shy people...

[wviperw]

I was reading the "date" post of RagingB!tch's. I noticed a lot of people telling him to get "unshy" or whatever. Now, I have this problem also, probably even more so than RB. But its not my fault I am shy. Do you think we shy people like to be shy or something? I mean, when I am around people at school or new people, I just can't think of anything to say. Its not that I am COMPLETELY afraid (although I am afraid sometimes.) I guess you could call it a slow whit (sp?). Sure I can rehearse stuff in my mind to say to girls or whatever but I don't think I would EVER be able to have a whole conversation with them. So why is it that people say "just don't be shy"? I can't help it.

 

[EnragedPC]

im a shy guy to...good thing my g/f actually asked me out or i would be single for life...I seem to be able to always have something to say around my friends and not be nervous at all but when im around girls im attracted to its like my brain just goes blank

 

[vi edit]

I hear ya. I'm not shy, I just don't do "small talk". If I don't have anything to say, I simply don't say anything.

I have yet to figure out what to do about this. If I try to force something, then I sound like a bumbling idiot.

Best solution that I have come up with is to make friends with people that I have common interests with and then I don't have to worry about making smalltalk.

Other than that I just don't worry about it too much.

 

[Whisper]

What could help is having one of your "regular" friends around in the group that you're in. Other than that, you just have to start hanging out in groups and getting used to the feel of it. I'm the exact same way in that I usually don't have much to say with most people. However, it helps if the others have interests in common with you...when someone starts talking about computers for example, I can feel right at ease in that conversation. It's all just a process of introducing yourself to the stressor (the group) and then eventually getting used to it.

Took a public speaking class in college as well, and that helped a bunch also. You just sometimes have to MAKE yourself open up and say things. Once you're used to the group dynamic, you'll start realizing that the same goofy things you think to say in front of your friends are still there when you're in a group...you're just hiding them for whatever reason (usually it's a fear of saying something lame and looking like an idiot). You'll also realize that everyone else in the group makes the same lame comments, but the looking like an idiot part just never happens

 

[Bluga]

it's a curse i tell you

 

[CromNogger]

I'm cursed too.

I know exactly what y'all are talking about. I hate it. :| But sometimes I just force myself to be open and not close myself up .. What sucks is not being able to think of anything to talk about.

 

[Delusion2001]

some people just don't wanna change, or don't put forth the effort. so they remain shy

 

[geno]

Just work at it in steps. Learn the art of conversation It's a very valuable thing to know, and it helps when it comes to makeing acquaintences. Just take it slow if you're up to it!

 

[speg]

im shy too but i don't have a problem with it, thats just the way were are, like we can't help what colour our skin is, and that dosn't matter, so we shouldn't let our shyness bother us, consider it an asset. Heres a site a came accross the other day if your interested : Shy and Free

 

[Raspewtin]

i used to be very shy, but then I stopped taking myself so seriously, and stopped caring if I said or did something stupid. That helped me a lot. Now I'm just lazy, which has had the same net effect, but one problem at a time I guess.

 

[EmperorNero]

raspewtin is right...a lot of times when ppl are shy is because they are self concious. I'm also shy too in that I don't like being around ppl at times and that I don't participate in "small talk," as viper put it. I feel at ease when I'm around ppl I know very well or when I'm alone. but the thing is that being shy can be bad and you should have a problem with it, contrary to what speg said. mainly because "humans are social creatures." and in life, if you don't have good social and people skill, you're screwed because getting a job requires you to have those skills. you can be the smartest person, but if you don't have good people skils, an employer would more than likely choose someone who's outgoing and semi-smart. and because i want to get rid of my shyness, I'm taking a speech class in highschool. so far, it only helped a bit (partly because I've only started that class two months ago, and I have 3 more to go), but I'm glad that I'm trying actually to improve my social skills since. so all I really need to improve on is to feel more at ease with people and to be able to make conversations. for the former, I'm sure speech class will eventually help; but as for the latter, that's the hard part since I'm not the one to usually have petty conversations. and most conversations I hear are basically gossip which I consider petty and rediculous: "jen just got knocked up" or "did you hear about john??"

 

[joohang]

I get quite shy around girls, but I've changed quite a bit over the years.

There used to be days when I couldn't even talk to girls properly, but now I'm perfectly fine with them, except for the first few &quot;initial meetings.&quot; <-- whether I find them attractive or not

But then I'm not shy at all, especially during lectures and discussion classes. I ask at least one or two questions to my prof in the middle of the lecture, and I'm usually the most talkative in my Asian Studies discussion class.

Who cares if you are shy? I used to try to become &quot;un-shy&quot; but realized that the best way to become &quot;un-shy&quot; is to not care about being shy.

 

[happykitten]

I was *painfully* shy throughout middle and high school. From the ages of 12-17, I was socially awkward, insecure, and constantly worried that I'd make a fool out of myself by doing or saying the wrong thing. By clamming up and never taking risks, I made an even bigger fool of myself, and I missed out on a lot of experiences and opportunities. Before leaving for college, I decided I didn't want to live the rest of my life as a wallflower. By adopting a more positive, confident, &quot;oh well what the hell&quot; attitude, I began opening up to people, talking to people, getting to know people... and I had so much fun, I couldn't believe I'd been so silly as to be so shy in the past. You are your own worst enemy in this case - people really don't care (re: potential awkwardness) as much as you think they do. I agree with everyone else... just STOP caring or worrying about what people are going to think of what you say or do, and go for it!

 

[Lily27]

I've never really been shy but i have noticed that some friends that i have the ARE shy have sorta broken out of that after they started playing sports and joined clubs. I don't know if its a solution or anything but i guess you get more used to alotta interaction and you feel more comfortable around people, and that grows to the class room and other places. Plus i think that gives you another thing to talk about.

For me though i just say watever comes to mind, it doesn't have to make sense or anything, i just like to talk alot. Its sorta infectious sometimes and you can get alotta people talking about the most pointless things but it works, you can always find something in common with someone.

 

[Elledan]

I used to be quite shy when I was young, but I'm not really shy anymore.

I blame message boards like AT for 'un-shying' me

 

[Comp10]

&quot;Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something&quot; Plato

That?s the justification I always use for being shy .

 

[eakers]

im super duper shy with new people but im working on it by going out with new people more.
but i still hide behind my boyfriend more often then not.

*kat. <-- shy

 

[wviperw]

thanks for the replies.

Well, I haven't really been working on not being shy. I never go to any school function's or anything like that, I don't see what the point is. Most people just go because &quot;everyone else&quot; is going. I go if it is fun. And most of the time I would rather sit at home on my computer.

I did take speech class last semester, but I don't think it helped me any. Eye contact? I don't need no stinkin' eye contact. I would have to say that 1-on-1 conversations are my weakest point. Unless it has to do with computers . But in class at school I usually answer questions and make jokes all the time. I don't get it. My friends say that probably any girl in my class (small class) would go out with me if I talked a little more. oh well.

I am just worrying about how I am going to get a good job. I worked at BurgerKing for awhile and dreaded working because I knew that they possibly would make me do the cash register and talk to customers. I know I want a job in computers and IT, but from what people have said on the forums, it requires speaking abilities. Its not that I am totally inept (is that the right word?), but I just would dread a job where I had to talk to customers all day *I think...

 

[MWink]

In my experiences the harder you try to be &quot;unshy&quot; the more shy you will be. Just stop trying and see what happens.

BTW, you know you are shy when someone tells you to shut up and then immediately takes it back. (true story)

 

[GL]

happykitten

Question. Would your makeover be successful if you weren't in an all-girls environment?

-GL

 

[linuxboy]

people say &quot;just don't be shy&quot; because people need contact with each other. The most rewarding part of life is meeting a person and learning their strengths, weaknesses, and their uniqueness. Through that we realize our surrounding better and also gain a better understanding of ourselves as people in the process. So... the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. The key is taking that step and investing in yourself. That's why you shouldn't be shy.

 

[happykitten]

GL ~ my &quot;makeover&quot; happened while I was at the University of Michigan (Ann Arbor). I spent my freshman and soph years there, before trasnferring to Smith.

 

[Champo41]

wviperw, you mention your computer a lot. I know Internet addiction is hard to get over, so the easiest way to take it is to limit the amount of time you're on. Instead of spending 10 hours a day on it, spend 9 and casually work it down.

What do you look at on the Internet? Most of the time, you can miss a couple of days and the information will still be there by looking through archives or something. This can also be a good way, but I reccommend spending less and less time each night (little by little) on it. Use this time to get out and do something. The weather is warming up, go out and run. Go early if you're afraid someone's going to see you :::gasp::: getting in shape!

Spend your time on the Internet reading things that will eventually be more useful in life. Sorry, but ATOT is simply a forum where a group of people talk about the current events, but it contributes nothing to the future of your life. I'm not saying abandon this place altogether because your life doesn't depend on it, just that limit the time that you're here and on other similar sites. This is just a step, albeit a small one, towards becoming unshy. Counter-Strike, or other games, is simply entertainment. Maybe substitute this as if you were seeing a movie...two or three hours a week. The key here is to split up your time wisely. Counter-Strike is good, but what value do you get out of it? Instead of two hours a night...two hours a week.

Go to your school functions/clubs. If you think they're boring now and don't go, it'll only get worse as your reputation dwindles to the person who doesn't like to do anything. Some things in life aren't fun, but they must be done in order to advance!

Working at a job with customer interaction is one of the best ways to overcome shyness. Put a smile on your face and greet the customer. You have to be there anyways, why not make the best of it? Being a bad mood or not wanting to talk is only going to make it go by slower and make the job a lot worse.

Most importantly though, just get out and do something. Try something new. Turn the computer off and go find a new addiction

 

[Mistah Magik]

I'm not a shy guy, just shy when it comes to ladies.

 

[wyvrn]

I agree. I just sold my computer and already I am having more fun and socializing. The internet addiction is like TV, but even worse in that only one person can use the computer at a time. Get out and try to do some outdoorsy things, camping or hiking you will meet a lot of people. The trip to Hawaii for my honeymoon really helped me open up, it was just me and my wife and an island full of strangers. We went to a dinner where all four couples at my table were married on the same day, in the same region of the country, and had roughly the same honeymoon plans. Plus we were all the same age. That was one of the most fun trips of my life.

Get out and you will open up.