing in the middle of the life cycle. Oh well, too late now.


No, we are not interviewing anymore. Another department got canned and we got all the people we need now, it is now a management disaster because too many things/people are working in parallel, my situation is one example.

 

[JoeKing]

give her twins

 

[PandaBear]

Originally posted by: PCMarcelino
Pandabear, there's always two sides to every story, but I empathize with you.

Stand strong, don't give ground.

Good Luck, bro.

Let me try to give the story from her side, I am trying to be as objective as possible:

The design/requirement from other groups doesn't make sense. It impacts our performance for critical operation and complicates code maintanence in the future. It makes their lifes easy but our lifes difficult, thats why I am opposing it.

I am only expressing my concern about how serious this matter is, and if you insist, go ahead and do it but I don't want to have anything to do with it because 1) I don't want to get blamed for a bad design and 2) I am overloaded with work already, it will hurt our schedule.

How could PandaBear insult me as a bitch when he was himself making all the mistakes, that people had to clean up after him. I told him about the bugs that he needed to fix but he didn't, and now he complains that I do not "review" his code. (she said that literally in an email)

How dare he told me to shut up? What kind of attitude is that, I am not even talking to him, but to another coworkers. All I did was pointing out potential pitfalls in the design, I am doing my job. He is being a bitch and unprofessional.




That's her side of the story (I think)

 

[TNM93]

Just because she's pregnant, doesn't give her a right to be a b1tch to you. You're not her husband. If she is having hormonal changes and is moody, then she should take leave.

 

[MagicConch]

It may be possible to make peace without asking forgiveness, depending on how it all went.

 

[montanafan]

Originally posted by: PandaBear
Update:

1 hr after work started she goes around the office giving out food to everyone except me (walk right pass my cube), and did not reply to my email.

Well, I made my effort, she didn't accept it, so I don't blame myself anymore.

It's not you (though it is unprofessional to tell a co-worker to shut up), or the pregnancy, or work (though your director sounds like a real wuss); she's just a jerk and the less you have to do with her the better. You should save the emails exchanged between the two of you just in case there is some sort of disciplinary review later.

Oh, and I would buy some freshly made Krispy Kreme donuts and pass them out to everyone in the office except her, but I tend to hold grudges.

 

[Ornery]

Crap, that's another of those things to Tell A 25yr old what u didn't know at 25, which I forgot to mention. In my former job, I had the attitude that I wasn't going to take shlt from anyone, or hold back anything. I figured it was better to get it out in the open quickly, rather than let things fester. Well, biting someone's head off is NOT "getting it out in the open", it's just escalating a bad situation. Much better to actually "discuss" a problem, than yelling, bitching, back stabbing or tearing into them.

And, once you do cuss somebody out, you MUST apologize at some point, and the sooner the better. Otherwise, the animosity can drag on for years! Trust me, it's true! So, after years of experience, my advice to 25 year olds would be to NOT fly off the handle in the first place. Knowing that you will have to apologize afterward will be incentive enough to help you keep your cool. On a positive note to bitching somebody out, and then apologizing, I've ended up being very good friends with those same people, after it's all behind us.

I didn't mention it in my first posts in this topic, but right or wrong PandaBear, you do have to apologize to that POS, bitch... sorry.

 

[SVT Cobra]

Originally posted by: KK
set her up to get fired.

 

[Lalakai]

If the issue unfolded as you say (always 2 sides to a story), I would appologize to the project manager for (you) acting unprofessional when you told a co-worker to "shut up". She may have deserved it, but to say something like that in public in front of other co workers, has now created conditions that may not be fixed.

If she acted as you indicated, I doubt that I would appologize to her; she initiated the conflict by passing the buck on the code review and not being able to accept that her initial work needed some assistance. For others in the office, they likely realized what was going on and were already making their own evaluations of who wasn't being professional. A public verbal "slap" though, crosses many lines. Now the project manager has timelines and quality control to deal with, along with potential "sexual harassment" issues originating with a female employee, who is also pregnant. Had he taken a firmer hand at the onset, this could have been avoided.

Take the high road, do your work, be a team player, and if she continues to act like a child, then treat her like a pouting child and move on. Keep good records of timelines and communication in case things get ugly. Sorry to say but in today's business environment if a woman starts complaining about unequal treatment, the official response tends to ignore the actual cirmcumstances. Good luck

 

[Geekbabe]

It sounds like HR needs to get involved,if there's shouting going on over the tops of cubes you people are creating a hostile workspace for the rest of your co-workers.

 

[DanTMWTMP]

I HATE PROFESSIONAL WOMEN AT THE WORKPLACE. They'll think you're a hypocrite and will remember everything you said 'till the very end, and haunt you for it in the future. They do nothing but incite, and give no room to breathe for resolvement. I HATE IT. That's why I quit my current job. UGH.

Female Secretaries/HR's on the otherhand are totally different. there was this one clerical worker just do what she had to do, no questions, greet me w/ a smile, and give me coffee w/o asking, and started lively conversations. She brightenned up everyone's mood in the morning.

Too bad i was mainly a field worker

EDIT: i remember i was discussing this w/ my dad and he agrees w/ me to a degree. A lot of professional women do this (not all!!). I told him that women do not belong in the professional, meeting-orientated, teamwork-based atmostphere. They should stick to what they're good @ ----> the kitchen/clerical jobs. Unless future drugs/cultural changes can get rid of this annoying trait in women, they don't deserve the professional workplace.
Ok, I've encountered women that are actually really nice in the professional atmosphere, but I can't discount the fact that i've encountered too many others who aren't nice, and give no room to breath.

*zips up flamesuit*

Of course, my dad laughed @ my opinion saying that he agrees to some degree, but he said "what can you do? Just smile, and recieve your dough, and have fun with friends afterwards. Not too important to fret over it too much. All you have to do is smile no matter the occasion. Even sarcastic smiles can win any argument."

old man knows everything. :thumbsup: to dads heh.

 

[Spike]

Originally posted by: darkamulets
Pregnant or not that's not the problem she's just a bitch that doesn't like other people touching her stuff even if it's wrong.

Lol, I love it when people with screen names like "darkamulets" give out advice on womens behavior. (not that 'spike' is any better...)

To the OP, if you apologize it's almost garunteed to make your work enviroment better but will definitly take a wack at your pride. Not sure what I would actually do until I got into the situation myself though so far this has not been the case.

-spike

 

[DainBramaged]

Originally posted by: HardcoreRobot
dont be sexist, lay into her like you would anyone else

YES

 

[montanafan]

Originally posted by: DanTMWTMP
I HATE PROFESSIONAL WOMEN AT THE WORKPLACE. They'll think you're a hypocrite and will remember everything you said 'till the very end, and haunt you for it in the future. They do nothing but incite, and give no room to breathe for resolvement. I HATE IT. That's why I quit my current job. UGH.

Female Secretaries/HR's on the otherhand are totally different. there was this one clerical worker just do what she had to do, no questions, greet me w/ a smile, and give me coffee w/o asking, and started lively conversations. She brightenned up everyone's mood in the morning.

Too bad i was mainly a field worker

EDIT: i remember i was discussing this w/ my dad and he agrees w/ me to a degree. A lot of professional women do this (not all!!). I told him that women do not belong in the professional, meeting-orientated, teamwork-based atmostphere. They should stick to what they're good @ ----> the kitchen/clerical jobs. Unless future drugs/cultural changes can get rid of this annoying trait in women, they don't deserve the professional workplace.
Ok, I've encountered women that are actually really nice in the professional atmosphere, but I can't discount the fact that i've encountered too many others who aren't nice, and give no room to breath.

*zips up flamesuit*

Of course, my dad laughed @ my opinion saying that he agrees to some degree, but he said "what can you do? Just smile, and recieve your dough, and have fun with friends afterwards. Not too important to fret over it too much. All you have to do is smile no matter the occasion. Even sarcastic smiles can win any argument."

old man knows everything. :thumbsup: to dads heh.

So you didn't like most of your female teachers in school and female professors in college? Were they unprofessional?

 

[Ornery]

A couple women I work with told me something about working with other women, that my wife later confirmed. They like to bitch and gossip... constantly! Of course there are exceptions, and they don't care to work with other women either! My wife said it's much better if there are men thrown into the mix, because if it's all women in the same space, they start getting bitchy, whiny and backstabbing, all day, everyday.

This might not have anything to do with the OP's problem, but it does seem that women are different from men where the workplace is concerned.