Significant Other: Joint Accounts or Separate?

[Tweak155]

You can have trust in someone but also live in a reality based world and are ok with this. Would you rather live in fantasy? The amount of religious people in the world seem to think so, but it isn't for me!

There is no lack of trust, so there are no "commitment issues." Hell, if you are willing to get married, how can there even BE commitment issues?

Reality based world? What are you even saying?

 

[shadow9d9]

It's simple, Alky just values money over anything else. He's not unique. Many folks with money fear losing the control it gives them more than appreciate what it can not.

He really doesn't though. He is willing to take in an invalid that hasn't worked a day in her life and pay for her and her children, just because he is desperate for a "realtionship(affair)." I'd say he values bouncing from one long term relationship that is doomed to another. He is on his way to a third divorce by his mid 40s.

 

[shadow9d9]

Reality based world? What are you even saying?

In reality, people sometimes divorce. It happens.

 

[OutHouse]

It's clear you operate in a lower income bracket.

Most high wage earners will have individual accounts.

There is nothing in a commitment issue with it.

Most don't remain married forever, when that separation happens any joint account is up for grabs for whoever gets their first.

Good luck hiring an attorney for this if you have no cash to do so. They don't work except for a direct retainer in divorces.

stop giving financial/relationship advice, you are morally bankrupt in both.

 

[dank69]

Reality based world? What are you even saying?

The reality that women sometimes decide to become completely different people than they were a few years ago.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

Why if you don't mind?

We're both working adults and believe the money we earn is ours to do with as we please once our assigned bills are paid. No fighting over expenses or money being spent at all. As I mentioned, the one joint account we have is one we opened because we got a break on a HELOC interest rate by opening it (I misspoke in my earlier post). When we do large projects, we both deposit money into that account and that account is used to pay the HELOC or the mortgage.

 

[Tweak155]

In reality, people sometimes divorce. It happens.

Ah. I think a lot of the responses allude to that particular point that the money will be split in that event regardless of how it is divided in accounts.

Only time you might be able to keep any money is with enough proof you came into the relationship with that money, but having it in a separate account won't save you.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

In reality, people sometimes divorce. It happens.

And you feel planning for failure doesn't undermine commitment? Marriage is more than a company merger.

 

[JTsyo]

Joined account, though I handle all the finances.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

Ah. I think a lot of the responses allude to that particular point that the money will be split in that event regardless of how it is divided in accounts.

Only time you might be able to keep any money is with enough proof you came into the relationship with that money, but having it in a separate account won't save you.

Correct.

If my wife and I got divorced tomorrow, though, I wouldn't go after her savings or retirement and I would hope that she would feel the same way.

 

[Scarpozzi]

Trying to catch up to you how? It's the same money...

I've been saving for retirement approximately 10 years longer than she has and am only 3 years older. All of our major debt is at 2.49% APR or lower (house and cars) so we're saving/investing everything we possibly can.

a) above doesn't seem fair (to you)
b) if there is trust, there is no need to split things up

a. I don't know about fair...but I like knowing she's got another account so in case something happens to either of us the other is available. When we go out to eat, she pays a lot of the time. Sometimes I do....we don't really compete or make a big deal about it.

b. Neither of us go out and blow through money excessively... Next year will likely be the most difficult year for us in the next decade because she'll be out of work for 1-2 months for maternity leave w/o pay.

 

[Tweak155]

We're both working adults and believe the money we earn is ours to do with as we please once our assigned bills are paid. No fighting over expenses or money being spent at all. As I mentioned, the one joint account we have is one we opened because we got a break on a HELOC interest rate by opening it (I misspoke in my earlier post). When we do large projects, we both deposit money into that account and that account is used to pay the HELOC or the mortgage.

What about vacations? Are there times you pay for her meals going out for example?

I just don't get the separate savings I guess. If one day after you're both retired and she runs out of money, she's out on the street? Or is this more "in case" the relationship doesn't last that long?

 

[dank69]

Ah. I think a lot of the responses allude to that particular point that the money will be split in that event regardless of how it is divided in accounts.

Only time you might be able to keep any money is with enough proof you came into the relationship with that money, but having it in a separate account won't save you.

Your name on joint account means you can empty the account and spend it on hookers and blow and by the time a judge finalizes the divorce there is no money to split.

 

[shadow9d9]

Ah. I think a lot of the responses allude to that particular point that the money will be split in that event regardless of how it is divided in accounts.

Only time you might be able to keep any money is with enough proof you came into the relationship with that money, but having it in a separate account won't save you.

Or if your divorce agreement says so. Not everything has to be decided by the courts...

 

[Tweak155]

I've been saving for retirement approximately 10 years longer than she has and am only 3 years older. All of our major debt is at 2.49% APR or lower (house and cars) so we're saving/investing everything we possibly can.

How is that relevant? If she doesn't save enough for retirement, you will kick her out of the house?

 

[Tweak155]

Your name on joint account means you can empty the account and spend it on hookers and blow and by the time a judge finalizes the divorce there is no money to split.

I think this is the first reasonable response, although I think it sounds ridiculous. Unfortunately plausible, though.

 

[IndyColtsFan]

What about vacations? Are there times you pay for her meals going out for example?

When we go out for meals, we never ask for two checks. We just take turns paying. I generally do pay for more of the meals but I also make much more money, despite the fact she makes a very good living.

We try to split vacations 50/50. For example, we went to France in May. I bought the plane tickets (they were roughly $2400 IIRC). She paid for all the hotels, train tickets, tours, and the Paris passes (which also equaled about $2400). We roughly split the meals 50/50 but we generally don't keep score or keep tallies.

I just don't get the separate savings I guess. If one day after you're both retired and she runs out of money, she's out on the street? Or is this more "in case" the relationship doesn't last that long?

You see, I don't get having everything in joint accounts. It doesn't make sense to me when both adults are working professionals.

Retirement is a different story entirely. I'm 10 years older than she is and given my family health history, I'll likely not make it to retirement anyway and she'll retire a very wealthy woman.

 

[Legios]

We have a joint account for all the joint stuff, IE house, daycare, bills, cars come out of. We each have personal accounts that we use on a day to day basis, IE meals out and normal shopping. No issues at all like this. Everything is handled automatically.

 

[shadow9d9]

I think this is the first reasonable response, although I think it sounds ridiculous. Unfortunately plausible, though.

I don't understand how it sounds ridiculous and then admit that it is plausible. It happens all the time.

 

[Tweak155]

I don't understand how it sounds ridiculous and then admit that it is plausible. It happens all the time.

It sounds ridiculous to plan for your eventual split which only might happen.

I can see how that thinking could even cause it to happen. Maybe you should focus on how not to split up rather than preparing for it to happen.

Personal opinion, though.

 

[shadow9d9]

It sounds ridiculous to plan for your eventual split which only might happen.

I can see how that thinking could even cause it to happen. Maybe you should focus on how not to split up rather than preparing for it to happen.

Personal opinion, though.

It is easy to think that, but it doesn't translate necessarily with reality. It is not "planning" for an eventual split as much as it is doing something that makes you feel comfortable. For most people, they are content to hope for the best and pretend that that will somehow make it more likely to succeed. In the end, no matter how much you may want a relationship to continue, the other partner may not, for whatever reason. The whole idea that "thinking" that could somehow cause problems is really simplistic and ideal. It is easy to think that you have the world worked out and everything is perfect and that it is YOU that chose well and therefore it is working out... well, reality isn't always that simplistic of a view. If you end up in divorce, despite all your best efforts, you may yet understand. Hopefully though, you will be lucky, and not have to go through such a rude awakening. I assure you though, it happens to many, many people.

 

[Tweak155]

It is easy to think that, but it doesn't translate necessarily with reality. It is not "planning" for an eventual split as much as it is doing something that makes you feel comfortable. For most people, they are content to hope for the best and pretend that that will somehow make it more likely to succeed. In the end, no matter how much you may want a relationship to continue, the other partner may not, for whatever reason. The whole idea that "thinking" that could somehow cause problems is really simplistic and ideal. It is easy to think that you have the world worked out and everything is perfect and that it is YOU that chose well and therefore it is working out... well, reality isn't always that simplistic of a view. If you end up in divorce, despite all your best efforts, you may yet understand. Hopefully though, you will be lucky, and not have to go through such a rude awakening. I assure you though, it happens to many, many people.

It is reality, it's just another angle to look at it. Notice how I said it is my opinion.

It may turn out bad, I'm not ignorant. But I won't plan my life in a way that makes that assumption. Mental attitudes decide outcomes all the time. You have to think something before that action or decision becomes a reality.

Obviously you can't control what the other person thinks, but ideally they feel the same. In other words, I wouldn't marry a woman with that attitude to begin with.

 

[dank69]

It sounds ridiculous to plan for your eventual split which only might happen.

I can see how that thinking could even cause it to happen. Maybe you should focus on how not to split up rather than preparing for it to happen.

Personal opinion, though.

Split-ups can happen for the stupidest reasons. Take the rookie mistake my wife's ex-bf made. When he chained her to the stove he put the shackle around her ankle. She was able to chew her foot off and escape. Experienced males such as myself know to put the shackle around her neck. I'll never have to worry about Stumpy ever leaving me; God bless that fiesty little woman.

 

[olds]

Joint. But I have a separate account (she is on it in case I die) for work related travel. I put my overtime and excess travel money into it. I use it for toys or to pay joint bills if I am so inclined.

 

[purbeast0]

if you go into a marriage with plans of how you are going to handle a divorce that may or may not happen, chances are the marriage isn't going to last.