Should I Get Back with My Ex?

[Mursilis]

I don't know if you should get back with your ex - maybe she's matured during your time apart, and would actually make a fine significant other?

I do know, however, that you shouldn't be turning to internet forums mostly populated by immature kids who know almost nothing about the situation to answer life's tough questions.

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: cheapgoose
oh yea, and don't get tricked into hanging out with the kid. If you become a father figuer for the child, the court can force you to support the child even if it's not yours. I keep hearing this, correct me if I'm wrong.

Stranger things have happened, that's for sure.

The one sure thing here is that if the OP partakes in ANY degree of involvement with said whore or said child, he's in for a life-long SCREWING OVER.

 

[cheapgoose]

Originally posted by: Mursilis
I don't know if you should get back with your ex - maybe she's matured during your time apart, and would actually make a fine significant other?

I do know, however, that you shouldn't be turning to internet forums mostly populated by immature kids who know almost nothing about the situation to answer life's tough questions.

isn't it easier to make the logical decision when you don't know the situation? The only reason I think the OP would go back to the ex is because of his feelings for her(lonely) and the fact that he has no one else(lonely + desperate). Take away the emotion and the answer is clear, common sense tells you to run.

 

[ubergoober]

Originally posted by: Mursilis
I don't know if you should get back with your ex - maybe she's matured during your time apart, and would actually make a fine significant other?

I do know, however, that you shouldn't be turning to internet forums mostly populated by immature kids who know almost nothing about the situation to answer life's tough questions.

Umm... the kid is six months old. I don't know, but ~1 year to change THAT much ... dunna thinky so. She is strapped now with the kid is my guess. Sounds like she needs 'help' and knows screwing this guy will get her all she needs.. .... at least until he goes to work, then the black book comes out for booty calls. She supposedly already confessed there are better for her sexually, and unless she is emotionally completely about you, she will stray if the sex isn't 'what she wants'. May be what you want, but don't confuse that with what she wants. Women work COMPLETELY different. Hell, at this point, I bet she is thinking of something completely unrelated to sex when you two are together.

Oh, one thing that wasn't mentioned (that I saw) .. start randomly IMing girls on the interenet, and start looking on the dating services. Not the ones FOR sex, but the normal ones. Yahoo ads and lavalife.com I used to prowl when I was in between. 1/4 would give it up. And it's fun. I met some kewl girls who I still keep as friends. I ALWAYS met them on a 'let's just get together' term. You seem less threatening, and the fact that you aren't chasing them makes them nuts (in a good way). Although note that there are always exceptions to the rule. But with quantity (of girls) will come quality (of girls). remember 1 in 4.

 

[tyler811]

Originally posted by: MrFanel
She wants you for the monetary support for the baby.

QFT

 

[Ausm]

Originally posted by: hjo3
Good God, no. Run and never look back.

I agree!


Ausm

 

[GuitarDaddy]

Sounds like a match made in heaven, you deserve each other:beer:

 

[ubergoober]

Originally posted by: Mursilis
I don't know if you should get back with your ex - maybe she's matured during your time apart, and would actually make a fine significant other?

I do know, however, that you shouldn't be turning to internet forums mostly populated by immature kids who know almost nothing about the situation to answer life's tough questions.

Ah .. and if my experience will help .....
1) married at 21
2) child at 25
3) caught her sleeping around at 28
4) kicked her ass out
5) kept her around ... kept wanting her..
6) kept wanting her.. didn't get none from her.
7) heard the same thing about the sex, how big 'he' was, better, harder, etc. It's just a hurtful tactic, that's all.
8) got me a roommate. A guy, and no .. no gayness going on. But that was one of my better moves. gave me more money (assisted pay on mortgage) and had someone to chum around with all the time. Meaning I wasn't 'alone' ponder life all the time.
9) really started browsing personal ads.
10) had a new date each week. 1 or 2.
11) dated a few for a while. some good, some bad.
12) finally found 'the one' and am happily married to her. at 32 y/o

while I was dating my current wife.. the ex still tried all her ******. I was 'hooked on her' still and I still would give her money, etc. She tried to get me back at one point, and almost ruined my relationship with my current wife (then girlfriend).

She was a nightmare. But we have trial next Friday. I'm fighting for custody, cause the ex is just a whore.

 

[ubergoober]

Oh,

link

This is the singles thing here in chicago land. Not the only one I'm sure.
I don't know where you are, but I did a search for 'chicago single' and found it right on top. Maybe replace chicago with your city. It costs money, but the group rates for so many doing things makes it worth while.. they sometimes go on international trips. Pretty sweet.

Also .. another thought... long stretch, but you don't sound like you have anything tying you down. Why not consider a relocation. Start fresh. I used to do it when I was younger and I really enjoyed it. I will do it again too, but with a family now, I just can't pick up and go. Have to do some planning.

 

[Stifko]

When it comes to matters of the heart, all advice goes out the window.
Do what you want to do. That is what will happen with or without all the replies in this thread.

I am in a similar situation, and miss her so.

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: ubergoober
7) heard the same thing about the sex, how big 'he' was, better, harder, etc. It's just a hurtful tactic, that's all.

If someone who I was emotionally and physically involved with played that card on me I'd knock the fvcking taste out of her mouth.

Seriously guys... think about this. When a woman sits back and thinks to herself, "okay, what is the most hurtful, devastating, immasculating punch I can deliver to this schlep?", what do you think she comes up with?

 

[AbsolutDealage]

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger

Originally posted by: AbsolutDealage

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger
What a bunch of pansies. :laugh:

I mean, this guy should run as fast as he can, but the idea that somehow raising a kid that was formed from a single cell that didn't come from your sack makes you less of man is laughable, at best. WTF is wrong with you so-called "men?"

It's not the kid, really. Even if she didn't have a kid, my advice would still be to stay away. Think about it...

They were already married, and it didn't work out. She went around sleeping with guys and screwing around... and now she wants to try again. He was miserable during their marriage, and the only reason he is considering it is because he is lonely/horny.

The only thing the kid does is amplify the situation.

As CPA said, there are plenty of men who go into relationships where the women have kids, and they end up just fine. This, however is not one of those situations.

Read my post one more time.

Whoops. Kinda misread you there.

Anyways, the point still stands. If he goes back to her he is less of a man. Not because he would be raising a kid that wasn't his... but because this chick still has his nuts in a jar despite being divorced.

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: AbsolutDealage
If he goes back to her he is less of a man. Not because he would be raising a kid that wasn't his... but because this chick still has his nuts in a jar despite being divorced and hitting the town... err... letting the town hit her.

Remedied.

 

[saymyname]

Originally posted by: jbourne77

Originally posted by: ubergoober
7) heard the same thing about the sex, how big 'he' was, better, harder, etc. It's just a hurtful tactic, that's all.

If someone who I was emotionally and physically involved with played that card on me I'd knock the fvcking taste out of her mouth.

Seriously guys... think about this. When a woman sits back and thinks to herself, "okay, what is the most hurtful, devastating, immasculating punch I can deliver to this schlep?", what do you think she comes up with?

I've had one girl try that. It was amazing how she changed her tune after I plowed through her with a vengeance. It's not so funny for them anymore when they're limping and bleeding the next day. It doesn't matter how big you are- a bitch will pull that and try to convince you that everyone out there is 12" with eggplant girth.

 

[jpthomas]

Call 1-800-580-0866 sometime today between 3pm and 8pm PST. Maybe Tom Leykis can knock some sense into you.

http://www.blowmeuptom.com/

 

[Robor]

My ex and I tried to get back together and it was a lot better situation than you're talking about. It's hard, if possible at all. When you're apart you remember the good times and forget the reasons you split. Once you're back together you remember them quickly. We still keep in touch but as casual friends at best. Listen to the people here and move on. It sucks at first but soon you will be glad you did.

 

[Slappy00]

Ugh, these "advice on ATOT" threads are useless. Of course we're all going to tell him to get far away, that this girl is bad for him, that he'll only find himself hip-deep in misery and saddled with a bastard child.

I auctually got a lot of good advice (through posts and PMs), and its hard to ignore a chorus of 50 or so people all telling you the same thing, from experience.


The one thing is and I cannot stress this enough.... Talk to someone in person about this .. I don't care if its your roommate, bartender, friend or whatever. Do NOT go this alone, trust me, the last place you want to be down in a hole with your feelings to keep you company, bad decisions breed in that kind of situation. People are more understanding than you think and even people who you thought were mere aquiantences will suddenly champion your effort to better yourself. Open your mouth , share, it helps the healing process and keeps your thinking inductive.

 

[Eeezee]

Originally posted by: Mursilis
I don't know if you should get back with your ex - maybe she's matured during your time apart, and would actually make a fine significant other?

I do know, however, that you shouldn't be turning to internet forums mostly populated by immature kids who know almost nothing about the situation to answer life's tough questions.

Speak for yourself, you're one of the few people in this thread that didn't add anything useful to the discussion. Die in a fire.

Originally posted by: Aztech

Originally posted by: Eeezee
Don't even meet with her this weekend. There are so many reasons NOT to do that.

A) She might have an STD that even she doesn't know about. It takes a long time for symptoms to appear for some diseases, and she had a one-night stand. It's risky.
B) She is not going to be your sex buddy. I guarantee that she has had sex with better partners by now, no offense. If she has sex with you, it's for manipulative purposes.
C) Stop giving her money, Stop talking to her, Stop all contact, STOP
D) You can find MUCH BETTER sex from other people. Go hire a high-class escort, blow a few grand on it, really go all-out. Go to dinner with her, tell her your story, and she'll probably make you feel a lot better. You're much more certain that you're with someone clean this way, and she'll probably give you a more fulfilling, loving experience than your ex.

Don't see her ever again. Don't do it. Chances are good that she'll change your mind or something and you'll fall further from making the RIGHT, SANE choice of running as far away as possible. Forget the money. She made a mistake, let her live with that, and don't let it become your mistake too.

Edit: She's probably off the pill and will try to have sex with you without a condom. You WILL get her pregnant and you WILL regret it for the next 18+ years as you support her. She can't find the father of her one-night stand by the very nature of the event, so she has no one else to turn to for child support. DO NOT MEET WITH HER! DO NOT EVEN THINK OF HAVING LUNCH OR SEEING A MOVIE TOGETHER!

The thing is, we've stayed "in touch" the whole time. I've already had multiple meals with her and watched movies with her. She's told me about her other men and yes, they were better than me. But when it's new, it's usually hot, so I expected that.

I'll be back to check this thread in a while, I'm gonna have dinner now. Right now, I'm leaning towards getting what I need this weekend, but breaking it off after that. I think we'll remain friends after that though, talking once in a long while. There's just too much history there. She's got nieces and nephews that like to spend time with me. And, she'll wanna attend my brother's funeral if it comes to that. So, I'll see her again...

She told you that the sex with other men was better and you still think she cares about you at all? If she cared about you, she wouldn't have told you that screwing around with other guys was better than having sex with you! That's one of the worst things she could have ever said to you, and you're sitting there wondering how fun it would be to get back together with her for sex? She's not going to enjoy it, and yet you think she wants to be a screwing buddy? Even if you got back together, there's a 100% chance that she'll sleep with other men and a fair chance that you'll get some STDs. Think carefully here, you are on the edge of ruining the rest of your life.

Don't make any effort to contact her and make every effort to NOT see her. Sometimes it's unavaoidable that you're in the same place at the same time, but for god's sake make sure some other people are there too if you can. Don't go off by yourselves to do anything.

 

[rasczak]

Originally posted by: Aztech
I've only been with her, ever. We dated for about 5 years, then we were married for about 7 more. It was never great, but it was pretty good. We did fight about money a lot, and I never thought I was truly in love. We decided to try separating for a while... well, she started seeing other people and got pregnant in a one-night stand. Now she has a baby that's like 6 months old. She's moved back in with her mother. Now she wants to get back with me.

During our 18 months "apart" we did keep contact. On the phone, but also a few "sessions" together. I did miss her. I've only ever known her, all of my adult life. During the separation and divorce I got hit by Katrina and also my brother was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. I've had no chance to meet other women, not that I'd begin to know how to approach dating at this point.

I certainly still have feelings for her. Our time apart has made me want her back. But I should probably walk away. I'm pathetic right?

Here's my take on this. You have nothing tying you down atm, take this time to do a bit of travelling. Go see the world, see what you've been missing being stuck in a relationship you were unhappy in. Don't just run away, move away. Far far far away. Be selfish, because if you went the route you're thinking of going, there will be no more life for you. Just a dead end.

Take care and goo luck,

jp

 

[revnja]

You need to stop giving her money and get out of contact with her completely. It cannot be more obvious that she is trying to use you (she's always succeeded halfway in doing that). You have to face the harsh reality that this girl does not love you. She has sunk to a low point in her life, and she's looking for some sucker to drag down with her. That's where you come in.

As soon as someone 'better' comes along (and I assure you, someone will), she'll run off with him as precedent shows. You'll be stuck being miserable and paying child support, and she'll continue up the ladder of sucker guys.

I wouldn't have sex with her. It's part of her plan to trap you and extract your soul. I know it's hard to refuse, but you have to.

From your previous posts, you definitely don't seem like a bad guy. Is your self-worth (read: esteem) really that low that you'd have to try to attempt this reunion? Have some respect for yourself, and slam the door right in her face.

 

[MrDudeMan]

update?

 

[MisterJackson]

9 pages and I doubt anything will sink in with the OP.

And to all of those slamming a guy raising a child not their own, you should STFU. In THIS case it's not a good idea for the OP to be a dad to this kid, especially for the kids sake given the OP seems to lack common sense and the mother.....well, this kid's got the deck stacked against him from the start, I pray for this kid.

But there are plenty of situations where men have stepped into a womans life and loved her as well as her kid(s) and it works out great. In some cases (read most) the kid ends up with a better father figure than the biological sperm donor.

what about widows with kids? What about a mother where the biological dad made promises from the word go but left as soon as the kid was born never to be seen again. I dated a girl like that once and it wasn't easy, but I could see how it could have been a good thing for some guy eventually.

You guys shouldn't lump all single moms with the basket case the op married.

 

[J Heartless Slick]

Originally posted by: Aztech
I've only been with her, ever. We dated for about 5 years, then we were married for about 7 more. It was never great, but it was pretty good. We did fight about money a lot, and I never thought I was truly in love. We decided to try separating for a while... well, she started seeing other people and got pregnant in a one-night stand. Now she has a baby that's like 6 months old. She's moved back in with her mother. Now she wants to get back with me.

During our 18 months "apart" we did keep contact. On the phone, but also a few "sessions" together. I did miss her. I've only ever known her, all of my adult life. During the separation and divorce I got hit by Katrina and also my brother was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. I've had no chance to meet other women, not that I'd begin to know how to approach dating at this point.

I certainly still have feelings for her. Our time apart has made me want her back. But I should probably walk away. I'm pathetic right?

If you love her, do what you have to do. But honestly, I do not envy your situation!

 

[Aztech]

Originally posted by: MrDudeMan
update?

I'll be back with updates tonight when I have more time.

 

[Liver]

You have had some rough events, and you only source (seemingly) of pseudo comfort has been removed. Care for your ex, but do not go back to her.

No jokes or jabs, but you will benefit from some professional counseling. Talking this over with some friends is fine, but the leg up goes to the professionals. Check your insurance, make the call.